More than Skin Deep
by purpleC305
Summary: Burdened with darkness of their own, can they be more than only half truths? Forgetting it as a lustful desire or fighting for what really matters - what will win at the end? This is their journey. **Control. Possess. Seduce. Contest entry.**
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: These characters don't belong to me. I just rewrite their story... somewhat.**

 **NewTwilightFan edited and smoothed out the rough patches.**

 **This was my entry to the _Control. Possess. Seduce. Contest_ and it won 2 awards. Evilnat chose it as her favorite and this smooth talking Edward won the _Most Seductive Edward_ Award. Just like him, I was excited to win both awards. Thank you to Nicfficwhisperer and CarrieZM for such an amazing contest.**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Edward Cullen wanted to kick the backstabbing bitch's perfect ass.

He really, _really_ did.

With his phone pressed tightly to his ear, he gritted his teeth and squeezed his eyes shut. Even though his patience was spread thin as ice, he still listened to her ramblings.

 _Why are you doing this to us?_

 _Can't you just quit?_

 _Don't you know it's dangerous?_

His tired, bloodshot eyes opened to the pristine cleanliness of his hotel room. He didn't belong. His wild hair and torn jeans didn't compare to the clean cut suits and shaven faces of the business men he had seen downstairs while checking in.

Edward preferred dirt. He lived it, breathed it. There was nothing more satisfying and thrilling than getting on his bike and testing out those dirt tracks. Well, maybe sex.

Sex was thrilling, and with the right woman it was fan-fucking-tactic.

"Edward? Edward, are you even listening to me?" Tanya's shrill voice penetrated his eardrum.

Tanya was gorgeous. The operative word being _was_. That was until she had fucked her way into the leading role of the next Mission Impossible movie. She was all teeth, tits and Botox. With killer legs that Edward had once drooled over.

Now, his balls didn't even heat at the thought of her shapely legs.

"T, we don't have anything to talk about." Edward kept his voice even, running his fingers through his tousled hair.

"But we are so good together," she whined, using her breathy sex voice.

Edward imagined her lips in a pout. If it had been a few weeks prior, he would have taken the opportunity and shoved his cock deep down her throat.

Now, he didn't want to know how she had been since they'd stopped seeing each other—or, more accurately, fucking each other. He didn't want to have anything to do with this woman.

"Are you seeing someone else? Do I know her?"

He wasn't seeing anyone – for the first time in about a decade. Since she'd betrayed his confidence by fucking that sleazy producer for a part, Edward couldn't drum up any interest to look for a new fuck buddy.

He massaged the knot in his neck, grinding his teeth. His body still ached from the test runs he'd completed during the day. He had stood under the hot shower for a full twenty minutes, stretching, but his muscles and head still ached.

He'd like nothing more than a beautiful woman with a gorgeous body to distract him from his discomfort.

Nothing.

"Not that it's any of your business, but no," he stated, his patience thinning further, his teeth gritting.

"That's good…" Hope sounded in her voice.

"T, I gotta go. Don't call. Don't text. Just leave me the fuck alone. Got it?" With anger surging through his veins, he disconnected the call and threw his phone on the bed.

He leaned his elbows on his knees and sank his fingers in his hair again, tugging until it hurt. Women like Tanya had everything handed to them. All she had to do was flash her tits or fuck some loser and the world was hers. Edward worked to make his living.

Yeah, he had good lucks, but his sponsors didn't care about his looks, only his skill. In truth, what he did to earn his cash was more fun than work, for all the danger involved. Riding was his life. He'd ridden since he was three years old and his father had bought him that toy motorbike.

Edward grinned. His father sure was regretting that purchase now. Neither of his parents approved of his profession, but that didn't matter to him. He loved what he did and did what he loved.

Adrenaline was his middle name.

The thoughts of his childhood and Tanya made him growl. He needed to relax, focus on the race. He needed a drink, and he knew just who to call.

Dialing the familiar number, he made his way out of his hotel suite

Sitting in the passenger seat of Rose's Scion, Bella twirled her phone between her fingers, anxiety creeping up her spine as she watched the dark wooden door of the bar. This was way out of her comfort zone. If it weren't for the deadline or her best friend Rose, she'd be in her bedroom writing code on her computer, perfecting the app.

She didn't have to try to keep a conversation alive with her computer. Her fingers did the talking.

With her lower lip wedged between her teeth, she watched people entering the bar.

Sensing her discomfort, Rose lay a gentle hand on Bella's arm. "You can do this."

Bella started to shake her head no, but Rose continued. "Look at it this way. You can use that app to hook up tonight. Let some handsome stranger fuck the tension out of you." She sighed, gripping Bella's arm a little tighter in assurance. "I know it's tough, but it's been so many years and you've come so far." Sensing Bella's tension, she pointed to Bella's phone, needing to get her friend back on track. "You built that sucker and if the government is interested, that's a big fucking deal."

Yes, Bella and three of her colleagues had built the app, and it was their responsibility to test it. When it came to the government, no shortcuts were allowed. It was a big deal to be recognized in this manner, and Bella was truly proud of what they had accomplished.

Rose leaned against the headrest of the driver seat, the dim light of the street illuminating her stunning features, and asked the same question Bella had already answered twice before leaving their apartment. "How does this app work again?"

Bella rolled her eyes and smiled, enjoying the distraction. Why was it so difficult to perform a simple task, collect the data and analyse it? This was the highlight of her career.

"Ok, Rose. For the third time tonight, this app collects phone numbers." Rose rolled her blue eyes and motioned with her hand for Bella to continue. "Cell-phone numbers to be exact. I point the camera of my phone at someone…" Bella opened the app and clicked on the camera, watching Rose's beautiful face come into view.

"Like so and your phone number appears on my screen." She showed Rose her phone, the display showing Rose's cellphone number.

"That is so weird and totally invading my privacy."

Bella sighed. "I know." She had tried to wiggle her way out of testing the app, but her boss was relentless, insisting that she was the brains behind it and he needed the results directly from her. "I have to call or text the number to make sure it's the phone belonging to the person it indicates."

Rose nodded, scrunching her nose as if she knew exactly what Bella was talking about. "And what does the government want with this app?"

"That I can't tell you," Bella grinned, her eyes straying to the door of the bar, the neon light blinking in the dark night.

"Because you don't know, right?" Rose teased, but Bella didn't hear any of it.

Her gaze traveled over the two fine male specimens that had just exited a taxi cab, both built rugged and sexy. The one on the left smiled, dimples appearing on his cheeks. He had dark brown hair, a grey t-shirt stretching over his toned muscles and black jeans.

As handsome as he was, it was the other man who threw Bella's body all out of balance. He looked about Bella's age, his auburn hair sticking out from under a baseball cap, his full, kissable lips stretched into a grin as he slammed the cab's door shut. His face was dirtied with a couple of days' worth of scruff, and his long legs filled out torn, faded blue jeans, which ended in scuffed black boots. The finishing touch, his muscled torso, was covered in the sexiest black leather jacket.

Rose bumped Bella's shoulder. "Wowza. Those two men are a testament that there is a God somewhere. If only to torture women like us."

Bella lifted her brows and released a long, slow sigh without taking her eyes off Biker Boy. "He's just…" She couldn't find words for the lust heating her blood, the desire zapping new connections between cells all over her body. " _Wow._ "

The men's heads turned lazily, mirroring each other's movements. But they were complete opposites, like Bella and Rose. Dimples was all light and smiles. Biker Boy all shadows and intensity.

"I agree with you." Rose said.

Bella heard Rose, but her other senses were arrested. Biker Boy had locked on to her with an awareness that made all other noise fade. He didn't smile. Didn't blink. Nothing. He just stared at her with the kind of stare that heated her insides until she wanted to start shedding clothes and made her envision the crazy, sexual things she only read about in books.

She couldn't see the color of his eyes, only that they were lined with long dark lashes. His face was just… gorgeous, with hard lines and perfect angles. But he wasn't pretty. No, but definitely rugged.

"Looks like you got someone's attention." Rose whispered in her ear. "Go get him, girl. He's smokin' hot."

"I…" She started, the words dying on her tongue. She was trapped in his gaze, not able to breathe.

Rose laughed again, making Bella smile. Biker Boy's tongue slid over his bottom lip, and his fingers twitched at his side. The hair sticking out from beneath his cap ruffled slightly with the night breeze.

Bella's lungs seized to hold back a moan. Oh, it definitely had been too long since she'd experienced mind-blowing, toe-curling, back-arching sex, and never with someone as deliciously handsome as him.

Biker Boy's lashes fluttered like he'd come out of a trance. He turned away from Bella, popping the collar of his jacket, and entered the bar without a backwards glance. His jacket had a green strip of leather high across the back and the letters of the motorcycle company, _Kawasaki_ , in white block letters from shoulder to shoulder.

That was the most gorgeous man… and he was walking away.

Disappointment pinched in Bella's chest, but oh, the way he moved… fluid, smooth, confident.

Then he was gone, the door closing with a dull thud, disappearing from Bella's view. It left an unfamiliar feeling in her gut.

"Now, you have a reason to test the app."

Bella's head swiveled around to face Rose. Her friend grinned at her. "I saw the way he looked at you." She patted Bella's shoulder encouragingly, pointing at the bar's entrance. "Go get him."

It would be so simple. Bella could walk into that bar, take a seat and point her camera at Biker Boy. She'd have his number within seconds. But what she wanted to do with that number made her question her sanity.

"Come on. Let's get a drink." Rose climbed out of the car before Bella could protest.

Bella collected her hair into a ponytail, thinking how quickly two people could build a fire between them, like that hot, deep gaze in Biker Boy's eyes when they'd connected with hers. Bella closed her eyes and dropped her forehead into her hands, then pushed the door open and followed Rose into the bar.

The bar wasn't overly crowded, a few patrons sitting at booths while others nursed various concoctions at the bar. Lights hung low from the ceiling giving it a warm, welcoming glow. Glasses clinked, people laughed, and the bartender flitted from one end of the bar to the next, filling an empty glass while chatting with a few people with an easy smile on his face.

Rose ordered a couple of glasses of white wine for them and took a seat opposite from her. Bella was hesitating, gnawing on her bottom lip and picking her nails.

Rose tossed her hands in the air. "That guy looked at you like he'd do you in the nearest bathroom. Go find him. The extent of your conversation can be 'yes.'"

Bella shook her head, taking a tentative sip of her wine. "Screwing in the bathroom of a bar. Cliché much?"

Rose sighed. "I'm not talking about forever, girl. And you know, I'm not serious about the bathroom thing. I'm just talking about letting go a little. God knows you need it. I'm starting to think you have cobwebs growing over your vagina."

"I do not have cobwebs," Bella growled defensively, her eyes scanning the area around them, wondering if anyone had overheard.

But letting go, God, that sounded good. Bella wanted to let go – a lot. It felt like forever since she'd been able to. Her breath shuddered, her mind briefly flickering to that night before pushing it back down.

Rose excused herself to go to the bathroom after a few minutes, leaving Bella to her own devices. She looked at her phone, the anxiety creeping back. Could she do this?

"It's just a simple test," she muttered to herself. "Collect the data and go." She cracked her knuckles and picked up her phone. "Simple."

She opened the app, sucked in a deep calming breath and took a quick scan around the room. Her eyes widened when Biker Boy's side profile popped up on her screen, followed by a _pop_.

His number.

Her eyes slowly rose from her screen. Just seeing him, that thick, auburn hair, the wide shoulders stretching that black T-shirt as he drew his arm back and threw a dart, rekindled the yearning he'd created with a single look outside.

This was the kind of man she craved – a rough-around-the-edges, blue-collar, hard-loving man. A few tattoos, a dark background, confidence in the bedroom. Completely opposite from the men she used to date. Not that there were many, but the few she had dated had been the banker, business type. The type that bored her to tears with missionary position sex, small talk and the obsessive love they had for their mothers.

What she could imagine right now was Biker Boy pulling her up against his hard body, tasting her with his hot mouth, sliding off her clothes, pushing deep inside her…

The thrill of those thoughts pulsed in her blood, pooled heat between her legs and shot need low into her belly, where it gnawed into an unbearable ache.

Bella bit her lip and looked at the opened app again. A little harmless, anonymous flirting would allow her to get to know him better. She tested the texting feature out on a couple of innocent patrons first. When it worked perfectly – each person picking up their phones and looking at the display after she'd texted them – she revaluated her _target._

Biker Boy's number popped up on her screen again. She opened the texting feature and hesitated. She needed some clever way to open the conversation.

She watched him on her phone's screen as he threw dart after dart, laughing with his friend. A waitress walked past Biker Boy just as he took a step back from the dart board, sending her tray, loaded with drinks, crashing to the floor. Bella glanced up with a gasp, covering her mouth.

Biker Boy spun around and took hold of the waitress's arms before she toppled over. Beer spilled on his shirt and onto his jacket.

"Holy shit," Bella murmured. He had some quick moves.

He said something to the waitress, causing her to nod. Biker Boy grabbed a few napkins from the table and lowered his head in another apology. Bella watched his mouth form the words _I'm sorry_. The waitress patted his arm and went to the back, returning with a mop.

Bella's fingers flew across the small keyboard as she texted his number.

 _If this were the medieval times, having beer spilled on you would be a sign of prosperity and attractiveness._

Edward's day was going downhill fast – and it wasn't even midnight yet.

Now he'd have to arrange for his clothes to be cleaned when he got back to the hotel. He stared down at his stained shirt with thoughts of Tanya, her betrayal, the race in two days, and his hectic schedule for the next couple of months… and sighed.

He definitely needed to change something in his life. But whenever things got complicated, he wanted to fall back into his regular routine – finding a willing woman to satisfy his needs.

The brunette with the glasses he had seen outside the bar would have been the perfect woman. If he thought Tanya had a great ass, this woman put Tanya to shame. Her hips flared from a thin waist, her ass cheeks high and round, as he watched her enter the bar with her blonde friend.

His phone chimed with a text message, but Edward ignored it, looking around the sparsely populated bar, hoping to find a willing woman to make him forget his troubles for tonight. A few tables away, a blonde and a redhead were giggling at something, their heads bent together. His eyes zeroed in on the blonde, her hazel eyes wide, crinkling slightly at the corner as she giggled. His gaze lowered, and he licked his lips at her ample cleavage. A throat cleared and his eyes flew up to hers, his smirk widening at the flush on her cheeks. Yes, this could be the next woman he could take back to his hotel room.

"Hey," he smirked, nodding his head in greeting.

"Hi," she replied, pushing a strand of hair behind her ear, setting down her now empty martini glass.

Edward nodded towards her glass. "Can I get you another one?"

The more alcohol she had in her system, the looser she'd be.

"Thank you, but I think I've got it covered."

His eyes narrowed as the blonde reached her arm around the redhead and gave her a kiss on the cheek. Redhead turned her head and gave the blonde a dazzling smile. Well, fuck. Lesbians. Today just wasn't his day.

He waved at the two ladies, his grin turning into a scowl at he turned back to his bottle of beer, downing the rest of it in one big gulp. His phone chirped again, reminding him of a text message, and he slid it out of his jean pocket.

He frowned.

UNKNOWN: _If this were the medieval times, having beer spilled on you would be a sign of prosperity and attractiveness._

He scanned the bar. About half the patrons had phones in their hands. He had no way of knowing who this was. How did this person get his number? Only his family, closest friends and girls he'd hooked up with had his number.

He looked towards Emmett, but the fucker was gone, chatting up a blonde at the bar. "Thanks for ditching me, buddy," Edward murmured, knowing he would have done the same thing in a heartbeat.

EDWARD: _If this were the medieval times, I would return the favor. Don't hide in the shadows, you prick. Come and keep me company._

UNKNOWN: _I'm sure you'd be much more popular in a bar in the medieval times than I would be._

A throat cleared. Edward's head snapped up, his brows furrowed. It was the waitress he'd almost caused to nosedive earlier.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I was asked to bring this to you." She set down a bottle of Heineken.

"Thank you." Edward reached for his wallet, but she stopped him.

"Oh, that has been taken care of."

His brows furrowed deeper. "I can at least tip you for bringing it over."

The waitress smiled. "That…"

"Has been taken care," he finished for her, smiling ruefully.

She nodded with a smile and went to tend other patrons.

His phone chimed again.

UNKNOWN: _And while I don't particularly like beer – both the scent and taste – I think, I would prefer the scent and taste of… something… more personal._

Edward stared down at his phone. Heat gathered in his gut. "Whoa."

He glanced around the bar again, running his fingers through his hair, and coming up with the same results as before.

EDWARD: _I'm guessing I should thank you for the beer._

UNKNOWN: _No problem. I figured you could use a little pick me up after what happened. Besides, it looks as though your friend isn't returning to your table anytime soon. Hope it turns your day (night) around._

Edward took a sip, enjoying the freshness as it filled his mouth, and watched Emmett flirt with the blonde. Lucky bastard.

EDWARD: _Who is this? Your number is showing blocked._

The tension returned as he waited for the answer, his gaze watching the different patrons in the bar, hoping to find some clue to who it was.

UNKNOWN: _We don't know each other._

Edward frowned, running his hand over his tired eyes.

EDWARD: _How'd you get my number?_

UNKNOWN: _Just a little harmless hacking. Don't worry. I won't share your information. I just wanted to tell you how great you were with the waitress and how hot that jacket is._

He laughed. The hacking didn't bother him that much. If this person became a problem, he'd have this number blocked.

EDWARD: _My… jacket?_

UNKNOWN: _You know that jacket is totally hot._

EDWARD: _But you're missing the fact that what's_ inside _the jacket makes it hot._

UNKNOWN: _Mmm, no. I can assure you that I haven't missed any of that goodness. You do a lot for fine leather._

Edward's eyebrows rose, and he rubbed his hand over his mouth, trying to hide his smirk.

EDWARD: _Why don't you come over and chat with me until the bar closes?_

UNKNOWN: _Tempting, but no. Thanks for asking, though._

His phone buzzed with another text before he had time to come up with a response.

UNKNOWN: _What is it that you do?_

EDWARD: _What's your guess?_

UNKNOWN: _Plumber._

EDWARD: _Good guess, but no._

UNKNOWN: _Gang member?_

He smirked, his fingers tracing the label on the beer bottle.

EDWARD: _Excuse me while I choke on my beer._

UNKNOWN: _That was a bad guess. Escort?_

Edward barked out a laugh, causing a few people to look at him oddly.

EDWARD: _A much better guess, but no. Unless…_

He grinned, praying she'd take the bait.

UNKNOWN: _Unless… what?_

EDWARD: _Unless you're looking. Then it could have some potential._

UNKNOWN: _Mmm, what an enticing offer._

Edward's groin tightened at the possibilities of this mysterious person. He breathed deeply, needing to control the lust coursing through him. For fuck sake's, he didn't even know if it was a woman.

EDWARD: _What do you do?_

If it was a woman, she seemed shy, and if this was going to be the highlight of his night, he didn't want to scare her off. He looked around the bar once more, his eyes zeroing in on the brunette, but she was busy chatting with her blonde friend.

Emmett took a seat across from Edward, two more beers in hand. "What you smiling about?"

Edward looked at the message thread. If he told Emmett, his friend would think he was losing it. Maybe he was, but this was the most he had smiled in weeks. He quickly switched his phone to vibrate hoping that Emmett wouldn't notice.

"Nothing much. How did it go with the blonde?"

Emmett grinned triumphantly, his dimples showing. "Dude, she rocks. Not just her body, but she is smart, too. She even agreed to come watch the race on Sunday."

"That's awesome," Edward smiled at Emmett, who nodded, tipping his head back and taking a hefty swig of his beer.

His phone vibrated in his hand.

UNKNOWN: _Nerd._

Edward's eyebrows rose in surprise, the bottle of beer frozen against his lips. One word. Nerd?

EDWARD: _Nerd? Is that even a job title?_

UNKNOWN: _No, but that's what I am. I work with computers. Writing code/programs. Boring stuff like that. Basically, I work in IT._

Edward muttered a curse. She couldn't have a profession that he could talk intelligently about?

EDWARD: _Ah. Then this hacking my phone makes sense._

UNKNOWN: _I didn't specifically hack you._

EDWARD: _Sneaky, but I don't think I'll be able to speak on the topic of hacking, code writing… whatever you do._

UNKNOWN: _Good. It's the last thing I want to talk about. You haven't told me what you do._

A woman who didn't want to talk about herself? Now that was definitely different for Edward.

EDWARD: _I was working the escort angle, but I'd like to know a little bit more about you before I say yes._

He grinned, oblivious to Emmett calling his name.

UNKNOWN: _Tattoo artist?_

He shook his head, grinning.

EDWARD: _No, though I do have a tattoo. But back to us. My problem is I could be chatting up a pimply faced teen sitting in his mother's basement. I think we should clear up a few things if we're gonna continue this flirtation._

UNKNOWN: _We're just chatting, and there's no us…yet. And no, no pimples here. Nor basements."_

The _yet_ sent anticipation crawling up Edward's spine. However, a part of him found his reaction incredibly… pathetic.

EDWARD: _Commenting on my rescue skills with the waitress. Noticing one's hot… jacket, insinuating the pleasure of tasting one's personal places… that would fall into the category of flirting._

UNKNOWN: _Oh my. I did do all those things, didn't I? I didn't realize I had strayed so far beyond my comfort zone. I suppose I have to admit to flirting._

EDWARD: _Great. Now that we've cleared that up… you are female, correct?_

UNKNOWN: _Correct. The guy with you, Dimples, isn't your partner, correct?_

That made Edward bark out a laugh, catching Emmett's eye. He noticed a few people look over at him, again.

"Dude," Emmett whispered, leaning across the table. "What the fuck are you laughing at?"

Edward sobered. "Sorry, I was just reading a joke. Couldn't help myself," he lied smoothly.

"What joke?"

"Something about a gay guy. He was called Dimples."

Emmett's brow's scrunched. "A gay guy called Dimples? What's funny about that?"

Edward waved his hand dismissively. "Never mind. I guess you should have been there."

"You're fucking weird today," Emmett observed. "What happened with T?"

"Nothing happened," Edward defended himself. "I quit that shit. She fucked some lame ass producer to get a part."

It shouldn't have bothered him since they were just fuck buddies, scratching an itch whenever either needed it, but it made his stomach churn. The meltdown with Tanya only verified what he had known all along. He wasn't cut out for the commitment thing. Fuck 'em and chuck 'em. The code he lived by.

Emmett's beefy hand clapped down hard on Edward's shoulder. "Well, it's about fucking time. Good for you, man." He turned to flag down the waitress, asking for the check.

Edward turned back to his phone.

EDWARD: _Fuck, no. I'm as straight as they come and so is he. Are you involved with a significant other?_

UNKNOWN: _Nice question and no, I am not involved with someone. You're scoring quite a few points, Biker Boy. And you?_

Edward quirked a grin.

EDWARD: _No significant other. Biker Boy?_

UNKNOWN: _Sorry, a nickname since I don't know your name._

EDWARD: _What's your name? Do you live around here?_

UNKNOWN: _Bella and yes. Santa Ana. You?_

EDWARD: _You hacked me. Don't you know that already?_

UNKNOWN: _I told you. I didn't specifically hack you. I'm testing a new app which collects phone numbers. All other information is private._

This was wild. Edward knew just a little of what went on in the cyber world. If he thought of the many different ways his privacy could be hacked, he would turn into a paranoid lunatic. And he had enough problems already.

UNKNOWN: _You don't have to tell me your name. I'll keep calling you Biker Boy._

Edward laughed. He liked that nickname, and he imagined what it would sound like falling from her lips. He took a moment to assign her name to the unknown number.

EDWARD: _Bella's nice. Beautiful and sexy. And maybe a little… naughty. I'm Edward._

BELLA: _Hi, Edward. So, what is it that you do?_

EDWARD: _I'm a motocross racer._

Edward watched his screen, waiting for her response.

"Wow," Bella muttered, pushing up her glasses. She blinked, and his answer was still real. "A motocross racer."

Suddenly, the boots and jacket made sense.

BELLA: _I imagine your lifestyle must be fun as hell. Challenging. Let me guess – you're an adrenaline junkie?_

"Bella, how are you doing with the app?" Rose asked, peeking at her over the rim of her wine glass.

Bella's cheeks tinged pink. How much could she divulge of this conversation with Biker Boy aka: Edward? Rose would have many theories on how to get him into Bella's bed, but on some weird level, she didn't want to know those theories right now. The thought of having Edward's strong arms wrapped around her, his muscled legs moving between hers, made her breath hitch.

"It's going good. So far the results have been positive, but I do need to analyze the data on Monday."

"Great," Rose cheered, setting down her wine glass. "Then you can join me on Sunday."

"For what?" Bella asked, suspicious of her friend.

"The Supercross opening. It's this Sunday, and the guy I was talking to at the bar invited me. He even said to bring you." She pointed at Bella, excitement dancing in her eyes.

"He said that?"

Rose nodded. "Yes. He and his friend are both racing. So, you're coming with me, right?"

Bella's eyes strayed to Edward where he was discussing something with Dimples, his strong arms braced on the table top. Would he be riding on Sunday? She imagined him in all his gear, and her mouth watered. Yeah, she wanted to watch him ride.

"Sure, it sounds like fun," she agreed.

Rose grinned. "Awesome. Let me pay our tab, and we can head back."

"Sure." Dread coiled in Bella's stomach. She wasn't quite ready to end her conversation – flirtation – with Edward.

Her phone vibrated, and she saw Edward's head bowed towards his phone, a small smile on his lips.

EDWARD: _Yes, yes and hell yes. Why don't you come and sit with me? I'd love to know more about your hacking/computer skills._

Bella closed her eyes and gritted her teeth.

BELLA: _Another place, another time, I would take you up on the offer. You're a little too tempting for my blood. Your offer is… it would be plenty difficult not to want to get up close and personal with you._

EDWARD: _I'll admit, that was my hope – you wanting to get up close and personal._

"Ah, hell," she muttered, her imagination running wild with possibilities. "Don't tell me that."

BELLA: _You don't even know what I look like. How can you make such a statement?_

EDWARD: _Deductive reasoning. I like your personality, so your physical appearance isn't a deal breaker._

Bella bit her lip. She hesitated with her answer. He already knew she was a total nerd who got his phone number using an _app_. She wasn't like Rose, the woman who men fawned over. Bella was the kind that was asked to fix their computers, but not asked on a date. She was overlooked. Could Edward be different?

EDWARD: _Why don't you tell me what you look like? Give me something to fantasize about. Blonde, brunette, redhead?_

She didn't answer right away, contemplating her next words. Maybe it couldn't hurt to see how he reacted to someone less than the perfect woman.

BELLA: _Brunette._

EDWARD: _Nice. Hair short, medium or long?_

BELLA: _Long._

Edward: _Refreshing. Under or over 21?_

BELLA: _Over._ _27\. You?_

EDWARD: _29\. Height?_

BELLA: _5'5"._

EDWARD: _Perfect. 6'2". Measurements?_

Bella hid her laugh behind her hand.

BELLA: _You wish._

EDWARD: _Yes, I do wish – among other things. How about this? I'll show (tell) you mine and you tell me yours. 32x34 Levis, 13 shoe. Your turn. ;)_

BELLA: _Not as perfect as yours._

EDWARD: _I'm glad I fall in your favorable category. Although, perfect is a matter of opinion._

BELLA: _33 -26 -36_

EDWARD: _Hot. Cup size?_

Like hell she would give him the satisfaction.

BELLA: _Penis size?_

Bella gasped. Did she really just ask that? She locked her phone when it buzzed again. Did it really matter what his penis size was? What if it did? It wasn't like she would ever see it… him. Her hands shook slightly as she followed Rose out. Edward and Dimples had left the bar just a few minutes prior, with Dimples waving suggestively at Rose. Edward had his phone in hand and hadn't seen the way Bella had followed his every move. Bella contemplated ending the message thread and trying to forget about Edward. _Trying_ being the operative word.

"Why so quiet?" Rose asked, chancing a glance before the light turned green. She revved the engine of her red Scion, shooting ahead of traffic.

Bella grasped the door handle, watching the scenery fly by. Rose loved to test the limits when it came to driving – speeding, taking corners too sharp, etc. "Just thinking about the data." It wasn't a complete lie. She was thinking about the data she had collected; data she had collected from Edward.

"But it worked, right?" Rose questioned, merging onto the freeway and driving regular speed, moving along with traffic.

"It worked very well," Bella nodded, her fingers itching to reach for her cellphone to check Edward's response.

"That's awesome," Rose cheered. "Too bad that the hot guy didn't approach you. He sure was checking you out."

Bella looked out the window, hiding her sly grin. "Yeah, too bad."

One day, maybe, she would tell Rose about the flirting she had actually done with that _hot guy_. Her smile grew just thinking about Rose's reaction.

After bidding 'good night' to Rose, Bella dressed in her pajamas, eyeing her computer. She could ignore the hot beacon that was her cellphone calling to her to continue the _sexting_ with Edward, but her urge to know more about him won.

She crawled underneath her blankets, took a deep breath, willing her heart to slow, and opened the message thread.

EDWARD: _8 ¾" length... erect. The girth... well... there's definitely a lot of me to think about. Cup size?_

Bella made a sound in her throat and rubbed her thighs together. She remembered the day Rose showed her the different lengths of penises using a ruler. Back then, she couldn't believe that men could have such big… packages. She scrambled out of her bed and grabbed a ruler from a drawer on her desk to get the full effect.

And boy, did her body get the full effect.

Her sex clenched with need. Her skin tingled with desire. Her breathing quickened.

She reached for her phone and closed her eyes. She needed to relax before responding to him and taking him up on his offer to meet him. Resisting him was hard.

BELLA: _How did you come up with those?_

She watched her screen, with her lower lip wedged between her teeth.

EDWARD: _A dare. I was drunk. I'll tell you all about it and… let you verify if you'll meet me. ;)_

Bella groaned in frustration, burying her face in her pillow. "Dammit!"

BELLA: _Whoa. This flirting just jumped to a whole new level. Is it getting hot in here?_

EDWARD: _Tell me about it, sweetheart. Whatever you've got is spreading to me. I'll give you my hotel room number…_

BELLA: _Tempting. How about I give you my number instead?_

EDWARD: _I'll take that, too, although my offer stands._

She replied with her number instead of accepting his offer. She wanted to. God, how she wanted to let him explore her body until the morning sun rose. How she wanted to explore his body, verify his… measurements and have him take her on a _ride_.

She sighed.

This could go both ways. She could meet him and have, what probably would be, the best night of her life and go on with her life, keeping him a secret. Or she could stay in her bed and dream about him every night. The first option sounded so much better, but then again, if her tryst with him ever reached the ears of her boss, considering how they had met, she could kiss her career goodbye. Bella knew she was treading on thin ice as it was by continuing to flirt with him.

Her phone buzzed. Edward had texted her number and started a new messaging thread. Bella closed the app and opened her messages. She groaned, reading his persuasive offer.

EDWARD: _Thank you. How about that meetup? I'll let you wear my jacket. I bet you'd look good enough to eat in it._

BELLA: _Moan._

She had no better response. Bella imagined wearing his jacket, lying spread out for him as he feasted on her body. Damn, he was getting tougher to resist by the minute.

EDWARD: _Damn, baby. What you do to me._

BELLA: _The feeling is mutual._

EDWARD: _Then why hide? Let me show you how good we can be together._

Bella hesitated, her fingers hovering over the screen keyboard of her phone. She must have contemplated the pros and cons for quite some time when her phone buzzed again.

EDWARD: _Bella? What kind of sex do you like?_

Bella squeaked, her eyes growing wide. Damn him. Her heart thrummed as she responded.

BELLA: _Umm… I don't know?_

EDWARD: _You don't know? Or you don't want to tell me?_

BELLA: _I don't know. It's been… a long time._

EDWARD: _I'm sorry._

She didn't want his apologies. She wanted his answer. What did he like?

BELLA: _Tell me…_

EDWARD: _I like frantic sex. The kind where you need to have someone fast and hard. I like deep, driving sex that makes sweat drip from my chin onto your back and slide down to your ass cheeks. I like animalistic sex that makes you scream. I like the kind of sex that includes sliding my tongue into all your tight spaces._

Bella let out a frustrated moan, her body tingling at the visuals he created in her mind.

BELLA: _Got it. Thanks. Please stop._

EDWARD: _Sorry, you've got me a little… worked up. Basically, I'm all about passion. A deep burning passion I'd like to explore with you._

BELLA: _I have to think about this first._

EDWARD: _Don't think. Just do what feels right. I'm in room 412 at the Towneplace in Anaheim. Come to me. I'll show you what it feels like to be fucked… properly._

Bella quickly checked the hotel, noting it was a 15-minute drive from her apartment. Was she seriously considering this? Yes, yes she was. She wanted to know what it would be like to have a one-night stand with someone as hot as Edward; to be fucked properly.

BELLA: _You're making it almost impossible to say no._

EDWARD: _Don't say no._

She looked in the mirror, noting her already disheveled hair. She needed a shower.

BELLA: _Give me half an hour?_

EDWARD: _Half an hour I can do. Don't make me wait, baby._

Bella grinned, quickly removed her clothing and jumped into the shower. Fifteen minutes later she was creeping out of the apartment she shared with Rose, feeling like a teenager sneaking out after curfew. She would have to make sure to be back before Rose awakened. There was no way she would be able to lie herself out of this one. She wasn't the type to meet a guy in the middle of the night. That was Rose's territory.

Bella paused, her flesh breaking out in goosebumps. Edward's room was just down the hall and here she was, hesitating again. She had foregone her glasses and put in her dreaded contact lenses, hoping he wouldn't recognize her from the bar. Her hair was pinned up in a messy bun and she wore faded blue jeans and a light blue button down blouse. It was simple, but comfortable.

BELLA: _I'm here._

She stood in front of his door, nervous as all hell. She heard shuffling on the other side of the door and quickly texted him again.

BELLA: _Don't open the door._

EDWARD: _What's wrong?_

BELLA: _Could you open the door just a bit, but close the curtains?_

The door clicked open, and her breathing quickened. This was really happening.

EDWARD: _Woman, you test me._

Her thoughts ran rampant. She could lose everything if the wrong people found out. But this was what she wanted. She wanted to let Edward make good on his promise, to show her what it would be like to give into temptation. To let go for just _one night_.

With a determined breath, Bella texted back.

BELLA: _No lights, please._

EDWARD: _Sweetheart_ _, I'm a man. I need visual._

BELLA: _I'll let your hands, mouth and body see all of me._

Bella's eyes flew to the door, hearing his muffled groan on the other side. He could easily yank open the door and see her, but he was giving her space, abiding by her rules. It made him that much more appealing.

EDWARD: _Fuck, baby. What you do to me. Compromise? Bathroom door open with light on?_

BELLA: _2"_

EDWARD: _6"_

BELLA: _3"_

EDWARD: _Deal._

The room went dark on the other side of the door, and she breathed a sigh of relief. If he couldn't see her, it would make it easier.

Right?

BELLA: _Thank you._

EDWARD: _You're welcome. Now I'm gonna need some… assurances from you._

Oh shit. Bella's back straightened in anticipation.

BELLA: _What's that?_

EDWARD: _You're NOT involved with a significant other?_

BELLA: _No._

EDWARD: _You're not a serial killer come to kill me after the deed is done?_

Bella laughed out loud at that question.

EDWARD: _Damn, sweetheart. Even your laugh is sexy. Get your ass in here._

Placing one foot in front of the other, Bella pushed the door open. Her mind blurred as she stepped over the threshold into the dark room. Light from the hallway flooded the room, casting a shadow of her form across the floor. Edward sat on the corner of the queen-sized bed, bare-foot, with jeans but no shirt. Bella bit her lip at the sight in front of her. When the door slid closed, it cast the room in darkness, except the small strip of light coming from the bathroom.

"You're here," Edward said, his voice softer than a whisper, washing over her skin.

She closed her fingers around the door handle, gripping it in her hand, with her back pressed against the door. Her heart hammered in her chest, and she nodded, her mouth dry.

"Hey," she whispered hoarsely after her eyes had adjusted to the darkness.

Edward rose from the bed and slowly walked towards her. Her chest rose and fell with heavy breaths, watching his every move. He was tall, broad shouldered, and he smelled like man; like earth and spice. Bella inhaled deeply, filling her lungs with his scent, committing him to memory.

Tentatively, he reached out and ran his fingers down her temple, over her cheek and down her throat. "Your heart's racing," he observed, his fingers pressed to the pulse point of her neck.

His minty breath washed over her face, sending shivers of need down her spine and settling in the pit of her stomach. She sighed, wanting him to touch her. Wanting a stranger to touch her.

He stepped closer, his hand cradling her cheek. "Talk to me, Bella."

"I'm sorry," she whispered. "I don't know what I was thinking coming here..."

"You can leave, Bella. You don't have to do anything that makes you uncomfortable." Regret and resignation sounded in his voice.

Bella shook her head. "No."

Edward's hand slid into her hair, loosening the bun, and letting it fall down her back. His touch felt good, comforting. Her nerves started to release the tension.

"Wow, your hair. It's so long." Amazement rang in his voice. "It's… beautiful."

A smile curved her lips. His fingers continued to run through the strands of her hairs, continuing to ease the anxiety.

"Can I touch you?" he asked, his voice soft, his breath ghosting over her temple.

Bella nodded, unable to speak. His hand slid beneath her hair and pressed against her back, between her shoulder blades. His hand was big, his skin rough. She sighed and closed her eyes, leaning her temple against his jaw.

"I think you were thinking about the same thing I've been thinking about all night," he murmured. "How badly we want the other to ease this need that's grown between us."

"Yes," she whispered, the fear evaporating with her confession.

He moved closer but didn't press against her. His heat and scent grew stronger. His fingers gripped her hair at the nape of her neck. Her nipples puckered. She never knew such a simple touch could feel so sexual.

Edward lowered his head to her shoulder, his now clean-shaven cheeks rubbing against hers. His smooth lips ghosted over her neck, brushing but never kissing. "You smell divine."

Bella chuckled uneasily. His teeth nipped at the skin of her neck, and her chuckle turned into a moan. She released the door handle and wound her fingers into the soft hair at the nape of his neck, holding him to her skin.

"Can I touch you? Feel you against me – everywhere – and create you in my mind?"

"God, yes," she whispered, her eyes closing. Her skin tingled and her heart raced.

His hand in her hair released its hold and slowly slid down her back, gripping her hips and turning her to face the door. Fear gripped at her, and she tensed.

"Shh," Edward urged, his lips pressed against her ear. "I just want to feel you, Bella. Please."

When she nodded, he continued, his hands brushing over her shoulders and down her sides, barely tracing over the sides of her breasts. Bella whimpered, wanting him to touch her.

Long fingers slid beneath her shirt and teased the top of her jeans, running his back and forth. She thrust her hips forward, aching for his touch. He let go of her jeans and moved to feel her backside, cupping her ample bottom in both of his hands.

"Sweet Jesus," he groaned, his fingers squeezing and kneading.

Bella's body ached. Her sex grew damp, wet and swollen. "Edward."

He groaned. The sound lit a match between her hips. His lips sucked on her neck. Heat shot both directions into her sex and her breasts. His hands slid back around her front and underneath her shirt, covering her entire belly, long fingers stretching low between her hipbones.

"Mmm," he hummed in approval.

Bella started to turn, wanting to feel his lips on hers, for his body to be pressed fully against hers, but Edward had a firm hold on her. "I'm still taking inventory, sweetheart. It takes longer without light."

His hands slid down her thighs, bringing his chest flush against her back. She felt his strong heartbeat against her back, his heat searing her. She turned her head and kissed his cheek.

Edward caught her gaze in the darkness, fiery lust meeting need. "I've got one more measurement to check, baby," he growled against her lips. "You weren't very forth coming in your texts."

He drew his hands up her thighs, slid them beneath her shirt and cupped her breasts. Bella hissed and arched into his touch, her nipples tight.

"Sexy. Perfect," he breathed against her ear. She gasped, feeling his erection hard as steel against her lower back. He hadn't fudged on his measurements.

"Oh God," she groaned, pushing back against him, needing to feel all of him.

"Feel what you do to me, Bella." Edward said, gripping her waist and turning her to face him.

They stared at each other, eyes locked in the dim glow of the bathroom light, lips a breath apart. With a groan, his lips caught hers, nipping and sucking. His tongue slipped past her lips and slid against hers, teasing and stroking, silent promises of what was to come.

His hands slid to her bottom, lifting her with ease and securing her legs around his hips, never breaking from the kiss. Bella's toes curled as she stroked his tongue with hers, tangling her fingers in his hair and holding him to her. His lips fit to hers perfectly, catching her gasps, giving her air to breathe. She was consumed by him, surrounded.

Edward sat her down on the bed, knelt in front of her and released her lips. "I wanna fuck you so bad, baby. I want to slide into you slow and then fast, show you how good this can be. Bring you to the edge and then catch you when you fall," he breathed.

Bella ran her fingers across his shoulders, feeling the hard muscles bunch and release beneath her touch. "Touch me," she whispered, raising her arms and letting him pull her shirt over her head, discarding it haphazardly on the floor.

With a slow, deep kiss, he pushed her backwards until her naked skin connected with the white cotton sheet of the bed. His fingers trailed across her temple and over her cheek, pushing gently against the pulse point of her neck and then sliding down her side, his thumb brushing over her nipple as her back arched.

"So responsive," he mused against her throat, his lips suckling and kissing across her collarbone and over the swell of her breasts. His lips never disconnected from her skin as he kissed her nipple, sucking it into his mouth.

Bella hissed, crying out when he swirled his tongue over her nipple. "Edward!"

With his lips against her chest, his hand crept softly down her stomach, pausing when he felt the scar. Bella stiffened slightly, waiting for the question that was sure to come. But she didn't want to talk about that now, didn't want to remember.

"Bella, what's…?"

She didn't let him finish, raising her head and kissing his lips, silencing him. "It's not important. Touch me." He nodded slightly in understanding, and she sighed in relief, glad he didn't push.

"Now, that's perfection," he said, his voice husky, his lips trailing across her stomach from hipbone to hipbone. "Keep your eyes on me, baby, while I ease your ache." He nipped at her flesh gently, soothing the spot with his lips. "How do you want it? Hard and fast? Fast and deep?"

She didn't want to think. Didn't want to talk. Sure as hell didn't want to tell him what to do. Besides, she couldn't think straight to save her life. She was completely at his mercy.

"What's the difference?" she finally asked.

Edward stopped his kisses and the torturous pass of his fingers along her hipbone. "Does that mean you don't care?"

"I'm dying here," she groaned in frustration.

A low, rough laugh rumbled in his throat. He slid his fingers beneath her panties and jeans, pulling both down her legs. Finally.

"Hold still," he whispered. "I'm gonna give you hard and fast to relieve you. We've got all night to explore the other options."

His hands trailed back up her legs and to the apex of her thighs, brushing a lone finger through her folds. Bella cried out, gripping the bedsheet in her hands. The feel of a man's hand between her legs. A real man. The kind of man who made her hot, wet and so needy. The kind of man who wasn't afraid to take charge or give real pleasure.

"That's it," he crooned, sliding her wetness around, coating her. His finger swirled around her clit, then pushed slowly into her, making her moan.

At the next pass, he added another finger, his breath coming out in pants. "Fuck, baby. So tight. I can't wait to be inside you."

Edward's lips closed around her clit, sucking harshly. Bella cried out, one hand releasing the bedsheet and gripped his hair. "Oh God," she moaned, her eyes fluttering. She was so close.

"That's it, baby. Let go," he whispered against her clit, blowing cool air against her heated skin. His lips closed around her clit once more, his tongue pressing against it tightly.

Bella's scream died on her lips, her mouth open. Liquid fired burned through her pelvis, melted down her legs. She struggled for air, her fingers a death grip in Edward's hair.

Edward eased his fingers out slowly, kissing her pubic bone. Bella fell back against the mattress. "Holy. Fuck," she breathed.

"Mmm," Edward agreed as he wet his fingers inside her again, making slow, luscious circles at her opening. He crawled up her body slowly, his fingers still circling her clit and her entrance.

She shivered and moaned, the pleasure of his touch consuming.

"Fuck, I love the sounds you make," he murmured, hovering over her, his lips on her cheek.

"Edward." Bella dropped her head to the mattress as his fingers continued their languid pass over her clit. "Can't do this… need more…"

"I know." He kissed a trail of light kisses over her chest, swirling his tongue over her nipple, before rising up to kiss her lips. Hot, wet and full of promises.

Bella secured her legs around his waist and frowned. He was still wearing his jeans. She reached between them, sliding down his zipper. He stood and pushed them down, his erection thick and hard.

"You're perfect," she whispered, sitting up and trailing her fingers over his chest and stomach. Hard muscle bunched and flexed beneath her touch.

Edward huffed out a humorless laugh. "I beg to differ. You should see my view."

Bella was glad that she had insisted on the darkness. This way she was sure that he could only make out shadows and couldn't see all of her. He couldn't see the scar, couldn't see her flaws.

He took her hand, helping her to stand, and guided her over to the couch. His mouth curved into a delicious smirk. Turning her, he pressed his thick cock against her lower back. "Kneel for me, baby."

Bella complied, bracing her hands on the back of the couch and looking at him over her shoulder. Edward's hands ran down her back, settling on her ass. "This way I can go deeper."

She moaned and pushed her ass into his hands causing him to groan. His cock twitched. Her pussy ached.

"Hard and fast? Or Deep and slow?" he asked, his lips trailing over her shoulder blades and down her spine. His hands gripped her waist, his fingers gliding between her folds again, stroking and teasing.

Bella moaned, forgetting his question. "Fuck."

"Exactly," he agreed. He pushed forward, his cock sliding between her ass cheeks and down to her opening.

"Edward, please," she breathed when he nipped at her neck.

She heard the tell-tale crinkle of a condom wrapper opening, and her fingers gripped the couch tighter.

Edward leaned forward, his lips brushing her neck. His hands followed his mouth, tracing lightly over her heated skin, up her sides. One hand cupped her breast while the other grasped her hand and linked their fingers together, pushing their entwined hands against the couch. She turned her head, and his mouth covered hers, lips hot and demanding. She moaned into his kiss, letting go of all thought and letting herself feel his body covering hers, his mouth and this passionate, hungry kiss.

"Hold on," he whispered against her mouth, his eyes dark and unyielding against hers. Slowly, he slid in, letting her adjust to the thick ridges of his cock sliding against her walls. It was nearly painful, but on his second pass, her body gave way to pleasure.

"Yeees," she hissed, her finger tightening around his, the pleasure overwhelming.

He groaned, his mouth feasting on her skin like he couldn't get enough. His speed accelerated, his cock pushing into her until she felt his pelvis against her ass. Edward's mouth dropped to her neck, and his hand slid down her body to her clit, his finger pressing lightly. His teeth bit at the skin of her shoulder blade, and then his tongue soothed.

"Oh, God… yes." Bella couldn't believe the intensity. Christ, the way he moved, dominating her body and pushing her closer and closer to the edge that led to the abyss of pleasure. Like a dance. The same way he kissed her lips. This wasn't just fucking. This was art.

"Ah, Bella. So tight," he grunted, his hand releasing hers and sliding up her arm. He dropped his head down to her back, his lips at her spine. Picked up the rhythmic dance of his hips; harder, faster.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered hoarsely, breathlessly against her ear, the comment meaning more to her knowing he didn't just refer to what showed on the exterior.

"You're so good," she moaned, as his thrusts deepened. "The way you touch, kiss and… everything. It's so perfect."

"Just for you," he responded, his movements becoming more erratic.

Bella gripped his ass with her left hand, excitement flooding her sex. He was all tight muscle and hot, smooth skin. Edward growled against her neck and squeezed her ass.

"Oh, God." He was hitting places deep within her that no man had ever discovered.

"I need you to come," he growled against her neck, his cock pushing deep within her. "I need to feel you."

"Edward." It was too much. It was crazy, amazing, blistering pleasure. "Edward," she moaned again, gripping the back of his neck.

He thrust into her hard, the sensation sending her flying. Pleasure rushed through every part of her body, overflowing and bursting. Bella's body arched, her back pressing against Edward's hard torso and her mouth open in a silent scream. Her eyes closed tight, she clung to him as he thrust wildly into her a few more times, prolonging her orgasm. Edward's body went rigid, and he grunted against her neck as he came, his cock twitching.

Edward held Bella's spent body, and he liked the feel of her relaxed and languid against him. He kissed her cheek and lifted himself off and out of her, hissing at the aftershocks of his intense orgasm. Bella made a delicious, sated sound in the back of her throat, making him smile as he disposed of the used condom.

Scooping her up in his arms, he lay down on the bed beside her, sideways, facing her. Edward watched her chest rise and fall with deep calming breaths. Placing his hand over her heart, he felt it settle into a steady rhythm as she sighed. With a light touch, he pushed her hair from her forehead.

Bella's eyes closed slowly, a small smile on her lips. Edward traced her lips with his thumb, the soft skin swollen from his kisses.

"So beautiful," he commented again, making her smile.

He wished he could make this last. She was delicious, beautiful and smart. And he wanted more. More of her. More than just sex, more than just tonight.

He closed his eyes and breathed in harshly. Dammit, she'd gotten under his skin. Something basic and primal expanded in his chest. He wanted to ask why the anonymity, he wanted to turn on the lights and see her, explore her body again with his eyes. He wanted…

"That was…" Bella sighed lazily, breaking through his thoughts.

"Yeah?" he questioned, instead of voicing his concerns.

"Beyond good," she grinned, her fingers trailing down his arm before he caught them in his hand, staring at her naked form, trying to make out the curves and smooth lines in the dim glow of the bathroom light.

"Can I see you again?" he asked, slightly hesitant.

Bella's hand stilled in his. "Edward… I…"

"What?"

"I don't know if it's such a good idea," she hedged, and even in the darkness, Edward could see her lip wedged between her teeth.

Frustration ran through his limbs. He might be perfect for her fantasies, but he wasn't good enough to be included in her real life. No matter how well they fit, or how much pleasure he'd brought her, it wouldn't be enough. He wouldn't be enough. His chest squeezed hard, and Edward tried to shake it off like he would a bad fall on the track.

He dragged the covers over their bodies and pulled her to him, the exhaustion of the long day catching up with him. Bella settled against his side, her hand on his chest, drawing unfamiliar patterns. Slowly, his lids closed, and he reveled in the feeling of her body pressed against his. He would enjoy it until she left him; empty and always searching for more. Maybe it was the anonymity, maybe it was the way he had gotten to know her before fucking her… he'd never know.

Edward's breathing settled, his heart a steady beat beneath Bella's cheek. Her lids were heavy, and sleep clawed at her, but she needed to get out before morning. Needed to leave before it got to be too much. She breathed deeply and slowly rose from his chest, kissing his cheek once more.

Silently, Bella dressed, her heart heavy in her chest. She ached to crawl back into bed with him, place her head on his chest and fall into a deep slumber, her body pressed tightly against his, his warmth seeping into her.

She watched his eyes flutter in the soft glow of the bathroom light and kissed his lips once more, tears burning behind her eyes. She blinked rapidly and quickly exited the room before she changed her mind.

BELLA: _Thank you for an incredible night._

Race Day – Sunday

Edward stood beside his 450cc Kawasaki, his fingers twitching, his body coiled. He was ready. Today would be the deciding factor if he would go further in the league. This was what he had trained for; strived towards for the last three years. He was better than he had ever been, more skilled and ready. Edward's eyes slid to his fierce opponent on the other side of the track. Villapoto was the one to beat; having won the Supercoss for the past five years. It was time for someone to take down the defending champion. It was his turn; Edward could feel it, taste it and for fuck's sake, needed it.

He watched the final laps of the current race, his vision blurring as his mind wandered to Bella. He usually didn't have trouble focusing on race day, but today, his mind whirled. Her scent on the bed sheets that he refused to let the hotel staff change. Her taste on his tongue, tangy and sweet. Her soft curves, sexy and defined, made him ache, his cock strain.

With a frustrated sigh, he retrieved his phone, opened their chat box and stared at the screen. He read her last text, thanking him for an incredible night. He had written many messages the previous day, but deleted every one of them before sending. She hadn't hinted at a desire to see him again, and he wasn't the kind to chase after a girl. They came to him. But damn her for getting under his skin.

"Some kind of special pussy," he muttered to himself, shaking his head.

EDWARD: _I want to see you again_.

Most likely, she'd find some way to dismiss him again, but he was addicted. He needed to have her once more. Fuck her once more to get her out of his system, out of his mind.

BELLA: _How was your day yesterday?_

Edward groaned and jerked open the door to his trailer, falling back onto the couch, his knee bouncing with irritation. Why couldn't he just leave it alone, leave her alone?

EDWARD: _It was good, besides the fact that I woke up alone. There's something about lazy morning sex…_

BELLA: _What's that?_

EDWARD: _The opportunity to explore more, your skin, your body._

BELLA: _You do not play fair._

EDWARD: _Who said anything about fair? I was thinking more along the lines of my body on top of yours, my tongue on your skin… you get the idea._

BELLA: _That's like offering crack to an addict._

EDWARD: _That's not no._

Before he could reply, the announcer congratulated the winner of the previous race. That was his cue. He wheeled his bike to the starting gate, leaving his phone back in his trailer. He mounted his bike and pulled on his helmet.

His heart raced as he started his bike and revved it, casting a glance at his opponents. Emmett gave him the two finger salute down the line, winking, before sliding on his helmet. Edward's eyes met Villapoto's, smirking beneath his helmet as Villapoto winked.

Edward's gloved fingers flexed around the throttle, his eyes focusing on the track in front of him. The gate fell, and the bikes shot forward. The crowd went wild, but Edward saw none of that, his focus was on the track and his opponents.

He shifted on his bike, skirting around the curve with his foot dragging behind, and getting ahead of Emmett. He grinned behind his mask, casting a quick glance behind him to see Villapoto right on his ass.

Clearing the jump, he groaned as Villapoto gained on him again. He coiled over the handle bars and yanked his throttle, neck to neck with him.

As the finish line appeared in his line of sight, he pushed harder, his bike flying across the tracks, over each jump. Villapoto shot past him at the last turn and cleared the checkered flag, leaving Edward in second.

Edward slid his bike to a stop beside Villapoto and took off his helmet, shaking his head. "Couldn't let me have this one, could you?"

Villapoto laughed, shaking his head. "What fun would that be?"

Emmett's boisterous laugh caught both biker's attention. "Man, that was awesome. It looked like you had the devil sitting on your neck. You were on fire!" He clapped Edward hard on his shoulder.

Edward took his trophy gracefully, waving it over his head at the crowd. He hadn't achieved his goal, but he was focused on the next race, committed to win. They cheered and clapped, but his gaze was on the stands, following Emmett's. He was pointing his finger at a blonde in the crowd, but what caught Edward's attention was the beautiful brunette at her side, her eyes locked on his from behind her glasses.

His arm lowered and his brow furrowed. There was something familiar about her, but he couldn't place her.

His attention was diverted by the announcer clapping him on the shoulder, congratulating him on the race. Edward followed his fellow competitors off the tracks, his bike at his side, his limbs tired.

The reporter from Sports Channel stopped him at the gates, her tits bunching under her tight shirt. A few days ago, Edward would have leered at her like he'd done many times, but now she was slightly irritating him.

"Edward, you were on fire on the tracks tonight. You came so close to the winning trophy, but Villapoto beat you to it. What went through your head as you saw him pass you on the last turn, taking first place?"

She thrust her mic at him, her hazel eyes glimmering. A few girls screamed his name, and Edward lazily looked at their direction, smirking and waving, before turning back to Brooke, the reporter.

"Brooke, you know I'm all about winning and every one of my opponents made it worthwhile. It'll be tough as the competition continues." He hadn't answered her question directly, but he wasn't the type to talk down his opponent, and he knew that was what she wanted.

Brooke smiled, a slight hint of irritation on her face. "It sure was a close race today. Thank you for your time, and congratulations. Best of luck in the next race."

He grinned at her. "Thank you, Brooke. Always a pleasure."

Three girls with short shorts and spaghetti-strap shirts ran over to him. Edward smiled, wanting nothing more than to go back to his trailer and check his messages, wanting, needing to hear from Bella.

"Edward. Edward, can we take a picture with you?"

He smiled diligently, winked and wrapped his arms around two of the girls. "Any time, ladies." He could swear he heard them sigh dreamily. Each girl stood beside him for a picture, their boobs pressed against his arm and their lips on his cheeks. He cursed Bella again. If he hadn't met her, he would have taken these girls and celebrated with them. But his body ached for Bella's touch, wanting to celebrate with her instead.

"Anything else you need, you just let us know," the blonde offered, twirling her hair between her fingers.

Edward nodded and grinned at her. "I will definitely let you know."

After a few more interviews and pictures with groupies, Edward finally collapsed onto the couch in his trailer and checked his messages, his heart thrumming in his chest as he read Bella's response.

BELLA: _Congratulations!_

She had been here, watching him. His mind raced, his body straightened and his eyes searched the area through the small window, knowing he wouldn't find her. He needed to see her.

EDWARD: _You and me. Room 412. 2 hours. I'll leave the lights off._

He left no room for argument. She wanted him like he wanted her, he knew it, felt it. Edward's grin widened as he read her response and his cock hardened. He intended to fuck her out his system. As simple as that sounded, there was a small doubtful voice inside, asking if that were even possible.

BELLA: _Ok. 2 hours._

His hand scrubbed over his mouth, excitement and adrenaline surging through his veins. His phone buzzed again. His eyes widened.

BELLA: _Lights on._

* * *

 **Thank you for reading!**

 **Find me on Facebook! Link(s) in profile!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the gamma, delta, beta (her words, not mine) that takes the much needed time and corrects my mistakes and whips my chapter into shape. She is making me work for this... LOL. Wouldn't change it for the world, tho.**

 **NKubie, ForeverRobsessed, Ipsita.C77 and Twimom1960 are the team that so graciously wait for me to write a chapter and they read it before anyone else, giving me pointers and making sure I stay true to my outline. Also, they support and encourage me whenever I need it and that is often. I'm so glad to you 4 on my team.**

 **On we go...**

* * *

MTSD – Chapter 2

The corridor of the fourth floor was exactly the same as it had been two nights ago. But the woman standing in front of room 412 was not. She was a nervous wreck. Her brain was screaming at her.

 _Don't do it, don't do it._

Bella's hands tightened around her cellphone. Her eyes flickered from the door handle to the screen of her phone. The cursor of the message thread was blinking; mocking her.

Her insecurities skyrocketed. Edward had gotten to her with his charming, flirty messages. They had tugged on her heartstrings. It was only supposed to be one night. Then the feel of his body, the way he had loved her, igniting that long-dimmed flame, had her wanting more; desiring more of him – all of him. But all good things come to an end.

But she had to give Rose credit. He sure had fucked the _tension_ out of her system. She huffed a small laugh, remembering her friend insisting on letting a stranger fuck her in the bathroom of the bar. What Bella hadn't been able to confide in Rose was that the tension was back and stronger than before, but this was a very different kind.

Bella's eyes flew to the door as she heard _him_ move on the other side. Her fingers flew across the keyboard.

BELLA: _I don't know if I can do this._

She bit her lip, the guilt of what she came here to do gnawing at her. Her heart rate doubled with anxiety, and she straightened her blouse once more. Unlike last time, she had put some effort into her appearance. Instead of the contacts, she had worn her glasses. She wore a black mini-skirt, the best she had been able to find, and a silky red blouse. It made her feel sexy; desirable and more powerful.

Her phone buzzed in her hand and she nearly dropped it in her haste to read his message.

EDWARD: _Talk to me, sweetheart. What's going on in that pretty head of yours?_

BELLA: _I'm way over my head. Could you leave the lights off for just a minute? Can we talk?_

Honesty. She could be honest with him, right? Tell him just enough and then tomorrow, he'd be gone, and she would be able to go on with her life. Concentrate on her career.

The doorknob turned, and the door opened just an inch. She smiled, remembering the previous night.

"Bella?" The low sexy rumble of his voice floated through the small opening.

She nodded and swallowed. "Yeah. It's me."

"Hey." The lightness of his tone washed over her frayed nerves, calming and soothing them. "I'll wait on the bed, like last time."

Bella's eyes closed briefly, her heart beating a bit faster, then she pushed the door open, closing it quickly with a click. The noise sounded through the room, bouncing off the walls and ringing in her ears, but her eyes were fixed on Edward sitting on the bed, his hands braced beside his hips.

The curtains were pulled open, the glow of the streetlights casting shadows along the wall. One side of Edward's face was illuminated by the light, his eyes blinking slowly as he observed her. Bella pressed her back against the door, holding his gaze with hers. The tension in the room grew thicker.

Slowly, he stood from the bed and took a step towards her, his head cocked slightly to one side. "I didn't think you'd come," he whispered, the low rasp of his voice making her breath hitch.

Bella shook her head. "Honestly?"

Edward nodded, taking yet another step towards her. "Honestly." His finger brushed along her temple, pausing at the frame of her glasses.

She swallowed, seeing his brows furrow. "I almost _didn't_ come," she confessed.

Silently, Edward observed her, running his finger back and forth along the plastic, gently brushing the skin on her temple. "Glasses?"

Bella noted the slight irritation in his voice and took a deep breath. "Last time I wore contact lenses."

Again, he nodded, now tracing the shell of her ear and brushing her hair off her shoulders. His fingertips pushed gently against the pulse point on her neck. "I make you nervous," he observed, his brows furrowing again.

She nodded, and her eyes slipped closed involuntarily. She did feel nervous. And vulnerable. The slow passes of his fingers and his manly scent overpowered her senses. Heat raced across her skin, and her sex clenched, remembering how it felt to be possessed by him. Her breath shuddered. Her eyes flew open to find his face mere inches away.

"Are you thinking about it?" he asked quietly, his tongue slowly wetting his lower lip. Bella's eyes focused on the movement, and she nodded slowly, her fingers twitching at her sides, yearning to touch him.

"Yeah?" he asked lowly, his warm minty breath washing across her face. She breathed him in and nodded again. His fingers slid into her hair, his fingertips scraping lightly across her scalp, sending shivers down her spine.

Then his eyes focused on her glasses again, and he stilled his movements, drawing back slightly. "Why didn't you wear your glasses last time?" A small smirk graced his full, kissable lips. "There's just _something_ about a woman in glasses."

Bella returned his smirk, taking his hand and walking past him towards the bed, towing him along. Edward's brow cocked, and his smirk broadened. "Straight into bed, I see."

She giggled, her tension and insecurities lessening slightly with his relaxed, cocky demeanour. "Sit." She pushed gently against his shoulder until he sat, pulling her down beside him, his thumb running lazy circles across her palm.

The moment of truth.

The tension seemed to shift from playful and flirty to heavy awkwardness as the couple sat side by side silently, both afraid to utter the first word. Bella's thoughts ran rampant, between wanting to spend more time with him and _needing_ to end this… whatever this was, before it could jeopardize both of their lives.

She shook her head, her brows furrowing. No, no, she couldn't allow herself those kinds of thoughts. Her eyes focused on anything but him, feeling his gaze on the side of her head, curious and expectant.

"The race," she blurted out, turning to face him. "Congratulations, by the way."

-MTSD-

Edward thanked her, the adrenaline from the race, and the anticipation of seeing her again, slowly dissipating. God, she had thrown him for a loop, showing up wearing glasses, but it sure fit her personality. A nerdy introvert. The fact that she had shown that little part of herself tonight, gave him some kind of… _hope._

Why the fuck he had hoped, he didn't know. He could sense the guilt and dread by the nervous twitching of her fingers and how she kept pushing hair behind her ear that she was working up the courage to cut ties with him.

But… why?

He huffed silently. Why should it matter now? He had gotten the pussy he'd wanted and if she wanted to leave, great. That would save him from being the one to break it off. Maybe that was the reason this whole scenario bugged the shit out of him. Or was it the fact that she still didn't want him to see her face?

 _Get a fucking grip, Cullen,_ he chastised himself. _Don't be a pussy just because a girl breaks it off first. Fuck 'em and chuck 'em! Who the fuck cares what she looks like?!_

His hands balled into fists at his side, irritation flowing through his tired limbs. "So…" he started, feeling all kinds of lame for not knowing what to say.

"The glasses," Bella started suddenly. "They don't irritate my eyes like the contact lenses do. That's why I prefer them."

Edward observed her, the glow from the streetlights making her skin glow in the dark room. She was beautiful, and she looked… familiar.

Before he could ask any more, she continued and he concentrated on her lips, knowing how soft they were and how much he had liked kissing them.

"I'm sorry, Edward." Bella turned towards him, her dark eyes shimmering with tears. Edward's heart squeezed in his chest, and he gritted his teeth against the pain.

"What?" This woman was making him feel and think things he shouldn't… wouldn't.

He watched her swallow nervously, her gaze landing on her fingers. "I'm sorry for invading your privacy the way I did. It… escalated much faster and further than I had anticipated."

Edward's brow creased, his fists uncurling. He smoothed his hands down his thighs, wanting to touch her… to reassure her somehow, and himself, too.

"Are you regretting our night together?" The words tasted like bile as they spewed from his lips, but he needed to know. Anger surged through his limbs. He didn't want her to regret the previous night.

Bella shook her head furiously. "Oh no. God no!" She placed her warm hand over his, curling her fingers around his. "It was…" she trailed off, a small smile on her lips, her pupils dilating with the memory.

Edward leaned towards her, breathing in her scent. She smelled like spring; fresh and floral. "Fantastic?"

Her smile broadened, and he matched it. "Spectacular," she whispered, causing his breath to hitch.

Much to his dismay, she leaned away from him and let go of his hand, facing the fucking wall again. Edward's eyes traced her soft features, the irritation from earlier rearing its ugly head again.

"Why the anonymity?" he asked, watching her flinch slightly from the bite in his voice.

While the sex had been fuck hot without the lights on, the idea of _seeing_ her had captivated his mind since she'd sent that text. What made her so afraid to show her face? What was she afraid of? His mind whirled with a hundred different scenarios why this beautiful creature didn't want to him to see her.

Bella bit her lower lip, her hands balled into fists on her lap. She wanted to throw every caution to the wind and enjoy her night with him, but Bella knew if she stayed any longer, it would only cause both more pain.

"I…" she paused, not knowing how to make this any easier. "There's…" She breathed deeply, gathering all the courage she had left, and faced Edward, willing her tears to stay at bay. How could she possibly explain that her career was more important?

"I'm just not ready for any kind of commitment in my life." It appalled her how easily that lie fell from her lips. She watched Edward's face fall for a brief second, before he replaced it with a blank stare.

Edward couldn't and wouldn't acknowledge the stab of hurt he felt in his chest at her words. He held her gaze, his fingers reaching out to brush at her hair again, marveling at the softness. There was _something_ she wasn't telling him, and he usually wasn't the type to pry. He bit his lip stopping the question of 'why'. "Okay." He nodded his head and _tried_ to smile. He wouldn't beg her to stay.

He watched Bella swallow and nod. "Okay."

Bella stood slowly and brushed a hand over his cheek, committing him to her memory before leaning in and placing her lips on his. Edward's eyes closed, and he inhaled her intoxicating scent. He kissed her with every fiber of his being, spilling his desire into her waiting mouth. He could feel her reluctance to leave, but he forced his hands to stay at his side, not touching her, not pulling her to him. She whimpered against his lips and leaned her forehead against his, her gaze full of regret.

"Goodbye." Her voice broke and she brushed her lips gently across his forehead, before turning and walking out the door without a backward glance.

Edward stood by the window in his room, watching her climb into her car. He rubbed his hand across his chest and swallowed. It was better this way; he knew it was. He could focus on his career, the races, and not get hung up on a chick.

He looked down at his phone, reading her text from earlier. _Lights on._ Now, he only had small glimpses of her face and body to occupy his thoughts.

His hand slammed hard against the glass, the dull thud echoing through the room. It stung and vibrated through his arm, and he welcomed the pain as it fueled his frustration.

"Fuck!" He cursed, watching her drive away, the taillights of her car disappearing down the road. He turned to face his bed, the emptiness of it mocking him.

How the fuck could he possibly forget her?

* * *

 **A/N: So this didn't go as you guys had hoped for, I know. But these characters are complicated and messed up and loving and sweet all at the same time. Their story is gonna be rough, sad and with happy and sexy mixed in. If that still interests you, please stick around. If not, I won't hold it against you if you decide to bolt.  
**

 **Let me know your thoughts on this chapter. I'd love to hear from you. Thanks for reading.  
**

 **And a massive thanks to everyone that voted for MTSD and left such sweet reviews in the contest. You guys are awesome. :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the gamma, delta, beta (her words, not mine) that takes the much needed time and corrects my mistakes and whips my chaptes into shape. She is making me work for this... LOL. What a pleasure to work with her. :)**

 **NKubie, ForeverRobsessed, IpsitaC77 and Twimom1960 is the amazing team that read each chapter before anyone else, giving me pointers and making sure I stay true to my outline. Also, they support and encourage me whenever I need it and that is often. I appreciate you 4 so much.**

 **I'll see you at the bottom...**

* * *

MTSD - Chapter 3

His gaze followed the bike around the track, his eyes squinting against the bright sunlight, yet focused on the rider and his clenching fists.

Braaap!

The bike slid around the corner, dirt spewing from the tires towards him. Dust littered the air, blowing away with the gentle breeze.

Another lap.

Edward went to his test bike and swung his leg over. He slapped the brim of the helmet once and put it on, his hands grasping the handlebars tightly.

His eyes closed, he breathed deeply.

Glasses and smooth skin.

Bella.

Fuck!

His eyes flashed open, and he cursed. He gritted his teeth and kick started the bike, feeling its vibration pulse against his skin like the anger surging through his veins.

Fuck her, and fuck all women.

He didn't need a… complication right now. And she was complicated, and frustrating... and beautiful.

Edward's nostrils flared, and he shook his head, struggling to focus as the other rider completed his test runs.

"Alright, Cullen. You're up."

He nodded towards his instructor and put the bike into gear. Releasing the clutch, the bike lurched forward, taking him onto the track and far away from his thoughts.

He skirted around the first bend, dragging his foot behind, knowing it had been a little too fast. His instructor would chew him a new one if he wrecked this bike.

He didn't fucking care.

Leaning forward, he shifted down a gear and pulled back on the gas, flying across the jumps. Fuck, it felt good to let loose and forget. He pushed Bella out of his mind, convincing himself that she had done both of them a favor, and focused on improving his skill.

Edward had a week to prepare for Sunday's race, and he sure as fuck didn't want Villapoto to win again.

After his training, Edward headed towards the shower. His entire body still vibrated and ached from the riding, but fuck, he felt alive.

"Hey, man," Emmett greeted him in the shower room, rubbing a towel over his wet hair with another wrapped around his waist. "How did it go?"

Edward's gaze snapped to Emmett's, the anger mixed with hurt in his green irises. "What?"

Emmett's brow creased. He had never seen his friend like this, sensitive and volatile. "I mean the test runs. How were they?" He smiled, the dimple on his left cheek on display.

Edward shook his head. "It was good. I won't let Villapoto beat me next Sunday." He bumped fists with Emmett, pulled his dust covered shirt over his head, and stuffed it into his duffle bag.

Emmett chuckled, pulling on a black T-shirt with the logo _Kawasaki_ printed in small letters across his left pec. "That'll be the day."

Whirling around, Edward's fists clenched around the towel he'd just taken from the shelf. "What the fuck does that mean?" he bit back immediately.

Emmett raised his hands in defense, taking a few steps back. "Whoa, man! What, or should I say who, pissed in your coffee?"

Shaking his head as if to clear his thoughts, Edward turned towards the showers. "Nothing, man. Sorry." He couldn't possibly explain to Emmett what had happened. Edward wasn't the type to get hung up on a chick, and this time wouldn't be any different. At least, that was his goal. But fuck, his mind was warring with itself.

 _Text her._

 _No, don't. A pussy ain't worth it._

 _She's different._

 _No, she's not._

"Fuck!" he cursed, turning on the shower and stripping off his pants. The water burned his skin, and he reveled in it, wanting to wash her from his body and mind.

Emmett was waiting, sitting on a bench and playing on his cell phone, when Edward emerged from his shower. His skin felt raw, but the ache in his muscles had somewhat subsided.

"So, mind telling me what crawled up your ass?" Emmett's expression was comical as he imaged the scenario he'd just described.

"Nothing that a good hangover and a pair of tits won't solve," Edward growled, yanking his black T-shirt, the same as Emmett's, over his head. "What do you say? We hit up a bar tonight and see who can get the most numbers?" Even as he suggested the idea, his gut twisted and he grimaced.

Emmett was one perceptive fucker. Barely 25 years old, he was far too wise for his own good, and at this moment, Edward detested his astute observation.

"Based on that look," he pointed towards Edward's face. "I don't think you'd enjoy it."

"The fuck you know," Edward growled, running his hands through his hair and calling it a style.

Emmett chuckled dryly. "Just tell me what happened. You know you wanna," he goaded, nudging Edward's shoulder. "Who is she, and what has she done to your nuts?"

Edward glared at his best friend. They had spent the last four years training together. He was the little brother Edward had always wanted. For the first few weeks on the tracks, Edward had _mentored_ Emmett on the techniques, physics and structure of each race. It had felt good to pass on his knowledge to someone else. From there, the friendship had grown. They were each other's wingman or bailout if either needed.

Edward knew that this was his last chance to win the Supercross. He was too old to participate in this sport any longer. He felt it in his bones. They ached after every training session, the ghosts of past wrecks and falls reminding him that he was getting older. Slower. Stiffer. This was his final season and he wanted to leave with a trophy. Winning the title was the ticket to post-competition careers like coaching, talent-scouting, or even guest commentator spots with ESPN.

" _She's_ not important," he gritted out, pushing past Emmett and heading down the hallway towards the meeting his sponsors had called about early this morning.

Emmett sprinted after him. "Ah, come on. It must be a chick if you're so _sensitive_ and grouchy." He shuddered at the word sensitive.

"I'm not sensitive."

"Really?"

Edward huffed, pulling Emmett into an empty office. "I met her at a bar. We fucked. The end. Now, let it the fuck go." He left Emmett standing in the doorway, his mouth spread into a grin.

He'd said too much. Edward liked his best friend, but he also knew that, with this information, Emmett would be like a dog with a bone - not letting it go until he had all the facts.

He cursed for the millionth time that day. Stepping into the conference room, he greeted the occupants with a practiced smile.

"Edward. How were the test runs?" Tyler Crowley, spokesman for Kawasaki, stretched out his hand in greeting with a bright smile on his face. He was excited about something.

Edward returned his grin and shook his hand. "Hey, Mr. Crowley. They were good. Definitely shaping up for Sunday."

"That's good. Always nice to hear that." Tyler gave Edward a pat on the shoulder, turning towards the group waiting around the conference table. "Edward, I'd like you to meet Bree Riley, head of advertising from Calvin Klein."

Edward shook her hand, her soft, smaller palm against his larger, calloused one. "Nice to meet you."

She smiled lightly, her gaze roaming his body with a calculating look. "Likewise."

"Take a seat," Tyler urged, pushing Edward towards a chair beside Bree. "Bree, why don't you tell Edward why you're here."

Edward turned his expectant gaze towards Bree as she pulled out a bunch of papers and photographs from her massive binder. Male models, as well as female, in underwear littered the pictures.

"So, Edward," she started, her hands spread flat on the table surface. "Basically what I'm doing here is hoping that you'll be the next face of Calvin Klein."

Edward's eyes bugged out. His throat became suddenly dry. He couldn't make a sound, but she continued.

"We have an exciting new line of men's and women's wear, and since the contract with our previous model has expired, we were looking for a fresh, younger male." She turned to Edward, "and the female model suggested you."

He gulped, not sure what to think as his mind flip-flopped. "Me?"

She nodded, her smile widening. "You. We, at Calvin Klein, believe you'd be a great contrast compared to some of the other brands, and our audience always wants fresh."

He nodded, looking over the photographs she was laying out in front of him. This was an incredible endorsement, giving him the opportunity to be more than a motocross racer. But an underwear model?

"Who's the female model?" He wanted to know who he'd be working with if he was seriously considering it.

"Tanya Denali." Bree grinned, pulling out more paperwork. "She signed her contract a week ago and she asked, or more like demanded, you. After our research, I see why." Her eyes roamed his body with appreciation.

Fucking Tanya!

Edward ran a hand through his hair, gritting his teeth. A week ago, they had been fuck-buddies, but things had changed for them. She had fucked her way into a movie role, and he had fucked Bella.

His grip on his hair tightened as he thought of _her_.

His mystery girl.

 _Fucking hell! She's not mine!_

After a moment of silence, Tyler spoke. "This would give you and the motocross circuit a great opportunity to get the name out there. Ms. Riley and I have gone over some things, and she has agreed that, along with Calvin Klein, our brand name, Kawasaki, will be part of the deal, too."

Edward nodded again, his gaze glued to the photographs, but his mind whirling a hundred miles per hour, weighing the pros and cons.

Working with Tanya would suck donkeys balls, and he knew she'd have a hidden agenda to go along with it. He broke it off with her, and she couldn't handle that. This was probably her way of trying to get him back - back to bed that is.

On another note, it would give him the chance to get his name out there, knowing that it was his last year on contract with Kawasaki. And Edward figured he wouldn't be able to sign on with anyone else again, his age being the biggest factor. Most riders didn't last as long as he had, the average age for a rider to retire being between twenty-five and thirty.

He turned to Tyler first. "Will this affect my time on the tracks?"

Tyler grinned, his brown eyes gleaming. "Of course not."

He then turned towards Bree. "What will my schedule look like if I decide to do this?"

She pushed a stack of papers towards him. It was the contract. He cleared his throat unnecessarily. That was a hefty sum just to model some underwear.

"This contract details all that you need to know; the stipulations, the clause and what happens if you decide to terminate the contract. As for the schedule for photo shoots, that has yet to be decided."

He leafed through the pages and nodded. "How long do I have to decide?"

Bree exhaled and started to gather her pile of photos and papers. "Preferably, we'd like to know by the end of the week."

End of the week. That was before his race in San Diego. "Okay. A week sounds reasonable."

Bree stood to leave, her briefcase in one hand and stretched out the other to Edward. "It was a great pleasure to meet you, Edward. I can see we made the right decision by choosing you." She said it as if it were a done deal.

He grinned at her. "You as well, Ms. Riley." He winked at her for good measure, and his smile spread, watching the tell-tale blush spreading across her cheeks.

Bree pushed her dirty blonde hair over her shoulder and cleared her throat. "Well, you can call me Bree."

"Bree," he murmured, lowering his voice to a seductive tone.

Yes, this was what he needed. Flirting and chatting up a different chick to help him forget. He'd make sure to pester Emmett about hitting a few bars or clubs tonight.

"Thank you, Ms. Riley, for your time," Tyler spoke, ushering her out the door. She shot one last look over her shoulder at Edward, and he winked at her, waggling his eyebrows.

"I'll talk to you tomorrow," Tyler informed Edward, and closed the door to the conference room.

Edward swung his duffle bag over his shoulder, with the Calvin Klein contract stuffed inside, and headed outside, meeting Emmett at his blue Toyota Tundra pick-up truck. No way was he letting Emmett see that. Not yet, at least.

Emmett leaned casually against the hood of the truck, his cell phone pressed to his ear and a massive smile on his face. He saw Edward coming towards him and nodded, straightening his stance.

"I gotta go, J. I'll talk to you later."

He disconnected the call and jumped into the passenger seat, still grinning. "What was that about?" Emmett asked Edward, referring to the meeting, and already fiddling with the radio as Edward pulled onto the street.

"Just some legal stuff. About my contract expiring." It was a vague answer, but it seemed to appease Emmett.

"Oh, man. That sucks." Emmett grimaced. "Any prospects on what you'll be doing?"

Edward shook his head slowly, making a left onto the freeway, heading south. "Some, but I've got a bit of time to figure it out."

Silence spread between the two friends, only the sounds of the radio occupying the cab. Emmett thought about his closest friend leaving the circuit, while Edward's mind jumbled between the endorsement offer and his expiring contract.

He had a lot of decisions to make regarding his career and future.

* * *

 **A/N: Edward has a lot on his mind, doesn't he? Should he text Bella? Should he accept the endorsement? Wouldn't he make a sexy underwear model? I'** **d love to read your thoughts on Edward's character. Could you, or do you, like him?**

 **I'm not all too familiar with the motocross circuit, so if it's not like it is in RL, I apologize. My brother and the web have educated me somewhat, but I still don't know everything. Hope that doesn't discourage you too much.**

 **Next chapter, we'll hear about Bella's life. Thanks for reading, all the favorites and follows, and a big thanks to those that take the time to review. The response, your love for these two, to last chapter, made my week. And it wasn't the best week. So thank you for that! :) :)**

 **Recs: "Disguised Intentions" by ForeverRobsessed. "On the Line" by NewTwilightFan.**


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the gamma, delta, beta (her words, not mine) that takes the much needed time and corrects my mistakes and whips my chaptes into shape. She is making me work for this... LOL. What a pleasure to work with her. :)**

 **NKubie, ForeverRobsessed, IpsitaC77 and Twimom1960 is the amazing team that read each chapter before anyone else, giving me pointers and making sure I stay true to my outline. Also, they support and encourage me whenever I need it and that is often. I appreciate you 4 so much.**

 **I'll see you at the bottom...**

* * *

MTSD – Chapter 4

 _Pricks._

 _Thousands of tiny pin-like pricks all over her body. She wanted to scream, cry, moan at the agony, but she couldn't bring her brain to focus on anything but the pain._

 _The coppery smell of blood and the distinctive odor of charred metal burned in her nose, surrounded her and yet, all she could feel were the thousands of stabs burning every inch of her skin._

" _Bella." His strained voice caught her attention._

 _She tried to turn, to face him, reassure him, but her body was stuck, obscured._

" _Jake." His name was an agonized whimper on her lips as another sharp stab of pain coursed through her stomach._

. . .

"Bella! Dammit, Bella. Wake up!"

Bella's shoulders shook with Rose's force, and the scream died on her lips. Her body had curled itself into a fetal position with her arms wrapped tightly around her stomach, trying to mask the hurt. The blanket was twisted around her legs, and her body was drenched in sweat.

Rose curled her arm around Bella's shoulder. "It was just a dream. You're fine. You're okay," she reassured.

Bella's body sagged against her friend, the tears streaming down her cheeks, her chest heaving with labored breaths. She drew her knees to her chest, blinking away the tears as they subsided.

Rose sat at her side and wiped at the sweat on her temple. "The same dream?" she asked lowly.

"Yeah," Bella nodded, her voice hoarse. Her gaze focused on the bright sunlight outside her window. Birds chirped nearby, an indication of a new day.

Her brow furrowed. _I left the window open?_

Thoughts of Edward filtered through her mind, his stoic face as she had walked away a few nights ago, and she grimaced. Bella had felt _stifled_ in her bedroom, needing air, so she had opened the window. She stared at the open space, silently chiding herself for not closing it before she fell asleep. Los Angeles and the surrounding area was a smog pit, and she didn't want that in her bedroom.

"How long has it been since you've had this dream?" Rose's question broke through her thoughts.

"Maybe a few months." She hated how broken she sounded.

Rose was the only one that knew, besides her adoptive father and a few therapists, what had happened to her. The memory of it, the feeling of failure and defeat accompanying the nightmares, rose within her chest. She pushed a hand against it, hoping to stop the onslaught of pain.

"I'm gonna go take a shower." Bella gave Rose what she hoped was a grateful smile, but knew it was most likely a grimace.

Rose started to strip the bed of her sweat-soaked sheets, piling them on the floor.

Bella stopped in the doorway to her bathroom. "You don't have to do that, Ro."

Seeing the tired look on Bella's face, Rose smiled softly. "Don't worry about it. Go take a shower and I'll make coffee."

-MTSD-

With a swipe of her hand, Bella cleared the fog off the mirror and took in the dark circles underneath her eyes.

She sighed.

Her hand traced lightly across the shadows, and she remembered Edward's touch, the light traces of his calloused fingers against her temple. Bella shook her head and averted her gaze to the faucet, _trying_ to rid her mind of thoughts of him.

 _You know it's futile._

She sighed again, knowing that she would never be able to forget him; his naughty texts, his crooked smile, and… just him, the feeling of him.

There was something about him that caused her to want more. Maybe it was the way he had played her body like a musical instrument, coaxing the orgasms out of her. Or maybe it was the fact that being with him caused her mind to still for a moment. The guilt and the feelings of failure dissipated when she was with him.

She ran a brush through her hair, trying to rid herself of the thoughts and the longings that accompanied the memories of Edward. Instead, Bella focused on the meeting she had with her boss, Mike Newton, this afternoon. The prospects of advancing her career reminded her of the reasons why she _shouldn't_ want to pursue a relationship with Edward. Being with him would interfere with her plans.

 _Choosing my career over a great guy?_ She exited the bathroom, throwing her towel haphazardly into a chair with a little more force than necessary.

Mr. Newton was a great boss. He could be a little demanding at times, but he worked well with his employees, pushing them to work harder, to see the bigger picture. Bella had been a nervous wreck when she'd gone for an interview at New Technologies, but with Mr. Newton's easy smile and demeanour, the nerves had disappeared.

After working at New Technologies for two years, Bella's skills had improved immensely and Mr. Newton had noticed. Everything that his employees worked on was stored in the company's servers. Never had Bella thought that her little idea for the app would have caught his attention.

Wearing black dress pants and a light-green blouse, she headed into the kitchen where Rose handed her a cup of coffee with a gentle smile. No sugar and two creams, just how Bella liked it. She was still wearing her bathrobe. Rose's job as a publicist allowed her to go into work later than normal nine-to-five people.

"Thanks," Bella mumbled, sipping the warm liquid and taking a seat opposite Rose. Bella hummed in approval and closed her eyes.

Rose chuckled, her mug against her lips. "You look like you need it. With your meeting today and…" she paused, before taking a breath. "And your restless night."

Bella nodded, feeling the caffeine spread through her tired system. "I'll fill up a travel mug before I go."

She noticed Rose observing her while she nursed her coffee. Her friend had a twinkle in her eye, and her lips twitched like she was holding on to some kind of secret, dying to talk.

"What?" Bella chuckled, standing and placing her cup in the sink.

Rose cleared her throat. "Where did you go Sunday night? After the Supercross, you changed clothes and left again."

Luckily, the cup was already in the sink, otherwise Bella would have dropped it for sure. Fuck, she had thought Rose was asleep. It had been after midnight when they had gotten back.

"I… umm," her mind scrambled for some kind of explanation. "I went to the grocery store." She exhaled sharply, surprised by how quickly she'd come up with that lie.

Rose's chair scraped loudly against the tile floor, and she went towards the fridge, opening and closing it again a second later. "There are no new groceries in here. It's basically empty. Next," she prompted, leaning her hip against the counter and fixing Bella with a hard, yet teasing, glare.

Bella couldn't hold Rose's gaze for long, feeling the need to explain her night encounters with Edward to her friend. She poured coffee into her travel mug and looked towards the clock on the oven and smiled. "Can't talk now. Gotta go to work."

She hurried towards the door, travel mug in hand. "You can run, but you can't hide," Rose hollered, following Bella into the entryway, and pointed a finger at her. "When you get home, we're having pizza and margaritas. A girls' night, and you _will_ spill."

Bella bit her lower lip, forcing down her smile. Rose always had the ability to get information out of her, whether they were in high school or college. Whenever a boy was involved, Rose could tell. This time it was no different. Bella figured if she told Rose about Edward, it would make everything more real. Was she ready for that?

"What makes you think I want to talk?"

Rose scoffed, running a hand through her blond hair. "Because I know you, Izzy."

Bella grinned, the nickname _Izzy_ reminding her of her adoptive father, and Rose's biological father, Charlie. She missed him. He always called her Izzy, something only he did. When she'd asked him about it, he had said that he used Izzy because everyone else already called her Bella. He wanted something special for his special girl.

"You know," Bella started, slipping her feet into her shoes and causing Rose to roll her eyes. "We should go visit Dad. I'm sure he'd love to see us."

Rose placed her hands on her hips, one perfectly styled eyebrow arched. "Change the subject all you want, but you will talk. I will pester you until you do."

Bella grinned and hugged Rose, kissing her lightly on the cheek. "I love you. Now, I gotta go."

Rose's huff and whispered 'I love you, too' followed Bella out the door. Today was going to be a good day. That was her resolve, no matter how much her heart ached.

-MTSD-

At promptly two in the afternoon, she stepped into Mr. Newton's office. Jessica Stanley, his assistant, greeted Bella. She was a bubbly lady. Blonde hair with too much hairspray and pink lipstick. Her bright smile and blue eyes reminded Bella of a pop singer from the 80's.

"Ms. Swan. Please have a seat. Mr. Newton will be with you shortly."

Thanking Ms. Bubbly, Bella took a seat and ran a hand over her hair, smoothing down the few strays. She had spent the majority of the day analyzing the data of the app with her two other colleagues, and not thinking of Edward.

After five minutes of waiting, Ms. Bubbly's phone rang. Her blue eyes strayed to Bella, and she smiled. "Mr. Newton will you see you now."

"Thanks." Bella smiled and inhaled a calming breath, then pushed open the door to Mr. Newton's office.

"Bella," he greeted cheerfully, pointing to a chair opposite his desk. He steepled his fingers in front of his mouth and continued to grin at her, his hazel eyes twinkling.

Twisting her hands in her lap, Bella watched his face closely, looking for clues to explain his mirth. She hoped that whatever Mr. Newton was about to tell her was good news, that the NSA liked her app, but the prospect of advancing her career, of being the center of attention, didn't bode well with her. She never did well being the center of attention. Several more seconds passed before he inhaled deeply and placed his hands flat on his dark oak desk.

"Bella, I'm impressed," he began. "You have proven yourself time and time again."

Heat blossomed in Bella's cheeks. "Thank you. I have learned a lot while working here."

"Yes. Yes, you have." His grin widened. "And your effort has paid off. Do you remember that I told you that I sent a prototype to the NSA?"

She nodded once. How could she forget? After all, that was the reason she met Edward.

 _Can't stop thinking about him, can you?_

"Well, now they want you to head over to DC and present the whole app, the lines of codes, everything."

Bella gasped, staring at her boss in utter shock. "Wha… What?"

"Oh, they love it!" he gushed, pulling up the files for the app from the company's server. "They love you and your talent." He chuckled, "I wouldn't be surprised if they offered you a job."

"But…" she started, her mind trying to wrap itself around what Mr. Newton was saying. She knew the NSA had been interested, but for her to go to DC with the prospect of a job offering?

"Yeah. The agent I talked to is very interested in meeting you." Mr. Newton stood and came around the desk, taking a seat opposite Bella. "Bella, this is a great opportunity for this company and for you." He spread his arms wide. "Just imagine what you could do to help improve our national security. Not to mention, how it would benefit New Technologies. The contracts we could get. The possibilities are endless."

Bella stared at him, still not sure how to process the information. Mr. Newton looked at her with expectations in his eyes. "Wow," she finally breathed. "Thank you." She just couldn't think of anything else to say.

Mr. Newton nodded. "They want you in DC in two weeks."

"Two weeks?"

He nodded again, pulling out a file from the stack on his desk and handing it to her. "Yes, two weeks. Here's your flight itinerary and the contact of the agent you're supposed to meet with."

Bella took the file and briefly scanned over the pages. "Thank you, sir."

He gripped her shoulder tightly. "No, thank you and your creative mind."

With her thoughts still swirling endlessly in her mind, she retreated back to her office, where she looked through the file once more. They wanted her records and other projects she'd worked on in the past years.

Her dreams were becoming reality.

-MTSD-

Bella turned into her driveway and shut off the engine, silencing the music. She leaned her head against the window and closed her eyes, the day and previous night catching up to her. She felt sucked dry and exhausted.

This thing with Edward was complicated, and she didn't do complicated. She preferred light and fun, with easy smiles.

Bella slammed the door to her car before her mind ran down that rabbit hole again. There was no way in hell she was letting her thoughts go there, not if she wanted some kind of sleep tonight.

Rose greeted her in the entryway with a margarita glass. "Thank you," Bella exhaled, taking a much needed sip from the glass. If she could get enough alcohol into her system, she'd sleep that much better. Fuck the hangover she'd be sporting in the morning.

"Rough day?" Rose pursed her lips. Her hair was tied into a ponytail, and it swished back and forth against her back. Daisy Duke cut-off jeans and a pink spaghetti strap screamed that she was ready for their girls' night.

"Not all bad," Bella answered, discarding her shoes, and followed Rose out back to the patio. The sun was starting to set and cast long shadows into their small backyard. Rose had situated a table between their lounge chairs, which had the pizza and a pitcher of margaritas on it, and the big umbrella set up, preventing the sun from burning their skin.

"Tell me all about it," Rose said, handing Bella a plate with a slice of sausage and cheese pizza on it. Bella ate half her piece and gulped down most of her drink before informing Rose of her day. She told her about the meeting and the potential career opportunity that lay at her feet.

"Oh my gosh," Rose cheered, quickly putting down her glass and wrapping Bella into a fierce hug. "That's fantastic! What you've always wanted."

Bella's smile slipped. "Yeah. It's a great opportunity."

Rose didn't miss the way her expression faltered. "What?"

"What do you mean 'what'?" Bella busied herself with another slice of pizza, picking at the crust.

The silence was killing her. Bella knew Rose was eyeing her, probably with her head cocked to the side. She forced herself not to meet Rose's eyes.

"I would never hold you back from pursuing your career. Or is there somebody else on your mind? Wait, did you meet a guy?" She gasped, "Is that where you were Sunday night?"

Bella's gaze flew to Rose's, knowing the answer was clear as the bright sun on her face.

Rose gasped again and quickly started firing questions at her: Who was he? What did he look like? Did she know him?

"Rose!" Bella placed her palm over Rose's mouth, silencing her. "Your enthusiasm for my love life is kind of frightening."

"Oh shush," Rose chided. "Tell me all about him!"

"There's not much to tell," Bella muttered, her focus back on her pizza. "It was a one-time thing, and it's over."

"Oh, come on! Why? Was he that bad?" Rose pursed her lips in disgust.

Bella giggled, and shook her head, taking a sip from her re-filled margarita. "No. Nothing like that. He was..." She bit her lip, feeling the heat fill her cheeks. "Great," she sighed, the memory of Edward's touch still fresh on her mind.

"That's what I'm talking about!" Rose cheered. When Bella didn't participate in her excitement, Rose sobered. "Bella, what did he do?"

"Nothing," Bella defended. "He's great. It's me!" She pointed to herself. "I did what you asked. I let a guy _fuck_ the tension out of me, but as it turns out, he's such a great guy, and my heart got involved, which it never should have. I never should have taken your advice on Friday. I never should have gone back to his hotel room and let him fuck me ten ways from Sunday."

She gulped down the rest of her drink and waited for Rose to pepper her with questions again, but her friend was silent. Gathering her courage, she met Rose's curious eyes.

"It was the biker guy, wasn't it? The one with the weird hair?" Rose asked quietly.

Bella nodded, biting her lip to keep it from trembling.

"Oh, honey." Rose gathered Bella into her arms, rubbing her back soothingly. Bella blinked against the tears. She had cried enough when it came to Edward, and she was done. She stared at the lone palm tree in their backyard, watching the leaves rustle in the wind, silently wondering if _he_ was thinking about her, too.

After a moment, Rose drew back and poured another round of margaritas. "We're gonna need these," she grinned and handed one to Bella. "Now, tell me what happened."

"I broke it off before it even started. I couldn't risk my career just because of a great fuck." She cringed at the thought, but raised her chin in defiance. "I promised myself that my career came first, and that's what I'm doing."

The small part of her brain that still longed for Edward, the connection with him, knew she was lying to herself. And no matter how many times she squashed it, Bella wondered how long she'd manage to keep up the farce.

* * *

 **A/N: As you can tell, Bella has a lot on her mind, too. Nightmares, her career and Edward. They don't seem to go together in her mind. Wonder how long she'll manage to keep up the farce? Will their paths cross sooner rather than later? Who will break first? I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

 **Thanks for reading, all the favorites and follows, and a big thanks to those that take the time to review. The response, your love for these two, makes writing so much more fun! :) :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM. I happen to play with her characters.**

 **Major thanks goes to my beta NewTwilightFan for polishing this chapter not once but twice. She challenges me with each chapter. And because of her, the characters are so alive.**

 **My 4 pre-readers: NKubie, Twimom1960, foreverrobsessed, and IpsitaC77. Thank you so much for all that you do. What great friends you are.**

 **Extra long chapter, cuz you guys were patient with me while RL was kicking my ass. Thank you to ADF (A Different Forest) for featuring _More than Skin Deep_ in this week's Fic Dive.**

 **On we go...**

* * *

MTSD – Chapter 5

Edward's finger hovered over the doorbell.

"Fucking family dinners," he muttered, and pressed the button once. He could hear the chime echoing through the house from his stance on the front porch.

Every week on Thursday evening it was family dinner at the Cullen house. In Edward's mind, it wasn't so much a family dinner, as yet another way to guilt trip him. His profession didn't please his parents, Carlisle and Esme Cullen, and they had no qualms about voicing their distaste. The only neutral party was his sister, Alice.

Alice was the complete opposite of Edward. Where he was scowls and intensity, she was laughter and fun. It was amazing to Edward how well they got along, even as children, and now as adults.

The door opened, and Edward's mother greeted him with a polite smile. "Masen. Glad you could make it." She kissed him lightly on the cheek, not seeing the grimace on Edward's face when she used his first name.

Sure, his name was Masen Edward Cullen, but he detested the name Masen. It went along with every nightmare, every mistake, and every fucking memory his distorted head could remember.

"Mom," Edward gritted out. "Good to see you, too. How's the business?"

As an interior designer, Esme was elegance and class, always prim and proper. She had decorated many homes of well-known people in the movie industry. Her business had grown to the point that she had another office in New York.

"It's very well, thank you. I have a new contract since Monday that will keep me busy for some time. How is your condo? Are you still enjoying the decorating I've done?" She turned and headed into the house, expecting him to follow.

Edward sighed and slowly followed her. "You know I don't live there anymore, mom."

Esme smiled appropriately and proceeded to walk into the dining room. The table was decorated with the finest cutlery and plates that the family owned. Edward shook his head. His mother treated these fucked up family dinners like they were dining with royalty.

It was all a façade.

"But you haven't sold it either." Edward could hear the hope in her voice. A few months ago, she had re-decorated his condo, hoping he would quit his career and do something _useful_ with his life, starting with moving back into his condo.

"Edward," Alice cheered, striding into the room and wrapping her arms around him, standing on her tiptoes to kiss his cheek.

He took a deep breath and breathed in her light scent. She was the reason he still came home. "Ali," he murmured, having missed her.

Alice pulled back and ruffled his unruly hair, a bright smile on her face. "You need a haircut," she surmised, running her fingers through his hair and messing it further.

Edward grabbed her hand from his hair and pushed her fingers into her own gel-styled hair. Alice shrieked and jumped back, her brows furrowed and her smile gone. "What the fuck?!" She cursed, trying to fix the mess he had created. Alice pursed her lips, much to Edward's enjoyment, and turned her back to him. She dropped into a chair at the dining table, still trying to tame her hair.

"Alice! Language!" Esme chided, from her seat at the table.

Carlisle strode through the door and clapped Edward on his shoulder. "Son. Glad you could make it."

Edward stiffened slightly at the contact, but regained his posture to return the smile. "Dad. Still giving all of Hollywood new tits?" he asked jokingly, taking a seat and spreading the napkin over his lap.

"As a matter of fact, yes. Big breasts are the new _in_ these days." Carlisle chuckled and shook his head.

Carlisle was a plastic surgeon. Everyone in and around the Los Angeles area flocked to him if they needed any kind of work done to their body; breasts, buttocks, lips or any other place. His expertise made him famous in the industry. It had been Edward's parents' wishes that he would pursue a medical profession like his father and grandfather, and Alice who was studying to become a trauma surgeon. But he could not stand the long hours of studying and doing labs that was required when he could be on the tracks, learning new tricks and getting more bruises than he could count.

The tension around the table, and mostly between Edward and his mother, grew. He sat on the opposite side of her and he could feel her eyes on him as he chowed down his meal.

"How is Emmett?" Carlisle asked, smiling gently at his son.

Edward wiped his mouth and returned his father's smile with a slightly forced one. "He's good. Still getting into lots of trouble." This time, his smile was genuine as he thought of the stupid things Emmett came up with. He heard his mother sigh, and he was jerked back to reality and her disapproval.

Carlisle laughed. "Ah, boys will be boys."

"Are his parents still living in Canada?" Esme asked. She didn't like the fact that Emmett's parents had left their entire property to their son, and she _knew_ he was not a very good influence on her son.

"Yeah, mom. They have a business to run." His answer had a little more bite in it than he had intended, but fuck, it wasn't any of her business. The relationship between Emmett and his parents was so much more than Edward could ever hope to accomplish with his own.

"They could run their business from here, too," Esme said with a shrug. "Nowadays, mostly everything is done via the internet."

"It's their business!" Edward defended, scowling at his mother.

She gave him a tight-lipped smile. "It was just a thought, Masen."

Edward's anxiety spiked, and he ran his fingers through his hair. He didn't know how long he could stay. He needed to get out; needed to breathe. As the tension thickened, Alice took the attention away from him and started to regale them with stories of her university courses and how excited she was about graduation. It still was a ways away, but in true Alice Cullen fashion, she had planned each event down to a _T._ Edward saw the pride in his mother's eyes as she asked Alice questions about her courses. The sinking feeling in his gut grew as he watched them interact.

He was an outsider to his own family.

Edward swirled the ice around in his glass, absentmindedly nodding his head at Alice's stories. Fuck, he wished it was whiskey, or bourbon, or vodka. Anything stronger than water. He grimaced slightly and drank it down, harshly chewing on the ice pieces.

"Masen, please," his mother chided, placing her cutlery gently on the plate and pushing it aside.

Alice interrupted what was sure to become an argument between Edward and their mother. "Did you know that Edward got an endorsement offer?"

Edward's head swivelled to face his sister, anger and disbelief clear on his face. "Alice!" It came out as a curse.

He had told Alice about the Calvin Klein offer a few days ago, wanting her opinion. Never did he imagine she would inform their parents. He had a meeting with the representative of Calvin Klein in the morning and he had yet to make a decision.

"What kind of endorsement?" Carlisle asked, dabbing his mouth with a napkin and placing it on the plate, indicating he was finished with his dinner.

 _Here we go_ , Edward thought dryly, anticipating the inevitable.

"Calvin Klein," he gritted out, still staring daggers at his sister. Alice stared back at him, her eyes now wide and shimmering with unshed tears. All she wanted to do was lighten the tension in the room. For sure, their parents would be happy about it, she thought.

"I'm sorry," she mouthed as Edward shook his head, running his fingers through his hair in irritation. He needed a fucking drink.

 _Or Bella_.

He snarled under his breath as _she_ entered his mind. She just wouldn't leave him the fuck alone.

"Calvin Klein?" His mother asked calmly, her face stoic; void of emotion.

Edward nodded slowly, watching her for any kind of reaction, maybe pride or something that indicated he wasn't just a big fucking disappointment to his parents. His hope was futile, and he knew it.

"Masen, we have watched you throw your life away on that _dirt track_ for far too long, and now you want to be an _underwear_ model? Why?" Esme asked incredulously. She couldn't understand why her son chose the _profession_ he had. All of the Cullen men were doctors; generations of well-known and respected doctors. Why would her own son not want to keep up the family tradition? "What is so wrong with following in your father's footsteps? I wouldn't worry so much about you if you were a doctor."

Edward's fists clenched and unclenched on his thigh. "Worry about me? Really, mom? You have never been to any of my races. What would you have to worry about?" He sighed, taking a deep breath, _trying_ to calm himself. "For me to become a doctor was your dream," Edward gritted out, pointing his finger at his mother. "Your dream, not mine!"

"Masen…"

"No." He shook his head. "I have never wanted to be a doctor. I hated those days I had to go to the clinic with dad. Hated them all. And yet, you never asked what _I_ wanted to do, what _I_ enjoyed. It was always about what _you_ wanted and keeping this fucking family tradition alive. Well, guess what, mom? I'm not a fucking doctor, and I'll never be one. Get it into your head!"

"Son!" Carlisle spoke loudly. "That's enough! You will not speak to your mother like that. We're only worried about you."

Edward stared at his father incredulously, his jaw tight, anger coursing through his veins. "I have to go." He threw his napkin on his plate and pushed the chair back with force, scraping it loudly on the wooden floor. "Thanks for dinner."

He stormed towards the door, Alice on his heels. "Edward, stop."

With his fingers curled around the door handle, he stopped. "Ali, I'm not in the mood."

"I'm sorry. I thought they'd be happy." She gently took his arm and urged him to face her. The dark look on his face was nothing new to her, but it hurt every time. Something had happened to her brother, and Alice didn't know how to fix it; fix him.

Edward saw the look of pity on her face and quickly wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tightly. He despised that look, even though he knew that she had good intentions. He didn't need pity. He needed alcohol.

"I'm so sorry," she murmured into his shoulder.

Edward nodded, and pressed a kiss to her forehead before pulling away. "Ah, don't worry. They would have found out eventually. Not that I had any intentions of telling them, but you know, let them see the ads around town." He chuckled darkly, winking at her, hoping to lighten the somber mood.

"I guess so." Alice's face brightened. She knew her brother wasn't one to stick around during emotional situations; he avoided them like the plague. "Congratulations on your 2nd place win, by the way," she cheered. "I was on the edge of my seat the entire race. I'm sure Jasper thinks I'm a nutcase by now." She sighed dreamily, thinking of her long-time boyfriend.

"I think he knows you're a nutcase, Ali. He's dating you, remember?" Edward joked.

Alice gasped. "He loves me and I'm not a nutcase." She stepped forward, an evil glint in her eye. "You do know that I'm precise with a sharp instrument, right?"

Edward's smile dropped, and he stepped back, out the door. "Ali, I'm just teasing. You know you're my favorite, otherwise I wouldn't have come."

"I know, and I'm sorry about mom," she apologized. "She just…"

"Don't!" Edward held up his hand to stop her and shook his head. "I don't want to talk about. Give me one more hug, and go back to studying."

She embraced him and kissed his scruffy cheek. "Kick some ass on Sunday, okay? I'll be watching."

He nodded and stepped back. "You know I will. Tell Jasper I said hello." Edward winked and turned to go, hearing her soft laughter and the click of the door closing behind him.

This was the reason why he still bothered to come home; his sister. Edward accepted the fact that his parents would never support him in his life decisions, but he couldn't stomach the idea of ever losing Alice.

 _Fucking family dinners._

-MTSD-

The week passed in a blur. Edward had accepted the Calvin Klein contract, knowing that working with Tanya would be a challenge, one he wasn't afraid of. Tanya was used to having things go her way, even Edward at one point. She fed off the nonsense the tabloids printed, and since she hadn't been front page, or any page, in a while, Edward knew she'd try some bullshit move or story to state that they were still together.

"Good fucking luck." He gritted his teeth at the thought of Tanya and her shenanigans. His thoughts returned to the one thing that hadn't left his mind.

Bella.

God, the woman was in his dreams, on a constant loop in his thoughts, and in his shower when he stroked himself. Those were his favorite. Edward always imagined her soapy and wet, her hands braced on the tiled wall while he pushed into her, hard and fast.

There were a million times when he picked up his phone after his test runs, hoping – praying – for some kind of acknowledgement from her; that he was on her mind, like she was on his.

The race in San Diego presented a challenge from the start. His bike sputtered at the start of the race, giving him a few seconds late start. Since he started out behind, Edward pushed himself to the limit, pulling back on the throttle a little too forcefully, taking some corners much too quickly and nearly wiping out. His adrenaline spiked as he passed one racer after another, placing him right behind Villapoto. He could feel the taste of victory on his tongue, when he took yet another corner, the last one, way too quickly. His sideways momentum slowed considerably, and he lost precious ground to another rider. Curses flew from his mouth, behind his helmet, as he placed third.

His defeat hit him full force when he returned to his trailer and there were no messages from Bella congratulating him, or telling him that she'd been at the race, watching him. He yanked off his riding boots and paced the small length of the trailer, fists clenching or yanking at his hair, cursing his bike, the race, and even Bella.

He was so fucking fucked.

That night, he drowned his misery, his defeat and the fucked-up feeling in chest when he thought of Bella, in a bottle of Jack, repeatedly watching the race on ESPN.

-MTSD-

The following Friday, two days before the second race in Anaheim, Edward and Emmett were driving back from the track after a day filled with stats reviews and test runs. Following the Sunday race, Edward, Emmett and the other riders would be hitting the road, off to another city and another race. Now that Edward had added the Calvin Klein photoshoot to the mix, he was going to be insanely busy.

"J's bringing beer and some other people tonight to watch the game with us," Emmett informed Edward, already fiddling with the radio as Edward drove.

Emmett was a very loyal Calgary Flames fan. He was born and raised in Calgary, his parents owning a majority of the oil rigs up in northern Alberta. Unlike Edward's parents who detested his career choice, Emmett's parents, Marcus and Jane McCarty, supported their son in following his dreams.

After Emmett had signed his contract with Kawasaki a little over four years ago, Marcus and Jane had bought a small farm just outside of San Diego. What used to be twenty acres of rotting orange trees had been transformed into a makeshift track that both Edward and Emmett used to train on their own time, where they could blow off steam, or enjoy performing stunts with fellow friends from the circuit. Many parties had been held on the track, followed by rough mornings nursing hangovers and bruises.

The run-down barn at the far end of the property had been transformed into a two story house where both Edward and Emmett resided. After four years, Edward still couldn't believe the generosity of Marcus and Jane when they had offered him their living space. His relationship with Emmett's parents was something he'd always wanted with his folks, but knew it would never happen.

"Calgary Flames against…?" Edward asked, glancing briefly at Emmett, making a left onto the freeway taking them towards San Diego.

"LA, man. J and I got a bet going. A thousand bucks. Loser pays. But I got faith in my team," he said proudly, settling on a 80s rock station. "Hockey is Canada's game."

J, aka James Hunter, was a _friend_ from the motocross circuit. Friend was a bit of a stretch. James was a tough son of a bitch with Daddy's money in his pocket. His daddy was his sponsor, and that alone caused James to think he was the best around. He played rough, on and off the tracks.

"A thousand dollars?" Edward asked incredulously.

Emmett nodded. "Oh, yeah. But he's going down. LA got nothing on the Flames."

-MTSD-

James had a lot of lady friends, mostly because he had money. 'A few friends coming over to watch the game' became ten, then twenty, and more as the word traveled via social media. The game was playing on the TV, music blared through the speakers of Emmett's sound system, and people mingled in and outside the house, nursing some kind of alcoholic concoction. One of the girls James had brought along, poured herself and a few of her giggly friends another round of Appletinis at the make-shift bar beside the pool, swaying a little in her tipsy state. Emmett and James' loud voices carried through the entire house as they yelled at the TV screen.

Edward wasn't a big hockey fan, so he sat outside on a lawn chair, his legs spread and a half empty Corona bottle in one hand, talking about the race with another biker, Felix. They'd spent the past hour discussing strategies and techniques.

"Where were you after the opening race in Anaheim? I've never seen you miss an after party before." Felix inquired, tipping his bottle back and taking a hefty swig. "You should have seen the ladies James brought." He whistled lowly, his gaze following a redheaded woman.

Edward's smile was tight-lipped. Another reminder about _her._ Was there any way to escape it?

He scrubbed his hand across the stubble on his chin. "I had prior arrangements."

Felix grinned and nodded. "Ah, I see. Lucky bastard."

 _Yeah, not so much,_ Edward thought, his teeth gritting at the memory of Bella walking away from him. He only nodded, forcing a smile with a wink.

He tipped the bottle back and emptied its contents in a few long swallows. A woman with short blond hair and the smallest skirt he'd ever seen smiled at him as she sauntered his way.

"Hey," she greeted, her blue eyes roaming his body. "Can I join you?" The way she bit her lip clearly indicated what she had in mind. Edward's eyes traveled lazily down her body, enjoying the tone of her legs and the way her nipples puckered beneath her skin-tight blouse.

Felix bumped Edward in the shoulder and excused himself, wrapping his arm around a girl and walking away.

Fucker!

Edward tipped his head towards the vacated chair. "Sure," he grinned and slowly licked his lips, watching her eyes darken with lust.

If things progressed well, this day could end in a very good way.

As the woman walked past him, her perfume hit his nostrils, and his fists clenched, his body tensed.

Spring.

Bella.

"Excuse me," he bit out, before standing and high-tailing it towards the garage. He didn't even hear her pleas asking him what was wrong. Passing a cooler, he retrieved two more bottles of beer and snatched a pack of cigarettes off a nearby table. It had been a few years since he'd smoked, but fuck, he needed it - needed to be numb.

Slamming the garage door, Edward leaned against it, pinching the bridge of his nose. Why wouldn't she just leave him alone?

He lit the first smoke and inhaled deeply, coughing a few times, his lungs not used to the intrusion anymore. After a few more pulls from the smoke, the coughing ceased, and his eyes closed as he let the nicotine spread through his body. Exhaling, he watched the smoke swirl around his head before dissipating into the night air.

Dangling the smoke from his lips, he placed the two beers on the counter and looked at his _baby_.

His 1969 Mustang.

Edward grinned, placed his hands flat on the top of the car and looked at it appreciatively. He had bought this car from a junkyard when he was twenty-five, promising that he'd fix it up one day. Four years had passed, and he was close to finishing it. Besides the tracks, this was his therapy; his escape from reality.

Tonight, he wasn't just escaping the usual past nightmares, but he was escaping _her._

Flicking the butt of the cigarette onto the floor and squashing the embers with the heel of his boot, he turned on the stereo, drowning out the party at the house and, hopefully, his thoughts.

Grabbing a socket wrench, Edward eyed his cellphone on the counter. Did he dare?

He ran a hand through his hair and picked up his phone, staring at the message thread he hadn't been able to delete.

He wanted to see Bella. At least one more time. It may have been a chance encounter, but there was something about her that he just couldn't forget. She was a mystery, and his interests were piqued.

EDWARD: _It seems the only blessing I have left is not knowing what we could have been. So take your space and take your reasons... But you'll think of me._

* * *

 **A/N: In the words of my beta in response to his text to Bella: "You tell her, Edward!" What do you think? (His text are lyrics from Keith Urban's song - You'll think of me.)**

 **His mom - GAH! As I was writing her character, I wanted to smack her. Alice was fun tho, eh? She keeps Edward sane.**

 **I'd love to read your thoughts on this chapter. Reviews make Edward less confused. ;) ;)**

 **Thanks for reading and all the love you've shown these two, either with favorites, follows, reviews or recommending this story. You are something special. Thank you!**


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **Massive thanks goes to NewTwilightFan for the amazing beta skills. She is truly amazing. Give her loads of love, cuz without her, this chapter would be a hot mess. She makes everything better.**

 **To my pre-readers: Twimom1960, NKubie, foreverrobsessed, and IpsitaC77. You are the best around. You brainstorm with me and make sure I don't go crazy. Thank you.**

 **On we go...**

* * *

Chapter 6

Rose steered her car into Charlie's driveway, and Bella's gaze took in the yard with its neatly cut grass and hedges. A big oak tree cast shade across the deck, reminding Bella of the many afternoons she had spent studying outdoors with music blasting in her ears.

Every time Rose and Bella visited, she was overwhelmed by happy memories. Exiting the car, the basketball hoop fastened over the garage doors caught her attention. Charlie had once told her the story of how he'd been sure that his firstborn would be a boy. He had installed the hoop soon after Renata discovered she was pregnant, daydreaming of shooting hoops with his future son.

When Rose was born, Charlie had made a promise to Renata that he would still find a use for the hoop. And he did. Both Rose and Bella had played basketball with him during their years in high school, and also their breaks from college studies. To this day, he still challenged his girls to a match during the holidays. Bella's smile grew.

The door swung open wide. "There are my two favorite girls!" Charlie wrapped his arms around both Rose and Bella, drawing them close to his chest as a happy sigh escaped his lips.

"Women, dad! Women!" Rose protested jokingly and pressed a kiss to his scruffy cheek.

Like his chestnut hair, Charlie's beard had sprinkles of grey, the only visible sign that he was nearing sixty. A stranger would never guess that Rose was his biological daughter. While she had blonde hair and blue eyes, Charlie was dark-haired with brown eyes. Of the two women, Bella actually looked like a better match. Rose was the spitting image of his late wife, Renata, a blond beauty that had stolen his heart in the early weeks of college. Bella guessed that the reason Charlie was willing to give anything, sacrifice anything, for his daughter was because all the love and devotion he would have showered on his wife were passed on to Rose after Renata's death.

"You'll always be my girls," Charlie retorted with a raised eyebrow in Rose's direction before pulling Bella closer.

Bella's eyes closed involuntarily at the feel of his strong, loving arms around her. He smelled like Old Spice and home; sandalwood mixed with a touch of the ocean breeze, and she smiled. A single breath of his scent recalled so many memories, such happiness and security; two feelings that she had once given up for lost.

"I am so proud of you," he said huskily, squeezing her a little tighter.

Over the years, Charlie had helped Bella bloom into the woman she was today, taking an intelligent but isolated girl and giving her the support and confidence she needed to thrive. She had proven to him and herself that she had skills - remarkable skills. Her potential was much greater than the hacks she had done in her younger years. She wasn't simply a misguided child without parents, alone and lost in this world, but a strong, beautiful young woman with the world at her fingertips - literally.

"Thanks, dad," she whispered.

Her eyes strayed from his and focused on the mantel. Photographs littered the space; from various family members to graduation pictures. She wasn't born a Swan, she didn't share blood with any of them, but what they did have was even stronger. They shared happy memories and unconditional love. They were her family.

-MTSD-

"How was New York?" Bella asked, taking a seat at the round table and spreading a napkin across her lap.

Charlie had been on the east coast the past few weeks, working out a deal with a high-profile client. Since Charlie was made a partner, he had acquired several such clients by his hard work and insightful solutions. Success turned out to be a double-edged sword. Several years earlier, Charlie had sent one of the junior partners to handle negotiations on behalf of this client, but they had refused to work with him. Charlie was proud of the trust and confidence he had earned, but he was miffed when his clients' demands came between him and his time with his daughters.

He had been overjoyed when Bella had called to give him the news about the job offer. But that had been followed by a wave of sadness. He wanted to be there in person to congratulate her.

"Oh, you know. The usual. Business and no pleasure." He chuckled along with the two women, dishing salad onto his plate.

"Dad, you shouldn't even talk about having pleasure." Rose grimaced while Bella hid her giggle by stuffing her mouth with salad.

Charlie graced Rose with a scowl which quickly turned into a smirk. "I'll have you know I'm a very desirable man…"

Rose covered her ears and interrupted him. "Stop! I'm sorry I said anything." She turned to her food, pretending to gag.

"Your sister just can't accept the fact that I am a man," Charlie whispered to Bella, who proceeded to giggle louder.

"Dad," Rose groaned. "Don't drag Bella into this. We do not need to hear about your… um… sex life." She visibly shuddered.

"Who said anything about sex?" Charlie feigned innocence, his eyes wide.

Bella's mind immediately drifted to Edward. The easy conversation with him; the connection she'd felt with him. Yes, the sex had been phenomenal, but just chatting with him, being herself, had stirred something within her. She breathed out shakily at the thought, not wanting to think about it, and yet, she couldn't _stop_ thinking about _him._

Thank God for Charlie. "Are you excited about your trip to DC?" He asked, cutting into his steak.

Bella swallowed and pushed the reappearing thoughts of a certain man out of her mind. "I think so. I mean, I'm not sure what to expect, but I'm kind of excited to find out what they want."

Charlie beamed. "You're very talented, Bella. And they recognize that. Just like I saw the potential in you when we first met."

Memories of their first encounter flickered through Bella's mind. She was only fifteen and an orphan, having lost her biological father a few years prior in an unfortunate event. To her foster parents, she was nothing more than a paycheck. They provided the physical necessities; food, shelter, clothing, but she was never part of their family. So Bella spent most of her time at the public library, _perfecting_ her skill. Her _real_ friends had been the ones on the dark web, bragging about hacks and challenging each other to new projects. No firewall had been able to keep her out.

That was until Bella had hacked Charlie's law firm. He'd been able to trace the hack back to the library, and that's how the cops had found her.

...

" _I am not pressing charges, Officer Dalton," the man with the weird mustache said firmly to the officer._

 _Bella watched, entranced, from her seat in the interrogation room, as the officer tried to change the man's mind. "Mr. Swan, she hacked your database and stole sensitive client information. With a crime of this magnitude, the prosecutor could move to have her tried as an adult…"_

 _Mr. Swan held up his hand, silencing the officer, and shook his head. "She's just a child!" He smoothed his hand over his mustache, smiling gently at Bella as their eyes met. "You have my answer, Officer." He turned and walked out of the police station, leaving a fifteen year old Bella slack-jawed._

 _The officer grumbled as he released Bella, but her focus was on finding Mr. Swan. She wanted answers._

 _Her foster parents weren't happy as they picked her up from the police station. That night, she got sent to bed without a meal or a shower as punishment. But as the clock inched towards midnight, Bella snuck out through her bedroom window, not wanting to be confined to her small bedroom any longer._

 _At the library, Bella reviewed the information she had taken from the law firm in search of the man with the mustache. When she'd found what she was looking for, she hatched a plan._

 _After her second class, Bella snuck out of school and went to find Mr. Swan. She had been waiting outside his office for about a half hour when he walked through the door, briefcase in hand and talking with another gentleman. The unnamed man had a scowl on his face, but Mr. Swan spoke calmly, gesturing with his hand. Bella overheard a few words, something along the lines of_ "This is the best deal you're going to get," _and_ "I will have the document ready for you to sign in a few days." _Bella found his voice gentle and calm, much like her deceased father's, and she fought the onslaught of tears, missing him terribly._

 _As the unnamed man got into his car and drove away, she hurried towards Mr. Swan before he got to his vehicle._

" _Sir! Sir! Wait!"_

 _He turned and his eyes squinted in the bright sunlight, watching her approach. "Miss Dwyer."_

 _Bella wiped the sweat from her brow, disliking that Tucson felt like the pits of hell in summer. "Why?"_

 _Mr. Swan tilted his head, studying her and noted the tired, dark circles underneath her eyes. His lips turned up in a small inviting smile. "Why what?"_

 _Bella huffed and rolled her eyes, her fingers playing with the frayed edges of her ratty T-shirt, a hand-me-down from another foster child. "You know why. Why didn't you press charges? You could have sent me to jail for what I did. Why didn't you?"_

" _Are you hungry, Isabella?" he asked instead, completely ignoring her question._

 _Her eyebrows furrowed, and she nodded, being honest. Bella couldn't remember the last time she'd had a decent meal. At the house, the kids mostly got frozen dinners that the foster mother deemed nutritious food. "A little," she mumbled, toeing a small stone with her shoe._

" _Great! Me, too." Mr. Swan said cheerfully._

 _He guided a very perplexed Bella towards his car. For a brief moment, Bella thought that she should be scared getting into a stranger's car, but she figured if he was a vile man, he wouldn't have dropped the charges against her. And he had kind eyes._

 _At the diner down the block, Mr. Swan ordered the biggest meal he could find on the menu, and watched worriedly while the frail girl shoveled it down._

 _What had happened to her?_

" _Isabella…"_

" _Bella," she said with her mouth full, her stomach contracting in protest of the amount of food she was stuffing into it. She didn't care about the consequences, not knowing when she'd be able to get a meal like this again._

" _Bella," Mr. Swan smiled, taking a sip of his iced-tea. "Where are your parents?"_

" _Don't have any," she answered curtly, avoiding his gaze._

" _Oh?"_

 _She nodded, dunking a piece of biscuit in the gravy. "Yeah. Never knew my mom. She left after I was born, and my dad got shot by a drug runner. He was a Border Patrol Agent."_

" _I'm sorry." Mr. Swan couldn't believe what he was hearing. A child shouldn't have to experience such tragedy._

" _Don't!" Bella bit out harshly, her dark eyes blazing with hurt, anger and loneliness. "I've heard all the_ I'm sorrys. _I_ don't _need yours! All I need to know is why you dropped those charges."_

 _Mr. Swan liked her. Maybe she was rough around the edges and had experienced too much in life, but she wasn't hopeless. "I believe you have great potential. Your skills alone are impressive." He chuckled. "Heck, I thought the firewall I had installed into the firm's server was impenetrable, but you proved me wrong." He leaned forward, his arms braced on the table top and captured Bella's full attention. "You can do a lot of good with your talent. But it's up to you to decide what you do with it."_

-MTSD-

Dinner had been great, and with a slew of many laughs, Bella and Rose headed back from Charlie's beachfront house in Malibu to their two-bedroom apartment in Santa Ana. Headlights streamed across the dark interstate and cast light through the small space of the car for a split second. The hum of tires rolling across the pavement carried over the songs playing softly on the radio.

"What's on your mind?" Rose asked suddenly, breaking the silence.

Bella peeked at her sister and best friend, grinning when Rose cast a glance at her. "Just feeling a bit nostalgic."

"About…?"

"On how I got here. Meeting dad. You."

Rose nodded and grinned. "Man, I remember." She chuckled. "I loved your hair, but hated you. Dad just wouldn't shut up about you and how he was sure that I would love you like he did." Her expression sobered. "But he was right about you. Like he always is."

Bella shrugged. "I was so scared. I mean, I couldn't understand why he wanted me to meet you."

Both laughed, reminiscing about that day over a decade ago.

…

" _Mr. Charlie," Bella greeted him, smiling broadly._

" _Bella, it's just Charlie," he reprimanded softly and squeezed her hand. His dark eyes twinkled with excitement. "I want you to meet someone," he hedged._

 _Bella stiffened and straightened her shoulders. Over the past months, Charlie had visited her almost weekly. She had grown accustomed to his visits and looked forward to each one. He would ask questions, and she'd answer. Then he'd tell her about his daughter and how he wanted them to meet. That scared Bella. Why would he want her to meet his daughter?_

" _Bella?" Charlie sounded concerned._

 _She fiddled with the paper napkin on the table, keeping her eyes on the task. "Meet who?" She couldn't let her fear show; fear that she was afraid of losing the one small constant in her life: Charlie._

" _My daughter, Rosalie. I've told her about you, and I want you two to meet. I brought her with me this time."_

 _Bella nodded and swallowed past the lump in her throat. "Okay."_

 _She watched, her heart beating fast in her chest, as the blond girl walked up to their booth. Her blue eyes scrutinized Bella up and down. Bella felt small next to this beautiful girl._

 _She swallowed again. "Hello." Even her voice sounded small._

" _Hey," Rosalie said, her smile forced and brief._

" _I'm Bella…"_

" _I know."_

" _Rosalie! Be nice," Charlie warned, and Rosalie rolled her eyes, taking a seat._

 _Charlie's_ _cellphone rang, and he excused himself from the table with one last hard look at Rosalie._

 _Silence fell between the two girls. Bella's gaze was fixed on the paper napkin she was shredding into small pieces. Her hands felt sweaty, and she wanted to squirm in her seat, feeling Rosalie's eyes watching her._

 _Rosalie couldn't understand her father's fascination with this girl. She had broken the law and stolen from him. And even though Bella had returned the information she had taken, Rosalie couldn't comprehend how Charlie forgave her so easily. He kept talking about the girl and spending time with her. What made her so special?_

 _With a heavy sigh, Rosalie broke the silence. "I like your hair."_

 _Bella's gaze lifted in surprise, and her hand smoothed over her hair shakily. "Thanks. I like yours, too. Always wanted blond hair and blue eyes."_

 _Rosalie scoffed and braced her arms on the tabletop. "Wanna know a secret?"_

 _Leaning forward, Bella nodded enthusiastically._

" _I always wanted dark hair." Rosalie bit her lip, her eyes twinkling with amusement. She was starting to appreciate what her father saw in Bella. A shy, sad girl that just needed someone to love who she was._

 _Bella giggled. "Well, I guess we both want something that we can't have."_

 _Rosalie watched the sadness wash over Bella, and she reached across the table to take her hand. "Sometimes we do get what we want."_

 _Over the months, Rosalie and Bella spent more time together, talking about school, boys and the newest movies or TV shows. Charlie watched from the sidelines, fascinated by how the bond between his daughter and Bella grew. Rose became protective, voicing her concerns about Bella's living situation, and Bella started to trust Rose - her smile more natural, the light back in her dark eyes._

 _A solution started to form in Charlie's head._

 _One evening, after a day spent with Bella, he asked Rose what she would think if he adopted Bella; give her a sister. With tears streaming down her face, Rose hugged her father tight, thanking him for making her wishes a reality._

-MTSD-

"Speaking of things one wants," Rose started, hanging her keys on the hook in the entryway and placing her purse on the table. "Why are you so reluctant to contact Biker Boy?"

Bella groaned and brushed past Rose into kitchen, pouring herself a glass of water and gulping it down. "We've been over this, Rose! It was a one night stand. We said goodbye. Besides, it's been two weeks."

Rose sighed dramatically. "All I hear are excuses." She met Bella's gaze. "I know you think about him. I can see it in your eyes. I find you lost in thought, biting your lip and a blush on your cheeks. That's a total giveaway. So what's holding you back?"

Bella rubbed her hand over her temple, her heart constricting in her chest. Rose was right. She had been thinking about Edward much more than she wanted. Each night, he visited her dreams, and every day she wondered what he was doing, how his Motocross career was going. Did he think about her?

"I don't know," she sighed. "Would I want to reconnect with him? Yes! Would I be risking my career? Hell yes! Based on _how_ we met, it scares me. What if someone finds out that I used a prototype app to meet a guy? How unethical!"

Rose shook her head slowly. "Let me ask you this. While conversing using the app, did you record the texts? Are they available for someone to look at?"

Bella shook her head. "No, but his number is still available."

"Then what's the big deal?!" Rose raised her hands. "There's nothing to worry about! So all you've given me are excuses."

Bella sighed and sank into a kitchen chair across from Rose. "It's been two weeks without contact." Her voice sounded small, defeated.

Rose was silent for a moment. "Do what you did the first time. Just send him a simple line of text. Who knows? Maybe he's been thinking about you, too."

Bella scoffed lightly. "Did you see him? He's doesn't seem like the type to wait for a girl."

Rising from the chair, Rose tapped the table with her manicured nail. "Maybe. Maybe not. Only one way to find out." She winked and bid Bella goodnight.

Bella drew invisible lines on the table with her finger, eyeing her cell phone. It would be simple to send a text, but what about the hope blooming in her chest? What if he didn't want anything from her?

"God, I'm going insane." She picked up her phone and headed into her bedroom. Rushing through her nighttime routine, she mulled over different opening lines. What could she possibly say to make up for walking out on him?

As she lifted the phone from the desk, it vibrated in her hand, and she gasped, nearly dropping it.

It was a text from _Edward._

A burst of shock slammed into her stomach, and her knees buckled. She sank down on the bed, her hands shaking, and her pulse pounding in her ear.

EDWARD: _It seems the only blessing I have left is not knowing what we could have been. So take your space, and take your reasons... But you'll think of me._

Her mouth opened in a silent gasp, and her vision blurred with unshed tears. Regret, guilt and longing twisted in her stomach and spread through her limbs.

"Oh my God," she murmured, hitting the reply button. She bit her lip, her heart beating hard and erratic against her ribcage. She couldn't believe it, couldn't _breathe_.

The cursor blinked, and her mind went blank. What should she say? What _could_ she say?

"Stop!" she commanded herself. "Breathe."

Taking a few deep breaths, Bella read the message again, her heart squeezing in her chest at the pain and fury of his words.

She started to type, slowly, breathing deeply with each word.

BELLA: _Being with you that night was like being in the eye of Hurricane, a moment of peace between the storms. I could never forget you._

* * *

 **A/N: I am truly sorry this is so late. I had a real struggle with this chapter, but with the help of my team, beta and pre-readers, I got it done... yay. I hope you guys don't hate me too much.**

 **But we have contact. That's something special. Now, we can get back to concentrating on our favorite couple. Just remember, their struggles aren't over. There will be rough patches along the way... you have been warned.**

 **As you all know, I suck at review replies. Please know that I read everyone of them and cherish them. Knowing your thoughts makes this so much more. Thank you for the follows, favorites, especially the reviews, and the awesome recs at TLS, ADF (A Different Forest) and friends on Facebook. You guys are truly special. THANK YOU!**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **Massive thanks goes to NewTwilightFan for the amazing beta skills. She is truly amazing. Give her loads of love, cuz without her, this chapter would be a hot mess. She makes everything better.**

 **To my pre-readers: Twimom1960, NKubie, foreverrobsessed, and IpsitaC77. You are the best around. You brainstorm with me and make sure I don't go crazy. Thank you.**

 **On we go...**

* * *

Chapter 7

Edward's mind whirled, different scenarios running through it.

 _Would she respond?_

 _What would she say?_

"She could just tell you to go fuck yourself!"

And now he was talking to himself. A part of him wanted her to reject him, like she'd done in the hotel room, just to know for sure that she had forgotten about him. And another part, the heart part, wanted her to accept him for who he was - fucked up faults and all.

The socket wrench _creak, creak, creaked_ with the flick of his wrist, tightening the bolt on the transmission. He took a drag from his cigarette and flicked the rest to the floor, exhaling the smoke into the air. The bass from the music playing at the house vibrated through the garage, and the faint sounds of laughter from the party reached his ears.

But none of that mattered now. His attention kept returning to his phone which lay a few feet away on the counter top. His pulse thundered in his ear in anticipation of her response.

 _Chime._

His eyes snapped up from the engine, and his hand stilled, silencing the creaks of the wrench. Breath left his lungs in a whoosh.

Slowly, Edward turned his head towards his phone, listening, waiting.

When it chimed again, Edward placed the socket wrench on the transmission and turned toward the sound, unconsciously moving closer. He heard the wrench clatter to the floor behind him, but his focus was solely on his phone.

He pinched the bridge of his nose and breathed deeply, cursing the fucked up fluttering in his stomach. It could be somebody else.

Edward looked to his phone and saw _her_ name. He breathed a sigh of relief.

Opening the text, he braced his hands on the counter and stared at the scuff marks on his shoes, mentally preparing himself for her rejection.

"Fuck it!" He cursed and lifted his eyes to the screen.

BELLA: _Being with you that night was like being in the eye of a hurricane, a moment of peace between the storms. I could never forget you._

Edward read the text over and over, her words spinning through his mind, hope mixed with confusion. What kind of peace? Was it the same kind he'd felt being with her? Stillness from his mind, a temporary reprieve from the demons and monsters swimming in his conscience?

Edward gripped his hair and cursed. "Fuck!"

There was this unfamiliar emotion rising within him that he couldn't place, and that scared the fuck out of him. What was she doing to him?

Shaking his head, he stared at the empty reply box, the cursor blinking back at him. One thing was for sure, he wanted her. He wanted to possess her body and reclaim that peace he had found when he was with her.

The consequences, Edward didn't dare to think about.

EDWARD: _I didn't forget you either._

It sounded fucking pathetic, but it was the truth.

BELLA: _I'm sorry I walked away._

The pain of her confession punched him in the gut, and he groaned, watching her walk away all over again in his mind's eye. His heart beat in his throat, and his nerves sparked with hope. A small sliver of peace settled deep within his chest by connecting with her, even if it was simply through some words on a screen.

EDWARD: _Twice._

BELLA: _I know._

EDWARD: _We could have created more memories the morning after._

BELLA: _It was very tempting. With the sheet only covering your lower body and the peaceful look on your face as you slept, it was like walking past an ice cream shop and resisting the urge to buy every flavor._

He chuckled at her analogy. He was anything but ice cream and definitely not sweet.

EDWARD: _Honey, no way am I ice cream!_

BELLA: _I say you are._

He was intrigued. A smirk played across his lips as he replied.

EDWARD: _Alright. I'll bite. What flavor would I be?_

BELLA: _Coffee._

His brows furrowed, and he hurriedly replied.

EDWARD: _How do you figure?_

BELLA: _You're strong, dark and irresistible. You can be sweet and also bitter, depending on the mood._

Her assessment of his character startled him. In the short time they'd spent texting, she learned more about him than he'd ever let anyone else discover. He was dark, not letting anyone closer than necessary, but Edward could be sweet if he needed something; especially when it came to women.

Shaking his head, he hit reply.

EDWARD: _Just the right poison you need to wake up._

Just as he hit send, his phone started to ring.

 _Tanya calling..._

Edward sneered at his phone, silently cursing her for destroying his good mood and connection with Bella.

 _Ignore._

His phone chimed, and he breathed deeply, pushing thoughts about Tanya and the Calvin Klein contract out of his mind. He'd cross that bridge once he got there.

BELLA: _Coffee or you?_

Laughing out loud, Edward shoved his phone in his jeans pocket, grabbed the keys and locked the door behind him. Pushing through the throngs of people still dancing and gyrating on the make-shift dance floor, he headed inside.

Emmett stood at the kitchen island, bouncing on his heels as James dished out money into Em's waiting hand. The TV was now playing music videos, and couples sat scattered through the darkened room either kissing or dry humping.

"Ed. My man," Emmett hollered through the house, getting the attention of a lot of people. A few ladies smiled at Edward as he brushed by, but luckily, none attempted to gain his attention.

"I see you lost," Edward commented, looking at James.

James looked heart-broken as he continued to put bills into Emmett's beefy hand. "This time. But next game, he's going down."

Emmett laughed and stuffed the money into his pocket. "Aw, you just don't learn, J. I know hockey," he said with a serious look on his face. "I can teach you a lot, grasshopper."

Edward laughed at the two and started to head up the stairs.

"Hey, where are you going?" Emmett asked, his brows furrowed. Since when did Edward go to bed early? The fucker usually stayed up late, flirting with different chicks.

"I'm heading to bed." Edward continued up the stairs. "Gotta be at the tracks early."

He disappeared from view before Emmett could ask more. He turned to James; they were both confused with Edward's behavior. "What the fuck is up with him?" James asked, pointing a finger towards the stairs.

"Beats me," Emmett shrugged, his lips pressed into a hard line.

Upstairs, Edward brushed through the people lingering in the hallway. Emmett had questions, he knew that. Only three months after they moved in together, Emmett had overheard one of his nightmares. At the time, Edward thought that living in a new space would keep the monsters at bay, but he'd been so wrong.

Emmett had woken him that night, worry and fear on his face. After screaming at him to get the fuck out, Edward sound proofed his room the very next day. There was not a chance in hell that he'd tell Emmett about his fucked up past; the demons still plaguing his mind after all these years.

He was just about to open his bedroom door when a girl called his name. Turning, he came face to face with the girl from earlier. His nostrils flared, taking in the familiar scent and desperately wanting her to be Bella.

But this girl was blonde.

"Where did you go earlier?" She sidled up close to him, running a long fingernail down his arm.

"Out." It escaped through gritted teeth.

She nodded, oblivious to his agitation. "Is this your room?" Her eyes roamed up his body, indicating what she had in mind, and for once, Edward had no intention of fucking some stranger just to forget.

"It is."

"Can I see it?" She reached for the door handle, but Edward quickly caught her wrist.

Smirking, he shook his head slowly. "Not tonight, babe."

She pursed her lips in obvious disappointment, but nodded anyway. "Is there a way to change your mind?" Her hand slid down his torso towards his belt buckle.

Again, he caught her hand. "No." Edward pushed her away gently. "Have a good time." With that, he turned and pushed through his door, locking it behind him.

His smile returned when he opened Bella's text again and hit reply.

What the fuck was she doing to his sanity?

-MTSD-

Bella stared at her phone, holding it in both hands like a precious jewel as she waited for his response.

When it came, she startled and nearly dropped the damn thing.

Laughing at herself, she picked it up and read.

EDWARD: _Well, first you'd have me and then coffee. You would need it by the time I was done with you._

"Oh God," she groaned. Desire burned through her, memories of his skin against hers, his warm breath against her neck as he kissed her heated skin flickered through her mind. Her thighs clenched shut.

She put a hand to her chest, hoping to calm her erratic heartbeat before pressing reply.

BELLA: _Are you saying you wouldn't let me get any sleep?_

She crawled underneath her blankets and turned off the light, reading the time on her alarm clock.

1:15 a.m

Why was he texting her so late? Didn't he have to be at the tracks early? Guilt started to gnaw at her, and she bit her lip. Lifting her phone, she contemplated saying goodnight and giving him the rest he needed, but also wanting to keep the connection with him.

Her phone vibrated and all thoughts left her.

 _Edward calling…_

Her eyes widened. She sucked in air and froze. The phone fell from her hands onto the blankets, continuing to vibrate. Her stomach somersaulted, and she put a hand to it as if it would stop the nerves.

Bella blinked.

It vibrated for the third time, and she scrambled to pick it up.

"Hello." Her voice was small and tinged with fear.

"Bella?" Edward's voice took her by surprise. "It's Edward. I, um… hope it's okay to call." Suddenly, his voice sounded guilty. "I…" Bella heard him exhale sharply on the other end, followed by: "Fuck! I hope I'm not intruding…"

"I…" she started, swallowing past the dryness in her throat, wanting to put him at ease. How, she had no idea. She was as nervous as he sounded. "Of course it's okay. You just caught me by surprise."

Edward laughed, the sound deep and smooth. Bella's mind flashed with memories of his lips whispering over her skin, hot promises of the pleasure he would give her.

She breathed out shakily.

"You sound like I feel," Edward said quietly. "I just needed to hear your voice."

Bella's eyes closed at his confession, and she dropped her head in her hands. "I've missed you."

"You just made my week, sweetheart." His voice purred in her ear.

Bella bit her lip as silence stretched between them. Why did he call?

"I'm sorry…"

"Sorry for what?" Edward asked softly.

"I'm sorry for creating this situation between us. For _how_ we met," she confessed, the guilt of it weighing her down.

When he didn't speak, she grew tense.

"Edward…"

"You sound nervous." His voice was a quiet, smoky whisper.

But that voice, oh God. He could be caressing her through the phone. Bella replayed the sexy words he'd whispered to her that night.

" _So fucking beautiful."_

" _Hard and fast, baby?"_

" _You feel so fucking good."_

"I am nervous."

"Do you regret it?" He asked suddenly. "Do you regret being with me?"

The hurt she heard in his voice crippled her. "Oh God, no. It was…" Bella was at a loss for words.

"Like being in the eye of a hurricane," he finished for her, quoting her text. "A moment of peace."

Bella closed her eyes again, smiling. He understood. "Exactly. I felt drawn to you the first moment I laid eyes on you."

Edward exhaled into the phone. "I wish I could see you."

His statement hung in the air. Bella's body and mind warred - her brain telling her to say goodbye, but her body craving the connection with him.

Thoughts of her previous relationship caused her heart to still. What if she gave in to desire and still ended up alone? Could her heart handle such devastation again?

Rose's words from earlier paused the derailing train of thought. " _You'll never know unless you find out."_

But was it worth the risk?

"Let me see you," Edward pleaded quietly. "Let me see your face to go along with my fantasies." The underlying vulnerability in his voice broke her.

"I can't stop thinking about you," she breathed. "Seeing you would be…"

"Sweetheart…" His groan rippled over the connection, and Bella's skin heated.

"Do you know where the bar _Proof_ is?"

"I'm sorry, I don't."

Bella gave him the address. "I'll see you there."

She heard his sharp exhale. "When?"

"Tomorrow around midnight?"

"The perfect time of night. I will be there," Edward promised, his voice lighter.

"Oo - okay." Anxiety was starting to gather in Bella's stomach. What if her appearance didn't match the way he imagined her? What would he think of her?

"Wait! How will I find you?" Edward asked.

"I'll find you," she said and disconnected.

* * *

 **A/N: You didn't have to wait _that_ long for them to reconnect again. And they have planned to meet again. That'll be next chapter.**

 **Please let me know your thoughts on this chapter. As you all know, I suck at review replies, but I read and cherish everyone of your thoughts. Thank you for going on this journey with me. :) :)**

 **Twilight Diversity contest is happening now. If you are from a different country than the US, please consider writing for this contest. Show everyone what's special about your country! It's always great to learn something new.**

 **Check it out for more details and to read the entries that have been submitted. Search _Author: Twilight Diversity Contest._**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters a little.**

 **NewTwilightFan (Maggie) is the super beta, and my one constant guest reviewer (lol), that puts a lot of time and effort into each chapter. This wouldn't be what it is without her. Thank you, sweetness. You are one of a kind, the best kind.**

 **My pre-readers: NKubie, Twimom1960, ForeverRobsessed** **, and IpsitaC77. Thank you for your time and effort. You are simply amazing.**

 **Last chapter, these two arranged to meet.**

 **Let's see how that goes...**

* * *

Chapter 8

Lights hung low over the wooden bar top and dangled above the tables scattered through the darkened bar. The bartender, Alec, flitted from one end to the other, refilling drinks and chatting with the few regulars. The latest hits were playing through the ceiling speakers, the music floating behind the voices.

Bella watched the other patrons while she shredded a paper napkin between her fingers. At the next table, a dark-haired man whispered into the ear of his blonde companion, and Bella heard the woman sigh.

A small smile spread across her lips, imagining the sweet nothings the man was whispering; promises that made the woman swoon.

The door opened, and Bella's gaze instantly focused on the newcomer. Her heart skipped a beat each time the door opened. And yet, none of the people that had entered so far had been Edward.

She checked her watch. Quarter to twelve.

 _Would he show?_

Taking a calming breath, Bella took in her surroundings once more. This bar was a local hot spot, and it was only a block from her apartment. Rose and Bella had discovered it within a week of moving into their apartment. They had spent many evenings after work in this bar, recollecting the tales of the day and drinking away the stress of the everyday grind.

The woman at the next table giggled. Bella watched her playfully push the man away while he smirked and drew her closer, kissing her cheek.

"Miss, would you like another drink?" The waiter drew Bella's attention away from the smitten couple.

She looked at the empty martini glass in front of her and then to the waiter, shaking her head. "No, thank you. I'll just have water." She wanted a clear head to face Edward.

Nerves bubbled in her stomach, and she put a hand to it to quell the feeling. She had never been this nervous in her life; not on her first date, or when she had buried her father, not even when she had been on the way to Los Angeles to start her new life as a Swan. In fact, she couldn't remember feeling this nervous when she stood outside Edward's hotel room either.

The door opened again, and she watched the waiter's mouth open in a silent gasp. She knew he was gay, so whatever guy had just come through the door must have been gorgeous.

With a smile, she turned towards the door to see the cause of his fascination and froze. Just like the waiter, she gasped.

"He came," she whispered to herself.

Everyone noticed him as he entered the bar. His frame, tall and muscular, obscured the entrance. His expression screamed ' _don't fuck with me'_ as he sauntered towards the bar through the slack-jawed women and men. His black jeans stretched over his thigh muscles as he moved, his grey shirt constricting around his biceps. His copper-tone hair was just as disheveled as it had been the first night she'd seen him. God, he was beautiful.

Edward didn't so much walk as prowl. His gait was slightly bowlegged; knees and toes angled out a few degrees from years riding bikes around tight turns, dragging his boots in the dirt. Even when he was relaxed, there was a tightness in his neck and shoulders that implied he was ready to lunge or pounce at the smallest provocation.

Bella watched him take a seat at the bar, the bar stool scraping across the wooden floor. Alec pushed a beer in Edward's direction with a nod. He checked his watch and took a sip.

Swallowing down her anxiety, Bella observed him as he drank his beer, his Adam's apple bobbing with each swallow. Every now and then, she'd see him check his phone, the light from its screen casting shadows across his exquisite features.

 _Was he as nervous as she was?_

-MTSD-

Edward couldn't believe how nervous he was; couldn't believe he was so edgy. This wasn't like getting on his bike every Sunday night at the race; the thrill of the gate dropping or the rush he felt nearing that finish line. This was just a chick, however she fascinated him much more than he cared to admit. _She_ was the cause for his sweaty palms and accelerated heart rate.

Fuck, he hoped she would show. He rubbed one damp hand down his thigh, going over different scenarios on how to handle being stood up and what he could say _if_ she showed.

He downed the rest of the beer, thanking the bartender when he placed another in front of him. Propping his elbows on the bar, Edward ran his hands through his hair and checked his phone again for messages.

 _No new messages._

"Fuck!" He cursed lowly, disappointment gathering in his chest.

"Hey." A woman's voice caught his attention, and he turned his gaze towards her.

A brunette stood at his side and cast him a light smile. Her eyes were a deep brown, her lips plump, and glasses were perched on her nose. She was the perfect combination of hot and timid, the kind of woman that would make any man drool with librarian fantasies.

Edward tried to piece together the glimpses of Bella's face that he remembered from the darkened hotel room. He had sensed that she was beautiful, but shy and reserved, leaning against the door of his hotel room. He remembered how her lip was wedged between her teeth, her hand gripping the door handle. She had been almost crippled with apprehension until he'd gone to her.

Even though she had dark hair and glasses, the only distinguishable traits he remembered from Bella, this wasn't her. This woman had an air of confidence about her.

Nodding at her, he leaned his back against the bar and faced the crowd. He checked his watch. Ten minutes past midnight.

Now what?

Bella hadn't showed and here he was being presented with an opportunity to _move_ on. Edward figured if Bella didn't show, he would need something or someone to make him forget.

He heard the girl on his left exhale a breath before she slid onto the bar stool beside him. His eyes drifted up her shapely legs to the short black skirt that framed her rounded hips. If any other woman had stood him up, he'd have jumped at the opportunity to pick up this babe.

But as soon as he actually considered that, Edward realized he only craved one woman - desired that feeling of _belonging_ , something he knew he wouldn't be able find with any other woman.

"Listen," he said, facing away from her again. "I don't mean any disrespect, but I'm waiting for someone. If you wouldn't mind, I was kinda saving that seat…"

"Edward?"

He froze, the words stuck in his throat.

He jerked around, startling her. Her eyes widened with a tinge of fear.

"Do I… Bella?"

It couldn't be. His gaze traveled down her body once more - the only reference he had - comparing the visual to what he remembered touching, caressing, just two weeks earlier. Her blue blouse hugged her torso, with just two thin straps over her shoulders. Her breasts swelled underneath the dark fabric, drawing his eyes up and his mind back to that night when he'd first _measured_ them, heavy and perfect in his hands.

"Yeah, it's me." She smiled softly, the expression causing his heart to stutter. Her eyes sparkled behind the dark-rimmed glasses, and a small dimple appeared on her cheek.

"Holy fuck," he murmured, letting his gaze roam her body once more. Lust spiraled through him and made him suddenly ravenous.

But something _dark_ lingered underneath the desire.

He stood from his stool and ran a hand through his hair. This _situation_ didn't feel right.

It felt… familiar.

A memory from seven years ago flashed through his mind. Edward had just started his racing career when a certain brown-eyed beauty had caught his eye. Or rather, his last name had caught her attention.

He was a rookie, hot off his first win, celebrating with some of his buddies. Zafrina had approached him at the bar with coal-smoke eyes, berry red lips, and an easy flirtatious smile. Edward hadn't been in a relationship since high school, and couldn't believe he found a girl as hot as Zafrina who was okay with a no strings kind of relationship. They fucked, she left, and she never bothered him about the fact that he didn't want to spend the night together.

Several weeks into their quasi-relationship, Zafrina stunned Edward by asking to meet his parents. The sudden change should have been a red flag, but he was too naïve, too pathetically gullible, to see what was happening.

When Edward brought Zafrina over for a family dinner, she played the part of the model girlfriend, gushing about the décor, the food, his mother's hair and dress. Esme had been thrilled. That should have been his second clue. Any woman that Esme Cullen approved of was guaranteed to be a terrible idea.

As the weeks passed, Zafrina spent more and more time with Esme, and became less interested in hooking up. When Zafrina began meeting Esme for lunch and helping her with design projects, Edward realized that he despised them both. Esme for loving his _girlfriend_ more than her own son, and Zafrina for being so shallow, mooning over the stars on Esme Cullen's client list.

When Esme offered Zafrina a job as her assistant, Edward was disgusted, even more so when Zafrina broke up with him less than three days later. Zafrina had gotten exactly what she wanted; his mother's attention and a job. Worst of all, Esme hadn't blinked about the break up. Her complete lack of loyalty didn't surprise him, but it left a burning pool of rage in his stomach.

After Zafrina, Edward had been propositioned many times, but he made sure it never went further than a one-night stand. That was until he'd met Tanya a few years ago. She had daddy's money, looks and a ticket into Hollywood through her own actress mother.

With her, he had felt safe, knowing that she had nothing to gain from his connections. Their families already moved in the same sphere. He kept it casual. Simple. And it had worked out perfectly up until the moment she decided to whore herself out for a movie role.

A deep hurt settled in his stomach as Edward focused on Bella. Why couldn't she have been different? Being a _Cullen_ had its perks, but also its downfalls. To certain women in this _Tinseltown_ , he was a means to an end - an introduction to either his father or mother. A ticket to potential fame.

"Edward… what's wrong?" Bella reached out and put a hand on his arm. The touch spread heat along his skin.

That voice.

Memory upon memory of her naked body pressed against his, her whimpers of pleasure, her pleas to ease the ache, flickered through his mind. There was no doubt that she was who she said she was.

But he still questioned her motive. He couldn't help it.

Edward shook his head. "I don't know who you think you are…"

"It's me. Look," she scrambled for her phone and showed him the messages they'd exchanged. His own name flashed back at him. He kept looking at them, his insides scrambling to make sense of that nagging feeling in his gut.

Bella lowered her phone, an uneasy smile on her face. "Disappointed?" she questioned, motioning to herself.

Edward's eyes narrowed, fighting through the fog in his brain. There was a familiarity about her…like he'd seen her before.

Then it hit him.

The red Scion outside the bar in Anaheim. The brunette in the passenger seat. Then at the race that following Sunday.

She had followed him… _stalked_ him.

"Anaheim. Two weeks ago," he murmured, the scene playing over in his head. The recognition only reinforced his fears.

Her smile fell and frowned. "What?"

"It saw you!" He pointed a finger at her, taking a step closer. "At the bar. In the car." He stepped back, his entire body vibrating with the realization. "Then Sunday at the race. I saw you. You _followed_ me!" Disgust rang loud in his voice.

The sensation, as he pieced the puzzle together, slammed into his stomach. "Fuck. Me."

He had been played, utterly and completely played.

Shock registered on Bella's face with a touch of panic. Edward could see her mind working, trying to figure out what had him so tense. "Edward… wait…"

"Wow," he complimented sarcastically. "You're good. Really good."

He grabbed his beer from the bar and downed it, trying to calm his fucking temper.

"I don't know what you mean," she said. "But you're right. Yes, that was me in the car… and at the race. I testing the app, like I told you, and we started talking. I wasn't… _stalking_ you. It was just…"

"What do you want from me? Money? An introduction?" He growled, his gaze blazing. God, he felt like a fucking tool.

Her lips parted, and her brows furrowed. Easing to her feet, she stood in front of him, within reach. Her soft floral scent filled his nostrils and he cringed. It was the scent he'd been dreaming about for two weeks.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

He nodded and stepped back, her proximity clouding his senses. "Yes. What do you want? There has to be _something_ you want from me. Everyone wants something." Dark memories lurked along the edges of his sanity, but he quickly shoved them aside. He'd never let himself be vulnerable enough to go there again. "What will it be? You wanna meet my father? Or my mother? Which one will be your ticket to stardom?"

Bella's gaze lowered, then flickered to the bar and back to him. "I don't want anything from you, least of all fame. I told you…"

She stopped suddenly. Her eyes locked on his. God, they were beautiful, framed with long lashes. Edward's gaze lowered to her rose-colored lips. And oh fuck, how that mouth had felt on his.

"It doesn't matter what I tell you, does it?" She asked in a hushed whisper. Her lower lip slid between her teeth, and she stepped away from him. Swallowing, she met his gaze once more. "I'm so sorry, Edward. This is all my fault. I shouldn't have…" Her eyes filled with regret, and pain, and guilt. "I'm gonna go."

She started towards the door, but Edward stepped into her path and she stopped just short of running into him. Her body was an inch from his. Edward lowered his head and touched his nose to her hair, inhaling her mouthwatering scent. It made him weak.

"I…" her voice shook. Her body trembled against his as he inhaled sharply. "I don't understand."

Edward let his eyes close, but he didn't let himself believe that she was anything other than what he'd come to realize.

"Here's the thing, babe," he murmured against the shell of her ear. "You've scammed someone who's been scammed before." He pressed his hand to her waist and felt the slightest flinch. "I'm smart enough to recognize why a hot chick like you is interested in me. And, babe, we both know it's not sex when you could get _that_ anywhere, with anyone you wanted."

Bella put a hand against his chest and pushed away from his touch. Edward's hand fell to his side, his blood boiling. Her gaze met his once more, shimmering with tears and hurt. "Just stop," she commanded softly. "I'm a damn software engineer. A _geek_ , remember? I don't want anything from you. Nothing but the man I was with a few weeks ago. I'm sorry you've been _scammed_ in the past. I'm sorry that I somehow remind you of others who have done that to you. And I don't blame you for thinking the worst."

She exhaled shakily. "I'm so sorry for everything," she whispered, her body a breath away from his. The heat of it consuming him. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen. It was stupid of me to hope that something good could come out of something that started the way it did. It's completely my fault, and I'm sorry. It was never my intention to hurt you."

A tear spilled down her cheek and she quickly brushed it away with her hand. She stretched up on her tiptoes and kissed his scruffy cheek. "You deserve so much better, Edward."

She brushed past him, then Edward heard the door open and close.

She was gone.

He hung his head, feeling physical pain with the loss of her presence. He couldn't remember ever wanting anything or anyone this badly in his life.

 _What if she was telling the truth?_

The heart-broken look on her face told him that it wasn't a set-up. Thinking back to her expressions and body language when she first approached him, she had been just as nervous about meeting him as he was to meet her.

He groaned. He had fucked up this entire evening.

Edward's heart rate spiked, and his brain scrambled for a solution.

 _Go after her?_

 _Would she want that?_

Rushing out the door, he spun on his heel, scanning the streets for her. Squinting his eyes, he saw her down the block, walking at a fast pace.

He sprinted to his pick-up and revved the engine, pulling onto the street just as she rounded the corner. When he came around the turn, Edward saw her head up a driveway. He swung his truck into a spot against the curb and jumped out, slamming the door forcefully.

Jogging towards her, he caught her wrist just as she was about to open the door and spun her around to face him.

"Wha…?"

His body pinned her to the wall beside the door, one hand on her cheek, pushing into her hair as the other gripped her waist. Her wide, tear-filled eyes blinked up at him as he breathed in her scent, filling his lungs with what he'd been missing. His entire being was screaming at him to run the other direction, but something kept him anchored to her, to the peace he so longed for.

"I'm sorry," he breathed, and crushed his mouth to hers.

* * *

 **A/N: UST? What?! Don't kill the messenger. ;)**

 **Edward has been dealt one bad hand after another. Poor guy. I'm sure it'll get better. And Bella wasn't what he thought she'd be... These two are complicated.**

 **Thank you for reading, following, favorites, and the reviews. You guys are awesome. :)**


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the kickass beta with the patience of a saint. She makes this pretty. Give her loads of love.**

 **NKubie, ForeverRobsessed, IpsitaC77, and Twimom1960 are my favorite pre-readers. They always keep me in line and give the best feedback and encouragement.**

 **Last chapter didn't go so well. Many of you wanted to throttle Edward... and understandably so.**

 **Let's see how this goes...**

* * *

Chapter 9

He tasted like cigarette smoke, beer and a hint of mint. His hard body pressed against hers, igniting the flames of desire and longing that she had been trying to quell for the past two weeks.

Bella tangled her hands into his hair and brought him impossibly closer to her, opening her mouth to him. Heat pooled between her legs as he groaned, entwining his tongue with hers. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed him until his strong arms were wrapped around her body.

Slowly, Edward eased from her lips. "I'm so sorry, sweetheart."

"It's all my fault," Bella whispered. The intensity in his green irises made her choke out a sob. Her eyes strayed to his shoulder. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen."

Edward ran his thumb over her plump lower lip. He urged her to look at him. "I know… now. I shouldn't have over reacted. The things I said to you… I'm so sorry."

"What happened?" Bella hedged. His reaction had surprised her. The accusations he had thrown at her still stung.

"The past snuck up on me. A similar situation, but with very different… _bad_ results. She only wanted me for my last name."

"Your last name?" Bella frowned, confused.

"Cullen." Edward studied her face, looking for some kind of recognition, but found none. How did someone that lived in the Los Angeles area not know about either his mother or father? "You don't know?"

She shook her head. "No?"

Edward chuckled and placed his warm palm against her cheek. "Would it be a bad thing to say that I'm grateful about that?"

At her confused look, he explained. "Both my folks have high profile, wealthy clients. Over the years, I've had many, _many_ women and _men_ ask, or rather use me as a stepping stone, for an introduction." He snorted quietly. "What people won't do for a sliver of fame." Edward exhaled. "I've been bitter and jaded. I couldn't imagine that anyone who met me would want anything else."

"What changed your mind?" she asked.

He wiped at the lingering tears underneath her eyes. "These. And the fact that you didn't try to justify your actions. If you'd wanted… _that_ , you'd have tried to save face."

Bella's gaze dropped down to his mouth, and she leaned against his hand. Closing her eyes briefly, she relished the feeling of having him close once more. "Do you…" she swallowed. "Do you want to come inside?"

At his small nod, Bella turned in his arms. He didn't let go of her as she opened the door and closed it behind him. In the darkness of her apartment, silence stretched.

Tension grew.

She could feel his breath on her neck, the movement of his chest against her back. Her skin prickled with anticipation. He eased his arm around her waist, drawing her against his chest. His nose brushed against her neck.

"God, you're so beautiful." He turned her and kissed her cheek, her nose, the corner of her lips, and when she whimpered, only then, placed his lips on hers.

Bella gripped his thick biceps, mirroring the fervor of his kiss. "I…"

Edward pressed his forehead against hers, brushing his fingers through her long hair. "Say it."

She swallowed once, her heart stuttering in her chest. "I missed you."

In the dim light of the entryway, Bella saw Edward's eyes close. "What do you wish for?" he asked.

"I wish… I wish I could look into your eyes as…" she swallowed, the heat of her want spreading through her body into her fingertips. "As we…"

"Fuck," he growled lowly into her ear, his lips brushing gently over her skin.

She nodded against his neck, feeling warmth creep across her cheeks. His ragged breath washed over her heated skin.

"Show me," he urged, placing open mouthed kisses down her neck.

With his hand in hers, she led him through the dark apartment and into her bedroom. Bella flicked the switch, bathing her room in light. She watched Edward take in his surroundings; her computer, her queen bed and the adjoining bathroom.

His eyes lingered for a second on the luggage sticking out of her closet, but didn't question its purpose. Then he looked at her computer, rubbing a palm along the back of his neck. "Is that where you created the app?"

Bella nodded, eyeing the three screens. It wasn't a normal computer set up, but it was what she needed to do her work. "Not all of it. It doesn't have the capacity, nor all the programs to create it. The rest, I built at the office. That's where we have the technology that I can't afford on my own."

Edward nodded, his brows furrowed, and Bella could see the questions on his handsome face. "None of our texts are saved. They disappeared after twenty-four hours."

"I wasn't worried about that." He took a step closer to her. "I'm just trying to wrap my head around all of this." Edward motioned around the room with his hand, at the computer and then at Bella. "Quite honestly, I wasn't sure what to expect. Beauty _and_ brains?" He grimaced and rubbed a hand across his neck.

"Oh, didn't I tell you? This is just for show," she motioned to her face and down her body. "I've got minions doing all the hard work for me." Bella laughed as his eyes widened for a second.

"Very funny," he retorted, drawing his arm around her waist and pulling her close.

"Is this okay?" Edward asked, running his fingers slowly through her hair.

Bella smiled gently and nodded, kissing the inside of his palm as he caressed her cheek.

"With everything I've said to you…" She watched him swallow harshly, his face contorting into a grimace. "You… you still want me here?"

Taking his hand in hers, she tugged lightly until he sat beside her. She tapped along his fingertips like she would on a keyboard. Edward's eyes watched the action, guilt eating at him, making it impossible for him to meet Bella's eyes.

"How we met," she started. "It wasn't the best way to meet someone. _I_ kept myself hidden - anonymous - and that wasn't fair." When she tapped his index fingers twice, Edward met her eyes. The understanding in her gaze made him pause. "I should have been open with you from the start."

Edward shook his head and tightened his long fingers around her smaller ones. "That still didn't give me the right to assume. I should have let you explain."

Bella shrugged. "You should have, but sometimes we, as humans, don't think before acting. It was a lapse in judgment."

"How can you be so _accepting_ of this? Of me?"

"Because maybe I would have reacted the same way if I'd been in your shoes." She chuckled nervously and pushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "But you're here, and you apologized. I know now you didn't mean it. I believe in giving people a second chance. Hell, I've been given many of those. Why wouldn't I do the same?"

-MTSD-

Edward couldn't believe his ears. In his entire life in _Tinseltown_ he had never met someone with such a logical mindset.

She accepted his faults and still wanted him here.

God, this was all kinds of fucked up.

His head was screaming at him to run. _Run, fucktard. Run! Don't hurt the girl. You don't deserve her._

This was a disaster waiting to happen, he knew, but he was anchored to her bed; to her side. She drew him in. The peace he'd felt - experienced - that first night, expanded and spread through his chest.

But his demons fought, screaming and clawing at his sanity. In his heart, Edward knew he'd hurt her. He knew he would eventually break her heart. He was too broken to be good for anyone.

And yet, he couldn't make himself leave.

Fuck, he loathed himself.

The war inside him raged, the demons sneering at Bella, ready to claw her to pieces with his fucked up self.

He drew her close, closing the gaping space between them, and covered her mouth with his, silencing the demons. Edward sighed into her mouth. His eyes remained open, and he watched hers flutter, dark eyelashes sweeping across her rosy cheeks.

She echoed his sigh, and he closed his eyes and let himself drown - in her scent, her soft lips, her luscious curves... just her.

"Smart and beautiful," Edward breathed, ghosting his mouth over hers.

Her soft laughter made him pause, focus on her, feel her. Fire flared inside him, and he stopped breathing.

They both groaned at the same time as she sucked on his bottom lip and pushed her tongue into his mouth. Edward pulled her closer, desire burning through him.

His hand pushed into her hair, pulling at the strands. He pulled her head back, breaking the kiss. Bella opened her eyes to his heavy-lidded green ones.

"These have been the longest fucking two weeks of my life," he growled against her lips, reclaiming them.

His hands spread through her long mahogany hair, gliding from her shoulders to her hips. Wrapping a hand around her waist, he lifted her and set her on his lap, her legs straddling his. Bella fisted his shirt in her hands, attempting to get closer, and his cock pushed against her soft stomach. Edward's insides twisted in anticipation, the feeling spreading through his entire body. Her skirt pushed up her thighs, and like a magnet, his fingers swept down to find the creamy soft skin he'd been dreaming about.

At her slight flinch, he drew back. Concern evident on his face, Edward asked, "What's wrong?"

Bella blushed and kissed his pouty lips. "Nothing. Just nervous."

"Do I make you nervous?" Edward asked, his fingertips trailing to the inside of her thigh. "Does me touching you make you nervous?"

Nodding, Bella took his hand and placed it against her chest. "Feel that?"

Her heart beat hard and erratic against her ribcage. His eyes remained glued to the place where his hand rested.

"It's been doing that all night," she confessed, covering his hand with her own. "Touching you… you touching me, it feels kind of surreal. After I told you goodbye, I honestly thought I'd never see you again."

She took his hand and guided it lightly over her breast. "But you're here." Bella kissed his temple, her warm breath ragged on his skin. "In my bed." Her lips ghosted over his earlobe, and Edward's skin prickled with want. "I'm nervous _and_ excited, Edward."

The way his name fell from her lips made Edward buck his hips upwards. He pulled down her blouse, exposing her navy blue bra. He groaned while she whimpered and pushed herself into his palm. Bella rocked into him, thrusting her warm heat against his hard cock.

Her fingers clawed at his shirt, and Edward quickly pulled it over his head, throwing it over her shoulder to the floor. With hooded eyes, Bella traced her fingers along his muscles, from his shoulders, over his collarbone, down his chest and abs. His stomach contracted when she touched the tattoo that was etched into his ribcage beneath his arm. Edward could see the curiosity in her eyes, trying to decipher the meaning of it, but she only bent to kiss it, her lips feather light. He closed his eyes and held his breath to focus on the feeling.

Edward groaned and pushed up her shirt, watching with his lower lip between his teeth as Bella lifted it up and over her head. Reaching behind her, Bella unhooked her bra and let it slide slowly down her arms.

His breath faltered at the sight, his eyes glued to her rounded breasts. Then he saw the jagged scar below her navel, and his brows furrowed. Noticing his concern, Bella covered his lips with hers. "Not tonight. Please."

The pain in her voice crippled him, but he nodded and returned her kiss. The thought of someone or something hurting her made him cringe.

His hands explored her skin. He loved the whimpers of pleasure that left her mouth. Kissing down her cheek and across her collarbone, he captured one nipple in his mouth, sucking while his hand gently kneaded her other breast. Bella moaned and gripped his hair, holding on tight as her hips rocked over his hard length.

God, he needed to get naked and inside her.

Edward groaned. "Stand for me, sweetheart," he commanded in a raspy voice, his tongue still teasing her nipple.

"Take it all off," he whispered with a slight nod towards her skirt.

With a raised eyebrow, Bella slowly slipped out of her skirt and panties.

His breath caught in his throat, and he swallowed, his mouth suddenly dry. "Beautiful," left his lips in a hushed whisper.

But his stomach somersaulted as she knelt in front of him. Reaching for his belt buckle and zipper, Bella looked at him through her lashes. Edward removed her glasses and placed them on the nightstand, never taking his eyes off her.

He allowed her to tug down his pants, then Bella leaned forward and sucked the tip of his cock into her mouth.

"Fuck!" he cursed, his thigh muscles clenching. "Damn!"

His eyes closed and he leaned back on his elbows, enjoying the heat of her mouth as she sucked him further in. Her tongue swirled over the head, and this time, his hips bucked reflexively.

"Holy fuck. Sorry!" Bella hummed around him and dug her hands into his thighs. The sensation spread up his legs and into his balls. "Your mouth," he grunted. "Fuck!"

Heat gathered in his stomach, his orgasm fast approaching. Fuck, damn him if he was going to come in her mouth. "No, no, no…" he murmured, his hands cupping her face and pulling her off him.

"Not doing it right?" she asked, tilting her head until she could suck his thumb into her mouth. "Show me." She repeated his words back to him, casting a glance at his cock.

Edward chuckled darkly and helped her to stand. "Did you hear me complain?" She shook her head. He ran his fingers up her thighs and slowly, gently spread her open. "So wet," he rumbled, circling his finger around her swollen clit. Drawing her closer, he inhaled her musky scent.

"Edward," she whimpered, her nails digging into his shoulders. Her body shook with need.

Lust spiraled through him as he slowly licked through her folds.

"Oooh," she breathed. "Oh God."

Edward feasted on her sounds as he pleasured her with his tongue, her taste driving him wild.

"Condom?" she asked suddenly, her breathing heavy. Tiny beads of sweat glistened across her chest and stomach.

"Wallet. Back pocket," Edward murmured against her delicate skin, running his tongue over clit.

Bella stepped away from his mouth, and he growled at her. With a slight snicker, she took the condom and handed it to him. With her lower lip wedged between her teeth, she watched him sheath himself.

"Stop that," he growled, stroking himself. "It drives me crazy." He ran his thumb over her lower lip, pulling it from between her teeth.

He wrapped one arm around her waist and pulled one knee wide, settling her back over his hips. Bella reached between their bodies and wrapped her fingers around his length. He groaned her name as she rubbed his head over her opening. Bella ached in anticipation and rocked his length slowly into her swollen, wet heat.

Edward's muscles clenched. His fingers dug into her hips.

"Is this what you want?" He grunted out, his eyes never leaving hers, no matter how much he wanted to watch her sink down on him.

"Yes," she hissed. "God, yes."

Edward lifted his hips and pushed deeper. She whimpered and captured his lips, moaning into his mouth as he pulled her hips lower. Edward knew there was no way he was going to last long.

"I don't think I can go slow, sweetheart."

"Don't," she whimpered.

Just like two weeks earlier, the emotions Edward felt when he was with her, buried inside her, were electrifying. He couldn't get close enough, and yet didn't want to be closer.

"Bella," he groaned, trying, and failing, every trick in the book to stave off his orgasm. "I'm not gonna last."

Her hair had fallen forward over her shoulders and brushed against his chest with every thrust. It framed her face in a gorgeous display of raw beauty.

That wasn't helping him hold back either.

Edward lifted his hips and pushed deeper.

Bella's lips parted. Her eyes closed, and her head tilted back. "You feel so good."

With each passing moment, a strange new emotion rose within Edward's chest. A desperation to mark her, to own her.

He didn't understand the fierce, growing need, and he pushed it from his mind, focusing solely on the beautiful creature sliding up and down his cock.

"Bella… come on, sweetheart. Ride me." He growled the words against her throat, sucking down to her breasts and taking her nipple back into his hungry mouth.

"Aaah," she cried and, with one more desperate thrust, she stilled.

"Fuck me," she breathed out, pulling on his hair until their gazes locked - desire upon desire.

"Fuck... " He lost it and dug his fingers into her hips, driving upward.

Bella covered his mouth with hers. He swallowed her cries while his body shook from the effort of holding back his own climax. Bella was so perfectly snug around him.

"Oh God…" she moaned, leaning her forehead against his, her hips rocking over his engorged cock. "That's so… good."

Edward wrapped his arms around her waist, barely able to keep from losing control, and laid her down on the bed. Her hair spread in dark waves across the cream-colored pillow.

He reared back and pushed into her slowly. Her eyes fluttered closed.

"Open your eyes." When she did, he said, "You wanted to _fuck_ looking into my eyes. Keep them open," he grunted through gritted teeth.

Placing a hand flat on the bed beside her head, Edward traced a finger down her torso and circled a nipple. Bella mewled, her fingers digging into his biceps. He dragged it lower and circled her swollen clit, watching his cock, slick with her heat, pushing into her.

"Oh God."

Her eyes closed.

Her pussy clenched.

"Keep. Them. Open." He gritted out, punctuating each word with a forceful thrust.

She opened her eyes, pools of sparkling darkness, and Edward drowned in the intensity of her gaze. Her lips parted, and she gasped his name one more time before her orgasm broke. He watched the pleasure rush over her beautiful face.

"God _damn_ …" was all he got out before his own orgasm hit. His hips jerked, his muscles contracted and released, sending pleasure rocketing through him.

Bella went limp beneath him. She kissed his cheek, his jaw, his neck and then drew his body flush against hers.

Edward wrapped his arms around her, then rolled onto his back, still buried deep inside her. He smoothed her hair back and sighed, peaceful and sated.

This was heaven. He never wanted to leave.

After a moment, she lifted up and off of him. Edward threw the used condom in the trash and ran a hand through his hair, feeling nervous. "I should go."

He didn't want to, but he knew he _should_ go. Leave before sleep claimed him and the demons robbed his dreams.

"Don't," Bella whispered, drawing him back to bed and into her arms.

* * *

 **A/N: Not what you expected? Still wanna kill Edward? Let me know your thoughts...**

 **Thank you for reading, reviewing, all the favorites and follows. You guys are pretty awesome!**


	10. Chapter 10

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the fantastic woman who takes time out of her busy life to beta these chapters for me. She is amazing; a wonderful friend.**

 **To my pre-readers: NKubie, Twimom1960, IpsitaC77, and ForeverRobsessed. Thank you for all the work you put into this chapter.**

 **A massive thank you to Maggie, Ellen, and Nan for the support this last week, specifically** **encouraging me to continue when I doubted my writing and the ability to tell this story.**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Chapter 10

Edward's eyes opened slowly to the light streaming through the window.

 _Where the fuck was he?_

He chanced a glance beside him, and there she was, curled into his side. Her eyes were closed, lashes fluttering against her soft cheeks, and the dark waves of her hair spread across the pillow. His gaze lowered to her lips, pouty and soft. He remembered the feeling of having them on his skin; kissing him, accepting him.

Memories of the previous night flickered through his mind, and he scrubbed a hand down his face, grunting with the knowledge that he was in Bella's room.

In her bed.

Naked and smelling of sex **.**

 _But what the fuck was he still doing here?_

There was no way that he ever stayed the night. Yet here he was, with his arm around her shoulders, being blasted with the morning sunshine and with the reality. He had broken his number one rule: _Don't ever stay the night._

"Fuck!" He cursed quietly as not to wake her and ran his free hand through his hair, falling back against the pillow. With a sigh, his eyes closed.

As if Bella sensed his discomfort, she snuggled closer and pressed her lips against his ribs, just above his tattoo.

His heart constricted. His arm tightened around her.

 _Just a bit longer_.

The peace and tranquility he felt at the moment had him slipping into slumber once more.

-MTSD-

Feather light kisses across his chest and down his stomach woke him this time. His blurry gaze focused on the dark mahogany hair tickling across his skin before meeting the eyes of his fantasy.

He blinked lazily, his breath faltering at the sight on top of him.

Bella kissed just below his navel and smiled softly. "Good morning."

Edward's mind warred between jolting from her touch to letting himself enjoy the feeling of her hands and mouth on his body. His fingers smoothed across her rosy cheek and into her hair, pushing it over her shoulders. "Morning," he grumbled, his voice thick with sleep.

Her eyes twinkled, and she kissed his hipbone. Edward's cock twitched between her breasts, and his hips jerked slightly. "Yeah, this morning just might turn out to be good."

Laying back, he interlaced his fingers behind his head and just let himself feel. For once, the demons had remained silent through the night. It had been the most peaceful night he'd experienced in a long time. That thought alone was addicting and also scared the fuck out of him.

Bella chuckled softly against his skin, her finger tracing lightly from one hipbone to the other. "I think I can make it to be a very good morning." With that, she kissed the tip of his hard cock, surprising him.

"Damn," Edward's jaw clenched, wanting to push his cock down her throat.

"You like?" she teased, doing it again.

"Don't tease, sweetheart." The next word out of his mouth shocked him even more. "Please."

With another kiss to his hipbone, Bella swirled her tongue around the head of his cock and sucked him into her mouth.

"Fuuuuck," Edward drawled out, his eyes rolling back. "Good fucking morning to me."

He didn't think about the race later, didn't think about the fact that he'd spent the night, he only thought about the fact that he was here with her… with his cock in her mouth.

Stroking his fingers through her hair, Edward grunted and slowly rocked his hips upward, pushing his cock deeper. The familiar sensation of his orgasm approaching tightened his balls and heat gathered in his lower abdomen.

"Bella," he warned, brushing his fingers along her cheek. "Bella, I'm… Oh, fuck me!" Her tongue was a major distraction.

"I'm gonna cum." Edward gritted his teeth and forced his eyes open. Biggest fucking mistake. "Shit!" He cursed and his hips bucked, pushing him further down her throat. His orgasm ripped through him, pulsing through his veins, as he twitched in her mouth. Ripple after ripple of pleasure seized his body.

After a moment, Bella released him and smiled at him. Edward's heart constricted. To mask the unfamiliar emotions threatening to show, he wrapped his arms around her and crushed her to his chest. "Definitely a good fucking morning."

Bella sighed contently and the strange feeling in him vanished. "Hmm, coffee," she breathed, and Edward chuckled into her hair, recalling her analogy from a few days prior.

"That was the whole purpose for the wake-up call?"

She nodded. "Yeah. I had to know if I was right."

With slow steady brushes of his hand, he stroked Bella's back, a grin spreading across his lips. Why did it feel so good? So easy?

"Are you excited about the race tonight?" she asked quietly, tapping her fingers lightly against his chest to the rhythm of his heart beat.

"That depends."

"On what?" She raised her head curiously. Her dark hair framed her face, and Edward was stunned silent at her sheer beauty. Bella's beauty wasn't fake, it was real - inside and out.

 _God, he shouldn't be here._

 _Shouldn't corrupt her._

Forcing those thoughts aside, he brushed his hand down her arm to her hip. "Only if you'll be there."

Why she was surprised by that, he didn't know. But her eyes widened slightly, and a light blush covered her cheeks. "You want me there?"

For some unknown reason, her question angered him. "Well, why not?" His tone had a bite in it.

Bella cleared her throat. "I just thought that…" she swallowed and stared down at his chest. "Never mind. I'd like to come. It's fascinating watching you ride."

Edward wanted to ask her to finish that sentence, to share her thoughts on why he wouldn't want her at the race, but his mind got hung up on her last statement. She found his career, his riding, fascinating. Not dangerous, or 'I can't watch you hurt yourself', but _fascinating_.

"Fascinating, huh?" He asked stupidly.

"Well, yeah. How you maneuver the bike and manipulate it accordingly is just unbelievable. I'm all about facts and mathematical equations, but that doesn't compute with my brain. It's so… raw, beautiful, and thrilling." She chuckled uneasily. "The way you move on that bike is pure art."

Edward just stared at her, afraid his jaw was unhinged. Words wouldn't form as his mind blurred. In her own words, she had just explained the passion he felt whenever he got on his bike.

"Well, I wouldn't call it art, but I do love what I do." He grinned and pulled her closer, smoothing his hand down her back to the swell of her bottom.

Bella hummed and started to trace her fingers over his tattoo again. " _Passato - Masen. Presente - Edward._ What's it mean?"

 _Danger! Danger!_ His mind screamed at him. He should be running the other direction. Why did she have to ask that?

Rising to his feet, he reached for his jeans. He needed to leave. Needed to get his fucking head examined. "I was young, naive and wanted a tattoo. That's the best I could come up with at the spur of the moment." The lie he usually spewed to other women regarding his tattoo tasted foreign on his tongue. But he just couldn't imagine ever telling anyone about it, let alone someone like Bella. Edward could only dream of the questions and repulsion that would follow.

Bella reached for her shirt and a pair of yoga pants hanging from her desk chair, pulling them on. Edward watched her tie her hair into a ponytail, brows furrowed. She didn't ask, didn't bother to call him out on his bullshit lie.

"I always wanted a tattoo, but am too chicken to get one," she giggled as he pulled on his shirt. "I'd probably end up getting some kind of mathematical equation to… something, and I'd always have to explain the meaning to people." Bella scrunched her nose adorably.

Edward chuckled and pulled on his shoes. "But it would be significant to you. That's all that counts."

-MTSD-

Bella knew that he wasn't telling the truth about his tattoo. She could sense it - feel it as the mood changed from light and flirty, to tense and awkward.

But what was he hiding?

She smoothed a hand over her hair and tried to smile. "Um… would you like some coffee?"

"Thanks," Edward grumbled and laced up his shoes.

The muscles in his shoulders flexed and rolled with each movement, and Bella's mind drifted to memories of him on top of her, her hands desperately gripping those strong muscles. His mouth was still moving, and she blinked, forcing herself back into the present.

"But I gotta go. Get ready for tonight, you know?" Edward shrugged and rose to his full height.

Bella couldn't help but notice the tension around his eyes, his slightly clenched jaw. She swallowed roughly, not wanting to chase him away, but desperately desiring to know why his mood had changed.

"Of course," she nodded. Tearing her gaze from his, she focused on the rumpled sheets.

Edward gently caressed her cheek. "I'll see you tonight?"

"Yes. Tonight." Hope bloomed in Bella's chest. She felt connected, entwined with him, and it scared and thrilled her in equal parts.

He nodded. "I'll look for you." Edward leaned forward, his mouth hovering over hers. "Text me?"

Nodding, she kissed his lips lightly, moaning into his mouth when he drew his arms around her and pulled her close. His change in demeanor frazzled her.

Small pings of warnings fired in her brain, reminding her that there was a dangerous side to Edward - that her heart was falling far too fast. But the way his mouth was moving on hers, full of promises and desires, made her push those nagging thoughts to the back of her mind and focus on him.

 _It can't be as bad as last time._

-MTSD-

Bella hoped to all the power in the universe that Rose was still sleeping. Knowing her friend, if she caught them, Bella would never hear the end of it.

It would start with an entire debrief of their meeting at the bar, and then, because she was Rose, she'd want to know how the sex was.

Internally, Bella groaned at the thought.

With Edward in tow, his hands on her, they came around the corner into the kitchen.

Edward slammed into her back as Bella came to a stand still. Her hope had been futile. "What…?" he asked, the next words dying on his tongue as he took in the sight in front of him.

Leaning against the sink, with a coffee mug in hand, was Rose. Her usually styled hair hung loose around her shoulders, and she was still wearing her baby pink robe. One of her perfectly shaped eyebrows rose as she took in the stunned couple. Raising her coffee mug, she saluted. "Good morning, you two. Sleep well?"

Bella closed her eyes and shook her head, indicating to Rose not to embarrass her. Behind her, she felt Edward tense, his fingers digging into her hips.

"Morning," he grumbled lowly. He released her hips and took a step back.

"Morning, Rose," Bella greeted, opening her eyes again. She took Edward's hand. "I'm gonna… walk him out."

"Wait!" Rose stopped them. "Aren't you going to introduce us?" She motioned to Edward, desperately trying to hide her grin.

Gritting her teeth, Bella sighed. But Edward had other ideas. He stepped towards Rose with his hand stretched out.

"Edward."

"Rosalie. But everyone calls me Rose. Or Ro." She took his outstretched hand. "Nice to meet you. Bella has told me about you."

"Rose!" Bella hissed, stepping between them.

"Really?" Edward smirked at her. "I hope it's all bad things," he added with a wink.

Rose chuckled and placed her cup in the sink."I don't know. You tell me."

 _Here we go_ , Bella thought. Rose may have been the one to push her into contacting Edward, but she was still fiercely protective of her sister.

"Rose, I'll talk to you in a bit," Bella bit out, tugging Edward towards the door.

"Counting on it," Rose retorted, making her way down the hall with a small wave towards Edward.

Releasing a frustrated breath, Bella ushered Edward outside. She closed the door quietly and turned towards him. "I'm so…"

Her words got stuck in her throat as Edward pushed her up against the wall, his lips fierce on hers. One hand gripped her hip while the other spread through her hair.

Bella frowned into the kiss.

 _Why did it feel different? Desperate?_

In a span of a few hours, Edward's mood had changed from light and flirty, to tense and awkward and now he was aggressive, almost desperate. Bella tried to wrap her head around it, but couldn't find a viable explanation.

"Um…" She smoothed a hand down his arm, trying to clear the lust induced fog. If there was one thing she was sure of, it was the fact that the man could kiss. Her knees felt like jelly.

"I'll see you tonight," Edward murmured against her neck, lavishing her skin with more kisses.

She nodded. "I'll text you."

With one more kiss to her lips, he stepped back. And with one last heated look down her body, he turned and headed towards his pick-up.

Bella leaned against the wall a while longer after she'd heard him leave down the street, the sound of the truck's engine roaring through the neighborhood.

The door opened, and Rose poked her head out. "You plan on standing here all day?"

"Shut it," Bella retorted, pushing past her to get back inside. "I need coffee to survive your questions, that's for damn sure."

Rose cackled and handed her a mug. "Here! Now, spill!"

Bella rolled her eyes, but indulged her sister's nosiness. "We met at Proof last night and came back here."

"And proceeded to have hot sex." Rose held up her hand and gagged. "What happened to just talking to him?"

Bella couldn't help but snort. "Yeah, we did some of that, too."

Pursing her lips into a thoughtful frown, Rose leaned her hip against the counter. "So… what now?"

"I don't know." Bella shrugged. Her brows furrowed as she concentrated on the dark liquid in her mug. She really didn't know. Edward wanted to meet tonight, but then what? She was getting on an early flight Monday morning and hadn't even told him about that.

What if her career took her to DC permanently?

What would become of her and Edward?

She sighed and sank into a chair.

"Did you tell him about your interview in DC?" Rose asked, voicing Bella's thoughts.

Bella shook her head and closed her eyes. "I will." She opened her eyes and met Rose's. "Tonight."

Rose nodded and squeezed her shoulder. "But what then? What if you move to DC?" She chuckled darkly. "He doesn't seem like the type that would take that kind of news well."

"I don't know," Bella hissed. "I can't predict the future!" She breathed deeply. "For now, I will take it one day, or step, at a time."

"Okay," Rose agreed. "Then let's not focus on that right now." Her grin spread wide. "Tell me, how is that man in bed?"

Bella giggled. "Of course that's what you want to know."

"Yes! Did you not see him? That man is fine!"

"I did see him. Naked," Bella whispered, feeling the heat spread through her cheeks. "And let me tell you, he does not need directions. Wow," she sighed, the previous night flickering through her mind. The look on Edward's face as he'd slid into her gave her goosebumps all over. The raw passion in his eyes as he'd commanded her to look at him made her want to moan out loud.

"Wow," Rose echoed. "You look… sated. Happy. I haven't seen that in a long time," she whispered, dark memories flashing through her blue eyes.

Bella's smile slipped, and she nodded sadly. "I didn't think I could ever feel like this after Jake, after... everything."

"You deserve it. And if he hurts you, you let me at him for just a few minutes. I'll make sure that he'll never _satisfy_ another woman's needs again!" She laughed at Bella's grimace. "Now, go take a shower. You reek of sex!"

As Bella shampooed her hair, she thought about the difference between Jake and Edward. While Jake had been a gentle soul, always making her smile with his little antics and jokes, Edward was the complete opposite. Yes, the sex was raw and primal and phenomenal, but there was something about him that made Bella pause. Like his riding, he was danger in bright neon colors. He lived in the moment, pursuing his desires and chasing the adrenaline of it.

While her future with Jake had been secure and safe, she knew with Edward she had to be ready for a roller coaster ride. Would she have the strength to endure it?

* * *

 **A/N: Review? I'd like to know your thoughts on this chapter.**

 **Thank you for reading, the reviews, all the favorites and follows. You guys are something special. See you next time! :) :)**


	11. Chapter 11

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. I'm just playing with her characters.**

 **NewTwilightFan, NKubie, and Twimom1960 are the great women that devote a lot of their time and help me make each chapter readable. Thank you for all you do. Thank you for the encouragement and support when I doubted my ability to tell this story.**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Chapter 11

Bella traced a finger over the love bite on her neck, her entire body warming with the memory; his lips on her skin, his growls of pleasure, and then the confusion when his mood had changed this morning. She frowned. There were so many questions about Edward swirling in Bella's mind, ranging from what triggered his mood swings, to the tattoo, and his parents.

He was a massive puzzle composed of a thousand tiny pieces, and Bella didn't know which pieces belonged together. The real question was whether he would let her solve the puzzle or close the lid altogether?

With her towel wrapped tightly around her body, she headed into her room to dress. Bella sighed dramatically when she spotted Rose perched on her desk chair, turning from side to side.

Rose gave her a saucy grin. "There's still so much we need to discuss."

"And that couldn't wait until I was dressed?" Bella raised her eyebrows and rummaged through her drawers.

"Like I haven't seen you naked."

Bella turned her back to Rose, and her eyes fell on the small picture frame on her nightstand.

 _Jake_.

Rose had taken the picture a few minutes after he'd asked Bella to marry him. His smile that evening had lit up his face. Bella loved that picture. It showed his love for her. His gentle but bright smile lit up the photo, and her heart constricted in her chest.

God, she missed him.

Bella could hear Rose's movements behind her, the slight creak of her chair giving it away, but she was frozen to the spot, her mind stuck in her last favorite memory of Jake.

Rose must have sensed Bella's hesitation, because the next thing she knew, Rose was drawing an arm around her towel-clad waist. "He was so nervous," she commented.

The burn of tears at the back of her throat prohibited Bella from speaking. She only nodded, remembering the tremble in his hands at he'd taken hers and the way his voice shook as he'd asked: " _Willst du mich heiraten?"_

Jake only used his native language when nervous or stressed, but it had made the occasion that more special to Bella.

"I swear, dad must have kicked him under the table a few times throughout the evening," Rose reminisced with a small chuckle.

Bella let out a shaky laugh and shook her head. "He _was_ nervous."

"Yes, but we only wanted him to get it over and done with so we could celebrate with you." Rose turned to Bella. "The suspense was killing us, you know? We all knew, except you."

Wiping a stray tear from her cheek, Bella cleared her throat. "It was a good evening."

Memory upon memory trickled through her mind; Charlie's loud whoop when she said yes, Rose's bone-crushing hug, and the brilliant smile on Jake's face as he'd slid the ring on her finger.

Her mind then turned to the not-so-happy memories that transpired a few months later. The smile on her lips started to slip, her subconscious drawing her down a dark path.

Then the realization hit. Edward had seen the picture.

Hadn't he?

Bella fast-forwarded through the night and came to the conclusion that he most definitely had seen it as he was putting her glasses on the table.

Why hadn't he said anything?

"What did Edward have to say about it?"

She turned to Rose, biting her lip nervously. "I don't know," she shrugged. "He didn't mention it."

Rose's perfectly shaped eyebrows rose, and she took her seat again. Leaning her elbows on her knees, she asked, "What? Why not?"

"He placed my glasses on the nightstand, but didn't say anything about the photo."

"Did he not see it?"

Bella pointed to the picture. "I think he must have. I mean, it's right in his line of sight."

"Damn." Rose shook her head. "Either he was too busy with making you moan his name, or he just doesn't care."

"Were you listening?" Bella gasped, horrified, yanking a T-shirt over her head and briskly tying her hair into a ponytail.

"Bella, we are roommates. How could I not hear _that_?" She winked at Bella, grinning.

"You have ears like a basset hound, I swear," Bella grumbled, pulling on a pair of capris and heading towards the kitchen.

Rose proceeded to mimic a dog and barked, flapping her tongue while she followed Bella. "I would make a cute dog."

"An annoying one, too," Bella replied sarcastically. "Besides, what happened to the big burly guy from the bar?"

"You mean Edward's friend?"

Bella nodded. "Yeah. What's his name?"

"Emmett." Rose opened the refrigerator and pulled out the eggs and bacon. "I gave him my number, but he never called - well, texted. Who calls nowadays?"

"But he invited you to the race," Bella commented, heating butter in the skillet. Eggs and bacon was her and Rose's Sunday morning breakfast special. They would sit and talk for hours, catching up and sometimes reminiscing. Today, the conversation revolved around Edward and Emmett. Bella was glad she was able to steer the conversation away from her tryst and focus on Rose.

"He did, but that's all I've seen or heard from him."

"Then come with me tonight. Talk to him."

Rose spun on her heel, an egg forgotten and crushed in her white-knuckled fist. "He invited you to the race tonight?" she asked wide eyed, oblivious to the egg whites trickling down to the floor.

"The egg, Ro," Bella pointed out. So much for steering the conversation away from her and Edward.

With a muttered curse, Rose quickly cleaned up the mess while Bella went about frying the bacon, a small smile on her lips.

"Give me the details!" Rose ordered.

Bella laughed at her sister's curiosity. "He asked just before he left. What was I going to say? No?" She bit her lip and turned back to the bacon. Her cheeks heated as she thought of the kiss just before Edward had left. What a persuasion tactic.

"Aww, look who's smitten with Mr. Motocross?"

"I do like him. A lot. It's just…" She sighed, frowning. "He's… complicated."

"Care to elaborate?"

With her lower lip wedged between her teeth, Bella tried to unscramble the thoughts in her brain. How could she explain him? He was considerate and sweet, then complicated and intense the next second.

"He has this tattoo," she started. "Along his ribcage." She pointed below her right breast.

Rose nodded, focusing on the eggs. "What kind of tattoo?"

"I think it's Italian, but it says Passato - Masen, Presente - Edward. When I asked him about it, all of a sudden, he couldn't wait to get out of here. There's more to it, I just know it."

"Hmm, that is an interesting tattoo. Maybe it's his way of putting his past behind him?"

Bella turned off the stove and removed the bacon. "Maybe. But then why couldn't he just say that instead of saying it was a spur of the moment thing?"

"Maybe he's embarrassed?" Rose questioned with a shrug. "You never know with guys. Maybe he'll tell you one day."

As she set the table, Bella couldn't figure out why she was so preoccupied with the damn tattoo. It was his body after all. But the curiosity still lingered; especially considering his reaction to her questioning him about it. If it truly had been a spur of the moment decision, he wouldn't have reacted the way he did, right?

She couldn't hold it back any longer. Bella started rambling, telling Rose everything about the previous night at the bar, including how Edward had reacted when he first saw details spilled from her lips in a flood of jumbled words.

"He went from accusing me of using him to get to his parents, to kissing me and apologizing for his behavior. I don't know what to think," Bella finished.

"Who are his parents?" Rose asked after a minute. Breakfast was ready and the two women sat down with freshly refilled coffee.

Bella shrugged. "I don't know. But they seemed… famous."

"Well, what's his last name? Maybe I know them."

"Cullen."

Rose's cutlery clanged on her plate. She gasped, her eyes wide. "Cullen?!"

Bella nodded, her fork frozen halfway to her mouth.

"Holy fucking shit, Bella. The Cullens are considered _royalty_ in this town. Dr. Carlisle Cullen, plastic surgeon and smokin' hot for a man in his mid-fifties." She wiggled her eyebrows. "And Mrs. Esme Cullen, queen of interior design. People would kill to get work done by them, or hell, get within a few feet of them. They're the ultimate couple." She paused for a moment, grinning widely, "You're dating the famous Cullen boy; all around bad boy. Why have you not Googled him?"

Shrugging, Bella bit into a piece of bacon, digesting the new information. The fact that Edward's parents were… _royalty_ explained his behavior at the bar; his reaction towards her. But it didn't explain him.

"It hadn't crossed my mind," she answered Rose's question. "Besides, it would feel weird invading his life like that. And I don't know if we're… _dating_." She averted her eyes, finding her breakfast fascinating.

"Okay, maybe it's not dating... _yet_. But for sure fucking." Rose chuckled at the irritated look on Bella's face. She continued, "Honey, it's the Internet. It's not like you'd be hacking his bank information or school records."

That was true. In the past, Bella would have considered that option, but she'd said goodbye to that life a long time ago.

A nagging thought entered her mind. "What if I don't like what I find?"

"And you probably won't, but then you can ask him about it or ignore it. In the end, it comes down to trust. Do you trust what you find online to be true, or are you going to place your trust in the man himself?"

Bella nodded and gave Rose a small grateful smile. She always gave it to her straight, even if Bella didn't like it.

After a moment of silence, Bella changed the subject. "You'll come with me tonight? Maybe see Emmett?"

"Count me in," Rose mumbled around a piece of bacon. "I wanna know why he hasn't contacted me. Besides, going by the sounds you were making last night, I wanna know if he fucks just as good as Edward."

Bella gasped, nearly choking on a piece of egg, while Rose laughed.

The rest of the morning Rose spent convincing Bella what to wear; Daisy Duke shorts and blue spaghetti strap shirt, because _'it doesn't hurt to flirt.'_

Thankfully, Rose got a phone call from her office and left Bella to her own thoughts for a while. She stripped the bed, inhaling Edward's manly scent once more before placing the linens in the wash.

The information Rose had provided regarding his parents and heritage prompted more questions. She eyed her computer, gnawing on her lip.

 _What if…_

 _No, don't. Just enjoy what you get with him. Don't ruin it by researching him._

 _But it doesn't hurt to look._

She huffed, the tug of war in her mind driving her crazy. Curiosity won, and she typed his name into Google.

 _Edward Cullen._

It shouldn't have surprised her how quickly the results displayed on the screen. Facebook pages with his name and Motocross career came up first. Then a Wikipedia page. But what she saw next halted Bella's breath.

A picture.

It was Edward, dressed in a black tuxedo, his hair combed back and a lazy smile on his face. But what constricted her heart and squashed the hope in her chest was the tall, lanky blond at his side. Dressed in a golden gown, the strawberry blonde woman was the epitome of beauty and elegance. Her smile was wide and friendly, her blue eyes clear and solely focused on the handsome man at her side.

Bella's eyes zeroed in on his arm around her waist and her hand on his chest. They looked… _friendly_. Familiar. Cozy.

Her stomach churned, and she swallowed. She read the tag line.

 _Edward Cullen and Tanya Denali. MTV Awards. Red carpet._

"I told you that you might not like what you find." Rose's voice startled her, and Bella jumped. She minimized the picture, but the screen filled with a bunch more - different women and various events.

Her eyes scanned each picture, her stomach twisting and turning at the intimacy each photo provided. Rose took a hold of the mouse and exited the browser.

"I'm sorry, Bella. I shouldn't have suggested Googling him."

"What is he doing with me?" Bella asked quietly, her eyes still on the blank screen. She and these _women_ were different in every aspect of life.

Rose sighed and perched herself on the desk. "Maybe…" She paused, searching for the right words. "I don't know, honey. But what I do know is that he was here with you. He likes you for you, otherwise he wouldn't have agreed to meet you last night. Maybe it's the fact that you don't lead that lifestyle that draws him to you."

Bella nodded, hearing the words but not really listening. "Maybe…"

Her phone chimed

The display read: _Edward - New Text Message._

Rose looked over Bella's shoulder and grinned. "See? He does think about you. You're his focus now. Just concentrate on that. Don't let something that's on the Internet stop you from having hot, amazing sex with Edward freaking Cullen. Add that to your bucket list. Oh, wait? You already did." She headed towards the door, laughing. "Just enjoy it, Bella. Ride the waves, or the man in this case. Don't think too much about the consequences."

Rose laughed at Bella's wide-eyed expression. She was right. Bella needed to concentrate on now and not let the Google search sour her mood. Edward wanted her. He texted her. Made her moan his name. Invited her to the race.

It was all in the facts.

The fact was that he made her forget. And that she craved. He was her drug of choice.

EDWARD: _I picture you - naked - on my bed. Now I can't get the sleep I desperately need before tonight._

Her body warmed, and the images of his arm around other women got locked away in her mind.

BELLA: _Sorry. :( Not really. ;)_

EDWARD: _*groan* You're biting your lip, aren't you? Fuck_.

BELLA: _Didn't we last night? And maybe_.

EDWARD: _And now I'm hard just thinking about it._

BELLA: _What a nice visual. :D_

EDWARD: _I'll give you a visual tonight._

He wanted to see her again. Bella grinned at the screen, her face flushed and her body craving him.

BELLA: _Promise?_

EDWARD _: Fuck yeah. Meet me at my trailer after the race. If I win, I'll need to celebrate… privately_.

BELLA: _Those are the best celebrations._

EDWARD _: I need to take care of… something, sweetheart. And it's all your fault._

BELLA: _Get some sleep, Bikerboy. I'll see you tonight._

EDWARD: _Bikerboy? I like it. A lot. See you tonight. I can't wait._

Neither could she.

Bella read his messages again, smiling like a loon, and her heart pitter-patted in her chest. She was teetering on the edge of falling for him, and that thought equally excited and terrified her.

When she looked up, the grin fell. Inside her closet, the suitcase, fully packed for tomorrow's trip, was mocking her, reminding her that tomorrow she was heading east with hopes to advance her career. The anxiety in her stomach increased tenfold.

How was she going to say goodbye to Edward?

How was she going to explain herself or the fact she didn't want this to end?

Would he consider this goodbye, or would she see him again?

There were too many variables and no right equation towards the outcome. She was flying blind. The excitement Bella felt about seeing Edward again was now laced with trepidation.

-MTSD-

Edward could feel Emmett's stare as they drove towards Anaheim for tonight's race. He chanced a glance and was greeted with a worried expression.

"What, Em?" Edward bit out, twisting the steering wheel in his hands.

He knew Emmett was worried about him, especially the company he kept. Emmett had been no fan of Tanya and wasn't afraid to voice it.

"Please don't tell me it's…"

"No!" Edward growled. "Not Tanya. Not that it's any of your concern."

Emmett's shoulders slumped with a sigh of relief. Then he grinned. "So, who was it? That Bree chick from Calvin Klein?"

"What?" Edward then shook his head with a chuckle. He shouldn't be surprised that Emmett had found out about her after Edward had signed the contract. She had been hanging around the tracks a few times and had made her interest clear. "No, it wasn't her."

"Man, she is cute," Emmett drawled, wagging his eyebrows. "Then who?"

Edward wasn't ready to talk about Bella. Hell, he was still working out details of their… _hookups_ … himself. She made his head spin, and he wasn't sure he liked that.

When Edward didn't respond, only concentrated on the road, Emmett pressed on. "Dude! She's a secret! Fucking A, man," he cheered, clapping Edward on the shoulder. "She must be special."

That caused Edward to grimace. No, she wasn't special. Not at all. That was his lie and he was sticking to it, no matter how much he craved Bella or how easy it was being with her.

He changed the subject, not comfortable with the direction the conversation was heading. "You and James having a party later?"

Emmett grinned, fully aware of what Edward was doing. After all, his friend was the master at avoiding any personal questions. He'd observed Edward dodging all kinds of inquiries about his life over the years. Emmett had learned to go with it - if Edward wanted him to know, he'd tell him.

"Hmm, not sure," he shrugged. "Nothing's been planned. You think you'll beat Villapoto tonight?"

"Fuck yeah!" Edward replied confidently. "Fucker can't win every race."

Emmett chuckled. "Nah, but he sure is good." He clapped his hands together with glee. "What ya say we make a bet?"

"Bet against what? Me beating Villapoto?" Edward turned an evil grin towards Emmett. "Or if I'll kick your ass?"

"Man, that's cruel. Just cruel," Emmett pouted. "But you know I'm just letting you win."

Edward laughed. "You wish, man. So, what you wanna bet?"

"Right. Bet you a thousand bucks Villapoto will kick your ass."

"What the fuck, Em? Thanks for the vote of confidence." Edward chuckled, knowing Emmett only did it for the fun of it. "But you're on."

They shook hands, solidifying the deal.

"I'll see you in the winner's circle with the money." Edward grinned, taking the exit ramp towards the stadium. He would make sure he'd win tonight; not only to get the money from Emmett, but for the private celebration he'd planned with Bella.

This morning's events trickled through his mind. He'd wanted to make a hasty exit after she'd asked him about his tattoo. Fuck, that had thrown him. He hadn't been prepared for that and certainly hadn't wanted to delve into his past that fucking early in the morning. The past was just that, the past and he'd make fucking sure it stayed there. The marking on his body was just there to remind him that there was no salvation for him. It was his fucked up way of accepting himself.

Edward knew Bella wasn't like the other women he had been with. She wasn't self-absorbed like his mother or obsessed with her looks like Tanya. She was… fucking _simple_. Her room, her lifestyle and her personality. A complete opposite from what he was used to in this make-believe town. It was that fact, her simplicity and self-confidence, that drew him to her.

What surprised him even more had been her protectiveness when her roommate, Rose, had confronted him. Without hesitation, Bella had stepped between them, shielding him from Rose's questions that Edward knew he wouldn't have been able to answer without coming off sounding like a complete fucking jerk. And that's why he'd kissed her like all hell depended on it outside the door.

The fucked-up emotions jerking him around nearly choked him, and the only way he knew how to silence them was with physical contact. That and he loved kissing her; her response to him was instantaneous, clinging to him and surrendering completely. It made him feel fucking powerful - _desired_ \- things he hadn't felt in a long time.

On the drive back to his house, Edward thought about the picture of the dark-skinned man on her nightstand. He hadn't noticed it the previous night, too focused on her, but this morning as he'd put on his boots, his gaze had lingered on the stupid photograph. Bella had told him that she was single, and Edward had believed it, but there was something about the picture, its placement, that told him the man was important to her. The question had been on the tip of his tongue, but if he'd asked and didn't like the answer, any good feeling he got from being with her would be fucking gone. So he had ignored the feeling of jealousy that surged through him and kissed her once more. After all, Edward prided himself on not being the jealous type.

But the questions still remained: Who was he to Bella? Boyfriend? Ex-husband? Was he still in her life?

Edward surmised, the less he knew about her, the easier it would be to say goodbye. And if he was being honest with himself, it should be sooner rather than later. Bella was too good for him, and he knew it. It didn't matter how much he craved the peace he felt by simply being close to her. He was bad news, and she needed to know that before things became too… _personal_.

But tonight he wasn't going to worry about it.

Tonight he just wanted her - to savor the silence that only came when her touch held the demons at bay.

* * *

 **A/N: He's a mess, isn't he? And Bella's already falling in love.**

 **Thank you to TLS for featuring this story last week and sending me a ton of new readers.**

 **Sorry for the long delay in updating. My excuse: life. It can give you a swift kick when you least expect it. Thank you for your patience and still continuing to read. Have a great weekend!**


	12. Chapter 12

**A/N: SM owns all things Twilight. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **NewTwilightFan is the amazing beta behind all my jumbled words. She makes sense of it and turns it into beautiful poetry. She's my soul sister.**

 **NKubie and Twimom1960 have my back when these chapters don't turn out exactly as I've planned and the characters take over the reins for a bit. But nonetheless, they make sure I stick to my storyline. Thank you for your continued support and encouragement when I doubted my ability to tell this story.**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Chapter 12

The air was alive with sound, the constant buzzing from the bike engines lingering in Bella's ears. Dust swirled in the breeze, and the odor of motor oil and exhaust fumes clung heavy in the air, mixed in with cigarette smoke and the stench of spilled beer. Fans, young and old, occupied the stands of Anaheim Stadium, some standing and cheering for their favorite rider. Others lounged back in their seats, trying to get comfortable on the hard benches.

As they waited for the final race of the evening to start, Rose chewed on the M&M's she had bought at the concession stand, eyes on the track, thoughts elsewhere. Grinning, Bella stole a few candies out of the bag. "You only eat M&M's when you're nervous," she observed, and popped a few of the chocolates into her mouth.

Rose shot her a glare. "And you're way too observant."

Chancing a quick glance at the starting gates, but not seeing any riders yet, Bella focused on Rose again. "And you're only grouchy when you're anxious," she quipped, raising a challenging brow.

"What the fuck was I thinking?"

"Hey! Watch your language! There are children present!"

Both Rose and Bella turned to the woman occupying the seats behind them, covering her child's ears and shaking her head disapprovingly at Rose. The boy's blue eyes were wide, his mouth open and shaped into an 'O'.

Plastering on a sugary sweet smile, Rose apologized to the boy. "Sorry." Turning to Bella, she rolled her eyes and in a hushed whisper said, "Like that kid's never heard a cuss word before."

"So, what were you thinking?" Bella asked, steering their conversation back on track.

"Why am I wasting my time on him? If he had been interested he would have contacted me." Rose's uncertain blue eyes met Bella's. "Right?"

Bella took in Rose's unsure expression; the doubt in her crystal blue eyes and the frown pulling at her brows. It was ironic how they had switched places. Just a few hours prior, Bella had been the one hesitant and doubtful when it came to Edward, and now, Rose questioned her own level of interest when it came to Emmett.

"Knowing you, like I do," Bella started, "You will talk to him. You, Rose Swan, are not one to back down from a challenge. Especially when it comes to men." She snatched a few more pieces of chocolate. "What is it about Emmett that has you doubting yourself?"

With a heavy sigh, Rose chewed on her bottom lip. "When he hit on me that night at the bar, he didn't just use some lame pickup line like most men. You know, like… _Are you from Tennessee? Cuz you're the only Ten I see_."

Bella snorted, and Rose joined in on the laughter. "Has someone actually used that line on you?"

Nodding, Rose emptied the last of the sweets into her hand and popped a few into her mouth. "Oh, yes! And that's not the worst I've heard." She grinned while Bella shook her head. "But Emmett, he was… _casual_. He didn't offer to buy me a drink or just stare at my boobs. He leaned against the bartop and asked me how I was doing. We simply… _clicked_. Talked." She grimaced and rolled her eyes. "Cliché much?"

"No, not cliché. I get it, Ro. I do. And I'm gonna tell you what you told me. Go for it. You'll never know if you don't try." Bella leaned in close and whispered, "Sounds like he's got your panties in a twist. Maybe _he_ can untwist them."

Laughing, Rose embraced Bella quickly. "He might as well," she added with a wink. "It's been a while since someone _untwisted_ my panties."

"If you mean _a while_ as in just a few weeks ago? Sure. That's a long _while_." Bella shook her head with a roll of her eyes. "Try four years, my friend."

The announcer's voice interrupted their conversation, crackling through the intercom. "Ladies and gentlemen, the last race of the evening is about to start. Riders are in the starting gates, and, as we've seen throughout the day, it will be a stiff competition. We've got Ryan Villapoto for Team Suzuki, James Hunter for Honda, Edward Cullen and Emmett McCarty both for Team Kawasaki, along with many others. And rookie, Eric Yorkie for Team Yamaha is going to be one to watch over the coming years. He might be young, but this kid is giving it his all. Placing in 4th at the first race right here in this stadium two weeks ago, coming in 3rd last week in San Diego. He could surprise us, folks, and come out on top tonight."

Bella ran her hands down her jean-clad thighs, having ignored Rose's fashion tips. She felt much more comfortable in jeans and a simple blouse. Her gaze once again searched for Edward's green bike. Like his shirt, it had the number thirteen on it, and she had watched him like a hawk in each qualifying heat race, clapping and cheering as he came in the top five in each category.

"Ever since he announced that this will be his last year on the circuit, Edward Cullen has shown us that he's not taking any chances. He's in it to win it, bringing his A-game to every race. If he keeps up this energy, we will definitely see him vying for the Supercross title in Vegas this October!" The announcer kept spewing out statistics and performance highlights, but Bella was focused on that one specific rider.

Edward held his helmet in his hands, his eyes wandering, searching the stands. One of his pit crew members was checking his bike one last time and speaking into his ear. Bella's heart rate doubled when his head turned towards her. She bit her lip, waiting for him to find her amid the crowd of fans. The sounds around her disappeared. She saw nothing except him, waiting for him to find her. She could see his mouth turn into a small grin when he looked in her general direction, but couldn't be sure if he saw her. Nonetheless, she returned his smile, eyes solely seeing him. Then the moment passed when he slid on his helmet and fastened the goggles, his attention on the task at hand.

"Stop drooling," Rose chuckled lowly.

Color flooded Bella's cheeks, and she averted her eyes.

Before she could respond, the horn sounded, and the gates dropped. The bikes shot forward, tires spewing dirt, and the shrill sounds of the bikes' engines blasted through the dome. Bella sat forward, lower lip wedged between her teeth, her gaze locked on the green bike and its rider.

The announcer launched into a play by play of the race. "Villapoto does a wheelie out of the gate, taking the lead. Cullen and Hunter are battling for second with McCarty and Yorkie right on their tail. Here's the first turn. Villapoto is carrying too much speed and takes it wide, giving Hunter a chance to slide right past him on the inside. Now it's Hunter in first with Cullen and Villapoto in close second. But oh, Hunter loses his footing on the second turn, falling to third place, and Villapoto is back in the lead."

Her heart pumped faster in her chest as she watched him maneuver the bike around each turn, across each jump, and through the grooved dirt. Twelve laps had passed. It was a tight race, a clean race, with no falls. No rider was giving up on his chance at the number one spot. This was supercross - with five laps remaining, anything could happen. Bella found herself holding her breath before every jump, not able to exhale until both of his tires were back on solid ground.

"Folks, this race is going to be close. Villapoto, Hunter, Cullen, and McCarty," the announcer said, excitement evident in his voice. "Two more laps to go. Hunter and Cullen keep battling for second place, while Villapoto is hanging on to the lead.

"Last lap, folks. The checkered flag is out. Last turn and… oh, Cullen swoops past Hunter on the inside. Villapoto and Cullen are neck to neck, gunning for that finish line," the announcer said in a rush.

Bella sat forward, fingers clenched tightly together. Her breath stuck in her lungs as she watched him soar into the air across the final jump.

"Edward Cullen for the win as he takes Villapoto by a split second! This is unbelievable, folks. A last second win for Cullen!"

The crowd erupted with cheers, jumping to their feet. Hands clapped and feet stomped as the checkered flag continued to wave. Bella was on her feet, hands covering her mouth and her heartbeat erratic in her chest.

"What a race, folks! Edward Cullen wins one for the Kawasaki Team, and it's only the third race of the season. We can't wait to see what else he has in store for us."

Edward's bike fishtailed as he applied the brake, coming to a skidding stop in the mud. He took off his helmet and raised it above his head, his smile visible to Bella even from her place high in the stands. The crowd went wild again, celebrating his victory along with him.

With a matching smile, Bella watched him take his helmet and aim it in her general direction. The grin on his face turned into promising smirk.

Her pulse became erratic.

The air in her lungs went ragged.

How could she leave if all she wanted to do was stay?

-MTSD-

"First win of the season. How are you feeling, Edward?" the reporter from FOX Sports asked.

Edward wiped the sweat from his neck with a towel, throwing it over his shoulder, and grinned at the camera. "Damn good, Sam. Great, actually."

Sam, the reporter, nodded and lifted the microphone back to his mouth. "Next week, you will be heading to Oakland. Do you think you'll beat Hunter or Villapoto again? Are you worried about Yorkie, the rookie? He's rising quickly in the league."

"As you've seen today, it was a fierce competition," Edward answered. "Who knows what will happen?" He shrugged. "But what I do know is that I will be doing my best at every race. As will Emmett and the rest of the Kawasaki team." Edward turned to Emmett, who stood grinning at his side. His friend was thrilled to have placed in third. It was a good win for the entire team.

Just as Edward intended, Sam started to question Emmett about the race, leaving Edward to scan the mass of fans and riders for that certain brunette he'd had on his mind all day. Before the race, he thought he'd seen her, but hadn't been able to confirm it. Even though he knew which section her seat was in, the stadium was too packed to pick out an individual face from that distance.

Fans spilled around him, asking for autographs and photos, distracting Edward once more. He signed magazines, posters, ticket stubs and even body parts. People hugged him, little boys and some girls high-fived him, and women pressed their boobs into his arms as they posed for pictures. A few weeks ago, he would have scribbled his number on their cleavage to go along with his autograph, clearly indicating that he was up for a party. But now, it all distracted him from finding his girl and celebrating his win privately.

His hand stilled, Sharpie in hand, poised above a Kawasaki-branded photo of him and his bike. His brows furrowed.

 _His girl?_

Where did fuck did that come from?

No! No! No!

Shaking his head to get those ludicrous thoughts out of his head, he finished signing his name and handed it back to the enthusiastic boy wearing a green ball cap with the number thirteen embroidered on it. "Here ya go, man. You enjoy the race?"

"Yeah," the boy answered, nodding his head. "You were awesome!" he gushed. "When I grow up, I wanna be just like you."

Edward grimaced, bits and pieces of his childhood rearing their ugly heads. No, this boy's childhood couldn't be the same nightmare as his had been. Quickly forming his grimace into a smile, he squatted down, his eyes level with the boy's. "What's your name?"

"Ryan."

Leaning in close, Edward shot the boy's father a wink. "Well, Ryan. When you grow up and you still wanna be like me, call me, okay?"

Ryan's grin grew impossibly wider. "Really?"

Edward nodded. "Yes. Scouts honor." He mimicked the three-fingered Boy Scouts salute with his hand then high-fived Ryan.

After they took a few pictures, Edward sent the boy off with his personal hat and watched him walk away, clutching the souvenir in his hands while constantly checking over his shoulder and waving at Edward.

A conversation that was happening behind him caught Edward's attention as he continued to appease his fanbase.

"Rosie. You're here. I've been meaning to call, you know," he heard Emmett say. There was a slight tremor in his friend's voice.

"What stopped you?" That voice Edward recognized. Rose. Bella's friend and roommate.

She was here.

"I didn't know what to say."

Edward rolled his eyes at Emmett's reply. The fucker was the king of charm, and he didn't know what to say?

"How about ' _Hello. How are you?'_ That would have been a nice start."

Rose wasn't going easy on Emmett, and Edward loved it. He hadn't seen Emmett so tongue-tied around a chick in a while. This _Rosie_ had gotten under his skin.

"I'll make it up to you," Emmett promised. Edward was starting to picture his friend on his knees, begging the queen for forgiveness. It was fucking hilarious in his mind.

"Damn right you will," Rose said with finality in her tone. "You can start now, by showing me your bike."

Chuckling lowly to himself, Edward signed the last ticket stub and sent the fan away after taking one final picture. He ran his hands through his sweaty hair and stilled.

He could feel her. His spine tingled, and his eyes fluttered closed as her scent filled his nostrils. "Bella," he breathed out, her name a sweet whisper on his lips.

Slowly, he turned, green eyes finding brown. A small smile curved her full lips - lips he had devoured the previous night. Her cheeks bloomed with a rosy blush, and his fingers twitched at his side, aching to touch, to caress. Eyes that held him captive wandered down his body and up again, causing tingles of want and need and lust to rush down his spine.

His thoughts screamed: _Take. Take. Take._

"Congratulations," she whispered, her body leaning towards him, yet not touching.

His teeth gritted, the spell broken, and he blinked. "Thanks." Stepping closer, he watched her chest rise as she inhaled sharply. "Glad you could make it."

She smiled. "Wouldn't miss it. You were magnificent."

"It got me to first place." Edward winked and took another step closer. Her scent swirled around him, igniting that feeling deep within his chest, the same damn thing he'd felt early that morning.

The sudden chill breeze had Bella wrapping her arms around herself. Edward looked up at the sky, seeing thick grey clouds rolling in and listening for the low rumble of distant thunder.

Edward took her hand, the soft skin warm against his calloused fingers. "Come with me. I believe I promised you a _private_ celebration."

The laugh that escaped her lips had his chest expanding with pride. _He had done that._

"You're incorrigible," she joked with a shake of her head, but followed him anyway, fingers entwined with his.

The sensation of her hand in his, palm to palm, skin on skin, the simplicity and tenderness of it, was frightening and painful to Edward. He could feel the bitterness trying to creep its way into the moment, but for the first time in _years_ , he didn't dare let it overpower him.

"Sweetheart," he drawled, leaning close to her ear, his lips brushing the skin and sending shivers of desire down Bella's spine. "I'm all about winning."

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 **A/N: What did you guys think? How'd you like the race? Will Bella tell him about DC or just leave? I'd love to hear your thoughts.**

 **To understand Edward's world, I added the racing details. I hope it helps. Will you let me know? I apologize in advance if it's not how the actual races are. My only reference was searching the web and grilling my brother for details. He's a wiz when it comes to anything motocross.**

 **FYI: Ryan Villapoto is a real Supercross champion. He's one of the best the circuit has ever seen. At the age of 27, he retired because of a back injury. Compressed two discs in his back. If he'd continued racing, there might have been the possibility that he could have become paralyzed if another accident occurred.**

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 **I am co-hosting a contest with Sri this fall called "P.S. I Love You." Come join us! Write! Read! We'd love to have you. Link is in my profile!**


	13. Chapter 13

**A/N: To the ladies that spend loads of time in this fic with me. Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

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Chapter 13

"Make yourself at home," Edward said, moving past Bella and letting himself fall heavily onto the couch. He squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed his temple. The damn fucked up feelings that had sent him running from her like a bat out of hell that morning came rushing back just at the sight of her. The increased heart rate, the sweaty palms, and the constant need to touch her.

I'm going fucking insane!

Opening his eyes, he peeked at her. Her long brown hair was now twisted into a braid, but he remembered running his fingers through those strands not even twenty-four hours ago. Her soft, tantalizing skin captured his gaze, reminding him how he'd caressed and kissed her, how her touch had chased away all the demons that robbed him of sleep at night. Those fingers had traced the ink on his skin, reminding him yet again that he was sin while she was goodness. Now, as she looked around the sparsely decorated trailer, Edward knew this - this had to be the last time. There was no chance in fucking hell that she deserved to be stuck with him. He would not drag her down.

Make it a good last time, he reminded himself. Even though he was decided, some demented part of him wanted her to remember him - wanted her to feel him - long after tonight.

Edward started removing his boots, and the loud snap of the laces startled Bella. He looked up and paused. The darkest brown eyes he'd ever seen looked upon him with pride and a hint of want. Giving him a small smile, she turned back to inspecting the small space that served as a kind of mobile office, ops center and break room for him, Emmett and the entire crew while they were out on the racing circuit. The coffee pot sat half empty, that morning's brew turned dark and cold, with a sheen of oil floating on top. A handful of dirty mugs were still littered across the counter and in the sink. Specs of both bikes lay strewn across the table, highlights and notes on the pages.

A picture hanging on the wall above the small dining table held Bella's attention. The photo had been taken three years prior at one of Edward's most talked about victories. It had been a messy race, with several crashes, and dangerous antics from two rookie competitors with too much adrenaline and not enough common sense. Edward had lost too much ground avoiding collisions, and looked like he was out of the race for sure, but he had only pressed harder. With seconds to go, a daring burst of speed sent Edward flying between two competitors on the final jump. It was the kind of finish the fans loved and the media outlets raved about. It was the reason his sponsors paid him to risk his life every weekend. The crew had decided to celebrate with a bottle of Jack and a few women. In the frame, Edward's had his lips pressed against Tanya's cheek while her arms wrapped around his waist. He remembered his hand was resting on her ass which, thank fuck, the camera hadn't captured. Thanks to a few rum and cokes, he couldn't remember much else from that night.

He pushed his boots aside and stood, moving towards the cabinet that held the ever-present bottle of whiskey. "That was three years ago." He didn't have a desire to discuss the past, especially one where Tanya was involved. It would be enough to do those damn photo shoots with her. "A rider in my category had made it his mission to send me off the tracks," he chuckled darkly at the memory and pulled two tumblers from another cabinet. "But the joke was on him. Dumb kid. With his stunts, he ended up derailing himself, making it an easy win for me. It was worth celebrating."

Still staring at the photo, Bella nodded. "It's not a simple sport." She turned to him. "Were there any repercussions for the other rider?"

Edward shook his head and leaned his hip against the counter facing her. "Nah. Just a slap on the wrist. He had to sit out a race or two. I can't remember for sure." Shrugging, he poured a bit of the amber liquid into each cup and placed the bottle back in its hiding place. "But that's part of the game. The risk of getting thrown off the track."

Bella took the glass from his outstretched hand, her fingers brushing his. The warmth from such a simple touch rushed up his arm and down his spine. To disguise the feeling, Edward downed a good portion of his whiskey, letting the alcohol warm his blood. He hated, and also really liked, how he felt around her - a constant war.

"Don't we need to toast your win?" Bella asked.

Raising a brow, he smirked at her. "I'm sure there are different ways to toast my win." But he still raised his glass toward her before tipping it back again.

With a shake of her head, she took a sip, her face scrunching as the whiskey burned her throat. Edward watched amusedly as she took another, more timid, sip.

"You don't have to drink it." He chuckled and placed his now empty tumbler into the sink. He resisted the urge to pour another shot to drown the fucking turmoil going on in his head.

"It helps with the cold. I'm not particularly fond of this time of year, you know." Her eyes looked past him, sorrow and pain clouding her irises. "Wet. Cold. Just winter in general." Bella blinked, completely hiding her emotions from him again.

Not that those matter anyway. The argument sounded weak, even to his inner cynic.

"I know a different way to warm you." He took a step closer, enjoying the hitch in her breathing. Taking the glass from her hand, he tugged gently. "Come here."

"Why is it so difficult to resist you?" Bella asked in a hushed tone.

She placed her hands on his chest, slowly drawing them up and around his neck. Edward felt his muscles relax as the warmth of her touch seeped into his skin.

"Are you trying to resist me?" Edward murmured and nuzzled her neck. His eyes closed as he inhaled her floral scent.

Drug meet junkie, he thought dryly.

His hands swept from her waist around to her back and underneath her silky blouse, spreading along her warm skin. "Answer me," he growled against her ear, his cock hardening as she shivered. Her responses were like pouring gasoline on a fire. He was quickly burning through his control.

"I… umm…" Bella trembled again as he placed an open mouthed kiss to the pulse point on her neck. His own blood pulsed hotter. "I can't."

Edward pulled back. Bella stared at him, her gaze reflecting his, her lower lip wedged between her teeth, and a sense of surrender in her stance.

He focused on her rose coloured lips and watched, mesmerized, as her eyes fluttered shut. Her face lifted, and his lips brushed hers, tender and soft. Flames of desire licked down his spine, along his arms and tingled in his fingertips. With a grunt, Edward pulled her body closer as his lips captured and devoured hers. She tasted like sweet whiskey, a new flavor he wanted more of. Swiping his tongue along her lower lip, he asked her to let him in, and she did, letting him dominate her mouth, her senses. Edward felt her fingers in his hair, tugging through the strands.

Even as he lost himself in her - her taste, her body - Edward fucking knew he wouldn't be able to forget her. Everything about Bella enticed him. There was so much he wanted from her - her touch, her simplicity, and most of all, the calm he felt being with her - that it scared the fuck out of him. She was a glimpse of heaven when all he knew was hell.

More, more, more!

Letting his hands drift lower, Edward dug his fingers into the soft flesh of her bottom, pushing his cock against her lower abdomen. Bella moaned into his mouth, the vibrations sending shock waves of lust through him. With a quick lift, Edward had her legs wrapped tightly around his waist, cursing the fuck out of her jeans that kept him from being inside her.

Blindly, he walked them towards the bedroom at the back of the trailer. He couldn't wait. The need to be inside her overrode all his other senses. It captured him and sent him into a tailspin of unidentifiable emotions. With a grunt, he fumbled with the doorknob, nearly falling into the room when it finally opened.

"Fuck!" he cursed, kicking the door shut. "Sorry," he mumbled when she gasped in surprise, going for her mouth again. She needed to be naked. He needed to be inside her. His grip on her tightened.

Laying her down on the navy blue sheets, Edward kissed from her mouth to her neck. His eyes squeezed shut while his brain warred between wanting her close and pushing her away. He could give himself tonight, then no more.

"Edward," she breathed his name so softly, pulling him out of his head again.

He blinked and lifted his head. The sound of rain falling onto the roof could be heard over their erratic breathing. A low rumble of thunder rolled through the air. Bella's chest rose and fell with each breath as she stared at him, understanding in her gaze.

Her hands trailed slowly down his back, fingertips pushing into his skin. Tracing along the edges of his gray proRacing T-shirt, she started to pull it up.

Rising to his knees, Edward yanked the shirt over his head and flung it over his shoulder. His stomach twisted with desire as her brown eyes swept across his torso and down to the prominent bulge in his pants. Bella licked her lips. Bracing a hand on the mattress, he pushed his cock against her. Her mouth fell open.

Her fingers touched his cheek, sliding lower. Across his shoulders, his chest and down his stomach. His eyes closed involuntarily as the sensation of her touch raced through him. But the feeling vanished when she traced the lines of his tattoo.

No redemption!

She didn't know it, but he was tainted. Unworthy. If she knew the truth, she would have run screaming that first night.

Edward set his shoulders and clenched his teeth stubbornly. That's why she could never know.

His eyes blazed when they opened, his target in sight. With deft fingers, Edward unbuttoned her blouse and flung it open. "Take it off," he commanded, yanking down the zipper of her jeans.

Bella wriggled out of her jeans and lay back down. With her legs on either side of him, knees bent, Bella was beauty personified. Creamy skin, toned legs and the sexiest fucking lingerie Edward had ever seen. A dark green bra covered her breasts, breasts he couldn't wait to taste. And the same color underwear covered the place he'd been obsessed with since day one.

Edward's calloused hands followed the path of his lust-filled gaze. Bella bit her lip as his fingers trailed up her thighs, and she whimpered when he drew a fingertip slowly across the damp cloth between her legs.

"Fucking beautiful," he whispered.

"Team spirit," she countered, giving him a gentle smile.

Edward grinned at her, leaning forward and kissing her hip bone. Her hips rose in response. "Sexy as hell."

"I'm glad you approve."

She watched his movements, her chest rising and falling with each labored breath. He kissed up her stomach, letting his lips linger on her scar, wanting her to know that she was beautiful.

Hooking a finger into the cup of her bra, Edward pulled it down, his mouth covering the exposed rosy peak.

"Oohh." Her back arched, and her hips bucked against him.

Smoothing his hand down her stomach, he slipped it beneath her panties. Wetness coated his finger as he slid it through her folds, circling her clit.

"Edward," Bella panted. Her fingers gripped his hair and kept him anchored to her body. "Fuck. I…"

His eyes met her hooded ones, and he released her from his mouth. "Say it!" His tongue swept across the wet tip again, and he pushed a finger into her, swallowing harshly at the feeling of her surrounding him.

She hissed. Her body trembled. "You… God!"

"It's Edward," he replied smugly and kissed his way to her other breast, never ceasing his movements between her thighs. Fucking wet! "Now, say it! Out loud!"

His eyes popped open wide when, instead of speaking, she grabbed him through his pants. His jaw dropped, and he panted, "Fuck, Bella!" Reflexively, he bucked into her hand.

"Yes! Fuck Bella." She grinned evilly at him and stroked him again, pressing her thumb against the head.

Rising from the bed, Edward stared at her. He gripped his cock through his pants with his free hand as he continued to pump his finger into her. He watched her gasp for air, her pupils dilated, following his movements. Slowly, he pulled the drawstring on his riding pants and pushed them down along with his boxers.

He fisted his cock and squeezed, grunting out a curse when she pushed down her panties and let her legs fall open. "That's it," he murmured, stroking himself at the sight of her, wet and ready.

"Come here," she whispered. Her hands reached for him as he crawled up her body. Warm, soft skin met his, and he exhaled against her mouth, feeling the world slip away.

His cock pushed against her, sliding between her thighs. He trembled. Heaven, he thought again, overwhelmed by her heat.

Bella's hips moved against him, and the tip of his cock slid into her.

Edward froze.

Swallowing in shock, he met her gaze. "I've never…" he looked down between their bodies, his mind at war. "I've never gone bareback before," he admitted, unable to tear his eyes away from the sight of his cock nestled between her thighs.

"I'm on protection," Bella mumbled, her hands on his cheeks, urging him to look at her. "I'm clean."

Wrong! Wrong! Fucking wrong! His mind screamed at him. Wrap it up! Always wrap it up!

"I shouldn't do this! I shouldn't want this!" Edward hissed in agony, pressing his forehead to hers.

She kissed him, slow and sweet. "I just want you. In any way," she whispered against his lips.

Surrendering to her willingly, Edward pushed ahead a bit more. His eyes closed at the incredible feel of her warm, tight body wrapped around him.

Bella gasped and gripped his biceps as he gave in completely. Her legs wrapped around him, and she held him close, breathing deeply. With his eyes still squeezed shut, Edward let himself adjust to her. His chest rose and fell with labored breaths, and his lips pressed against her neck, feeling the blood pumping through her veins.

Her grip on him relaxed, and he pulled back before pushing in a bit more forcefully.

"Aahh," Bella hissed, her body curving upwards, her breasts brushing his chest.

Take! Take! Take!

Desire, hot and intense, flamed down Edward's back. He reared back and slammed back into her. She gasped and moaned when he did it again. Gripping her hip, he slid his hand down the back of her thigh.

"Deeper," he grunted. "Harder." The intensity of their pleasure had Bella gasping his name.

Bracing a hand flat on the mattress, Edward's mouth dropped to her breasts, and his other hand moved from her thigh to her clit, his finger pressing lightly. His teeth bit at soft flesh, and then his tongue soothed as he move faster and faster inside of her.

"Oh, God… yes!" Bella groaned, meeting his thrusts. "So good."

"Fucking fantastic," Edward growled against her collarbone. He felt her tighten suddenly around him, and he reared back in shock, eyes locked on hers. "Fuck! I can feel you," he said, amazement evident in his strained voice. A strange and unfamiliar sensation spread from his chest, through his muscles and bones, jolting his nerve endings as he recognized the tenderness in her eyes. His entire body warmed, buzzed with… life, as she gazed at him.

"Edward," she moaned again, her fingers digging into his skin. "Edward, please."

It was her 'please' that broke him. Any inhibitions he might have had shattered beneath the weight of that single word. He found his rhythm again in three sharp thrusts.

"Fucking come," he growled against her cheek. He was about to. He just. Needed. Her. There. Too…

He thrust harder. His lips met hers with hungry abandon.

Bella gasped into his mouth, her body squeezing him tightly. She clung to him as he thrust wildly into her a few more times, prolonging her orgasm. And then it struck. Pleasure rocketed through him, blistering and consuming. Edward's body went rigid, and he groaned as he came, his cock twitching.

-MTSD-

The worst of the storm had passed, but raindrops still pattered lightly on the roof. It was a soothing, tranquil sound. A small smile played on Edward's lips as he lay beside Bella, enjoying the euphoric feeling that still lingered in the wake of their tryst. He took a deep breath, his eyes closing as her fingers continued tracing across his arms, his hands and to his chest where she tapped gently. He sensed a pattern, but couldn't make out what it meant.

"What's that?" he asked, his voice husky.

"A new code I'm working on."

His gaze found hers. "You're already thinking about work? Was my performance that bad?" Edward smirked as her eyebrows rose.

Her fingers stilled. "On or off the tracks?"

He just watched her, his hand slowly trailing up to her waist.

"On the tracks, great. Off the track…" Bella's voice tapered off. She pursed her lips, as if in thought. He began to tickle her, and she squirmed. "Hey!"

He kissed her lips, laughing. So fucking beautiful… mine. His heart skipped and jumped erratically. His hands stilled, and he blinked at the onslaught of emotions stirring within him.

What. The. Fuck!

Closing his eyes, Edward let himself feel the calm that surrounded him, the stillness that took root in his heart. It was all because of her.

My solace.

"Unbelievable," Bella finished in a whisper.

His mouth moved over hers, slow and languid. His hands pulled her closer, hooking her legs over his hip. Pulling her on top of him, Edward pushed back into her, swallowing her moans as he moved inside her.

As the rain continued to drizzle onto the roof, the lovers came together sweet and slow, chasing that euphoric bliss again. Edward held her spent body close to him as their breathing settled. He stared at the ceiling, knowing the night was almost over. And for the first time in a long time, he wasn't ready for it to end.

Dark thoughts swam up from his subconscious, reminding him yet again that he was no good for her, that he was going to ruin her, but his mind was resolute. He wanted Bella in his life. He wanted more nights like this. He wanted to celebrate each win with her. She chased away the demons and kept him sane. It was moments like these that kept him craving more.

But he also knew that, by opening up to her completely, he wouldn't be able to keep his demons at bay much longer. He would have to face them head on. Would she stand beside him? Or would his fucked up life, his messed up self, send her running? Damned as he was, he still couldn't deny himself. He was hopelessly addicted to Bella.

Could he have her without fucking up both of their lives?

-MTSD-

Bella's heart squeezed in her chest as she watched him dress. Edward caught her looking and he winked, causing her cheeks to warm. He grinned at her. Her stomach twisted with the inevitable. Her breath shuddered with anxiety as she pulled on her shoes. She needed to tell him.

Edward's hand brushed over her cheek to her neck, kissing her lips softly. Drawing back, the warmth in his gaze nearly caused her to crumble. A slow, sweet smile spread across his lips as his thumb pressed against her neck, feeling her pulse race beneath her skin.

"I quite enjoy this," Edward mused, stroking her skin lovingly. "To know that I do this to you… very alluring."

Her heart broke a little more.

Bella closed her eyes to hide her anguish and kissed his lips. Her hands cradled his face, the stubble on his cheeks pricking her palms, absorbing the feeling of him once more. Just one more time before...

"Let's get out of here," he murmured, taking her hand and pulling her outside, locking the trailer door behind them.

The rain had backed off to a light drizzle, and there was a biting chill in the air. Bella shivered, wrapping her free arm around her middle. Noticing her movement, Edward shrugged out of his leather jacket and draped it over her shoulders, wrapping his arm around her and pulling her into his side.

"Don't want you to get sick."

Tears prickled behind her eyelids. "Thanks," she murmured, keeping her head down.

She grew even more quiet on the drive towards her house. The radio played a heartbreak song as Edward maneuvered his truck through the streets. Bella stared out the window, the lyrics painting her heart with tones of blue and gray.

As if he sensed her growing anxiety, Edward took her hand. He gave it a tender squeeze, smiling gently at her when she gazed at him. "We should have stayed in the trailer for the night," he chuckled lightly, turning on the signal light.

Bella sagged in her seat, not knowing how to respond, and clutched his hand. "Then you wouldn't have to drive home in this dreary weather."

Pulling into her drive, Edward shut off the engine and turned towards her. Was he waiting for her to invite him inside?

I don't know how to do this! How can I say goodbye?

"Edward, I…"

"I was thinking that tomorrow…"

Both chuckled. Edward motioned for her to continue.

She pulled out of his gentle grasp and wrung her hands together in her lap. "I had a great time. Watching you race, celebrating that win with you…"

"What is it?" Concern evident in his raspy voice. He could sense there was more.

A tear trickled down her cheek, and Bella wiped it away quickly. "Tomorrow," she swallowed down the lump in her throat. "I'm going to D.C in the morning."

Edward inhaled sharply, his body moving away from her. She could almost hear the stones piling up into a wall around his heart. She hated that. She hated this. Right at this moment, she hated her career.

"The app I used when we met, there is a company interested in the software. I have an interview with them over the course of the next week." The words rushed out before she could stop them.

"Like a job interview?" The warmth and tenderness in his voice was gone, replaced with a distant chill Bella felt all the way down her spine.

She nodded, afraid to look at him.

"That's great news, Bella," Edward said with false enthusiasm in his voice.

"I should be back later in the week. Maybe we can get together…"

He didn't let her finish. "It was just sex, Bella. Nothing more. This needed to end sooner or later."

She exhaled sharply. The pain, the bluntness of his words, cut through her.

Sex. That's all it was.

Sex, that was all that she had wanted… at first.

Sex. It had turned into so much more. But the feeling wasn't mutual.

"Sex." Bella nodded, her voice monotone, keeping her emotions at bay. She opened the door and swung her legs to the side, but Edward took her hand, preventing her from exiting.

When she looked into his eyes, she saw for a brief moment the man she'd been with a little while ago; rough around the edges, but tender and sweet, and… hers.

"You'll do great," he said, his gaze confident and unyielding. "You deserve this."

Giving him a nod of thanks, she slid off the seat and swung the door shut. He sped off, much faster than was safe for this weather, while she stared after him, the chill of the night crawling through the jacket and into her skin. His claim that it had just been sex to him shook her. Had she read him all wrong? She honestly thought that he was opening up to her at last. She felt foolish and naive.

With shaking hands, Bella found her keys and let herself in. As she shut the door softly, the warmth of the house embraced her. Then the floodgates opened. Tears streamed down her cheeks, and she wrapped her arms around her torso, gripping the leather of his jacket tightly, trying to keep herself together. Sliding to the ground, Bella sat on the hardwood floor, knees pulled to her chest, and cried - for thinking it could be as simple as just sex, for the man that had taken her heart with him, and for thinking that it could be more.

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 **Thank you for reading!**

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	14. Chapter 14

**A/N: Hey everyone. So this is gonna be a bit long, but it's necessary.**

 **The fic is categorized as Hurt/Comfort. It's for a reason. It's not gonna be sunshine and rainbows. There will be trials and rough spots. These characters aren't simple; they both have a cruel past and this fic is about discovering those events, healing, and working through those while building trust. If that is not for you, I respect that, but the storyline won't change. I hope you can respect that, too.**

 **Yes, it's a slow burn. But they will get together. They will talk and learn to be together. It's about the journey.**

 **And since a lot of you were worried about her "protection," here's a spoiler: There's nothing wrong with her protection! She's not pregnant. The point of that scene was to show the connection both of them felt towards each other. No babies. Not yet.**

 **I hope that cleared things up for now. On we go...**

 **Inspiration for this chapter was: "Different for Girls" by Dirks Bentley ft. Elle King**

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Chapter 14

As she leaned back, Bella's head thumped heavily against the door. She winced, her face pulling into a grimace as the pain fired through her skull. Spewing out a quiet curse, she cradled her head in her hands and closed her eyes. Her contact lenses shifted beneath her lids, the irritating scratch reminding her once again why she wasn't very fond of using them.

Her cheeks were still wet with tears; evidence of the dull ache that cracked through her heart. _This needed to end, sooner or later._ He had said it with such finality. Fresh tears burned her eyes.

Rising to her feet, Bella braced a hand against the doorframe, steadying herself. The agonizing twist in her heart spread through her veins; the pain so deep her nerve endings felt numb.

The quiet darkness of the apartment welcomed Bella, an echo of how she felt right now; empty. From the kitchen, she could hear the low hum of the refrigerator and the constant _drip, drip_ of the faucet as it leaked into the sink.

 _We really need to get that fixed._

There was no indication that Rose was home.

 _She probably went home with Emmett._

In a way, Bella was glad for that. It meant not having to rehash the entire evening with Rose and having her sister analyze everything from Edward's response to the mistake Bella had made of not telling him about her impending trip sooner.

 _Would that have changed things?_

 _Probably not._

 _Maybe._

 _I don't know._

She breathed deeply, placing her palm against her torso to quiet the turmoil, as if it would stop the hurt. How could she feel so much for a man when they had been together less than two days? What did she even know about him? Each time they'd been together, they'd been naked.

Shaking her head to chase those thoughts away, she could sense a headache forming. Bella decided to focus on the present, knowing she had a few days to herself to ponder all the questions and assumptions, and go over every detail with a fine tooth comb. Her brain was wired that way. It needed to understand every angle, even if it didn't change the outcome.

With a sigh, she headed towards her bedroom, determined to prepare herself for the trip to the east coast. Her head and her heart were a complete mess, but other people didn't need to know that.

In her bedroom, Bella could faintly hear the fan of her computer whirring. It beckoned to her - a solace, an escape whenever her emotions threatened to overwhelm her.

Her fingers twisted in the leather of his jacket, and she cast her eyes down, running her thumb over the smooth black material.

She inhaled. _He smells so good._

That was an understatement. Edward's scent was one of pure man, musky earth, and primal sex. The forbidden fruit she had tasted, breathed, and now couldn't forget. She could still _feel_ him everywhere - his hot breath on her neck, his lips on her skin and his dark eyes as they'd caressed her so seductively.

She sighed again and rubbed her temple with her fingers, her head starting to pound. "Sex. Just sex, Bella. He made it pretty clear. Don't get hung up on a guy you don't even know," she muttered to herself, but even saying the words out loud didn't ease the ache that reverberated through her body. Edward and his bad boy demeanor, his charm, and those little snippets of tenderness he'd shown towards her, had caught the strings of her heart and tugged… hard.

Shrugging out of the jacket, she placed it on her bed and stared at it, her bottom lip wedged between her teeth.

 _He'll want it back._

The hope that sprang through her at the thought of seeing him again caused Bella to roll her eyes, and she let out a laugh. "I could just mail it to him."

Massaging her temple again, she headed towards the bathroom, stripping off her clothes, removing her contact lenses, and letting the water wash away the night. Steam from the hot water filled the bathroom, bathing the room in a hazy glow. She closed her eyes, the spray cascading down her back, and she visualized all the pain, the desire for more, to understand him, the evidence of his body, his scent… all of it washing down the drain.

 _After all, it was just sex. Fan-fucking-tastic, mind-blowing sex, but still…_ just _sex._

After dressing in blue jeans and a green sweater, she blow-dried her hair, twisting it back into a braid. She checked her reflection in the mirror, noting the bloodshot eyes that stared back at her through the dark-framed glasses. Exhaustion was evident in her face and also her posture, her shoulders slightly bowed forward.

 _I'll get some sleep on the plane,_ she thought, anything to keep her mind from a certain green-eyed man.

After scheduling a cab to take her to the airport, Bella opened a new text to Rose.

' _Don't worry about rushing home to take me to the airport. I know my flight isn't for another four hours, but the roads are probably not the best, so I called a cab. Better get there early rather than late. I will call you once I land. I hope you're having a great time. I love you, sis._ '

After packing the last of her toiletries, Bella turned to her computer, first making sure her laptop and tablet had everything she needed for the flight and her meeting. She checked the software again, her mind flashing back to that night two weeks ago, remembering how nervous she'd been and how his laugh from across the bar had beckoned to her, luring her in.

A fresh set of tears pooled in her eyes. _Why did I ever agree to meet him?_

It had been the promise of a great time with a stranger, the idea that she could forget for one night, just one night, that had made her throw caution to the wind.

When Bella drew the line and walked away the first time, she thought she had done the right thing. But it hadn't been that simple. Then he texted her… and she responded. If they'd drawn the line there, maybe she could have escaped with her heart intact. But something about Edward always left her craving more.

When he had called her, just hearing his voice ignited something inside of her. She had to see him again. And then, she'd let him spend the night.

In her bed.

 _I should have known then that it wouldn't be just sex for me._ She felt naive for thinking it could be anything more to him.

Although there was no mistaking the tenderness in his gaze as he'd taken her tonight. Bella had _felt_ it in every touch, every kiss and in the way he'd whispered her name. It was in the way he'd wished her 'good luck', his gaze honest and open, a stark contrast to the biting words he'd uttered moments before. And he'd looked at her with such unguarded emotions swirling in his beautiful green eyes after they'd made love.

Those moments had made this, whatever _this_ was, so much more to her. It was those small glimpses of _him_ that had sent her heart sailing right into his hands. She'd felt connected, bonded to him in a way she hadn't experienced in what seemed like a lifetime. It felt as though she had broken the surface of deep waters and could finally breathe again - the sensation both liberating and frightening as she'd ventured into uncharted territory.

She glanced at the sheets, still picturing him there, naked, with that mischievous smirk on his face.

" _Good fucking morning to me."_

Just the memory of that husky growl caused tingles to shoot down her spine and gather between her legs. God, how she still wanted him. The desire ran so much deeper than she'd anticipated.

Then her gaze drifted from her pillows to the 4'x6' framed photo on her nightstand.

 _Jake_.

The contrast between Jake and Edward was striking. While Jake had been gentle, sweet and funny, Edward was reckless, rugged and dangerous. With Jake it was simple, predictable, but with Edward, everything had been uncertain from the start.

Taking the photo into her hands, the keepsake she'd stowed behind the frame rattled on the nightstand. The diamond sparkled beautifully in the fluorescent light as it came to a stop. Bella stared as memories of another time, what felt like a lifetime ago, pushed out all thoughts of Edward.

She sank into recollections she hadn't revisited in a while, the memories of how it all had started with Jake; memories she avoided, fearing the dreadful nightmares that followed. But now, she didn't try to stop the flashbacks as they fired through her brain.

…

 _Knock. Knock. Knock._

 _Bella looked up from her laptop, gazed at the door and then to her watch. No, dinner shouldn't have arrived yet._

 _When the knocks sounded again, she placed her laptop on the coffee table, turned off the music that streamed through her ipad and padded towards the door. Without the music on, the busy sounds of the nightlife in Berlin wafted through the window - a city she had yet to explore._

 _She opened the door a few inches. After all, she was still a stranger in this city; a student in a foreign country._

" _Ja?" she questioned the tall, dark-haired man. His brown eyes sparkled as he smiled at her, raising a bag. She read her name on the slip of paper stapled to the bag._ Her dinner.

" _Ich glaube, das ist deins." (I believe this is yours.)_

 _Her brows furrowed. "I'm sorry. I'm new here, from America, and don't quite speak the language just yet." God, she hoped he spoke English._

 _As his grin spread wider, she breathed a sigh of relief._

" _I'm sorry," he spoke with a slight accent. "Is this your dinner?" He motioned to the bag again._

 _Bella nodded and opened the door a bit wider. "It is. I guess I lost track of time."_

 _He waved a hand dismissively. "No. The delivery guy knocked on my door instead of yours. I saw your apartment number on the receipt after I sent him away."_

" _You're my neighbor?"_

" _Across the hall," he answered, pointing to the door opposite hers. He handed her the bag and stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I hope you have a good evening, miss."_

 _He turned towards his door. Opening it, he smiled at Bella over his shoulder. "It was nice meeting you, Miss America."_

 _But before he could close the door, she stopped him. "Wait. What's your name?"_

 _The big grin was back. "Jakob. But you can call me Jake."_

" _I'm Isabella. Bella." She lifted the bag containing her meal. "Thank you, Jake."_

 _The next evening, she did the one thing she hadn't considered doing while studying in Berlin. She reached out to a stranger, not just one of her classmates. She knocked on Jake's door with dinner for two. Her heart thundered in her ears. This was new territory. She wasn't the type to make the first move. That was Rose._

 _The door opened with a slight creak. Jake smiled instantly upon seeing her. His hair was damp, and water droplets clung to his neck. "Miss America." He eyed the bag she held. "Don't tell me the delivery guy messed up our addresses again."_

 _Bella let out a small laugh, her nerves easing. Shaking her head, she answered, "No. Nothing like that." She lifted the bag. "I forgot to pay you back last night. I'm sorry about that. So, I figured it would only be fair that I pay for your dinner tonight."_

 _Instead of taking the bag, Jake opened the door wider and motioned for her to come inside. "Then it's only fair that you join me." He grinned at her again._

 _Bella accepted his invitation and stepped into his apartment. While Jake plated their food, she glanced around the space, noting the pile of newspapers and gossip magazines that lay on his computer desk. Her brows furrowed slightly at that, but she didn't want to jump to conclusions. A damp towel hung over the back of the desk chair, further evidence that he'd just stepped out of the shower. The TV was tuned to the local weather station, but it was on mute. She turned to Jake. His broad back was to her as he stuffed the empty to-go containers in the garbage and proceeded to wash his hands._

 _He placed both plates on the table and invited her to sit. "So, Miss America. I'm curious to know, what brings you to Berlin?"_

" _I got offered a scholarship to the Technical University of Berlin."_

 _Jake whistled impressively. "All the way from America to study?"_

" _And explore a new part of the world."_

 _He took a bite from his dinner and gave her a closed-lipped smile, mouth full. "Then you came to the right place. Deutschland has a lot of history."_

 _She nodded. "Now you know that I'm a student, tell me, what is it that you do?"_

 _Jake offered her a glass of water which she took, thanking him. "I write for a local newspaper. Entertainment section. Movies. Music. Celebrities." He pointed to himself. "That's me. Jakob Schwarz. Look for my name in the next edition."_

 _She couldn't help but laugh at his silliness, his light personality. The piles of magazines made sense now. "Is that where you learned english? It's quite good."_

" _Yes," he nodded. "Also from watching movies. I love American movies." He squared his shoulders and mimicked holding a gun. "Say hello to my little friend."_

 _Bella laughed loudly, covering her mouth with her hand, as he butchered the Italian accent. "Scarface."_

" _Ganz genau," he replied with a laugh and then saw her confused look. "Sorry. It means exactly."_

 _She cast her gaze to her now empty plate. "I have so much to learn."_

" _It's a difficult language." His voice was soft, understanding. "But you've got a great teacher, now. What good is a neighbor if he doesn't teach you a thing or two?"_

 _Her unease at her shortcomings diminished when she looked up. "You? You'll teach me?"_

 _Jake grinned at her. "I will teach you German, show you the history of my country, and in return, you will watch movies with me and tell me all about America."_

 _He held out his hand, and she shook it happily. "Deal. Which movie do you wanna watch first?"_

 _Releasing her hand, Jake grabbed his phone and held it to his ear and yelled loudly. "Show me the money!"_

 _Bella jumped in her seat, startled, and then laughed, wiping at the tears that escaped. She felt so at ease with Jake. "Jerry Maguire it is."_

…

And so, they'd spent more time together - watching movies, him teaching her the language and showing her around the city, even some of the countryside. Soon, friendly hugs turned into kisses and hand holding. Jake started to spend the night, but he still made sure she had a decent meal to eat and always respected her space when she needed to study.

Bella caressed his smiling face in the frame, tears sliding down her cheeks. "I miss you so much," she whimpered, a new ache flaring inside her chest. Her hand slid across her stomach, the scar underneath her clothes a daily reminder that he was gone. She cradled the photo to her chest, letting her emotions lead her. Pain, longing, loss, and so much more washed through her.

Jake.

The accident.

Loss.

Edward.

Bella felt as if everything was crumbling around her. The perfectly sculpted facade she had mastered, the illusion that she erected to fool herself and others around her into believing she was fine, fell away. No matter how hard she had tried to pretend that losing Jake was just like a bad breakup, the truth was she still grieved him even after four years. She mourned the loss of the life they'd planned - marriage, kids.

She could still feel the void and complete despair that had crashed through her as the doctor had told her what she had feared, but didn't want to believe. Jake hadn't survived the accident. The news of his death, on top of the crushing pain of her loss, had been too much to bear. Her body had curled into itself, sobs wracking her frame for hours. Charlie and Rose had cried with her, held her and tried to whisper encouragement in her ear. She'd heard none of that, hoping and praying that he'd walk through the door at any moment, take her hand and promise her that everything would be alright. He never did. She never saw his smile again. His death had created a void in her life - and heart.

She'd filled it with work and family, but mostly work. That was the pillar she'd balanced on whenever she'd felt like drowning. Rose had been persistent, offering distractions whenever she sensed that Bella was drifting. She made sure Bella went out once in awhile and that she didn't dare lock herself inside her room, or herself.

And now there was… _had_ _been_ Edward. A man so handsome and charming that she'd let herself believe she was ready to venture out into the world again, into dating. She allowed herself to explore it, love it. Bella hadn't realized, but her heart had been ready and willing to love again, accepting him so freely, flaws and all. He'd made her head spin, her smile brighter, and her everyday life so much easier. And all without him knowing.

That little taste of _life_ he'd breathed into her, caused her to shiver. As she gazed at the man in the photograph, his features started to change. His black hair turned into tousled auburn, his dark eyes morphed into mossy greens and his sweet smile changed into a mischievous smirk.

Her breath escaped her.

Edward.

"I really screwed this up, didn't I?" she asked, wiping away the last of her tears. "I should have told him yesterday morning. Or hell, even tonight, but not at the end of the night." Scoffing, she continued. "I messed it up before it could even start. Nice!"

Her phone chimed at that moment indicating a text. Her heart started to race. _Could that be him?_

God had a sense of humor, but this would be too easy, right? Right!

Picking it up, she read Rose's name. _You better call me! We need to talk. Have a safe flight, sis. I love you more._

Her phone chimed again, the next text making her laugh. _Emmett's so fucking hot! And so sexy! And… never mind. You catch my drift._

Leave it to her sister to make the gloom that hung over her head disappear. Bella placed the phone in her purse and went to put the picture back, but stopped.

Jake was her past. He was never coming back, no matter how much she wished she could turn back time. It was time to move on.

Placing a light kiss to his face, Bella placed the photograph into the drawer of the nightstand, followed by her engagement ring. Before she closed it, she traced his features once more. "I will always love you."

Looking around the room, Bella's gaze once more fell on Edward's jacket. Her fingers ran across the embroidered lettering on the back.

Everything with Edward felt like they'd been on a tilt-a-whirl. He oozed sexual confidence; his ability to render her speechless with his touch still pricked across her skin. But there were moments where she'd seen slivers of _him_ , a version of himself he kept hidden. The tattoo had been the first indicator. When Bella had asked the meaning behind it, she had seen him shut down. The look in his eyes had changed to dark and… broken, regret and self-loathing spilling over his barriers. Those were emotions she knew all too well.

He'd not only distanced himself physically, but emotionally too. She'd witnessed it again tonight when she'd told him that she'd be leaving for a few days. His jaw had tightened, his mouth set into a straight line and his eyes had turned cold and distant - his way of protecting himself. Every incident caused her curiosity to spike. She wanted to break through his armour and know what caused such turmoil in him. What had broken him? What had he lost?

The doorbell rang, letting her know the taxi had arrived. Without giving it much thought, she pulled on the jacket and rolled her suitcase towards the door.

Four days.

She'd wear his jacket for four days, breathing him in, desensitizing herself, and then she'd return it.

There was no harm in that, right?

The elderly cab driver greeted her warmly as she opened the door. "Good evening, Miss."

"Good evening," she replied, handing over her suitcase.

"I hope you're not in a hurry to get to the airport."

She shook her head. "No. I've got a few hours. Figured with this weather, better be safe than sorry."

He grinned at her, the corner of his eyes crinkling. "Good thinking. It's a mad house out there."

Bella turned to lock the door when he spoke again. "Hey, you a fan?"

She raised her eyebrows at him. "What?" Then she remembered the jacket. "Oh! Yeah."

"Man, that Cullen kid is gonna leave the circuit with a bang, I just know it," the man gushed. "Amazing talent."

Bella smiled, recalling how Edward's body had moved on that bike, maneuvering it so smoothly. Then her mind flooded with images of how his body had moved inside hers after the race, and her face heated.

"He sure is something special." To her, he was.

The ride to the airport was as anticipated, long and slow. Bella leaned her head against the cool glass, watching the taillights of other travelers as they advanced a bit and then came to a halt again. Her eyes drifted shut, and her thoughts returned unbidden to Edward; his face, his smile, vivid behind her closed lids.

Her exhaustion took over, and Bella slipped into a state somewhere between waking and sleeping. He appeared and disappeared frequently, enticing her, beckoning to her. And whenever she would take a step closer to him, close enough to touch, he would just as quickly vanish, only to come out of the shadows a little while later with that smirk drawing her back in.

"Miss. Miss!"

Bella sat up straight, her eyes wide. She looked out the window seeing the 'Departures' sign just a few feet away. "I'm sorry." She turned back to the driver. "I didn't mean to do that. Fall asleep, that is." Her cheeks warmed with embarrassment.

He waved a hand dismissively. "No worries. It happens all the time."

Bella paid her fare and wheeled her suitcase into the airport. She waved to the friendly cab driver as he pulled away from the curb.

A few hours later, as the plane finally began its ascent, she gazed out the window, watching the sun peek through the thinning clouds, bathing the city in light.

A new beginning.

Her fingers dug into the leather of Edward's jacket, the black material shimmering in the sun's glow.

 _There is always a new beginning._

* * *

 **A/N: I hope you liked it and will let me know. Bella is positive, even with the loss in her life. But they will talk... soon. I promise. Thanks for reading!**

 **To Vtweetymccn and her crew: Thank you for what you do! Thank you for your bravery! And thank you for reading. I'm truly honored and I hope to entertain until this fic is complete. I love you guys! It's people like you that truly make writing fun!**

 **Massive amounts of squishy hugs go to my beta NewTwilightFan. It's her birthday tomorrow, the 11th, so please show her some love. Via pm or Facebook. I bet she'll love that. I know I'm planning on surprising her and celebrating her. She's been a true friend and a confidant. I love you, sister!**

 **Another round of hugs and a ton of love go to Twimom1960, NKubie, Ninkita, and LunaBev for all your help with this chapter. It wouldn't be what it is without you. Thank you!**

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 **P.S. I LOVE YOU Contest is now accepting entries until Nov. 25th. 4 wonderful entries have been posted and more are on the way. The link is on my profile. Read! Review! Write! We'd love to have you.**


	15. Chapter 15

**A/N: Twilight belongs to SM and not me.**

 **This wouldn't be the story it is without these 4 amazing ladies. My amazing beta NewTwilightFan. And the best pre-readers anyone could have: Twimom1960, Ninkita and NKubie. My infinite thanks to all of you.**

 **Inspiration for this chapter was: "Razor Blade" by Luke Bryan. Parts of the lyrics are used in this chapter. No copyright infringement intended. Those lyrics belong to Luke Bryan and not me.**

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Chapter 15

The back end of the pickup fishtailed and the tires squealed as Edward made a sharp left turn into the underground parking garage of his condo complex. With his quick reflexes, he was able to correct the path and avoid crashing into the concrete wall. Coming to a stop in parking stall 7B, he turned off the engine and stared straight ahead.

His jaw ticked and his teeth gritted as his mind continued to play tonight's events on a loop.

Fantastic win.

Bella.

Bella.

Bella.

Mind-blowing sex.

Then the crash. " _I'm leaving in the morning."_

Edward sneered at the solid concrete wall in front of him, his fingers twisting around the steering wheel. Those were not the exact words she'd used, but that was all he'd heard.

"And to think I almost asked her out on a date," Edward scoffed and shook his head at his own stupidity. Dating was messy. No, he wasn't the kind to date. He fucked. And if things went well, they'd hook up more regularly to scratch that specific itch.

That was all that _this_ thing with Bella was supposed to be. An itch scratching. No more. He'd wanted to return to old habits after Tanya – fuck and be fucked. A simple, no strings attached arrangement. He had assumed they would get their fill of each other and move on. Simple. Easy. And no fucking consequences.

But his pathetic heart had gotten other ideas. The chaos in him had been silent for those short periods of time with her. He had been at peace – _felt_ at peace with her. There was no way he'd ever deserve such a feeling, but like a junkie, he kept going back for another hit of the drug. It was his own goddamn fault.

"Fuck," he cursed and stepped out of the truck, slamming the door with force. The sound echoed through the garage. The chill breeze of the night met his exposed arms and Edward reached for the door handle again, intending to grab his jacket, when it hit him.

"She's got my fucking jacket!" he bit out through gritted teeth, the anger at the whole damn situation burning through his bones. He stared through the window at the empty seat, willing the jacket to appear and for her to disappear from his conscience.

Now, he would have to see her again.

"Dammit!" His hand slammed down hard on the roof of his pickup, the sting travelling along his arm. Served him right for being such an idiot and letting her walk away with it. _My favorite jacket_.

A pickup was the worst kind of vehicle to take back out onto those slippery roads, so he resigned himself to dealing with the problem at a later date. He turned towards the elevators, stuffed his hands in his jeans pockets, and hunched his shoulders forward to conserve warmth.

As the elevator climbed, his phone buzzed against his hand. In his haste to remove it from his pocket, Edward nearly dropped it onto the elevator floor. His fingers curled around the phone, and his jaw ticked. His stupid heart sped at the thought that it might be _her_ , some kind of acknowledgement that she too was still thinking about him.

 _Why would she? I'm the fucktard that ran like a bat outta hell._

Scrunching his eyes shut, he shook his head, hoping those memories and the damned hope would just fall out of his head.

No such luck.

Then he sighed deeply in disappointment when he read the missed alerts on the display. Bella's name was nowhere on the list. With a deep breath, he focused on the individual messages.

An email from Bree, probably to confirm some dates for the photoshoot.

Four text messages from Tanya.

Another seven missed calls from Tanya.

 _Fantastic,_ he thought bitterly and moved on to the next message. That one caused him to smile.

ALICE: _Congratulations, brother! I watched the entire race on the edge of my seat. I'm so sorry I couldn't make it. If only I didn't have class tomorrow. But I am so happy that you won!_

Another message arrived.

ALICE: _Mom wanted me to remind you that family dinner is Wednesday this week instead of Thursday. I won't be able to make it. I've got an exam on Friday._

"Double fuck," Edward muttered. As if his mother couldn't deliver the message herself. He could already picture the disaster it would be without Alice acting as a buffer between his parents and himself. The thought of cancelling was very appealing at that moment.

 _I wonder if Mom would 'approve' of Bella?_

Before he could stop himself, his mind went there. Thoughts and images of Bella at his side meeting his family flooded his mind. Bella laughing with Alice, going shopping with Alice. Talking with his mother. His mother _liking_ Bella. His dad telling her tales of his years being a plastic surgeon. Bella joining them for family dinner and it being relatively pleasant.

He dug into his pocket for the keys. _Now I'm dreaming up fairy tales. Let's just cut off your balls and hand them to her while you're at it,_ he sneered silently to himself.

Edward opened the door to his condo, his place to regroup, to unwind. His 'fuck' place – where he brought all the girls for a quick romp in the sack and then sent them on their way. He was in control in this building – control of his feelings, his actions, everything.

But with Bella, he'd let his guard down, had stayed the fucking night at her place and let her into his personal space in the trailer at the tracks. He'd broken every damn rule he'd made to keep himself safe, to keep things from escalating into… _more._ But she'd thrown him for a loop, a whole damn roller coaster, turning his mind and heart around one hundred and eighty degrees. Edward had fucking known he was doomed from the start. He hadn't been in control from the very beginning. That _feeling_ of utter helplessness did not sit well in his stomach. "I need a fucking drink."

Depositing his keys, wallet and phone on the marble island counter, he went straight for his collection of whiskey, bourbon and scotch. Not bothering to use a tumbler, he opened the closest bottle he found and tipped it back.

The liquor scorched his throat and stomach. From there it spread through him like a slow burn, warming his limbs and loosening his nerves. Taking the bottle, he grabbed his cell phone as he passed by the counter and let himself fall onto the couch. He took another hefty swig as he scrolled through his messages. He replied to Alice first.

EDWARD: _Hey, sis. How's school? Thank you! I wish you could have been there, too. Maybe next time._

He grinned at the screen as the message sent. His little sister had an uncanny ability to cheer him up no matter how shitty life got. Alice was his complete opposite. She loved studying, loved the school life and the aspects of the busy career she'd have upon graduating.

Edward, on the other hand, had barely made it through high school. He had hated reading, except when it came to Victoria's Secret catalogues or any kind of porn magazines. But even then, he'd studied the pictures and not the words. He lived for the outside – the dirt, the tracks and the bikes. Ever since his father had given him a toy motorbike one Christmas, he'd been fascinated with the sport. It had only escalated over the years. That was until his mother had insisted he participate in a sport in school. To appease her, he'd chosen baseball. And that was where everything had gone wrong.

His fingers shook at the horrid memories, and the blood in his veins turned cold. Swallowing down the bile that threatened to rise, Edward tipped the bottle back, closed his eyes and begged the alcohol to wash the nightmares away.

With a heavy exhale, Edward placed the bottle carefully on the coffee table. The whiskey was doing its job; his tongue felt numb, his body warm and his mind muddled. He was forgetting. The memories lost their grip one by one, slipping back into the dark fog, and he returned to the present.

Picking up his phone again, he checked Tanya's messages.

TANYA: _Congratulations!_

TANYA: _I wish I'd been at the race. We could have celebrated._

He chuckled at that. "I did celebrate."

TANYA: _Did you receive the schedule for the photoshoots?_

TANYA: _Where are you? Why are you not responding to me?_

Pinching the bridge of his nose, he hit reply, knowing that it wasn't the best idea. But he needed a distraction and Tanya would be more than happy to provide that.

EDWARD: _I did receive the email. Thank you for thinking of me. ;) I am certainly thinking of you now._

And he was. He was imagining doing the photoshoot with her, half naked and with her hands on him. Those hands, her mouth, her pussy had brought him so much pleasure in the past. Leaning his head back against the couch, Edward closed his eyes and tried to imagine Tanya, the blond bombshell, kneeling in front of him giving him pleasure. His fantasies took him further and he pictured her taking him out of his jeans, stroking him. But then, just as his body was starting to get aroused with the idea of a blowjob, the image changed. Blonde hair turned brown, blue eyes became a deep brown that held him captive. Unquenchable desire fired through him. Instantly, he groaned and palmed himself through his jeans. His eyes snapped open and he cursed loudly, the sound echoing through the silent condo.

There was no denying it. He was addicted to a certain brunette, with the softest lips and the most beautiful set of eyes he'd ever seen. They had perused his body with such hunger, such passion, that it had nearly caused him to buckle at the knees. While Tanya was physically beautiful, she lacked the subtle confidence and gentle spirit of Bella. The connection he shared with her, the silent understanding, the compassion, those are what he yearned for.

Edward grabbed the bottle again and tipped it back. He was too lucid if he could still think about her. It was also too quiet. He grabbed the remote to his stereo system and it fell from his grasp onto the carpeted floor.

He chuckled. "Hey, thas not where you belong." Reaching for it again, he held it close to his face and studied the buttons. Everything was so blurry. "Music. Music. Wish buthon sthurns on da music?"

His one-sided conversation was fucking hilarious, and he laughed as he pointed the remote at the stereo and pressed a bunch of buttons. "Ahh," he rejoiced with a fist bump when music started to flood the space.

Leaning back, Edward let the lyrics wash over him. He gazed out the window, raindrops still pelting against the tempered glass, and the lights of Los Angeles blurred in the distance.

 _You can't escape it if you wanted to, you don't know what you got yourself into_

"Damn right I don't," he answered and pointed a finger at the radio, emptying the bottle in a few swallows.

 _She won't cut you like a knife, like a knife  
That little look in her eyes'll  
cut you like a razor blade._

His mind sobered instantly. The bottle was forgotten. It slipped from his fingers and landed with a thud on the floor, coming to a stop a few feet away. His hands went into his hair and he pulled, hoping that the physical pain would mask the deep, suffocating cut in his heart.

Bella had been unexpected, a bright neon light, a bolt of lightning in his dark world, guiding him, beckoning him to her. And he'd been lost to her since that first night. There had been no denying that, no matter how cool he'd played it, his thoughts had returned to her.

That first night at the bar, he'd only wanted one thing – a good time, but before he knew it, she had reeled him in with her witty texts and inquisitive mind, taking his mind off his disaster of a life.

And here he was now, silently bleeding from her departing words. His heart twisted in his chest, and Edward inhaled sharply, the stinging in his eyes unfamiliar, unwanted.

He blinked and stood. The room spun and he closed his eyes, trying to get his bearings. He needed to shower. He needed to wash her away. Her scent that still lingered on his skin, the tracks her fingers had left on his skin, everything. He needed her gone.

In anger, he ripped his T-shirt over his head and hurled it across the room. "You don't get to mess with me, Bella!" His jeans came off with a swift kick in the hallway. "Nobody does!" He yanked down his boxers. "I hope you have a great fucking time in DC."

Inside his bedroom, he stopped short. A flicker of a memory, a picture of a smiling, dark-haired man. On her nightstand.

Edward scoffed. "Does he fuck better than me? Is that who's waiting for you in DC?" Even as he said it, it didn't sound like her. She didn't seem like the type to cheat, but he'd been wrong on so many levels before.

"It's always the quiet ones that'll get you." He nodded in his drunken state and stumbled towards the bathroom. Once the water was scalding hot, he stepped underneath the spray. Bracing a hand on the wall, he let his head fall forward, letting the water pound down his back. She had messed with his head, his heart and his fucking _feelings_.

 _Stupid idiot for going bareback with her,_ he thought with disgust as he started to wash himself. But the sensation of being with her like that fired through him and his cock hardened, the memory vivid and pulsing through his brain.

His fingers automatically wrapped around his cock and he groaned, the sound echoing off the walls. Water continued to beat down as he stroked himself to images of Bella lying naked in front of him, on his sheets, in his bed, her lower lip wedged between her teeth and her eyes luring him in.

 _He spread his hands along her smooth legs, pushing her open and nestling between her thighs. Slowly, he pushed into her, her tight, scorching heat surrounding him. She enveloped him_ – _her fingertips tracing along the planes of his back, her lips finding his as the pleasure rocked through her._

" _Oh, God. Edward," her breathy voice whispered in his ear, and her body arched towards him. His lips found hers, swallowing her moans of pleasure as they crashed over the edge together._

" _Fuck, Bella," he cursed as he came, his hips jerking violently as she pulsed around him._

Slowly, his eyes opened to the steam-filled bathroom, his pulse erratic and his breathing coming in shallow pants. His heart twisted with agony in his chest. Even in his alcohol induced state, Edward knew there was no fucking way he'd ever forget her. Even if she was thousands of miles away, the damage was done. The pain of the cut finally burned through the fog of the liquor and hit him full force. She'd cut out his heart with a razor blade and left his chest open and bleeding.

Wrapping a towel around his waist, he strode into the living room, picked up the empty bottle and threw it in the trash. Next, he turned off the blasting music and picked up his cell phone, a spark of hope in him wanting to read her name. But it would have been too simple. He didn't belong in her life, and he needed to accept that.

ALICE: _Good night, brother. I love you. P.S. Jasper wanted me to tell you 'Congratulations, Bro.'_

EDWARD: _Tell Jasper 'Thanks, Bro.' Same to you on both counts, sis. Stay in school. Don't do drugs._

Edward quickly moved on to the next message.

TANYA: _Want me to come over, baby? For old times sake?_

He stared at the message, knowing that he wasn't actually interested in 'entertainment'. Not tonight. Even Tanya, as alluring she had been, would be unable to quiet the turmoil in his head. If anything, she'd only complicate things further. Not bothering to respond, Edward deleted the message thread with Tanya and opened the one with Bella.

He swallowed roughly as he read through their exchange – her hesitation about meeting him at the bar glared back at him. He should have let her walk away. He should have moved on to the next willing participant after she'd said goodbye that second night in his hotel room. But that sliver of peace he'd experienced while being with her had haunted him, like a strip of cocaine being offered to a junkie craving his next fix. And like the addict he was, he'd texted her, begged her to meet him again, anything to get another hit of his drug of choice.

Thinking about it now, her hesitation had spoken volumes. There was someone else, the picture on her nightstand confirming it. The dark-haired man had smiled back at him from the small frame, taunting him as if to say 'She's mine.' That, combined with her questions about his tattoo, had been suffocating. So Edward had bolted from her room, the space far too personal for his liking. It wasn't supposed to be like that. He wasn't supposed to see that side of her. It only complicated things. He'd wanted to know about her – like the forbidden fruit, he'd wanted just a bit more.

 _Why couldn't she have been like any of the other girls? Why did she have to be so unexpected?_

A sudden fury fired through his veins as he pressed the delete button, not only on the messages, but on the past two weeks. He wanted to delete her, to erase everything they'd shared; every touch, every kiss, every sliver of hope that still lingered somewhere inside him. It had been all too good to be true, but now it was time to go on with life. He needed to focus on the remaining races of the season, on the photoshoot and a career path for after his racing was done.

Lying beneath the cool sheets on his king bed, Edward placed his arm over his eyes, trying to think of anything except Bella, but failing miserably. She was everywhere, breaking through his barriers and pushing every single one of his buttons.

Was she on the plane already? Was she thinking about him? Would he get his jacket back? Would she let him fuck her again? And if she did, would he ever be free, or would memories of her haunt him every time he touched another woman?

As exhaustion took over and he slipped into sleep, the plaguing nightmares returned. But there was something different. _She_ was there.

" _Edward, please," she begged, tears streaming down her beautiful cheeks._

 _Helpless, he watched as the monster drew his arms around her waist and pushed his nose into her hair, inhaling her sweet scent. She whimpered in fear. Edward opened his mouth, but no sound came out. He willed himself to move, but his body didn't comply._

" _Edward," she cried again, reaching for him. The monster grinned at him from behind her, his hand inching up Bella's waist towards her breast._

 _He wanted to scream, to kick, to beg… anything, if it only it would stop him from taking her._

" _Masen, you love me, don't you?" The sugary sweet voice of the monster contradicted his actions._

 _Edward couldn't move, frozen in place as he watched it walking backwards with Bella. She screamed for him again, her hand stretched out towards him. Bile rose in his throat knowing what came next, what he'd do to her._

 _The monster laughed. "You won't stop me, boy. You know what happens if you try."_

 _Edward's knees buckled at those words, having experienced the consequences. He fell to the ground as the door slammed shut, hot tears streaming down his face._

 _His Bella. The monster had his sweetheart._

 _Her agonizing screams tore through him, and he curled into a ball, covering his ears with his hands. "No. No. No. Not her."_

Edward gasped and sat up in the bed. His body was drenched in sweat, his heart racing. Cold chills ran down his spine as the past and present collided. His stomach churned, and he gagged, barely making it to the toilet before his stomach emptied itself. His throat burned, and his eyes squeezed shut as he braced his hands on the counter top. He opened his eyes and gazed at his reflection. In the mirror, a pale, bloodshot version of himself stared back.

"Not her. Never her," he croaked out, his voice hoarse and weak, reminding him of the helpless little boy he used to be.

* * *

 **A/N: Just a hint as to what broke him and how broken he still is. Having any kind of feelings scares the man. And it's understandable. In some areas, I can relate.**

 **Thank you everyone for reading, reviewing, all the favorites and follows. It means a lot to see so many people liking this fic.**

 **P.S. I Love You Contest has 20 amazing entries for your reading pleasure. Please go read, review and pick your favorite. Voting starts Dec 4th and goes til Dec 16th. Link is in my profile.**


	16. Chapter 16

**A/N: The usual disclaimer applies.**

 **NewTwilightFan betas and helps me sort through Edward's head. Ninkita edits and laughs at his pain. NKubie pre-reads and scolds him. Twimom1960 cuddles him and is easily distracted by shiny things. These are my people and I love them!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Chapter 16

"Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!" he cursed, his voice sounding gravelly and foreign to his own ears. Pacing across his bedroom, Edward tugged on his hair, but the sting along his scalp did nothing to diminish the painful remnants of the nightmare or of his skewed reality. His heart constricted more and more with every breath he took, the memories slithering up his spine, unyielding and cruel. He shivered despite the sweat covering his body and swallowed the bile which threatened to rise again.

Catching a glimpse of his reflection in the mirror through the open bathroom door, he stopped. His fingers gently released their hold, and his erratic breathing slowed. With measured steps, he entered the bathroom and gazed at the man in the mirror. Cold, bloodshot eyes stared back at him. Unease and panic, the constant war he fought within himself, were evident in his green irises.

Terrifying memories and nightmares flickered in those haunted eyes. The all-consuming fear and self-loathing weighed him down. Edward swallowed hard as each event played in slow motion, dragging him further into the dark abyss. The terror and anxiety, the pleading whimpers of his young self still rang vividly in his ears.

His eyes closed, his jaw ticked, and he shook his head. "No!" he murmured, gripping the countertop, trying to keep himself grounded. "No!" He repeated much more forcefully through gritted teeth. Opening his eyes, he stared at the white porcelain of the sink, his vision unfocused, before slowly raising his gaze to the mirror.

"No!" His loud voice rang through the room with an air of authority, chasing the demons away. They snarled and snapped their teeth, but he continued to push those memories back into the black hole in the back of his mind.

With a newfound determination and a fierce look in his eyes, Edward ran his fingers through his unruly hair once more, satisfied that he had, once again, locked the door to his past. Heading into the bedroom, he grimaced at the tangled, sweat drenched sheets. He knew that trying to sleep would be futile.

He glanced at the alarm clock. 5:08am.

Furrowing his brow, he contemplated his options. He could spend a few more hours here in this apartment, memories of the past haunting him and thoughts of _her_ reminding him of the fucking disaster the previous night had become.

 _Not. Happening._

Or he could chase the new spark of adrenaline that had started to pump through his veins. His fingers curled into fists, mimicking the way he grasped the handlebars before entering a tight turn. He wanted the euphoria of a good ride on the tracks. He needed his escape.

Edward dressed quickly and headed towards the parking garage. He put the key in the ignition and closed the door of his pickup with a loud bang, then stilled, his body tense.

 _Her_ scent.

It still lingered in the confined space; delicate and sweet, like the freshness of spring. Inhaling sharply, he closed his eyes, and the last two weeks flashed behind his lids. Each scene was vivid and detailed; tantalizing yet tainted with a bitter edge. Her body, her voice, that little spot on her neck that drove him wild whenever he felt her heartbeat beneath her succulent skin.

" _I'm leaving in the morning_ ," her soft voice broke through the haze of the memories, and his eyes snapped open. He focused on the concrete wall in front of him and exhaled a sigh. Reality.

 _She's gone._

Shaking his head, he started the truck and opened the windows as he drove, airing out the cab, erasing every last trace of her with the chill morning air.

As he joined the slow-moving traffic heading out of the city, Edward's frustration grew. He could erase her scent, but he couldn't stop the flow of memories. Every moment with her spun through his head, and he kept cursing himself for losing himself in her. What made her different from all the other women?

"Nothing. She's not important," he grumbled, answering his own question.

And yet, at the back of his mind, Edward knew he was lying to himself. In just a few short weeks, she had weakened his defenses, and the possibility of a _maybe more_ had somehow wormed its way into his mind.

Like a junkie chasing his next fix, he'd pursued her just to have that sliver of silence and peace he felt being with her.

 _A fucking fool!_

-MTSD-

He stormed through the kitchen, not missing how the woman's laughter ceased, nor how Emmett's lips stilled on her neck. His insides twisted and turned with the sudden jealousy that raced through him. Images of his lips on _her_ neck, lips, body nearly caused his steps to falter. Then jealousy was replaced with anger, furious rage that he just couldn't get her out of his fucking mind.

"You've got a room," he growled, glaring at Emmett. Then his eyes met the blonde.

 _Rose._

Saturday evening, night and then Sunday morning rushed through his mind. He grimaced and averted his gaze.

Fuck, he needed to get to his bike. He needed to ride, to escape.

"Hey, man…" Emmett started to rise from the breakfast stool, but Edward didn't want to hear it. He shook his head, not in the fucking mood to get into it with Emmett, and rushed up the stairs, quickly exchanging his jeans for his riding pants.

On the way out, he didn't miss the quiet whispers that were being exchanged between Em and his conquest for the night. After all, that was all she was — had to be. If Rose stayed around, she would be another constant reminder of _her_.

 _Can't have that! No fucking way!_

Snapping closed the last of the laces on his boots, he pulled his bike outside and faced the tracks that he and Emmett had constructed in the far backyard of the house. Putting on his helmet, Edward straddled the bike and gazed out onto the course. The sun had begun to rise, shining bright after a rainy and cold night. A layer of mud covered the entire course and it caused a grin to appear on Edward's lips. The muddier, the more challenging it was and today, he craved it, needed it.

Ignoring Emmett's call of his name, he kick started the bike, enjoying the smell of a 2 stroke in the morning; engine oil mixed with gasoline. With a final salute towards his friend, he released the clutch and shot forward in a wheelie, dirt slinging from the back tire.

Brrraaaap!

Pinning the throttle, the bike lurched forward, across each jump and around each bend. Mud covered his boots, legs, and sprayed onto his helmet and goggles. It was fucking exhilarating.

He grinned behind his mask, the adrenaline pumping forcefully through his system. This was his release, his escape. The nightmare, last night, everything was starting to fade with each lap. He felt… free, liberated.

When the track became too rutted, he returned his bike to the garage, hosed off the mud and headed back inside, still clinging to the euphoria of his high.

The change in Edward's demeanor was unmistakable. Not even the fact that Rose was still sitting with Emmett at the breakfast bar wearing one of his shirts could deter him from his good mood. He'd chased his demons away on the tracks and he'd be damned if Emmett's floozy would dampen his spirits.

"It's a beautiful day, ain't it?" he asked the perplexed couple. Emmett's brow arched questioningly and Rose's eyes widened.

"Hey… you." He nodded towards Rose. "She fucked a biker and now you had to fuck one, too. Some kind of competition you two have going on?"

Emmett stood, the stool scraping loud along the floor. He folded his arms across his chest, brows furrowed. "What the hell, man?" he asked, irritation and anger in his voice.

Rose placed her hand on Emmett's bicep and raised an eyebrow at Edward. "Em, it's okay."

He turned his blue gaze towards her all the while pointing a finger in Edward's direction. "No! _That_ was not okay." He glared at his best friend. "Don't you fucking dare talk to her like that!"

Still running high on the adrenaline from his time on the track, Edward welcomed the challenge and straightened his back. "Or what?" he goaded, mimicking Emmett's stance and folding his arms across his chest.

Stepping around the island counter separating them, Emmett stood in front of him. "What the fuck happened last night?" he asked quietly, compassion in his gaze as he observed him. It occurred to Edward that during his time out on the track, Rose must have filled in the blanks about him and Bella.

 _Fucking great! More fucking pity!_

Edward's lip curled into a grimace and he gritted his teeth, hating that Emmett hasn't taken the bait. "Fuck. You," he growled lowly and pushed past Emmett. He headed up the stairs, taking two at a time, ignoring the blue eyes that followed him.

Leaning his head against his closed bedroom door, he exhaled shakily, the adrenaline rush already gone.

Was there no escape anymore?

-MTSD-

The water ran hot and steam filled the bathroom, fogging the mirror. Edward stood underneath the spray as it soothed his aching muscles. His head bowed and he braced a hand against the tile wall, watching the water swirl down the drain. Just the sound of her name had caused the nightmare to break through the tight bonds of his will, tearing through his consciousness and ruining any chance of peace. The hand on the wall clenched into a fist as the scene unfolded in his mind once again.

But then something started to change, the images morphing into a different reality. Instead of helplessly watching her being taken away from him, Edward visualized himself shielding her body from the monster, taking the brunt the punishment; the consequences.

Stunned, his eyes flew open, heart racing and breath leaving his body in a disbelieving gasp.

He saved her.

In that moment, he realized that he'd do anything to keep his past away from her. He'd protect her from himself, his demons. No matter how much he still craved her, Edward knew he'd done the right thing by saying goodbye to her.

 _I did the right thing._

Then why didn't it feel right?

* * *

 **A/N: Boy's got a mess to sort through and it's gonna take a while. He's stubborn and very broken. But you knew that from the beginning.**

 **My apologies that it took so long. I got one excuse: life.** **If you're still with me, thank you for your patience.**


	17. Chapter 17

**A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **These characters, words, story wouldn't be without these women. NewTwilightFan, Ninkita, NKubie, Twimom1960 and LunaBev. Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me.**

 **Disclaimer #2: I do not know the procedures of an interview at the NSA. I've done some research, but very little can be found. I'm guessing there's a reason for that. So, just go with me on this, okay?**

* * *

Chapter 17

Bella's heartbeat pounded in her ears as her eyes flew between the number on the door and the key card in her hand.

What were the chances?

Room 412

Somewhere down the hall the elevator dinged, indicating more newcomers or perhaps other guests leaving. Soft footsteps echoed down the hall… fading... fading into nothing. In her peripheral vision, Bella saw a door open. A man and woman stepped out, then it shut behind them with a soft click. They turned the corner, and soon the ding of the elevator could be heard again.

Then… silence.

Bella's eyes were still staring, but in the back of her mind she automatically calculated the probability of this happening. The hotel had five hundred and fifteen rooms. Add the approximate number of hotels in the DC area and the total accumulation of rooms, then estimate how many of those hotels had the room number 412. After a minute she came to the conclusion that her chances were maybe seventeen in six thousand. Minimal odds.

She hadn't paid much attention when the front desk clerk rattled off the room number, check out time and restaurant options in the area. "4th floor. Go right from the elevator, and it's down the hall," was all she could recall from the list of information she'd been given.

But here she was, still frozen to the spot, gaze glued to the mahogany door as the gold-plated numbers exhumed _that_ night from two weeks ago.

With a shaky exhale, Bella took one step forward and slid the card into the slot. The mechanism beeped once, and the lock clicked open, the light turning from red to green.

 _It's just a room. Different hotel. Different city. Just a damn coincidence!_

As she entered the room, smoldering memories swirled around her. His gritty voice whispered promises in her ear as his calloused hands mapped her body. Captivated, Bella's breath caught, and her eyes fluttered shut. Every touch, taste and sound, every little detail that she had tried to avoid, crashed through her like a freight train — his body, his scent and just… _everything about him._ Lust twisted her stomach, and heat gathered between her legs, as the yearning for him encompassed her senses.

Reality kicked in just as the door closed and she heard the lock engage behind her. "Be reasonable," she quietly scolded herself, the memories fading into the dark corners of her mind.

She was trying to be sensible about the whole situation. Throughout the entire flight, she'd rationalized every action — on her end and on his — the anonymity, the sizzling innuendos via text, the daring step to actually go see him, the sex and the after effects. But no matter how much she _tried_ , the pain and the desire still swirled out of control deep inside. It was foolish and naive to believe that she could neatly pack those memories away... forever, or until she was ready to deal with them. The unexpected, unwanted swell of pure need flooded her entire being, no matter how often or in how many different ways she tried to reason it away. The dam she'd constructed to keep her emotions at bay had broken; there was no way to stop it, no way to reverse the damage.

Bella's life had been atypical from the start, so she didn't experience the stereotypical dreams and aspirations of an American teenager. While her classmates giggled over their crushes and planned out fairytale weddings, she immersed herself in the challenges of mathematical mazes and puzzles of computer technology. Even the most abstract questions had concrete solutions, and Bella gained confidence knowing that those answers were almost always buried somewhere within her own mind, as long as she had the persistence to discover them. Knowledge was power, so despite being damaged goods — the orphan, the outcast — her assertiveness grew and expanded.

When she referred to herself as 'damaged goods', she wasn't exaggerating or being dramatic. Bella's mother had left, abandoning her husband and young daughter, so whatever happy memories Bella might have had were fuzzy and distant. Her biological father had tried to be the best dad he could, and the two had remained close until that night he'd been forcefully taken from her. Throughout her years in foster homes, the idea of finding her mother had appealed to her, but even at such a young age, Bella knew if her mother hadn't bothered to contact her over the years, she wouldn't want a teenage girl crowding her life. Then one night curiosity had won over logical thinking and Bella had spent hours searching, tracking her social security number and other parameters, like her frequently changing last names, only to find her mother living in Florida with husband number 4. Any hope of reconnecting with her mother had flown out the window of her small, dingy bedroom.

Something was broken inside of her. She knew it. She could even trace the damage back to its roots. But knowing the cause wasn't helping her repair it. She didn't know if it could be repaired.

To her, love was death. Abandonment. Little more than an illusion. People were lured in and tricked into thinking love equaled happiness. Her mother. Her father. And even though she hadn't known Charlie's wife, Bella could see the longing, the yearning in his eyes whenever he spoke of her.

Nobody, not even Charlie and Rose, were able to work their way past all of her defenses. Then she'd met Jake. Carefree Jake, who loved life and embraced it wholeheartedly. He'd been the one to restore the hope of love back in her heart. Charlie and Rose had shown her love over the years, but it had been Jake who had pushed past the protective wall that isolated her heart. She had fallen, spreading her wings, knowing he'd be there to catch her.

But even though their love was strong, he too, along with the life they'd created, had been ripped from her life in a split second, too fast for her to comprehend, leaving her heart and soul shattered.

Back into isolation she'd gone. Shutting herself in, rebuilding the concrete wall around her heart and not daring to let that irrational emotion overtake her mind again. That first year she had hidden in her room, her body numb, her heart and soul empty, and tears staining her cheeks. She'd kept her mind off the accident and its consequences and managed to stay somewhat coherent by losing herself in the dark web, taking on the challenges posed by different codes, algorithms, and encryptions. Each day she would work until exhaustion took over and she was able to fall into a wistful sleep; but nightmares stole her rest almost every night.

Slowly over the years, Bella had found her way back to her old self. The wounds — both emotional and physical — had healed, leaving only scars, memories and the occasional nightmare. She'd felt somewhat whole again.

Until two weeks ago.

Until _Edward_.

Being with him caused all inhibitions to flee. That first night together in his hotel room, she'd felt… _ready_. Ready for more. Ready to let her heart soar again. And that realization had caused her to run. Bella hadn't expected to… _feel_ like that ever again. It scared her. If she risked everything on Edward, only to be broken again, would there be anything left for Rose to glue back together this time?

The ringing of her phone shook Bella out of her reflections. The display read: ' _Dad calling.._.'

"Hey, dad," she answered with a smile. He had an uncanny way of lifting her spirits even when she didn't know how to make sense of all the emotions swirling through her.

"Hey, kiddo. I just wanted to make sure that you arrived safely, and also I got called to a meeting in DC Wednesday. Say, have dinner with your old man?" His low chuckle rang in Bella's ear.

She checked her makeup in the bathroom mirror one last time, deeming herself ready for the interview. "Dinner with ' _my old man'_? You're not that old, dad." He huffed on the other end, but she continued. "I'd love that. Text me when and where, and I'll be there."

"Great. I'll see you soon. Until then, knock 'em dead." A short pause and then he followed with: "Well, not literally, but you know…"

Bella let out a laugh as he stumbled over his words. "Thanks, dad. I will do my best. I will see you Wednesday for dinner. I'm sure by then these nerves will have settled and I'll actually be able to eat something."

"Bella." Charlie's voice turned serious. "I'm so damn proud of you. I know you'll do great."

She swallowed the sudden lump in her throat and closed her eyes, basking in his words. They meant everything to her. "Thanks, dad," Bella whispered and bid him goodbye.

The butterflies in her stomach had started a riot by the time the car pulled up to the high rise building. The glass front of the building glimmered in the sunlight, casting rays of light onto the gray pavement below. Bella craned her neck as her gaze moved up the tall building. She swallowed nervously, her hands twisting tightly together in her lap.

Inside, her phone and laptop were confiscated and put away in a bin behind the security desk. After going through the metal detector, the security guard handed her a visitor's badge and told her in his gruff voice to wait. Silence filled the massive, empty room as she waited with bated breath for whatever came next.

She didn't have to wait long. A ding resonated through the stillness and an elevator opened revealing a dark-skinned man, dressed in a navy suit and blue striped tie. His head was bowed and his fingers tapped furiously on his phone. Bella straightened her stance, adjusted her glasses and tried to calm her erratic heart. With his eyes still glued to the screen, he stepped out of the elevator, and only then did he pocket his Blackberry and raise his gaze to hers. Dark eyes perused her body from head to toe, his eyes giving nothing away. He was stoic as he approached her, his mouth set in a straight line.

"Isabella Swan?" he asked in a deep voice.

Bella swallowed once more and nodded. "Yes, sir." God, she hated how small and timid she sounded.

"Punctual," he commented, sounding impressed. He stopped a few feet away from her, clasping his hands behind his back. The corners of his mouth lifted up slightly before settling back in a straight line. "Follow me, Ms. Swan." He turned on his heel and headed towards the elevator.

As the doors closed, he pulled out his phone again and tapped away. Bella's nerves skyrocketed in the confined space. She wanted to ask where they were going. What was expected of her? As hard as she tried to find her voice, her lips remained shut, and she waited.

After a minute of silence, aside from the clicking of keys, he began to talk. "I'm Agent Davis. I will be conducting your interview, polygraph and the few tests we've designed specifically for you." He stopped typing for a brief moment and met Bella's gaze. She nodded, hoping that she conveyed enough confidence.

"Good," he mumbled. "Today, we will be going over your history, work and personal life…" Again, he gauged her reaction. All she could do was nod. Her life wasn't that interesting and her past was explainable. She guessed that they knew everything there was to know about her past and present — her rebellious teenage years and the years she spent redeeming herself at New Technologies.

It was the _personal_ that was giving her sweaty palms. The thought of rehashing her roller coaster past — losing her biological father, the adoption into the Swan family, and then Jake — made her stomach queasy. She adjusted her glasses slightly, her hands trembling.

Agent Davis continued. "Tomorrow, we will conduct the polygraph where I will ask you random questions about your life, so it will be best to tell the truth today." His eyes bore into hers. "If you lie today, the machine will tell the truth tomorrow."

Bella's fingers curled into fists. It was clear that he had been sent to intimidate her, and he was doing his job well. She wanted to drop her eyes to the floor, but with everything inside her, she held his gaze.

After what felt like a minute, but could have been mere seconds, Agent Davis nodded and stepped out of the elevator. Bella hadn't even realized it had stopped. She followed his hasty steps down an empty hallway and into a windowless, white room. The faint chemical smell of fresh paint hung in the air.

"Have a seat, Ms. Swan." He motioned towards the steel chair behind the desk. A closed manila folder lay on the desk, and Bella saw her name written on it. _Isabella Swan_.

Agent Davis took the seat opposite hers and opened the folder, riffling through the papers before locating what he was searching for, then closed the folder again. Steepling his fingers, he observed her silently.

"Ms. Swan. Here at the NSA, we pride ourselves on integrity. We protect this here great nation. We stop attacks before they happen. With cybercrime reaching an all time high, we have to be the best there is. With that being said, we're always looking for new talent. For the next individual who will benefit our team and help protect this nation against threats and attacks, both digital and physical.

"You, Ms. Swan, caught our attention when Mr. Newton sent in the prototype of the program you designed. It is top of the line coding. The different algorithms you embedded make it virtually impossible to crack. It truly is impressive."

Bella stared at Agent Davis as he gave her a genuine smile. "Thank you," she finally managed, a bit flustered by his grin, the total opposite of his stoic greeting earlier.

With a nod, he opened the folder again. "We have an interest in you, but I'm sure you will appreciate that we must cover our bases." He spread out a few papers on the desk and retrieved a pen from his suit jacket.

As the day progressed, he asked about her upbringing, her father's passing, her mother, and how she'd gotten to know Charlie Swan. With a deep blush covering her cheeks, Bella retold the story of how she'd hacked his law firm.

"And he decided not to press charges?" Agent Davis asked while jotting down notes.

"No," she answered with a shake of her head. "He was beyond generous."

"I'll say," he murmured. "And you've stayed off the dark web since becoming a Swan?" Agent Davis raised his eyes to hers.

Bella swallowed and twisted her fingers on the table, a movement Agent Davis caught. "Um, no. Not entirely." She hesitated, not finding the right words to continue.

"Clarify, Ms. Swan," he demanded.

"After…" she took a deep breath and briefly closed her eyes, trying to find the right words. "After my… fiance passed away…"

He resumed taking notes again.

"I spent some time on the dark web, but only as an… assistant…" As intelligent as Bella knew herself to be, that was the best word she could sift out of her jumbled brain.

"Assistant?" His eyebrows rose. "How can you be an assistant on the dark web?"

"I… well, I helped others." Bella cringed at how stupid it sounded, but it was the truth. "I didn't do anything illegal, if that's what you're wondering. I only helped correct algorithms and some codes; encryptions and decryptions."

"What do you think happens when you help one of your fellow hackers, possibly a cyber terrorist, perfect his code? What will you say when he knocks out a section of the power grid, or plants a virus to dump billions in stocks minutes before the market closes? An entire state could go dark, the exchanges could collapse. If all you did was sharpen the sword or load the gun, would you still claim zero responsibility for the damage caused when that weapon falls into the wrong hands?"

Bella shrunk with each accusatory word that left his mouth. Silence ensued as he stared at her with merciless ebony eyes.

"Agent Davis," she started slowly, her heart pounding hard against her ribcage. Her palms were starting to sweat. "With all due respect, I am not the idiot you just described!"

His dark eyebrows rose, but she continued before he could utter another word. "I can tell the difference between financial industry encryption keys and power grid automation software at a single glance. I've studied Stuxnet and a few others like it, and I know exactly how to disable them. If I saw something malicious, I nicked the lines of code a little, or sent a silent Trojan horse to dismantle it, covering my tracks as I went. In those cases, I let the intrusion get just far enough before failing, so they would attribute it to the company's own security team. Nothing could be traced back to me. I may be young and in a lot of ways naïve, but this..." she pressed her finger against the tabletop, leaning forward, "this isn't something I take lightly." She sat back, pushed her glasses up and exhaled in hopes of calming her racing heart. In a way, she couldn't believe she'd just done that, spoken out before a government official.

Agent Davis was quiet, his gaze roaming over her face, observing, waiting. His posture remained stoic. "A silent trojan horse?" he asked after a beat of silence, his voice calm and calculating.

Bella nodded, relaxing her stance somewhat.

"Impressive," was all he said. He gathered the papers, stuffed them back into the manila folder and stood. "I think we covered everything there is to cover for today." As he extended his hand, Bella rose from her seat and took it, shaking it firmly. "Thank you, Ms. Swan, that was exactly the answer I was looking for." He granted her another small smile and escorted her back to the security desk where she collected her things and handed in the visitor's badge.

"I will see you tomorrow, Ms. Swan. Have a nice evening." With those parting words, Bella exited the building.

-MTSD-

The interview played on a constant loop in her mind as she dissected each second of the few hours she'd spent with Agent Davis.

The words on the room service menu were starting to blur. Her eyes closed as exhaustion settled like a lead blanket over her shoulders. The bed was so soft. And she wasn't really that hungry, was she? A shrill sound forced her eyes open, and she tilted her head to see her phone on the bedside table. The display read: ' _Rose calling…'_

On the ride back from the interview, Bella had been bombarded by numerous text messages from Rose, ranging from:

ROSE: _What the hell happened last night?!_

to:

ROSE: _Call me! We need to talk about what happened. You can't hide forever, Izzy!_

She hadn't responded to any messages. There was no _good_ way to explain last night. All it did was bring up the memories of his words, cold and detached. " _It's just sex. It had to end sooner or later._ "

Placing the dinner menu on the bed, she hesitantly picked up the phone.

"Hello," Bella answered on the fourth ring, a hint of trepidation in her tone. She knew it was coming. Rose wasn't the type to beat around the bush.

"Bella! What the hell?" Rose hollered on the other end, and at that moment, Bella felt horrible for not answering any of her texts.

"Hey! Could you tone it down? I've got a headache." It wasn't a complete lie.

"Sorry," Rose whispered harshly. "Bella, I've been worried sick. It's not like you to avoid me. What is going on?" she demanded.

Bella sighed and rubbed her forehead with her fingers. She squeezed her eyes shut and tried to get her emotions in order. Edward had created such turmoil in her that it was difficult to sort anything out. His actions and reactions gave her whiplash.

"I'm tired, Ro. Can't this wait until tomorrow?"

"No! What happened last night? Cuz the way that man stormed in here this morning, dragging hell on his heels, didn't look like it was a happy ending. What happened?"

Bella's heart increased its tempo just at the mention of him. Her eyes flew open again and suddenly she was pacing the length of her room, one hand holding her phone to her ear while the other rubbed across her temple. She came to a stop in front of the window. Her hazy reflection stared back at her, shimmering through her tears. Movement on the street below caught her eye, and she watched, fascinated and a bit nostalgic, as a man wrapped his arm around a woman's shoulder, pulling her close. Bella's gaze followed the couple as they headed down the sidewalk, hit by memories of _him_ wrapping his jacket around her shivering shoulders and pulling her close. The suitcase where _his_ jacket lay buried beneath her clothes caught her attention, and Bella gazed at it longingly. The urge to breathe him in was overwhelming. With a harsh swallow, she turned back to the window. A fresh coat of snow glistened under the glow of the street light. Resignation echoed in her voice as she answered Rose's question. "It's over, Ro! Finito. Done. He made _that_ abundantly clear."

Rose was silent for a second and then quietly asked, "What happened, Bella?"

With a defeated sigh, Bella sat on the edge of the bed. Her voice quivered as she responded. "I told him about this trip, and he said, and I quote: It's just sex. It had to end sooner or later." Silent tears trekked down her cheeks as the words sliced through her heart again. She wiped at them angrily. He didn't deserve her tears.

"Oh, dear," Rose breathed. "What an ass!"

Bella huffed out a small laugh at her description of him, breathing just a little easier.

"Well," Rose continued. "I don't think it's over…"

"Come on, Ro!" Bella interrupted, irritated. "Don't do this! Yes, the sex was phenomenal. Did I want more? Yes. Did he? No! Just leave it at that, okay? As it turns out, I can't have one, or in this case, three night stands. Case in point with Edward. My damn heart gets involved." She silently cursed that stupid organ.

But Rose kept pushing. "You were with him three times?"

"Yeah."

"And of those three amazing, toe-curling orgasms, how many times did you initiate?"

Brows furrowed, Bella reluctantly answered. "Twice."

"The last one was him, am I right?" Rose continued with her inquisition.

"Yes. Where are you going with this, Ro? It's not like it matters."

"It's not over!" She sang into the phone. "According to my 'research,' Edward Cullen doesn't do the chasing, or _initiating._ Women…"

"Ro!" Bella snapped a little harshly. She didn't need to know about Edward's _conquests._ The thought of him spending the night with another woman, as they'd done the previous night in his trailer, nearly crushed her. Then memories of the vulnerability in his mossy green eyes as he'd worshipped her body caused her heart to clench and her body to heat with want for _him_ again. No, that moment was hers and hers alone.

"Alright. Alright. Alright." Rose conceded. "I'll drop it... for now. But mark my words, sister dear. It's not over."

"Sure. Whatever you say, Matthew McConaughey." It was easier to agree instead of arguing.

"Ooohhh, speaking of which, I saw that sexy hunk of man this morning at the coffee shop. Now there's a man I could ride like a bronco at a Texas Rodeo." Rose sighed into the phone and Bella chuckled. Her sister wasn't easily distracted by the Hollywood lifestyle or celebrities, but ever since _Sahara_ , Rose had been crushing on a certain Texan named Matthew McConaughey.

"You do know he's married, right?"

"I can look!" Rose defended.

"And what does Emmett say about your _fascination_ with a certain dirty blonde Texan?" Bella snickered, immensely grateful that the topic had veered from a certain bronze haired, green eyed Bikerboy.

"How does that saying go? What Em doesn't know, won't kill him."

With a shake of her head and a muttered 'of course,' Bella picked up the menu again. "How are things with Emmett? Knowing you, he didn't stand a chance."

"Fan-fucking-tastic," she cheered. "I think I may be off _one night stands_ from now on. He's…"

"That good?" Bella asked teasingly, her gaze skimming the menu.

"Yes! He knew just _how_ to untwist my panties." Both women laughed, remembering their conversation at the race. "How did the interview go?"

"It went fine… I think. It was a little odd, and much longer than any other interview I've been through, but he mostly asked a lot of standard interview questions." Bella shrugged, deciding to accept that fact. There was no need to speculate further. Agent Davis had said that he'd see her tomorrow, and Bella decided to take that as a good sign.

"That's good, right?" Rose questioned, the topic of Emmett and Edward put aside for the moment.

"I think so. Tomorrow is the polygraph and some tests to check my experience and qualifications. Let's see how that goes." She yawned loudly.

"Did you get any sleep last night?" Worry colored Rose's voice.

"Maybe a few hours," Bella mumbled honestly. She'd been far too preoccupied with thoughts of Edward. Her gaze again fell to the suitcase. Temptation had never been this difficult to resist. Her fingers twitched as she imagined sliding her arms into the leather and breathing him in again.

 _Dammit,_ she cursed silently and cast her gaze back to the menu. _Need to eat. Not think_.

"Get some rest, sis," Rose chided softly. "Tell me how the polygraph goes tomorrow. I'm all kinds of nervous for you."

Bella chuckled. "No need to be nervous. Just gotta tell the truth."

"Easy for you to say, straight-laced Izzy." With promises to talk the next day, they said goodnight.

After eating a burger and fries ordered from room service, her head hit the pillow. Nestled in the comfortable blankets, a yawn escaped her once more, and sleep claimed her. Her last thought was of mesmerizing green eyes and sinfully kissable lips.

-MTSD-

 _It was cold. Freezing. Her fingers felt numb as they brushed along her temple. The sharp odor of gasoline burned her nose and Bella lifted her head slowly. It felt heavy, sluggish. Throbbing pain shot through her spine and skull with each movement._

" _Aargh," she cried out in agony as the piece of guardrail that had punctured her abdomen moved. Her hand flew to her stomach, the warm sticky substance coating her cold fingers. She lifted her hand, the metallic smell of blood assaulting her nose and she cried out again, her worst fears spinning through her jumbled mind. "Baby…"_

 _Turning her head to the left, she slowly reached out to him, pressing her fingertips against his neck. "Jake? Jake! Please wake up! Please."_

 _Blood oozed from the wound on his forehead, sliding down his cheek and dripping from his chin to his shoulder where it stained his blue blazer. He didn't move. His head leaned against the steering wheel, his hands limp on his lap._

" _Jake," she cried again, pushing against his shoulder. The car groaned and creaked as it rattled slightly with her movement. The stench of gasoline grew stronger._

 _With a guttural groan, he reached up and grasped her hand in his blood-covered one, squeezing it lightly, weakly. Then it fell limp to his lap again. "Bel… la." His voice broke with each syllable._

 _Bella's brow furrowed. The need to close her eyes was overpowering her senses, the pain in her entire body nearly unbearable. He sounded… wrong, different. "Jake?"_

" _Bella," he mumbled again and coughed, blood spewing from his lips and splattering across the steering wheel and deflated airbag._

 _His head lifted slowly, and he groaned in pain. He turned towards her, the blood covering half his face. Bella's breath caught and she started to panic. She tried to move towards him, but she cried out again as the piece of metal in her abdomen pushed further. Her hands flew to her stomach, cradling it._

" _Bella… Sweetheart." Mossy green, panic-filled eyes met hers._

" _Edward." His name was a tortured whisper on her lips._

Bella's eyes snapped open, and a gasp flew from her lips as she sat up in her bed. The covers fell to her lap, and the cool air of the hotel room chilled her sweat-coated skin. Her heart pounded in her chest as silent tears slid down her cheeks.

"Edward!" His name was a desperate, choking whimper in the dark stillness of her room.

* * *

 **A/N: She's a little broken, but not lost. She's fierce and confident. Personally, I love that about her. Her experiences, the loss, the heartache, got her where she is today. She's stronger because of it.**

 **And to answer the big question: yes! They'll meet again soon. Be patient... please.**

 **Thank you for reading! If you deem it worthy enough, drop a little review! I'd appreciate that! Have a fantastic weekend!**

 **If you aren't reading "Summer Rain" by Ninkita or "On the Line" by NewTwilightFan, you're missing out. Seriously!**


	18. Chapter 18

**A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **These characters, words, story wouldn't be without these women. NewTwilightFan, Ninkita, NKubie, Twimom1960 and LunaBev. Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me.**

* * *

Chapter 18

The tremors that had shaken her body for hours after she'd woken from the nightmare had subsided, and all that remained was the haunting image of Edward's face. His blood-covered, bruised face.

She didn't know whether to laugh or cry at the absurdity her mind conjured. It was common for her to experience these nightmares each year when the anniversary of Jake's death rolled around. It was expected, a reminder. But this… _this_ was unanticipated and bewildering. A man she hadn't known much longer than 48 hours combined didn't _deserve_ to invade her life, past or present, in this form. But there he was again at the forefront of her mind, bloodied and bruised, on the brink of death, begging for her again.

It didn't make sense. None of it did. Why would her subconscious play such a trick on her? Some dreams had a deeper meaning, a type of foreshadowing. Was this such a case? But then the next question was: what meaning did the dream hold?

Dawn broke, rays of orange tinged with yellow sweeping across the eastern horizon. Buildings that had loomed dark throughout the night, awakened with life as the sun rose higher. Bundled in winter attire, pedestrians hurried along the sidewalks — some retiring after night shifts and others just starting their day.

From her spot in the armchair, with her legs drawn to her chest, Bella observed the city go about its morning routine. It was soothing, rhythmic. In her mind an algorithm began to take shape. Her gaze followed certain people until they would turn a corner or disappear from her view, mapping their route, assigning mathematical equations to each step and turn. It was a matter of collecting enough data — measuring antecedents and outcomes. The perfect system of equations could be used to predict the future with startling accuracy. Theoretically, of course. But people weren't robots. If she dared to include the various fluctuating emotions of each human, the structure would crumble. People were problematic and unpredictable. Her own life was a testament to that fact .

Her gaze flickered towards the entrance of the hotel as a yellow cab pulled in. A silvery haired man dressed in beige slacks and long sleeved shirt exited, and another, slightly younger male sprinted towards the car. A simple exchange of fares. Smiles were passed in greeting as the elderly gentleman held open the door. The kind gesture caused Bella to smile, inspired hope to rise again.

The warmth of the sun caressed her cheek as it peeked across the rooftop of an adjacent building and filled her room with light. Bella sighed, closed her eyes and rubbed her temple. She was tired of running in circles inside her head, and now a headache was starting to form. There was no mistaking that she wanted Edward, much more than she'd originally planned. He was an enigma — unpredictable and yet undeniably irresistible, daring and relentless. But he was also the one who had killed the possibility of _more_.

"Sex. Just sex, Bella. Nothing more," she whispered into the stillness of her room.

Her shoulders hunched forward as his voice echoed back from her memory, cementing the statement in her mind. Bella figured that if she kept repeating that phrase often enough, the sting of it would lessen and she'd be able to push past her want for him. Eventually.

Why couldn't she stop thinking about him? Even now he was there in her subconscious, taunting her with his crooked smirk. Bella let out a harsh laugh as she rose abruptly from the chair. She was irritated with Edward, with Rose, but herself most of all. Why the hell had she taken her sister's advice? Bella wasn't the type to enjoy one night stands. That was Rose's preference. She was only in it for the fun, the endorphins. Physical release without the emotional entanglement.

As Bella replayed the highs and lows of the last couple weeks, her irritation grew. Good god, it had been a trainwreck from the start. Her insistence on anonymity that first night was a clear indication that she was out of her depth, but he had responded with patience, then passion, and the night had turned into so much more than she had planned. She'd found the strength of will to walk away, but only as long as he remained silent.

When Edward texted her two weeks later, the desire she felt for him exploded. Of course it only took a few minutes for their texts to heat up, so when her phone rang, she had answered his call without a thought for how it could derail all her plans. And when he begged to see her face-to-face, she'd caved completely.

Despite her own indecisiveness and mixed signals, they probably could have eased into a real relationship, but his angry accusations that she was only using him, and the guilt and shame she experienced during their very public argument, set the pendulum swinging. His frantic pursuit, sincere apologies and that blistering kiss had led to an unforgettable night, but as she looked back, Bella wondered why she had forgiven him so easily.

How could she imagine that two such opposite encounters could provide any sort of foundation for more? She was ashamed of herself for concealing her departure until the last minute, but why did her admission that she was leaving for a few days result in him shutting down so abruptly, pushing her out of his life completely?

Bella glared at herself in the mirror, toothbrush in her mouth and toothpaste foam around her lips. Each brush stroke was harsh and laced with her irritation. It was time to push forward — with her career, her life in general. Her time with Edward had been exhilarating, but so complicated. Now it was done. Over.

She blinked and slowly removed the toothbrush from her mouth, the resolution clear in her reflection. _It really was over._ Edward Cullen would be another beautiful memory to look back upon in her future. And that was her focus now. Her future.

After a long, hot shower, Bella made her way across the street into a small bistro for breakfast. The coffee revived her sleep deprived nerves, and the croissant satisfied her grumbling stomach.

When she greeted Agent Davis a few hours later, the possibility of moving across the continent didn't frighten her as much. If that was her fate, she'd embrace it.

-MTSD-

He took one last drag of the cigarette, drawing the smoke deeper into his lungs, deep enough to feel the burn of _overstretched_ airways. He narrowed his eyes, watching the cherry glow brighter and brighter until the last flecks of tobacco and paper flared with a sizzling pop and went out. The nicotine rushed through his veins, and he felt momentarily weightless, almost euphoric. He exhaled the smoke, watching the greyish wisps fade into nothingness, wishing he could breathe her out as easily as he had breathed her in. With a flick, the burned down stub landed at his feet, and he crushed it with his boot. Nasty fucking habit, but ever since _she_ had fucked with his mind, it helped to calm his nerves and dispel the lingering anxiety.

Edward adjusted the socket wrench over a nut, and it creaked as he fastened it. It was only two days since she'd gone, left his sight and walked out of his life with his damned jacket. Two damned days, and she still plagued his mind. _She's got my jacket!_ He sneered towards the engine block, and his jaw ticked. His hand tightened around the wrench handle. _Fuck. Her._

He let out a humorless laugh. _Did that! Multiple times!_

When the wrench didn't budge any further, he dislodged it and threw it towards the workbench. It landed with a clanking thud and slid against the wall. The rebuild was finally done. Stepping back, a slow smile spread across Edward's lips.

"Just a paint job and you'll be my new babe magnet," he purred towards the car.

Like he needed it to get pussy. Women flocked to him, especially at the tracks. The majority of his fans were chicks.

The door to the garage swung open just as he was wiping the grease from his hands. Emmett's nose wrinkled as the haze of blue smoke assaulted him. Edward raised his brows towards his friend and slid behind the wheel.

"Damn, man," Emmett cursed, leaving the door open to air out the place. "If you _have_ to light one up every few minutes, open a fucking door."

Edward knew Emmett didn't approve of his smoking. Hell, he knew he should quit. It messed with his breathing and appetite, but damn, he needed it at the moment. Emmett wouldn't understand.

"She done?" Emmett questioned when Edward didn't reply. He inspected the engine, fiddled with some of the hoses, pulled out the dipstick and checked the oil level. Edward nodded as he turned the key to the first stop, watching the gauges, making sure all of them worked.

"She run?"

"About to find out," came Edward's response. Everything seemed to be in working order. He took a deep breath, his hand on the key. "The moment of truth." With a quick turn, the engine sputtered and jerked, stalling out. "Fuck!" Had he missed something?

"Try again," Emmett encouraged, having made his way to the driver's side. He leaned his arm on the frame above the door and peeked inside. Edward glared at him sideways. Emmett shrugged nonchalantly. "Just try it."

Again, he turned the key, and with a slight sputter, the engine rumbled to life. It vibrated beneath him, the sound of the V8 echoing throughout the garage.

Emmett's beefy hand clapped down on Edward's shoulder. "Damn! You did it! She sounds…" He closed his eyes and hummed lowly, a smirk playing at his lips. "Sexy."

Edward laughed as Emmett started caressing _his_ car. Fucker needed to keep his hands to himself. But fuck it felt good to laugh, to let loose.

Sleep had become close to nonexistent. Dreams and memories of Bella; her body, her scent, the peace he'd felt being with her, had kept him awake. Restless and regretful. Why did the thought of never seeing her again eat at him? It shouldn't!

With his body aching and tired from riding the tracks all afternoon, but knowing he wouldn't be able to sleep with memories of Bella haunting him, Edward had made his way into the garage, a cigarette freshly lit between his lips. If there was one thing that could distract him, besides pussy, it was finally finishing his Mustang.

"Now it only needs fresh paint," he informed Emmett as he inspected the timing belt, the alternator, and radiator. He'd have to find new ways to entertain himself.

On the workbench, amid the clutter of tools, his cell phone chimed. He froze for a second, his thoughts running rampant. Was that her? Would she… ? Did he fucking dare… _dream_?

 _Pathetic_. He shook his head and aimed his focus back to the car.

Emmett, ever observant, saw the slight hesitation and sliver of hope in his friend's eyes and gave him a sympathetic smile.

"What?" Edward asked, irritated. He didn't want nor did he _need_ Emmett's fucking pity.

"I guess I'm just trying to understand," Emmett started in a low voice, his hand nervously massaging the back of his neck. "I saw how… _happy_ you were Sunday, before and after the race. And it wasn't just because you won. I know what _that_ looks like. This was… different. It was because of Bella. What happened between you two that night?"

Edward gritted his teeth, and he slammed the hood closed with too much force. The sound shook through the enclosed space. The mention of her name, to hear it spoken out loud, did things to him. It sparked an overwhelming urge to call her, see her, be with her. It was distracting and fucking frustrating. He clenched his fists to stop himself from punching Emmett in the nose. Damn him! "None of your damn business!"

"E," Emmett tried again. "Maybe it's not how it looks. Maybe…"

Furious, Edward took a step toward Emmett. His nostrils flared with each forceful breath. "Did she put you up to this? Huh? Did your new hussy spin your head?" His voice rose with each accusation. He was really starting to despise Rose.

Emmett's expression went from compassionate to livid, and he squared off, standing eye to eye with his friend. "Watch your mouth! Rose isn't like that."

Edward snorted in disbelief. Emmett continued, jabbing a finger against Edward's chest. The way his body ached, muscles stiff and sore, it fucking hurt, and he winced. "All I'm saying is, you don't know her story. You don't!" He emphasized loudly when Edward rolled his eyes. "I've never seen you this gung ho over a girl before. And you're an ass, by the way. You always assume the worst in people. Now you're doing the same to her. For once in your life, stop running and face your fears. She's different. She's good for you. She challenges you. Something you _need_. Even I can see that!"

Emmett stepped back and exhaled. "I know you, man. You're hiding behind… _something_. Whatever that is, it's going to eat you alive unless you deal with it."

Edward shook his head, ready to argue. There was no way Emmett could fathom his secrets, and there was no way in hell that he'd breathe a word about his fucked up past. Not to his best friend, not to the fucking woman that had his mind all twisted. "I'm done talking about this!"

"Fine, keep running." Emmett relented with a shake of his head. "But you're an idiot!"

Edward's features remained stoic, but inside, a fireball of rage grew as Emmett's words sank in. In all the years that they had been friends, Emmett had never been this up front with him. He would voice his opinions on things like the bikes, tracks, beer and sports, but never on a personal level. That's what Edward liked about Emmett — it made them click.

The words hit him in every place he wanted to keep locked away. Something stirred deep within him. Hope? Maybe. Was Emmett right? _Of course he's right_ , his conscience quietly argued. But that still didn't change anything. Nothing! She was gone. To be with her someone else. For fuck's sake, the picture of another man on her nightstand still taunted him. It had never bothered him to fuck a girl that had a boyfriend, fiance, or whatever. But with her, it ate at him. He hated that there was someone else.

Still feeling Emmett's observing gaze on him, Edward exhaled and pushed those thoughts into the corner of his mind again. What's done is done. No time for regrets. "So, you gonna help me load _her_ onto the trailer? I wanna take her to the body shop this afternoon to get painted. Hopefully, it'll get done before the weekend."

Emmett laughed in disbelief, although he shouldn't have been surprised. Of course Edward was going to ignore the elephant in the room. He was the master at it. "Sure. What color are you going for?"

Cocking his head to one side, Edward looked at the Mustang. It looked hideous in its sanded down state, the pale grey giving it a slightly haunting look. "Navy blue… I think."

Emmett whistled appreciatively. "Niiice! Excellent choice. And I know just the guy. Buddy of mine. Luis. Did me a solid with shining up _Red_ ," he gushed, his eyes glazing over as he talked about his Camaro. Giddy and full of childlike excitement, he turned towards the door, but the cigarette butts on the floor made him stop. "And clean this shit up." With a wink over his shoulder, he was gone, leaving Edward to his own thoughts.

So much for forgetting about her. He looked at the car and picked up an old towel, absentmindedly rubbing it over the grease stains on his fingers as her face flickered through his mind again. He despised her for making him feel wanted, desired… _liberated_. That feeling never lasted, fear and pain returning the moment she left. The escalating highs made the lows in between even more devastating, just like an addict who needed a bigger and bigger dose as he careened towards his own destruction. Edward had to cut her out now, because if he waited and let things go any further, he'd come to a point of no return.

He finally located his phone in the mess, and saw the email from Bree at Calvin Klein. She wanted to confirm their meeting on the following day to discuss a shooting schedule, wardrobe and locations. He was still irritated from Emmett's confrontation, so the thought of facing Tanya, of working with her, only added fuel to the fire.

"It's just a fucking job," he grumbled to himself, hitting the reply button and confirming the meeting. After all, he had signed the damned contract. He could endure a few hours of Tanya's grabby hands. He'd done it before. Problem was, now Edward knew there would be no enjoyment in it like there had been in the past.

His tastes had changed, and Tanya's pussy didn't meet his new fucked up standards.

For the umpteenth time, he cursed her. "Fuck you, Bella. Fuck. You!"

She wasn't even in the same state as him, and she was still fucking with his life, his mind. It had to stop. Right fucking now. He couldn't wait to get on the road with the Kawasaki crew. Different states, cities and tracks. And no Bella.

A win-win for him.

* * *

 **A/N: For wardrobe, we came up with boxers, briefs, boxer briefs, under things and manties. And my favorite: under the butt nut hut.**


	19. Chapter 19

**A/N: The usual disclaimer applies. No copyright infringement intended.**

 **These characters, words, story wouldn't be without these women: NewTwilightFan, Ninkita, NKubie, Twimom1960 and LunaBev. Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them, not me!**

* * *

Chapter 19

It didn't surprise Edward to see Tanya leaning against her yellow Porsche, big fucking sunglasses obscuring half her face, looking like she owned the damn world, as he pulled into the parking lot of Calvin Klein. LA traffic had been a drag — slow and frustrating, brake lights for miles — sending his irritation level through the roof, and now he had to deal with her.

Tanya had been relentless in her efforts to reach him the past few days. Text messages, calls, voicemails, even email, all containing half-assed apologies and her need to make it right. Since he hadn't replied to any of the aforementioned, a face-to-face confrontation was inevitable. She was desperate to get back in his good graces; to preserve her dignity. After all, image was everything in this glitz and glamour town.

His hand lingered on the key as he watched her watching him in the rearview mirror, a big smile curving her perfectly plump lips, blond hair in a neat ponytail, swinging along with the slight breeze. There was no denying she was beautiful.

 _Outer beauty._

Stuffing his keys and phone into his jeans pocket, Edward pushed his hand through his hair and made his way around his truck.

 _Time to face the fucking music!_

Tanya's smile spread even wider as she made her way towards him, her hips swinging seductively, skirt swaying. Her overt sex appeal had lured many men into her corner, but today it left Edward cold.

His lips pressed into a thin line as she kissed the corner of his mouth. He inhaled her spicy, overdone perfume. A scent he'd always associated with Tanya, so potent and enticing, it used to drive him wild. Now, it caused his airways to constrict. It wasn't floral and light like… He stopped his mind in its tracks.

"Eddie," she purred, eyes batting, her hand lingering on his arm.

"T."

Her smile fell just a bit. She hated that nickname just as much as he hated being called Eddie. It reminded him of Chandler's roommate on _Friends_. The one with the annoying laugh. Alice still used that nickname whenever she wanted to get a rise out of him. Most times it worked.

He moved around her towards the door, but Tanya's grip on his arm tightened. Damn.

"Can we talk?"

She sounded so timid and small that his facade cracked, and his resolve to blow her off wavered. He tried to hold onto his anger. Her betrayal still lingered, burned beneath the surface. That night two weeks ago had twisted his world counterclockwise. Maybe if she hadn't cheated, if she hadn't fucked that damn producer, he would never have gone to that bar, and he would never have met…

 _You don't know her story._

His eyes closed behind his shades and his fingers curled into fists at his sides as Emmett's words rang clear through his mind yet again. They had played on a constant loop the previous night, causing a mixture of doubt and curiosity to creep into every crevice of his mind. What was Bel… _her_ story? Why was Emmett so willing to defend her? What was he missing? Was she thinking of him? Why the fuck did he care?

 _I'm leaving._

All he'd heard was _goodbye_.

He snapped out of his haze and focused on the woman in front of him. "What about?" came his sharp reply as he shook those memories from his mind once more. It was becoming easier. She wasn't occupying his every thought anymore. That was progress in his book.

Tanya caressed his arm and stepped closer, removing her owl sized shades and placing them on top of her head. "I just…" she sniffed and blinked hastily, moisture brimming in her baby blue eyes. "I'm sorry for what I did."

Edward's back stiffened at the sight of her tears. He couldn't handle women crying. Not Tanya or any other woman. And definitely not his sister, Alice. "What's done is done, T. The best thing to do is to move forward." He squeezed the hand she'd placed on his arm, hoping it reassured her. There was no going back to _them_.

The two had met during one of his mother's obnoxious charity galas. For his mother, it was all about how they were presented to the press. Edward hadn't been interested in going to this fucked up event, but his sister, whom he'd do anything for, had convinced him to come.

 _The perfect fucking family._

It had been shortly after the fiasco with Zafrina, and he had been beyond pissed that evening, especially since the slut had been constantly at his mother's side, kissing her ass and being the dutiful slave she so desired to be. He was drowning his anger in expensive brandy at the bar when Tanya had strolled up to him, with a brilliant smile and a dress that had left almost nothing to the imagination. Her looks aside, she had been cool, calm and offered him a cigarette. The two had slipped out the back door through the kitchen and spent the remainder of the night smoking and drinking the bottle of Jack Tanya had snuck out in her purse. And that's how Alice had found them a few hours later—sitting against the brick wall, each with a cigarette between their lips, laughing at nothing in particular.

Since that evening, they had remained friends, a convenient go-to whenever the other needed it. Tanya had come to his races and he had accompanied her to other galas and award shows. They clicked in some weird way. Eventually, their chemistry had spilled into the bedroom. A mutual understanding; a commitment without expectations. The best of both worlds.

Everything had been great until their equation subtly changed. Tanya started demanding something different, something more. She wanted Edward to quit racing, claiming he could get seriously injured or worse, die. To him that was the thrill. To live on the edge. It was his drug—to chase the high. And he had explained it to Tanya, but she kept harping at him about it, urging him to go into the movie business like her.

 _The ultimate power couple._

They hadn't seen eye to eye for a while, and when she'd fucked the producer for a damn lead role in a movie, it had been his way out — the icing on an increasingly fucked up cake. He'd been almost relieved to call it quits.

Even though they weren't fucking each other anymore, it was the friendship he missed. Besides Alice, Tanya was one woman he could spend time with without wanting to rip his hair out.

Perhaps that was why her betrayal had affected him so much in the first place… they were supposed to be friends. But then his bitterness towards Tanya was aggravated because that night two weeks ago, he'd met a sweet, shy brunette. The one that had rocked his world on more than one level. It would be so fucking easy to blame Tanya for that mess. It was her actions that had set the chain of events in motion.

"Are we okay?" Tanya's hesitant voice jolted him out of his unintended trip down memory lane. She had her arm linked through his and her head leaned on his shoulder.

Edward gazed down at those baby blues, at the gorgeous features that had become so familiar to him over the last three years. Those eyes reminded him that Tanya had been so much more than a convenient fuck. She had put up with his tempers, been a willing outlet when he needed to fuck away his dark moods, she had a biting sense of humor that was a welcome contrast to her carefully constructed public image, and yeah, they had looked hot together. Having her on his arm certainly hadn't hurt his marketability. He had no desire to get back with her, but he couldn't bring himself to hate her anymore.

Finally he smiled. "Yeah, T. We're good." He inclined his head towards the entrance of the high rise. "Let's go in. Gotta show our goods for the cameras."

She giggled and kissed his cheek. "Yes. We'll look so fucking hot together."

He snorted and opened the door for her. Things were finally returning to some sort of normal and Edward couldn't be happier about that fact. "Don't we always?"

-MTSD-

The meeting dragged on and on. Edward started to squirm in his seat wanting to get out of the stuffy office, but Bree kept discussing dates, times, wardrobe and photoshoot locations with them. Edward hadn't expected this when he'd signed the damn contract. He'd figured he'd get a schedule via email and he'd just show up. But nothing was easy in this pretentious city.

"If everything goes according to plan, we'd like to get this under wraps before Christmas." Bree's voice rang in his ear. "So, it might have to be a few back to back shoots." Hazel eyes flickered between Tanya and Edward.

"As long as it doesn't interfere with the racing weekends, I'm game." He could pretend to be excited about this whole damn shindig.

Bree nodded and jotted down a few notes, the page almost half full with her scribbles. She focused her attention on Tanya. "During the week works for you?"

Tanya nodded, a lock of hair twirled around her finger. "I think so. I'll have my manager talk to my producer. We'll work around both schedules." She inclined her head towards Edward, shooting him a dazzling smile.

More dates were highlighted and after another hour Bree let the two go with a promise that she'd discuss things with the photographer and send an email confirming the dates.

Outside, Edward closed his eyes and breathed deeply. "Thank fuck," he grumbled. The urge to hop on his bike vibrated through his veins. His nerves were wound too tight. He needed that release.

Tanya's snicker came from behind him. "It wasn't that bad, was it?"

He turned his head towards her. "No. No, it wasn't," he deadpanned. "Except for the fact that she kept referring to underwear as 'wardrobe'." He mimicked quotation marks with a sneer.

"Well, they are part of wardrobe," Tanya countered, barely containing her grin. She looked… _innocent_. As if she hadn't been corrupted by the industry, the pretenses, the facade.

Edward snorted and dug in his pocket for the keys. "Boxers. Briefs. Boxer briefs. Banana hammock would have sufficed. Wardrobe makes them sound… _glamourous_. Something they are not."

Tanya guffawed loudly, the sound ringing out through the parking lot. "Banana hammock," she wheezed out. "I haven't seen one… well, yes. I saw one just the other day at the beach." She shuddered with disgust, her laughter reduced to a sigh.

"As long as I don't have to wear one…" Edward stated, glaring at the building, silently wishing Bree could read his mind. "That will be the day." He joined Tanya as she laughed, imagining different types and forms of the repulsive briefs that were making a comeback. It felt good to let loose, as though an unseen weight had lifted from his shoulders.

He was beginning to feel like himself again. There was a sense of normalcy between him and Tanya. While the chances of falling into bed with her again were slim, they'd reached an impasse — a silent understanding.

The chime of his phone caught his attention and he read the message.

ALICE: _I'll miss you tonight. Eat enough for me, too. I'll see you next weekend. Love you._

With those simple words, his good mood flew the coop. Edward had forgotten about the family dinner being moved to Wednesday night this week. He would have to face his mother again. The woman who always found something displeasing about him. Fan-fucking-tastic.

Same dinner. Different week. _Same shit. Different pile._

He kissed Tanya's cheek lightly with half empty promises to spend some time together and excused himself.

-MTSD-

Soulful jazz music played through the speakers of the upscale restaurant, the saxophone solo adding an unexpectedly upbeat vibe to the piece. Silverware clinked melodically against porcelain plates, amidst the subdued chatter of genteel patrons. Impeccably made-up women in beautiful dresses without a hair out of place. Men in sharp suits escorting their dinner dates to the tables, some sharing a bottle of wine, while others nursed crystal tumblers of hard liquor. Bella absorbed it all — from the servers, to the patrons and the slightly greying man that sat before her.

"This is awfully fancy, dad," she mused, a slow grin spreading across her lips as Charlie surveyed the room.

His brows furrowed. "Too much?"

"Well…" Bella waited until he eyed her warily. "Only if you want people to think you're my sugar daddy." A small chuckle escaped her as his scowl deepened.

"They do not think that!"

"Nowadays you never know, dad. Older man," Bella gestured to him. "Younger woman." She pointed to herself and swept her hand out towards to the restaurant. "Fancy restaurant."

Charlie huffed and shook his head. "Let them think whatever they want. If a dad wants to take out his daughter on the town, he can do so. Wanna go dancing afterwards, young lady?" He winked at her.

Bella gaped at him. "Well played, old man. Well played."

He chuckled lightly and shrugged.

"Can you even dance?"

His laughter stilled. "I got moves," Charlie defended himself. "You should have seen me in my younger years."

"I have seen pictures."

He leaned in closer, his eyes glimmering with joy. "You know, it was my dance moves that caused…" he cleared his throat, the light in his eyes dimming. "Renata… to go out with me. I wooed her with my spectacular skills."

Bella leaned in and spoke in an exaggerated whisper. "And I heard it was the mullet that caused her to swoon all over you."

Placing a hand over his heart, Charlie gasped in exaggerated horror. "Don't mock the mullet! It was the best haircut of all time. Business in the front. Party in the back." He laughed. "Remember Jake showing up with a damn mullet? That boy was trying so hard to impress me those first few months after you guys came back from Germany."

"God, I hated the hair." Bella visibly shuddered. She let out a small giggle as the memories played through her mind. "He figured that was the one way to get you to approve of him." She shook her head at the absurdity.

"He was a good man." Charlie's voice quieted, sombered. His eyes cast down to the menu, his fingers tightening around the glass half full of Scotch.

Bella swallowed roughly as she reminisced about Jake's hopes of impressing his future father-in-law, about all the memories that still lived within her — the mullet, the endless perusal of different varieties of beer and Scotch, the way Jake had insisted on getting the "best of the best".

"It does get easier, you know." Bella raised her gaze to his. Compassion and understanding were reflected in Charlie's eyes as he continued. "The emptiness, the dull ache in your chest whenever you think about them… it lessens. You'll find yourself smiling more often when those memories surface. The tears will subside, and you'll move forward with your life." He placed the menu on the table. "And someday, someone will come along that will make you fall in love again."

 _Edward._

The first thought that popped into Bella's mind was him. His name. His face. Those few breathtaking moments with him. It had been so easy to be with him. To lose herself in the sensation of those feelings — to feel wanted, desired… _alive_.

Taking a sip of her wine, Bella pushed those thoughts back. "Someday. Maybe," she whispered mostly to herself. She knew later at night, images, reminders of him, would occupy her until she'd fall asleep. Thankfully, the waitress came to take their order at that moment, conveniently putting an end to that topic.

After they'd both ordered, Charlie focused his attention on the more recent past, specifically Bella's trip, wanting to know every detail she could spare. He listened with rapt attention, smile wide and eyes gleaming with pride, as she told him about her three days in DC, from the interview, to the polygraph and the tasks she had performed— and aced—that morning.

"Agent Davis told me that they'd be in touch. Whatever that means. Could be days. Months. Or if he wants to be cruel, a year." Bella shrugged and took a bite of her salmon.

"It sounds like you're not sure about this opportunity you've been given," Charlie mused, brows slightly furrowed. "Is this not something you'd want?"

Again, she shrugged and averted her eyes. The knife in her hand seemed fascinating as she contemplated her answer, her reasons.

The previous night, after another phone call with Rose, Bella had mulled over the idea of moving three thousand miles away from her family. A new city. Different people. A new job. It had all seemed so overwhelming, frightening, if she had to go at it without her family by her side.

 _This is a once in a lifetime opportunity._

"I don't know," she answered after a moment. Bella raised her gaze to his questioning one and rushed to explain. "Don't get me wrong. It would be a promotion from what I've been doing now and if I do get offered the position, I'd seriously consider it. But as of right now…" she paused, the truth behind her words sinking into her chest. "I don't know if I can be away from you or Rose. I'd miss you too damn much. I figured that much in just three days."

Charlie held her gaze, searching her face. "Okay. The decision is yours to make." He grasped her hand in his and squeezed gently. "Whatever you decide, you know you'll have our full support."

-MTSD-

He stared at the massive oak door of his childhood home and exhaled. There were good memories along with bad ones inside this house. Good ones like him helping Alice to her feet when she had started to walk, but kept falling to her diapered butt. Or how he'd caught Alice sneaking out when she'd only been thirteen to go to a party. She had been his good little slave for an entire week, doing the worst tasks he could come up with, from washing his socks and other dirty clothes, to clipping his toenails. That was until she had caved and told their parents the truth. Both had been grounded for a week — her for lying and him for using his sister.

Edward didn't even dare think of the more dreadful memories. He couldn't. If he so much as considered opening that bolted and locked door in his mind, he knew that all hell would break loose. He'd go on a binge, drinking and partying, losing focus. He couldn't afford that at the moment, especially with the racing season having just started and it being his last year. He was gunning for that championship title, and he wouldn't let anything get in his way. Especially not his fucked-up-beyond-repair past.

Briefly squeezing his eyes shut, he knocked. A moment later, the door swung open and his shoulders slumped forward.

"Maria," he breathed, shocked. Surprised.

Maria had been hired as the housemaid when Alice was born. She was the one who had found him with hand-shaped bruises across his ribs, and insisted that he tell his parents about what had happened. With tears streaming down his face and mortification shaking his entire body, Edward had begged, pleaded with her to keep quiet, to not tell a soul. Whether it had been out of love for the trembling boy or fear that any action she took would only make things worse for him, she had kept quiet and taken on the responsibility of caring for him. She had been the mother his own hadn't been, right until his mother let Maria go after Alice turned fifteen and Edward moved out of the house. Now she stood before him with slightly greying hair and a big smile plastered on her face.

The fucking past smacking him right in the face.

" _Eduardo_! Mi hijo." She rushed to him and wrapped her arms around his midsection, squeezing him to her. "I have missed you, my boy," she mumbled into his shirt.

Leaning his cheek against her head, Edward breathed her in. "I've missed you too, Maria." His voice shook. Memories plagued him.

 _Escape! Escape!_ His mind, his survival instinct, screamed at him.

"Come in. Come in." She ushered him through the door and into the kitchen. "Come help me with the dishes, Eduardo."

Edward smiled at her nickname for him. She had always claimed it was easier for her to pronounce than _Edward_. He hadn't minded; it made him feel special since he despised the name Masen. "You do know there's a dishwasher." He pointed towards the appliance with a raised brow.

Maria waved him off and tugged on his hand. "Oh, shush, you. Washing the dishes with your hands teaches you to appreciate the cleanliness."

His brows rose higher. "Is that so?" God, he'd missed their teasing banter.

"I don't know, but it's my philosophy." She shrugged and stuck his hands into the sudsy water. "Now scrub, mi hijo." Of course, he obeyed her orders.

"Tell me about your life. These bikes you ride… are you happy with it?"

Edward didn't know how to respond to, or how to feel about, the fact that she'd been silently following his career all these years. He grimaced at the twinge in his chest at the unmistakable sound of caring in her voice. Focusing instead on the food stuck on the pan, he went to work, scrubbing and rinsing while Maria dried the clean dishes. "Yeah. It's my last year, though." He turned towards her, needing to divert the attention. "But tell me about you. What have you been up to in the last ten years? And why are you back?"

"Oh, you want me to go?" Maria asked in a mock accusatory tone. "I can go if you don't want me here."

"Oh, come on." Edward chuckled with a shake of his head. "I'm just curious."

"Your _madre_ needed help and called me. After all, I was the best maid she'd ever had." Maria raised her chin with pride.

"I don't doubt that."

"Double the pay and with benefits. I couldn't say no."

Silence fell between the two, broken only by the clanging of dishes. Edward could feel Maria's eyes on him as she watched him, observed him. There was no doubt she'd ask about what had happened, how he'd managed. Anxiety flared along his spine as he awaited her questions.

She came up next to him at the sink, watching his movements as he continued to scrub. "Eduardo," she started, her voice barely above a whisper. He stopped, sweat starting to prickle on his neck. "Did you… Did you ever talk to someone?"

And there it was. The fucking past he'd worked so hard to bury. Edward had no desire to dig through those hellish years, no matter how much he admired this woman. Slowly, he shook his head, his eyes remaining fixed on the dirty dishwater and his mouth set in a straight line.

"Eduardo…" she chided softly. Something snapped inside him and he let the plate in his hand fall back into the water, uncaring that the suds splashed everywhere. On him. On Maria. The floor.

Turning, he addressed her, gaze hard and fixed. Hands balled into fists. Stance rigid. "Don't! Just don't. I'm doing fine. See?" He gestured to himself. "I don't need to talk to anyone. Not then and definitely not now. It's called the fucking past for a reason."

The compassion in Maria's eyes was nearly crippling as she held his gaze, wordlessly conveying both pleas and admonishment. His own angry, tortured stare told her to back off, to leave it be. To leave him alone.

An unspoken _please_.

A silent but desperate _don't_.

"Son?" Carlisle's baritone voice interrupted the silent feud. He stood in the kitchen doorway, looking impeccable in his navy suit and grey tie, his dirty blonde hair slicked back. In one hand he held his briefcase and in the other his cellphone.

Edward flinched slightly and broke eye contact with Maria. "Hey, dad." He cleared his throat, cursed under his breath and wiped his hands on his jeans.

Carlisle eyed the two, his gaze taking in the sudsy dishwater that had splashed in every direction, and raised a brow in question. "Everything alright?"

"Oh yes, yes, _señor_ ," Maria answered him, already going about cleaning the mess. She sounded as flustered as Edward felt. "We had a small _dispute_ … " She paused and gave Edward a sideways glance. "... with the dishes, but everything is okay now. Dinner should be ready soon."

"Okay. I'll just wash up and meet you in the dining room." His footsteps faded as he headed down the hall.

Releasing his breath, Edward turned to Maria, needing to apologize. To relieve the tension that loomed like an unseen presence between them. "Maria," he started.

She waved him off, her mouth pulled into a smile. "Mi hijo, don't apologize. I pushed. I shouldn't have." She stepped closer and touched his arm. Comforting, like a mother's touch. For once, he didn't flinch at the contact. "It's been years, but you've always been on my mind. In my prayers."

Edward's heart started to squeeze in his chest. An unfamiliar emotion caught in his throat as he let himself venture into the dark abyss of his past for just a moment. The pain. The humiliation. The fear. All of it barreled through him in one swift kick. He inhaled sharply and stepped back away from her touch, her warmth.

 _Too soon. Too much._

Maria was still talking, reminiscing, oblivious to the war raging in his mind, to the cold shiver that ran down his spine, but all he could think was _run_. _Get the fuck out! Hide!_

"As time passed I've thought about contacting you…"

"I'm gonna wait in the dining room for my parents." His clipped voice was harsh, abrupt, his breathing ragged, as he turned and walked away with quick, decisive steps. The remorseful, compassionate look she gave him as he turned his back made him grit his teeth in a sneer. Seeing Maria was… good, but also a reminder of what he had put behind him. It was like visiting a grave of everything he'd endured, buried. He couldn't fathom going down that road now.

Carlisle joined him in the dining room a few minutes later, and informed Edward that Esme was stuck at the office finalizing a plan that had been stressing her out for weeks. It was just the men this evening. Edward breathed a sigh of fucking relief knowing his mother wouldn't be there to harp on him again. One night of relative peace.

After a delicious meal and desultory conversation, the two men made their way out the back door onto the deck overlooking the massive backyard. The sounds of the fountain reached Edward's ears and he smiled at reminders of him chasing his young sister around the pond. Happy memories started to replace the more bleak, darker ones in his mind as he continued to stare at the concrete structure. He could still hear Alice's giggles as he followed her around. For a small child, she sure had been quick to evade him.

"Edward." Carlisle called his name and he turned, his grin spreading as his father handed him a tumbler of amber liquid.

"You read my fucking mind," Edward teased, taking the glass. He tipped it back and reveled in the smooth brandy warming his throat. "Fuck, that's good."

"How have you been?" his dad asked, taking a seat on a lounge chair.

Edward settled into a chair himself. He focused on his drink while he answered. "Good. Good. The season just started. So far, so good."

He looked out to the yard again, wondering how soon he could leave. His relationship with Carlisle had been close to nonexistent for years, so sitting here, discussing their lives... it was unfamiliar territory.

"That's good. You'll be traveling a lot. This weekend you'll be in Oakland."

Edward glanced at his dad, surprised that he knew. The schedule tended to change a bit each year.

"What?" Carlisle asked with a shrug and an amused grin. "I did some research. I am a curious fucker, you know. I watch the races. I know where you'll be at," he defended himself.

Edward chuckled. "Did you also see that I'm #3 with points and stats?"

"I did." Carlisle nodded. "You did good, son. I'm very impressed… and proud." The nostalgia, the sound of regret, was crystal clear in his voice. It made something hard and unyielding inside him unravel. Acceptance, understanding… these weren't things he expected from Carlisle. Not anymore. It had been too many years of Carlisle being busy at work, and Edward pushing back by refusing any more contact than these hellish dinners offered.

And yet today hadn't been so bad, despite the scene with Maria, and how raw his emotions were, thanks to... _her_. In fact, strange as it seemed, he was more at ease that evening, sitting with his father, than he had been in years. Was his mother to blame? Maybe. Probably.

Edward cleared his throat and observed the liquor swirl in the glass. "It's been fun."

"Edward." It was a whisper. He swallowed hard, his finger gripping the tumbler as Carlisle continued. "I couldn't help but overhear the last bit of your conversation with Maria."

"Dad!" A warning. A ' _don't do this_.' He took a drink and wished for the whole fucking bottle. There was no fucking way he was going down memory lane a second time tonight. Once had been difficult enough. If his father had regrets about the past, he could damn well live with them.

"Son, hear me out, okay? Something happened. I know it did. Your mother…"

Edward snorted and downed the rest of the brandy. He needed more. A whole lot more. A bottle, no, a case more, to be able to have this conversation. He sneered at the empty glass.

"Your mother didn't want to believe me when I said that our son had changed. That something changed him." Carlisle ran a nervous hand through his hair. A habit passed down to his son. He swallowed. "I can't believe I was so naive. So… _desperate_ to want to believe she was right. That you were just going through puberty. But Edward, I know that wasn't true. I watched the light fade from your soul. I…"

Silence surrounded them as he searched for words. The distant buzz of traffic and the soft flow of water from the fountain were the only sounds that could be heard. Edward sat forward and placed his elbows on his knees. His hand gripped the empty glass. He wanted so badly to throw the damn thing, watch it break into a million pieces, just like his life had shattered so many years ago. His eyes fucking burned. His throat was dry. The urge to punch… something coursed through his veins. He was about to snap. "Dad," he gritted out through clenched teeth.

"As a doctor, I should have seen the signs. I mean, I did. But I should have listened to my instincts. Helped you. Something. Anything. But…" he paused. Squeezed his eyes shut and rubbed at his temple. Suddenly he looked as though he'd aged ten years in just a few minutes. "I was in denial. I told myself that if something was wrong, you would tell me. I told myself that lie so often that I started to believe it. I overlooked the symptoms of you… deteriorating right in front of me." Carlisle sniffed and wiped a hand down his face.

Edward's jaw clenched. The fucking past right at the doorstep, knocking, forcing its way in. Years of moving forward, of reforming himself and here he was, a frightened ten year old boy again. His mind screamed at him to run. To drown himself in a bottle of Jack. To fuck away the memories. But his body was anchored, frozen to this damned chair as his father confessed.

"I failed you." A broken whisper in the dark night. Edward's breath shuddered. His chest squeezed with each inhale. He couldn't speak. "I failed as your father. As your protector. Nearly twenty years, I've failed you, Edward. And I am truly sorry for my actions, my stupidity. For the pain I've caused you."

"Are you asking for forgiveness?" Edward gritted out, his voice hoarse. Words. They were just fucking words. They didn't change a thing. Unshed tears burned his eyes. The empty glass in his hand was his only focus. "No!" He held up a hand. Jaw clenched. "Don't fucking answer that." He stood and released a harsh breath. He exuded calm, while his insides screamed, clawed at the thinning barrier.

"It's too fucking late, dad. Do you get that? Too. Fucking. Late. You want a clean conscience? Is that why you're doing this? Something to help you sleep better?"

Carlisle hung his head, his shoulders slumped forward in… shame? Regret? Guilt? Edward didn't know, nor did he care. "No, son." Carlisle's voice was a quiet contrast to Edward's harsh one. "I want a chance to be…"

"No. You don't get to do this. Not after all these years. Years, dad! I managed just fine on my own. I survived. I made something of myself."

Carlisle met Edward's eyes. Vulnerable to guarded. "You became an exceptional man."

"And I did all of it on my own. You weren't there then and you don't have to be now." Edward swallowed roughly and squared his shoulders. "You know what the worst part was?"

Carlisle shook his head, traces of tears still in his eyes.

"I wouldn't have come to you either way." Edward held up his hand when his dad started to protest. "I wouldn't. Because you and mom were always so worried about keeping the Cullen name clean, free of gossip, of anything bad. Remember my rebellious teenage years? The arrests you made disappear? Those were stupid mistakes, but that… that would have been the worst travesty of all. I couldn't bear to be the one to shame you in that capacity. All I wanted was for you to be proud of me. Like you are of Alice." His voice wavered with the last few sentences. He cleared his throat and fought to keep his emotions at bay.

"That's not true." Carlisle rose to his feet. "I am so very proud of you. Of both my children. As for the Cullen name, it wouldn't have mattered. Not to me."

"Dad, be honest, it would have. And if not to you, it definitely would have bothered mom." He snorted. "I wonder what lie she would have come up with… hmm."

"Edward." Carlisle took a step towards him, reached out a hand. Edward stepped back. "Please, son… I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologize for anything, dad. You don't have to worry about your precious family name that you and mom don't want tainted. You don't have to be concerned about me or the hell I went through as a kid. The past is the fucking past." An eerie calm, a sense of finality surrounded his words. "We all make mistakes and each of us have to live with the consequences." With a final forced smile and a stilted ' _good night_ ,' Edward strode through the house and out the front door. He didn't acknowledge Maria, nor his father calling his name. He needed to leave. To escape. To forget. To bury the fucking memories, the nightmares.

He wanted a smoke. A few dozen drinks. A different reality. He wanted… Bella.

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading! Thank you for your patience! It wasn't my intention to go without updating so long, but life just happens sometimes. I sincerely hope the next update won't take so long. Fingers crossed. :)**

 **Come join me on Facebook. _Purple's Fanfic Publications_. Link in my profile. :)**


	20. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello, dear readers. It's been a long time.** **Too long, I know. I am sorry. Life is busy and stressful, etc... First, thank you for being patient. Thank you that you haven't given up on me nor these characters. That alone means so much. I can't guarantee regular updates, but I can promise that I'm not abandoning this story. It's just gonna take a while.**

 **To the ladies involved, thank you! You are without a doubt the best! xoxo**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them not me!**

* * *

Chapter 20

Bella stood in the doorway to her bedroom and let her eyes wander around the room. Pale grey sheets. Dark patterned comforter. Off-white walls. Pictures, memories, stared back at her — graduation day at Caltech, Rose and Charlie on either side of her. Beside it sat a faded four by six frame of her biological father in his uniform. She stepped closer and let her fingers glide across the glass. Dark eyes, eyes like hers, squinted against the hot Arizona sun. She revisited her memories of him frequently. They were all she had left, and she was afraid they would fade. Even though she was only twelve when he passed, he had always encouraged her to learn her own mind, to follow her dreams and desires. If only he could see her now. Would he be proud of her achievements, her life course, her decisions? She'd like to think so.

"You're home."

Bella spun to embrace Rose, her sweet scent familiar, welcoming. "Hey you."

"I'm so sorry I wasn't able to pick you up from the airport. Alejandro, my client, is opening his club tonight and he's been… anal about everything," Rose rushed to explain. She drew back and rolled her eyes. A blush tinged her cheeks, as if she'd been running. Her makeup was perfectly applied, and her blonde sunshine hair was styled into a neat updo. Despite her agitation, she looked flawless, beautiful. "But tonight, free drinks and dancing! It's gonna be fun!"

Bella laughed softly. "It's good to be home."

"It's far too quiet without you around here." Rose's blue eyes shimmered, showing that she'd missed her sister more than her teasing tone implied. "Besides, your computer contraption intimidated me while you were gone." She eyed the three screens suspiciously.

"Don't go offending my baby. It has ears, you know."

"I don't doubt that," Rose muttered and flopped down on the bed, opening Bella's suitcase. She started to rummage through the clothes, folding and stacking them at her side. Ever the organizer. "Now tell me everything. How was it?"

"I did everything they wanted me to do. Jumped through every hoop. Now I just gotta wait until they contact me again." Bella busied herself with putting away her clothes, rambling on about her experience. The excitement of it all still simmered below the surface, reigniting her enthusiasm. "There was this one test I did yesterday. It was interesting. I broke through a firewall and the little glimpse I got of what was behind that wall looked like a modern day security system for banks. It was…"

"Bella, why do you have this jacket?" Rose interrupted her. "Is this… Edward's?"

Bella took out the shirt she'd just placed into her dresser drawer, folded it again and put it back. Her fervor was gone, vanished and replaced with thoughts of Edward. Her sister had the worst timing. For just a brief moment, Bella hadn't been thinking about him or the jacket.

She had no desire to discuss _him_. Or how she still thought about him every day, especially at night when she was alone with nothing else to occupy her mind. Or how she still hadn't contacted him about returning the jacket; the draft message still lurking in her phone. Or how she feared that hearing his voice, or seeing him again, would crack open the carefully constructed vault in her mind — the place where she had placed every feeling, every reminder of him and locked it all away — and would cause her heart to break once more.

Her hands shook slightly as she gathered the courage to face Rose and the inevitable interrogation. She knew what was coming. Rose would probe until every last detail was out in the open. She was like a dog with a bone; relentless.

Bella gently pushed the drawer closed. Her hands lingered on the wood as she briefly closed her eyes, inhaled a deep breath and turned around. She swallowed audibly.

The black leather hung from Rose's fingers while her other hand was firmly planted on her hip. With her brows raised in question, she gave Bella a pointed stare.

"Well?" Rose asked, extending the jacket to her. It swayed slightly, and Bella wondered if his scent still clung to the leather, if it was still as potent as it had been that first night. _All man..._

"I… He…" She cursed under her breath and rubbed her temple. "It was cold. Rainy. He loaned it to me, and I forgot to give it back." It was the truth, to a point. But evasive. She had forgotten to give it back before his truck peeled away from the curb. Her heart pounded.

Rose's eyebrows raised, and a grin curved her lips. "And that's why you took it with you to DC?"

 _Shit!_

"Erm… no." Bella bit her lip, her gaze on the _Kawasaki_ that was stitched across the back of the jacket. Her mind flashed back to images of him on his bike and how he had maneuvered it around the tracks. Powerful, smooth, yet rough and dangerous — like him.

"But you took it with you because…?"

Bella glared at Rose. Sometimes she wanted to throttle her sister. "For a brief moment, I just wanted to have a piece of him. But now, when I think about it, it was stupid, naive. I should have just couriered it to him. No fuss, no muss." She mimicked dusting off her palms. If only it was that simple. But nothing was simple when it came to Edward.

"Look, Bella…" Rose started, placing the jacket on the bed.

Bella remembered _him_ lying on that exact spot, naked beneath her. Memories of him were everywhere.

Rose continued in a softer tone. "I am sorry if I pushed too much. Maybe you weren't ready. Maybe you were." She shook her head and sighed. "Nonetheless, it happened. You did meet Edward in an… unusual, unorthodox way. You ventured out of your comfort zone. You let yourself _feel_. That alone is so much. Don't let him take that from you." Rose took Bella's hand and squeezed, conveying her compassion.

Bella sniffed and wiped away the tears. She felt so overwhelmed when it came to Edward; her mind always in turmoil. It was pulling her apart from the inside, and she wasn't sure if it was gonna break her or make her whole again. _Damn him. Damn herself._

"I don't know what to do. What to think… _how_ to feel," she admitted.

Digging through Bella's purse, Rose found and held out her cell phone. "Return his jacket." She gave her an encouraging smile. "Then it's one step at a time." With a final squeeze of her hand, Rose turned and exited the room.

Bella stared at the black screen. A few swipes and she was rereading the draft message. So much had happened in the past few weeks. One stupid miscommunication had led to this. Whenever Bella thought about that night, her chest ached. If only she could turn back time…

Life didn't work that way; her own track record spoke volumes. She stared at the message again, biting at her thumb nail. It was polite and straightforward.

 _Perfect_.

No, perfect would have been if he was here now, his body against hers, his sinful lips on her skin, whispering those dirty, dirty words in her ear.

She squeezed her eyes shut. It was time to close that chapter of her life. She needed to move forward. With a deep breath, she pressed send.

BELLA: _Hello. It's Bella. I forgot to return your jacket on Sunday night. Is there a suitable time for us to meet? Or would you prefer I courier it to you?_

Bella collapsed into her desk chair, exhausted and resigned. This loss, although so different from losing Jake, still sparked that urge to crawl into her head, her work, to escape everyday life, _everything._ Disappearing seemed so appealing. Bella shuddered as she remembered the dark months after Jake's death.

Rose appeared in the doorway. "And?"

Bella chuckled, her mood shifting towards hope as she answered her sister. She wasn't alone or scared anymore. "Yes. I did text him," she said with a roll of her eyes.

"Great." Rose went to the closet and started rifling through Bella's clothes. "Where's that sexy navy blue cocktail dress I bought you for your birthday?"

The conversation turned to Rose's current client, Alejandro, who kept calling as they got ready, flailing about one issue or the other. Rose handled each 'situation' with immense patience, reassuring him that everything was fine, planned to the last detail, and that his first night was going to be a success. Her voice remained calm and soothing, but it was the roll of her eyes and the grimace she pulled that gave away her irritation with her client.

"I'm impressed," Bella commented after Rose ended yet another call. "He sounds like a piece of work."

"He's really not that bad. He's got a great mind for business, and he's quite charming." Rose sighed. She smoothed back her hair, turning her head from side to side to check for loose strands. "This is just part of the job."

"Can't forget the free drinks," Bella deadpanned.

"Naturally. Anything for free booze."

-MTSD-

Bella checked her phone for the umpteenth time as the Uber pulled up to the curb outside the club.

 _No New Messages._

She sighed, and her heart sank a little more. Bella reasoned that he was probably busy, that he'd reply once he had time and that she needed to have fun. Enjoy the night. To not let him, or the thought of him, dictate her life. But he was still there, lurking in the shadows of her mind. It irked her, pricked at her sanity.

"Two hours until it opens and already there's a line." Rose's voice pulled Bella back from her gloomy thoughts. She eyed the long line of people that seemed to stretch around the block as she followed Rose into the club.

" _Rosa_! Oh thank god you're here."

"Alejandro."

"Rosa?" Bella asked curiously.

A man dressed in a dark suit, with the top button of his dress shirt undone and his hair slicked back, rushed towards them. He kissed Rose's cheek. "You look absolutely stunning."

Rose did look like a runway model in a silver sequined dress that exposed her back and complemented her long legs.

"Alejandro, I'd like to introduce you to my sister, Isabella."

He smiled warmly and took Bella's hand, kissing her knuckles lightly. Then, he winked at her. She inhaled sharply at his exuberance, her instincts begging her to draw back, escape.

" _Isabella_." He drawled out her name, his thick accent causing shivers to run down her spine. "I should have put on a fashion show tonight. _May the most beautiful woman win!_ " He gestured with one hand as if mounting words on a marquee. Then he focused back on her, his gaze intense, flirtatious. "You, along with your sister, would claim first prize."

Bella's cheeks warmed, feeling both flattered and out of her comfort zone.

"However will I concentrate with such beauty around?" Alejandro laughed. He looped their arms through his and escorted them through the extravagant club. "The red walls symbolize energy, passion, desire. I want every person who enters my club to absorb that energy from the music, the people surrounding them, from the air itself."

Silver lights balanced out the bolder colors. They highlighted the bar that curved along the back wall and the DJ booth, giving it a glamorous glow. The dance floor was situated in the middle of the enormous room, booths and sectional sofas lined the walls, and sheer curtains divided each area, creating a sense of intimacy.

As the night went on, Bella found herself enjoying Alejandro's company, despite her initial discomfort. He was charming, an excessive flirt, smart, and had a great sense of humor. She felt herself relaxing as the music pulsed, listening to him tell stories of how the idea for the club had taken shape. Even his hand on her arm and caressing her shoulder didn't bother her that much. She almost liked his attention. Bella blamed it on the alcohol she had consumed. And on Rose, for leaving her alone while she went off to find Emmett.

One of the bartenders approached Alejandro, needing his attention on a small matter, so the club owner excused himself, promising to be back soon. Alone, she swayed to the beat of the sensual song that played. Eyes closed, Bella's thoughts drifted to Edward again. Was this his scene? Would he dance? Her mind conjured images of his body moving, his strong hands guiding her, holding her body close against his own.

Oh god.

Bella inhaled sharply, the memory of his scent so potent. Her thighs clenched as the fantasy escalated. His lips whispering across her skin, hands peeling away her dress. Leaving her exposed. Wanting. Needing. _Vulnerable._

She bit her lip to suppress the moan building in her throat. She swallowed. Her fingers curled into fists.

"Do you respond to his touch as you did to mine?"

 _That voice_ …

Bella's eyes snapped open and met Edward's intense green gaze. Her heart lurched in her chest and then doubled its tempo at the sight of him.

"Edward…" An unheard whisper lost to the noise of the club.

His lips turned up with a condescending smirk. "Does he know about your dirty little secret? Hmm?" He inched closer, his lips at her ear. "How does he like my fucking jacket on you?" A biting chill laced his words.

Blistering anger burned away the shock of seeing him again. She pursed her lips and pulled back from his touch, away from him. She scrambled out of the booth and glared at him, wanting to wipe that smug grin off his stupid, beautiful face. How dare he? He had no idea!

"At least he knows what he wants," she retorted and spun on her heel, in a rush to get away from him.

Treacherous tears threatened to fall as she pushed through the gyrating bodies on the dance floor. She wanted to scream. Frustration, anger, irritation... all of it bubbled beneath the surface. She hated how her body responded to his. Hated that he saw right through her. Despised the fact that, despite his venomous words, she wanted him. Not Alejandro, nor any of the handsome well-dressed men that packed the club. She wanted Edward.

A hand wrapped around her wrist and tugged her backwards. _His_ hard chest pressed against her back. Muscular arms circled her waist.

"Why are you so pissed, _Bella_?" Edward whispered, his lips brushing against her ear. "Is it because you can't admit that, despite what your head says, your body wants more of me, the rebel from the wrong side of the tracks?" He released a low menacing growl. "Or are you just depriving yourself of what you really want? What you need? What you feel?"

Bella bristled at the truth in his words while unsuccessfully trying to pull away from his strong grasp. Despite her fury, or because of it, her body tingled as he trailed his hand down her arm, lacing his fingers with hers and drawing them up around his neck. Goosebumps rippled across her skin. She shivered against him.

His lips whispered across her cheek. "You're intoxicating. You can't help responding to my touch. Do you feel what that does to me?" He pressed one hand to her stomach and pulled her tightly against him so that she could feel the evidence of his arousal pressing into her lower back.

The song changed into something slower, more sensual, almost hypnotic. Bella turned in his arms and ran her fingers through his hair. She smiled and leaned in close. Two could play this game.

She bit her lip, watching his eyes drop to her mouth. "Just sex, right?"

An indecipherable expression passed over his features and disappeared just as quickly, replaced with that sexy smirk. He pressed closer, moving her body against his to the beat. "To make you scream my name."

"Leave your mark on me?" She goaded him, digging her fingers into his back. His smooth muscular back. "You want me to beg? Beg you to _fuck me_?" She emphasized the last words, lips a breath away from his.

"Bella…" He let out a deep, guttural groan. His eyes… liquid sex, jaw clenched. His cock hard against her midsection. His fingers dug into her hips, shooting a hot shiver of need down her spine. "You want it, too," he accused, seeing the unmistakable desire on her face. "Don't deny it."

She shook her head to clear the lust induced fog. No! She wanted to slap that arrogant smirk off his face and then kiss those sinful lips, letting him use her body for both their pleasures. God!

Bella drew back. She barely recognized herself like this. This wasn't her! She was rational. Calm. Reasonable.

She placed a hand on his chest, over his heart, and pushed off, taking a step back. But Edward held her wrist, his grip tight. To anyone watching the exchange, it looked as though they were dancing.

Bella started to shake her head. Her heart couldn't handle anymore of this push and pull. She withdrew her hand and met his eyes. Her knees trembled as she spoke the words. "I don't… didn't. _You_ denied it, us." She felt a sliver of satisfaction as recognition dawned in his gaze. It gave her enough courage to speak the next words. _His_ words. "It had to end sooner or later."

As she turned from him, Edward pulled her back and cupped her cheeks. He leaned his forehead against hers, his breath warm on her overheated face. His jaw ticked, anger in his eyes. "I want my fucking jacket back! Tomorrow!"

Just as quickly as the words were spoken, he turned on his heel and disappeared into the crowd.

Bella watched him leave, her heart pounding against her ribcage. Her entire body was shaking from the encounter. Again, Edward had made sure that he had the upper hand.

-MTSD-

With too much force, Edward shoved open the back door. It banged against the wall. The noise of the club cut off as it closed behind him with a creak and a thud.

Silence surrounded him as he started to pace.

"Fuck," he grumbled through gritted teeth. His fists clenched at his side, his head pounded, his body was rigid with frustration, fear… _want._

He rubbed his chest. His heart ached, twisted as her words — _his_ own words — echoed through his mind.

 _It had to end sooner or later._

Edward slumped against the wall and ran his hands through his hair, pulling hard. She was everywhere; her sweet scent, that small shy smile he'd grown to love and also hate because of how it caused his heart to soar, to hope. He yearned for her, to have a piece of her, all of her, to leave his mark on her. To get his fill... and then walk away. He had to walk away. For his own sanity. But with her, every moment he spent with her, thinking of her, it pulled him in deeper.

He shook his head, his thoughts returning to the text she'd sent him earlier that day. It was the wording that had started the downward spiral. His good mood had turned hostile, agitated… angry, with just those simple words. The text didn't sound a thing like the Bella he'd come to know. It had been too formal, too straightforward.

It felt like a fucking business transaction.

He'd written and deleted a dozen different responses, struggling to find the best way to reply. His anger had spilled onto the texts, and the first few were bursting with coarse language, snide words, barely suppressed vitriol. But then, even as he typed and deleted, they turned into some sort of plea. _I need to see you one more time_. In the end, he hadn't sent a single one. Instead, he'd stuffed his phone back into his pocket with the resolution to let her stew over his lack of response.

Emmett had insisted on a night out, to have some beers and a good time. Edward hadn't even questioned how Emmett had gained VIP access to the opening night of the exclusive club. And he had been enjoying himself, flirting with the willing bartender as he nursed his beer. Everything had been going great until she'd walked by… on the arm of a man dressed in a fucking pristine suit.

The bartender forgotten, Edward zeroed in on _his_ hands on her skin, watched him whisper in her ear, watched her laugh. With his fingers curled tight around the bottle, he'd imagined a million ways to throttle the bastard. Rip his arm off and drag her away into the nearest alcove and reclaim her body. To stake his fucking claim.

But he had no claim, no way of competing with the likes of that man; successful, put together. Not a fucking head case. Everything he wasn't.

Then, the man left her alone in the booth.

Seizing the opportunity, he pushed through the throngs of people, shaking off the hands that tugged on his chest and back, the invitations to dance, to flirt, or something more. He only saw her.

Bella.

How could she could act so nonchalant, moving on to the next guy so quickly? He felt discarded. Cheap. Fury simmered beneath his skin, fueling his next words and actions. If she really cared, wouldn't she feel as raw and exposed as he did? She never reacted as he expected her to. When he pushed, he wanted her to push back, angry and bitter, but instead she goaded him. Pressed her body to his and lured him in until…

 _It had to end sooner or later_.

His own fucking words thrown back at him.

Edward spit out a slew of curses into the night and reached for the door handle, then stopped. The bartender could offer a nice reprieve but even she held no appeal now, even if he'd been willing to stick around for hours until the club closed.

He couldn't take the chance of seeing Bella again, especially if she was with the suit guy. That would do him in. He wasn't sure how he'd react. Edward released the handle, stuffed his hands into his pockets and turned down the alley, heading to his truck parked down the street. He needed to leave. To get off this fucking roller coaster.

Away from her.

-MTSD-

Distance did nothing to curb the unmistakable tension that coursed through Edward's veins. With each mile he put between them, images of her body pressed close to his, her words, her lips just a breath away played on a loop through his mind.

This house loomed dark with only the porch light inviting him home. Everything was quiet as he strode through the kitchen, living room and up the stairs. He barely registered the fact that Emmett had left the TV on, his mind still back at the club, on her. How she had moved against him.

His body hummed, burned. He _needed…_

He slapped the keys onto his dresser and braced his hands on the wood panel. His jaw ticked. He took a deep breath. He could still smell her on his shirt.

"Fuck!"

Irritated, Edward ripped it over his head and hurled it into the corner. Stepping into the bathroom, he popped the button of his jeans and slid down the zipper.

He placed a fist against the wall. With deep, labored breaths he curled his fingers around his cock.

Her breaths on his neck. Her floral scent invading his senses. That seductive little smile...

A deep groan escaped his lips. His eyes closed as he began to stroke, images of her soft, beautiful body invading his mind. It was like pouring gasoline into a fire.

Swallowing thickly, the memory of her voice moaning his name caused him to jerk harder, faster. He leaned his forehead against the wall and let a vision of Bella take shape. Bent forward, her pert bottom pushing back against him. With each stroke of his hand, it intensified.

He imagined pushing her against the wall, flipping up her skirt and yanking her panties aside. His cock sliding between her wet folds and teasing her, taunting her. The second his name left her mouth in a plea, he pushed into her, hard and deep. His head tipped backwards as the images assaulted him. He grunted and fisted his cock harder, imagining her pussy gripping him.

Glorious heaven.

"Fuck," he cursed, the telltale tightening in his balls telling him he was close. His thigh muscles bunched. His chest heaved with each breath he took. His jaw clenched as he spread the drop of pre-cum at the tip. Fuck, he wanted her! He wanted her to beg. To plead. To want _him_.

"Fuck, Bella," he gritted out as hot spurts of his cum coated his hand. His hips jerked with each thrust as he emptied himself to images of her.

Slowly, he came down from the high and cleaned himself with a towel. As the euphoria of his release wore off, the frustration came flooding back.

Edward stared at his reflection, noting the bewildered eyes and hard set jaw. The vulnerability. His resolve to put her out of his mind started to crumble.

He wanted _her._ All of her. And that thought scared him half out of his mind.

He braced his hands on the countertop. Maybe he was just experiencing a moment of weakness. Maybe he would be stronger another day. But right then fighting it was impossible. He couldn't stay away from her any longer.

His hands trembled as he grabbed his phone and started to tap out a reply, including his address in the text.

EDWARD: _8 pm tomorrow, sweetheart!_

* * *

 **A/N: Thank you for reading. Merry Christmas and a happy new year!**


	21. Chapter 21

**A/N: To the wonderful ladies that are with me on this journey - NewTwilightFan, Ninkita, NKubie, Twimom1960 and LunaBev. Thank you! This wouldn't be without you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them not me!**

* * *

Chapter 21

 _Decide, Bella. Him. Or. Me._

 _Him or me_ , Edward whispered in her ear, his breath warm as his lips brushed against her skin. His chest pressed against her back, steel to softness, enclosing her in his warmth. She leaned into his touch. Goosebumps rippled across her arms and down her back at the low timbre of his voice. Bella tried to face him, to ask for clarity — whom she was supposed to choose, but she was rooted to the floor. Her voice escaped her. She couldn't say the words that needed to be said, her mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water.

 _Speak, dammit! Say something!_

Then he was gone, stepping back into the darkness, leaving her cold and desperate. Her arms flailed, trying to reach him, but grasping at nothing. Her feet still wouldn't move. She tried to scream, to call his name, but _nothing_. Numbness spread through her body as she accepted the truth. She was alone.

Panting, Bella jostled awake. Her heart pounded against her rib cage as the remnants of the dream swam through her barely conscious mind.

 _Decide, Bella_. But decide between whom? Who else was there? She tried to grasp at the lingering threads of the dream, but nothing made sense. Bella scrubbed a hand down her face and rubbed her tired eyes. _God, I'm losing my mind!_

She peeked at her alarm clock and groaned, throwing her arm over her eyes. 6:17am. It was just too damn early to be thinking about him and yet, there he was, a constant presence in this new reality. Bella blew out a frustrated breath, turned her head and glared at the jacket she'd thrown into the corner of the room when she got home the previous night. He made her so angry. He turned her on and pissed her off at the same time. She'd gone from wanting to rip his clothes off to fighting the urge to punch his handsome, arrogant face. And she wasn't a violent person! The most harm she could do was with her fingertips using a keyboard. A slow smile curled Bella's lips at the thought of spamming his email with useless, unnecessary advertisements.

 _Maybe one for Viagra. Or a few dozen._

She shook her head and the grin fell, already regretting her line of thinking. As much as the idea beckoned to her, she wouldn't be able to follow through with it. Childish. Vindictive. That's not who she wanted to be, no matter how much he had hurt her. All she wanted was to move on. Wipe her hands of the mistake she'd made that first night and remember not to listen to Rose's advice. She just wasn't the _one night stand_ type of girl. She wanted commitment and trust. Someone to want her as much as she wanted them. _That_ wasn't Edward. She knew this, had seen the gossip rags, the many women on his arm. He didn't do relationships.

The words he'd said on the dance floor filtered through her mind. _Rebel from the wrong side of the tracks._ Untamable. Reckless. All that she knew, those characteristics made him who he was, but why from the wrong side of the tracks? What had he been trying to say? His life — successful parents, fame, fortune — screamed anything but _wrong_ to her. But there was something in the way he'd said it that made her want to know how he defined wrong. Or right.

Bella sat up, her mind brimming with curiosity. Edward had this indecipherable firewall that she wanted to break through, to learn what was on the other side, but whatever ciphers or codes she threw at it, he either retaliated or added another layer to the protective barrier around him. It was maddening.

There had been so many moments when she thought she'd seen glimpses of something real in his eyes, something that kept her expecting more, but they were thwarted by the cocky, arrogant, tightly controlled man with an iron heart.

 _Fire and ice. Sugar and spice. Polar opposites._

And while most opposites did attract, there were always anomalies. Exceptions to the rule. _When two people are too different, they only tear each other apart._ That's what she wanted to say in response to his text asking her to meet with him. Her fingers typed the words but found it difficult to send it.

Forcing a swallow down past the lump in her throat, Bella's finger hovered over the _send_ key. Her heart constricted at the thought of the looming goodbye. Of never seeing him again. Of never _anything_ with him. God, her body ached all over, trembled with the notion. She just couldn't do it! Couldn't press that button. Couldn't force herself to admit that it was over.

Bella placed her phone back on her nightstand, draft message deleted. She wiped away the tears. Her plan was clear. She'd send him the jacket, hoping it, _he_ , would fade into the background of her mind. Then, as soon as she could work up the courage, she'd scrub her phone's data of any trace of him and their exchanged texts and force herself to move forward.

 _One step at a time._ Rose's advice from the previous night echoed in her mind.

 _I can do this! I've done it before!_

Slowly Bella got out of bed. Her head pounded. Her heart ached. She rubbed her chest and took a deep breath, stopping when she heard Rose and Emmett's soft murmurs through the closed door.

"I don't know, Em…." she could hear Rose speaking, worry in her voice.

"It had to be done…" Emmett grumbled a few more words, too distorted for Bella to hear. There were key words like _stubborn, pig-headed, good for him_ and _worried about him_ that she could understand. Bella moved closer to the door, hand on the door handle. Her brows furrowed. Puzzle pieces started to fall into place. Last night. The club. Edward. _It had to be done._

Rose set her up?! And Emmett was in on it? Seeing Edward hadn't just been a coincidence?

Bella's fingers curled into fists, a new form of anger burning through her. Her own sister…? _Talk about meddling!_

Their voices carried down the hall, and soon she heard the front door slam shut. Taking a deep breath, Bella made her way into the kitchen. Dressed in a robe that barely covered her ass cheeks, Rose stood by the counter and waved at Emmett through the window.

Bella cleared her throat and leaned her hip against the wall, arms crossed over her chest. She needed answers.

Turning, Rose greeted her with a gentle smile. "Morning! Coffee?"

"This was your idea?" Bella asked lowly, trying to rein in her temper. She felt betrayed, manipulated.

Rose simply nodded and sat at the table, sipping the dark brew. "Did you at least talk to him?"

No apology? No regret? No explanation? Bella shook her head with disbelief.

"Why?"

"Because you two are the most stubborn people we know."

Bella opened her mouth to interrupt, but Rose kept talking. "You make assumptions about each other that aren't even true. You push. You goad. You torment each other and then run with your tail tucked between your legs. You're too fucking scared of the possibility of getting hurt to see what's right in front of you." She rose from the chair and took a step in Bella's direction, irritation mixed with compassion in her blue eyes. "I, Emmett, hell the whole damn city, just wanted you two to _talk to each other_ for once. Not hump each other on the dance floor. God, Bella! Stop overthinking everything, and talk to the damn man!"

"I tried! But thanks to you and your latest boy toy, I wasn't prepared for him! You ambushed me!" Hurt and betrayal fueled the words she hurled at her sister.

"How could you be prepared?" Rose countered. "Tell me you weren't agonizing over him those few days you spent in DC? And for the record, Emmett isn't my latest boy toy! I care about him, and he cares about me! It's different with him," Rose defended.

"I'm sorry, Ro. I know Emmett is different for you." Bella rubbed her temple then reached for a mug. "I shouldn't have said that." Rose remained quiet, silently watching Bella as she tried to make sense of the emotions that swirled through her head. "Edward… he's just… he's so overwhelming. I always seem to lose myself, my wits, whenever I'm around him. I want to slap him and jump him at the same time. It's… it's…" She didn't know.

"Passion," Rose finished, her voice softer. Bella closed her eyes. That word alone brought it all back. All those breathtaking moments with him. Her hands trembled. Her body tingled with the memories. The man made her feel _alive_ , wanton. It had been _so_ good. "The chemistry between you two is off the charts. You just have to figure out how to balance it. To keep it at fireworks level and not a nuclear explosion."

Bella nodded and processed those words, her focus on the coffee. She recalled their conversation from the previous day. "So all that talk about moving on, taking it one step at a time… what was that?"

"Pep talk. I wasn't sure if he'd show even though Em assured me that he would, so… that was my backup plan."

"Well, it worked… until it didn't."

Leaning forward, Rose quirked a brow, curiosity in her eyes. She curled her hands around the mug. "What the hell happened? Minus the humping of course."

Bella recounted what happened between her and Edward on the dance floor, minus some of the more intimate details. His possessiveness, despite having broken it off between them, puzzled her. She couldn't seem to wrap her head around his hostility, why he wanted her to admit her feelings but deny his own.

"Do you see why I'm overthinking everything with him?" Bella asked after she laid out her concerns. "I don't know what he wants. He pulls me in, drives me wild and then pushes me away in the blink of an eye." She cried, overwhelmed by power he held over her. "He wants his jacket back tonight, but the rest…" She shook her head and lifted the mug to her lips. "I'm not even sure if he knows himself."

Rose traced the rim of her cup, lips pursed in thought. She met Bella's gaze. "Maybe that's why he is so attracted to you."

"What?" Bella scoffed and shook her head in denial. She tried to play off the hope that surged deep in her chest. She couldn't dive into the deep end again now that her mind had been made up. "It's just sex." Saying the words didn't lessen the sting of hurt.

"Maybe that's how it started. Maybe that's all he knows." Rose bit her lip as she mulled over her words. "You're the one that lured him in. You're the one that walked away that first night. You didn't linger. And then refused him the second time. It's new for him. A challenge, maybe."

"Again, all just sex," Bella countered, trying again to believe that.

That's all this was to him. He'd made that clear. To her… she couldn't deny that her heart desired more, even though she knew that it was like walking down an emotional suicide lane. Bella knew the risks, knew the damages that could, and probably would occur, experienced them all, and yet kept walking towards him. Despite knowing that he was the sort of man — reckless, rebellious and arrogant — she should definitely stay away from, there was something about him that kept her going back. Maybe it was because he was all those things and more. Something deeper. Something softer, gentler. Just a few glimpses and she'd been intrigued. He had her wanting more. Had her ignoring the warning bells. He was her enigma.

"That's what it started out as, yes, but I see the way he looks at you. Last night at the club, he could have had his pick of any willing pussy out there, but he only saw you, Bella. You!"

 _… any willing pussy…_ Therein was the rub. He could have anyone. Why her?

Bella pushed back the chair and headed to the sink to put away her now empty cup. Outside the window, it looked to be a beautiful sunny day, a contrast to Bella's somber mood. Covering her mouth, she yawned. She was just so damn tired; physically and emotionally.

Rose wrapped one arm around her waist and leaned her head against Bella's shoulder. It was something she'd done since they were teenagers, and it had always comforted Bella just as it did now.

"It all comes back to sex." Bella sighed wistfully. "Against my better judgment, I did my research on him. He doesn't keep the same woman around for long. Except that one blonde model, Tanya something. She popped up more frequently than anyone else. There must be a history, but even she isn't in the picture anymore." She squeezed her eyes shut, warding off the sting of tears. "I'm no different. Like you said, I'm a new challenge, and once he's bored with me, I'll join the long line of discarded women. Just another notch on his bedpost." Saying the words out loud caused the small spark of hope in her chest to evaporate.

"Alright. If that's the ending, at least enjoy fucking the man ten ways from Sunday. Release your inner slut and have fun."

Bella twisted out of Rose's embrace and turned to face her, mouth agape. "What? I can't! That's not me! If you remember correctly, I tried that and look where it's got me?!"

"It's just sex, Bella. Mind blowing, toe curling orgasms," Rose stated nonchalantly. "By the sounds of it, you've already written the ending in your mind, so why the hell not?" she challenged. "He's Edward fucking Cullen! And he has his eyes on you. Enjoy the orgasmic ride while it lasts! Let him blow your mind."

She made it sound so easy. That thought, the idea of letting him use her body for pleasure, the type she'd experienced first-hand and desperately desired more of, sent a shiver down her spine. A deep need settled in her belly and caused certain areas to clench, wanting to feel him moving, thrusting, pushing her body to new heights.

Images of a hard body and lust-filled green eyes swam through her mind. Sensual lips that whispered sinful promises…

Would she be able to walk away unscathed, unattached once he deemed her inconsequential?

Bella placed a hand to her midsection, dread settling in her stomach. "I think… I think I'm going back to bed. I haven't slept well all week, and my head's starting to hurt," she mumbled and turned towards the hall, her mind a mess. Conflicting emotions, so many thoughts and questions, surged through her. Rose's idea to release her inner slut, albeit appealing, warred against the rational part of her brain. To cut her losses and move on. One step at a time. There just wasn't a good outcome to any scenario. Either way, her heart would break.

 _Damned if I do, damned if I don't._

-MTSD-

Something just didn't feel right.

Edward pinned the throttle and lifted up from the seat as the bike flew over the jump.

 _Too hard on the landing._

 _Fuck!_

He pinned the throttle again, eyes zeroing in on the next turn.

 _Slow the fuck down._

Everything blurred as the bike flew across the tracks, leaving tread marks in the dirt. He exhaled roughly and gripped the handlebars tight.

A _blur_. Fucking life. _His_ life. Years. Everything blurred like a dense fog. He raced. He pushed, grabbing at everything, anything… and _nothing_ … to make it through the day. To that damn finish line.

Pain.

Acceptance.

Adrenaline.

Pleasure.

Another jump. Fuck! Too damn hard for a landing. He was going to need to talk to the crew chief. Two days before the race and his bike was calibrated wrong.

Pain ricocheted through his knee when it scraped the ground as he barely made the turn. He'd come on too fast, too hard.

 _Shit!_

 _Pleasure to bury the pain._

Bella! Fucking Bella. Those heart shaped lips. That gasp that escaped her mouth as she neared climax. His. Fucking. Name. _Double fuck!_

 _It's just sex, right?_

 _Fuck! Me!_

She could have said, "open wide" and rammed those words down his throat. His words. Damn her!

 _I want you._

Those words had been on the tip of his tongue, but fuck if she hadn't thrown him for a loop. Played him like a damn fiddle. Putty in her hands.

Edward blinked, shaken from his thoughts as he neared a sharp left turn.

 _Fucking hell!_

Slamming on the brakes, he slid the bike to a skittering stop. Dust billowed around him before it blew away with the breeze.

"What the hell, Cullen?" the mechanic, Peter, shouted as he walked towards Edward with a scowl on his face, hands on his hips. "New shocks. New clutch. And this was your worst lap time yet!"

Edward gripped his helmet and goggles tight, his temper boiling over. He ran a hand through his sweat soaked hair. "Then fix it, dammit! It rides like shit!"

For a moment, Peter looked baffled. "Like hell," he rebutted. "It's calibrated just as it should be. Better, even." He stepped closer and cocked his head, noting Edward's clenched jaw and hard set eyes. "Clear that head of yours before Sunday. You got it? If you're distracted…"

"It's disastrous. I know, Pete," Edward recited the same line he'd heard since the start of his career. "I'm fine." Grabbing a Gatorade out of the cooler, he downed half its contents and started to walk around the bike admiring the new shocks, inspecting the tires and new clutch.

"Whoever she is must be one damn magic pussy to distract you."

Edward's hand tightened around the bottle, his jaw and shoulders tensing with the need to defend himself, _her,_ to rebuke the statement. But that would open a whole new can of worms. Fuck that shit. He continued his perusal, flipping Peter the finger. "Fuck you!"

Peter cackled, the sound mixing with the clank of tools. "Nah, man. You sure as shit ain't my type."

 _But Bella is mine._

 _Fucking hell._ Two seconds without her on his mind and there she was again. Those eyes. That mouth. That sexy as sin body wrapped in blue. His balls tightened at the look of determination on her face. Her defiance, that resistance was his fuel, a new challenge. Like a new bike that he couldn't wait to ride, to break in.

 _I'll break her resistance and she can ride me any way she likes._

No woman had ever walked away from him _willingly._ They came to him — motohoes, actresses, models — fell to their knees or spread their legs just to be with him; all thinking they could tame the bad boy or at least angle for a spread across the front page of some gossip rag. They got exposure and he got a chance to fuck away his demons for a night or two. He didn't care. It was according to his rules, his limitations, and it never went beyond the bedroom. Edward made sure he didn't keep anyone around for long. Because relationships meant complications. Expectations. Strings fucking attached. _Not a fucking chance_. He'd made the mistake of breaking his own rule when he'd made that arrangement with Tanya. Look how that had ended, backfired spectacularly.

But Bella had him breaking all his rules. She made his head spin, brought color, _the whole fucking rainbow_ , into his simple black and white world. Caused him to stumble, stagger. _Stare._ To want something he couldn't, shouldn't have, nor want. Made him want to challenge her. Himself. Break her resistance. Pull her close. Push her. Demand. Collide. And bury himself in her just to breathe her in, listen to her heart pound against his and do it all over again. To lose himself in her. He craved the quiet, the stillness that seeped into his bones whenever she was around him, touching him. _A little piece of heaven in his fucked up hell._

He was one greedy son of a bitch for wanting more of her. For wanting to corrupt the good in her with his poison.

Emmett's voice pulled Edward out his head. "Man, that was some shitty driving," he said, clapping Edward hard on the shoulder. His lips were pulled in a wide ass grin, blue eyes twinkling with amusement. A black baseball cap sat backwards on his head, pushing back his dark hair.

Edward shrugged off his hand and snorted. "But yours will be worse."

"Worse than that?" The fucker laughed. "Unlike you, I got some tail last night. Mind fucking cleared." He titled his face towards the sky, spread his arms wide and smiled like a loon. "Aaaahhh," he sighed. "If pussy was a monastery, I'd be a fucking monk."

Laughing at the dumb analogy, Edward chucked the empty Gatorade bottle at his best friend's head. "You do know monks are celibate, right?"

Emmett's grin fell, his brows furrowed as that fact sank in. He shook his head and gave Edward a pointed look. "Don't matter. The point is, I got some and you didn't."

There was the jab. The push of an unseen button. Edward's jaw tensed as he fought the urge to retaliate. After he had calmed down from seeing Bella and their interaction on the dancefloor, he'd pieced it all together. Emmett's insistence and the VIP passes. Bastard had stepped on a damn landmine the moment he decided to meddle in Edward's life.

"Win some. Lose some," he replied, turning his attention back to the bike, trying to get his mind away from her _again._

Edward heard the crunch of gravel as Emmett stepped closer and cleared his throat. "You won the lottery."

Edward turned to Emmett, his brows furrowed, totally confused. "What?"

"You're just too stupid to see it," Emmett continued. He scratched the back of his neck and turned to face Edward, his expression guarded, cautious.

"Em," Edward warned through gritted teeth. He just didn't wanna hear it, for fear that he'd let his emotions rule his actions. Either he'd punch his best friend or go to Bella and grovel at her feet.

 _Not a fucking chance. Balls are still intact._

But Emmett didn't see the turmoil that raged within him, the demons that held him hostage. The control that was about to snap. "She's your checkered flag, man."

The refusal, the denial, the _fight_ escaped from Edward's lung with those four words. He continued to stare at Emmett, willing him to keep talking, to change the subject. To get his mind away from possibilities. To keep the hope from blooming.

 _Checkered flag._

 _End of the race._

Afraid of some kind of sentimental girly shit coming from his mouth, Edward cleared his throat and turned to leave. With just a few words, Emmett had dug into his soul and pried the door open further. What ifs, maybes and _holy shit_ … a future with her played on slow fucking motion. A future he'd never let himself dream about, to think about, all of sudden started to look like a race track and he was standing at the starting gate.

His footsteps faltered. His hands shook. Vision blurred. Fingers pulled at his hair.

 _Pain._

 _Darkness._

 _Impossible._

Edward braced his hands on the hood of his truck, trying to get his breathing under control, to stop the damn anxiety attack. Fucking Emmett for making him think of damn _possibilities._

There was no future _like that_ for him. Where she was goodness, light, _color…_ he was a sinner, worthless, unredeemable. _Broken._

 _Humpty fucking Dumpty!_

The fucking nursery rhyme he'd hated during his childhood had become a metaphor of his life. He understood it now.

 _No king's men could ever put me back together._

The sound of the truck's door slamming shut caused Edward to wince. He gripped the steering wheel tight. His chest ached, squeezing his lungs as the seven foot brick wall around his heart started to crack. He'd felt the first jagged lines forming two weeks ago when he'd spent that evening with Bella in the trailer at the tracks.

Terror seized him. He couldn't let out the darkness that bled from his heart, his fucking past. He couldn't deal with the consequences. The fallout. _The exposure._

Swallowing down the angst, Edward opened his eyes with a new determination. He was going to seal those cracks. Reinforce the wall. Bury the bones deeper.

 _Pleasure to bury the pain._

-MTSD-

 _What. The. Actual. Fuck._

 _You've lost your damn mind, Cullen!_

His gaze moved between the door and his truck. Then to the window along the side wall. The curtains were drawn shut, but Edward could still picture that room clear as day, could still see her, _feel her._ Her lips on his body, her skin beneath his fingertips. The silent understanding in her eyes. Her simple acceptance.

He took a deep breath, knocked back by the onslaught of emotions. Possessed by the craving.

His finger hovered over the door bell. Thoughts spiraled. _Yes. No. Yes. Definitely not!_

He pressed the button.

"Fuck," he cursed as beads of sweat accumulated on his lower back. Edward stuffed his hands in his pockets and rocked back on his heels.

 _Just turn around. Walk the fuck away!_

His fingers brushed against the keys. Tempting. His truck was so close, an easy escape. She wouldn't even have to know he'd been there.

But then, the door opened, and it was like he couldn't breathe and yet, finally could. His lungs filled with air. _Life._

She stood before him, a green T-shirt twice her size reaching to her mid thighs. Hair rumpled and eyes, _those dark eyes_ , heavy with sleep. Then she saw him and her eyes widened, just like her mouth, in surprise. Maybe shock. A flicker of irritation flashed in those dark irises.

 _I deserve that._

Edward cleared his throat, unfamiliar with the new sensations streaming in his blood, but finding it impossible to move, to escape her gaze. His fingers itched to touch, his mouth wanting to drink her in, to consume her. To be consumed.

 _Yep, definitely lost it._

Words came and went as he searched for the right ones to say, but all of them failed, just like he had and how he knew he would.

He swallowed harshly as the reality struck him down once more. He was a failure compared to her. She was goodness of the purest kind. He turned to leave, not knowing how to make her understand, how to justify his actions — past, present, nor future.

 _Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..._

He was afraid. Of everything. Of _possibilities._ And it all spiraled down to her as she whispered his name.

"Edward?"

 _Falling… falling… crack!_

* * *

 **A/N: This is a turning point for Edward... and Bella. The journey isn't over yet, and it won't be easy, but it's a start. He won't be the typical loving, totally changed man like we want him to be. He's still got ways to go.**

 **Thank you for reading and every review! I appreciate it more than I can say! xoxo**


	22. Chapter 22

**A/N: To the wonderful ladies that are with me on this journey - NewTwilightFan, Ninkita, NKubie, Twimom1960 and LunaBev. Thank you! This wouldn't be without you!**

 **Disclaimer: My characters will say and do questionable things. Yell at them not me!**

* * *

Chapter 22

"Edward… what are you doing here?"

 _That's a damn good fucking question. Hell if I know._

It was Emmett's fault. That damn speech about _checkered flags_ and fucking _possibilities_ had sent Edward driving aimlessly around the city, desperate to push those damning thoughts from his mind. And yet, they still seeped into every crevice of his being, cracking a hole through his dark existence. Opening old wounds. Digging up skeletons that were better left buried.

His body wound tight with tension as he stared at her. Exposed. Raw. _Vulnerable._ The _cause_ of it all. _Bella._

He watched her expression transform as she met his gaze. She released the door handle and moved towards him. It was only a small step, but he felt it like a physical blow. Edward reeled back, overwhelmed by the emotions shining from her eyes.

 _Understanding._

His brow furrowed. How could she _understand_ if she didn't even know?

 _Acceptance._

He swallowed and curled his fists tighter. How? _Why?_ He wanted to shake her out of her stupor. Scream his sins. Make her see.

But then he saw…

 _Forgiveness…?_

He stopped breathing. The walls caved and cracked. It was all too much. There was no such thing as forgiveness for a black soul like his, for the things he'd done.

 _Fuck!_ Edward couldn't deal with this fucked up shit now. He shook his head and pushed down the demons that were threatening to break their chains and overtake his sanity. He met her gaze again, took a step forward and braced a hand on the door frame. Only a foot separated him from her. All he wanted to do was… was… what the fuck did he want? He was all kinds of fucked up.

Edward's gaze fell to her nipples, straining against her shirt. He licked his lips slowly. Fuck, he wanted to strip her bare and slide his tongue across that exposed skin. Make her moan _his_ name again. Lose himself in her. Surround himself with her. Immerse himself in her acceptance. Breathe her in and… _forget._ Just. Fucking. Forget.

"Why did you leave?" The bluntness of his own question surprised him, but it was something that had plagued him since the moment she'd left his hotel room that first night. Maybe knowing why would help him sort through the mind fuckery.

"What?" Bella asked, her brows furrowed with confusion.

 _Yeah, somewhere down the line, I lost me too sweetheart_.

"Why did you leave me… erm… why did you pull a damn Houdini that first night?"

 _Real fucking smooth._

Bella's gaze remained steady, unwavering on his. Her eyelashes fluttered. She straightened her spine and squared her shoulders, then stepped back and opened the door further. "Would you like to come in?" she asked in a calm voice.

She headed into the kitchen and braced her hands on the counter. Edward closed the door quietly and waited. He glanced around the room, remembering the morning when he'd met Rose, struck by the irony of it all.

Finally, Bella turned and spoke, trepidation causing her voice to waver for a bit. Her eyes held regret. Hurt? Edward swallowed, again knocked back by the honesty of her gaze. "It was a one night stand. We were…" She hesitated, then took a deep breath. "... done. So, I wanted to make it easier on you… on both of us, and leave. That way you wouldn't have to ask me to once you woke. I was anticipating, and avoiding, the inevitable."

Edward blinked. Once. Twice. She had given him an easy out! If it had been any other woman, he would have been ecstatic. Relieved to not have to deal with the clingy consequences come morning. But with her… the damn situation was reversed. He was the one wanting more. What the fuck was happening to him? Why couldn't he just leave this… _her_ … the fuck alone?

"Who said it was a one night stand? Or was it because you already had someone in your life and you felt _guilty_?" He sneered at her, throwing her own excuse back at her.

Even as he spoke, Edward didn't understand why he was questioning her. He'd been in turmoil since the moment he'd met her. She'd unknowingly stirred up all the shit from his past, throwing his tightly controlled life into disarray. He should be jumping for that easy exit, for the chance to get things back to the way they were before… her.

Bella took a step in his direction, her body suddenly taut with anger. Fire blazed in her eyes. Her jaw pulsed with contempt. Edward fought to contain his grin. He fucking _loved_ her defiance. It kept him coming back, wanting to push every one of her goddamn buttons. Pour gasoline on the fire.

 _Because I'm your motherfucking fuel._

"There is no one else!" she bit out through gritted teeth. "I didn't lie about that. And besides, I thought commitment wasn't your thing."

Ah, she had done her research on him since they'd last met. It was in the way she looked at him. She knew his past. His public persona. She'd seen the evidence. Edward was relieved that she knew the truth about him. Maybe her expectations would be more inline with reality. This thing, whatever it was, had an expiration date.

 _They always do._

That thought caused dread to settle in his stomach like dead weight. He wasn't ready for _this_ to end. Not yet.

He stepped closer and shrugged indifferently. "It isn't." Edward needed to get this damn situation under his control. To take the reins. Make this about her. "You're right. I don't do commitment. But I still don't believe you."

"What?" Confusion flickered across her face.

 _Good! That makes two of us._

"Tell me why you left. Give me a good reason." He wanted to know if she'd gotten spooked the fuck out just like he had, with the messed up schizophrenic feelings and thoughts owning his head. He needed anything, something, because she had changed him from a man who never needed anything to someone who couldn't think without her.

 _And fuck if I can figure out why._

"I just…" Bella sighed and closed her eyes briefly. He could sense her unease. "This is not me, Edward." She waved her hand between them. "I'm not that kind of girl. I don't do one-night stands or casual sex. You made it clear that you were done with me just a week ago. Just sex, remember?"

 _She thought I was done with her_. Hearing the words caused a tightness in his chest, spilled acid on his tongue. Didn't she know he'd said those words just to stay sane?

 _Leave it be, Cullen. Shut your fucking mouth and leave. Apologize for being an ass last night, and walk the fuck away._

Edward shook his head and turned from her prying eyes towards the window. Gripping his hair, he stared at his truck in the driveway. How could he explain to her that he had seen himself using her, hurting her, like he'd done with countless others, and for the first time ever, couldn't go through with it? That she didn't deserve it.

"I didn't want you to leave. Or for this to end. But _this_ is who I am. It's all I'm good for, Bella."

 _I will burn you alive. You know this. I know this. And yet, here we are, sweetheart. Amidst the flames._

"Let's just say, I left for reasons you wouldn't understand," Bella admitted in a low voice, eyes lifting to meet his. Saying what her words didn't. Things he _understood._ "I've got a lot of baggage, Edward."

A part of him sighed, relieved that she was giving him yet another _out,_ and even though his feet itched to walk, his mouth and mind had other ideas.

"Oh, I know all about baggage, Bella. I've got enough to fill an entire aircraft carrier, hell the entire fleet and then some." His first instinct was to backtrack when he realized the little bit of himself he just handed to her. He was the captain of an overloaded ship, knowing it might sink at any moment. Maybe it wasn't much, but it was a shitload of a confession for him.

Shock flickered through her eyes, followed by curiosity. Edward stared, unable to fathom how such a comment didn't cause her to run in the other direction. Everyone else did. But she was fearless. He fucking loved that about her. Bella held his gaze, unfazed as warning bells rang all across the god forsaken minefield that surrounded them.

"Do you have any idea… you made me… I just want to protect you…" Edward couldn't even finish a thought, his head was such a mess. He swallowed roughly and traced his finger down her cheek to her neck, feeling her heartbeat strong and steady. He needed to keep this on his terms — keep her at arm's length — yet he desperately wanted to figure out why he felt the way he did being with her, the way he felt at that moment.

 _Win her heart. Claim that checkered flag._

The thought staggered him, fucked with his head, because Edward had no fucking clue how… _if…_ that was possible.

"Bella…" he murmured and took another step closer. Cupping her cheek, he held her gaze. He needed to focus on the physicality of things — skin-to-skin — to quiet the turmoil in his head. "It seems that your _baggage_ scares you so much that it makes you want to run from me. Whereas mine makes me wanna concentrate on your body against mine. Your breath on my skin. My name on your lips as you fall apart in my arms." His fingers brushed along her thigh and twisted the hem of her shirt. "On removing this…" he pressed against her; chest to chest. He wrapped an arm around her as she swayed. She licked her lips, her gaze intent on his. "... Bending you over the counter and taking you hard and fast. Then slow and deep," he growled in a low voice.

Bella hummed and sagged against him, gripping his biceps to keep her balance. "Oh!"

His body stirred at the sound of her moan, at the unmistakable desire in her voice.

 _Damn right, oh!_

"I'm going to forget all about apologizing for my actions last night and only concentrate on reminding you, _us,_ why we are so fucking good together." Edward meant it as a warning, a simple _you're gonna fall for me, while I just wanna fuck you._ But his mind spun ideas of _more._ He bristled at the thought and mentally drew back, even as his arms pulled her closer. "It's inexplicable how much I want you."

He kissed her lips, slow but relentless, forcing himself to keep it physical. Not allowing the conversation to escalate further into the realm of feelings and possibilities.

 _Because this is all I want to claim. Her lips. Her body. Not her heart._

But something was happening which each taste, each sound he coaxed out of her. They seeped into parts of him that had been dead for so long. He deepened the kiss, feeling her slide her palm against his stomach. Skin to skin. Desire snapped like a whip. Panic flashed through him, and Edward drew back. Touch her, kiss her to keep his head quiet? That had backfired. More like setting _everything_ on fire.

Edward wrapped his arms around her and squeezed. He needed a goddamn minute to figure this shit out. He was all for turning over a new leaf, but this was like shaking the fucking tree bare.

 _Breathe, man. Just fucking breathe._

He closed his eyes as Bella nuzzled further into his neck. She hummed lowly in her throat, her fingers grazing across his lower back beneath his shirt. It felt fucking amazing. Natural. Like she belonged.

But then he had to open his damn mouth. "Go out with me. On a real date. Say yes. It's crazy how much I want you to say yes."

 _Where the fuck did that come from?_

He wanted to cram those words back where they came from, because how was he going to fix things now? She was already too fucking close. How long would it be until it was really too much, before he would be forced to do what he did best — shove her away. Bella was a smart woman. She was going to figure this, him out. She'd realize that he was a heartbreak waiting to happen, and head for the fucking hills.

Drawing back, Bella's shocked expression met his. And for some reason, Edward held her gaze for a brief moment, letting her see a glimpse of the riot going on inside him, before averting his eyes.

Bella cupped his cheek, pressed a light kiss on his lips and whispered, "Yes."

Nodding, Edward pulled her back to his chest. He closed his eyes and breathed her in. His nerves calmed. His anxiety subsided. "Now? Breakfast?"

"I'll get dressed," she spoke against his collarbone. Edward swallowed as he watched her walk down the hall. His body physically ached without her touch, without her presence.

 _Damn it, Bella! What are you doing to me? Why do I want you like no fucking tomorrow?_

As she disappeared into her bedroom, Edward called out to her. "And Bella? No more running away."

 _Who am I talking to now? Her? Or me?_

* * *

 **A/N: So they talked. A little bit. More to come in the next chapter. It's date time!**

 **Thank you for reading, all the favorites and follows, and especially all the reviews.**

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